"Sorry, I was miles away."
"Yeah, I knocked a couple of times and you didn't respond. Have you heard anything from Ben?"
Geoff looked out of the window. "No. I guess you can't help someone who doesn't want it. You know that Seb."
"Yeah, I do. But my relationship with Tom is different to yours with Ben. I've known Tom for years. You two are just, or were, starting to know each other."
"I know this, Seb, course I know it," Geoff muttered in frustration, leaning on his desk.
Seb shifted, causing Geoff to look up at him, noticing the colour on Seb's cheeks. "Do you like him?"
Oh, now he knew why Seb was blushing. Did he like Ben? He certainly found him attractive; he couldn't deny that. But, he didn't know him. How did you know if you liked someone when you hadn't had the chance to get to know them?
"I'm not sure. I don't really know him. Do I find him attractive? Yes, I do." Geoff paused before asking Seb, "Do you think he's out selling himself?"
"I don't know. God, I hope not, but I don't know what else he would be doing. Given his background, it's hard to think of him not doing it. He doesn't have any money, does he? So what's left? Stealing from people." Seb glanced away, sighing. Looking back at Geoff, he added, "Let's be honest. We both know he's probably turned back to prostitution. It's what he knows."
Geoff nodded grimacing, silently agreeing with what Seb said. He leaned back in his chair, running his hands over his face. "I guess so. Like you said. It's what he knows. I've looked for him, but I don't know all the places he would go to. I'm at a loss as to what to do now. It's not like I can go to the police and report him as missing. I gave him the option and he chose to leave."
"Yeah, the police probably wouldn't be able to do anything. I've also been out looking. I've been telling Tom that I've had to work late. I don't know what more we can do on our own. I think we need to let the others know. They know the areas they worked better than we do and they know the other people out there too."
Geoff sighed. Seb was right. They needed to tell the others. "Yes, I think your right."
Seb pushed the chair back and stood up. "I'm gonna get back to it. I'll see you later, alright?"
"Yes, okay."
Geoff watched Seb leave the room and turned to stare out of the window again. Seb had looked as defeated as Geoff felt when he'd left Geoff's office and Seb was right; they needed to let the others know. They had no idea where Ben could be or where he might be working, if he had gone back to that.
Being realistic, Geoff knew Ben had returned to prostitution. Seb was right. He had no other income available, so the only thing he knew how to do was sell himself. Geoff sat back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling.
What the fuck was he going to do?
❊❊❊
On Saturday, Geoff visited his brother Harry's family. He hadn't seen them since the fallout at his house and Geoff wanted to catch up and find out how they were. He'd been worried about his nephews as they'd been upset by the shouting at his.
Geoff spent the afternoon being a climbing frame for them and generally entertaining them. He babysat for a couple of hours when Harry and Lou went out, enjoying every minute of it. His nephews were a funny, crazy pair. By the time Geoff left for home, he was tired but happy.
Harry had assured him that they hadn't been upset about what had happened. Merely concerned for Ben and had asked after him. When he'd explained what had happened, Harry had been alarmed and concerned and had offered his help to try and find him. Help that Geoff was grateful for but refused. Harry had his family to look after and Geoff saw Ben as his responsibility even though he knew he wasn't.
Driving home, Geoff thought about what he was going to do later. He'd been invited out on a date but didn't feel up to it. Not like the man wasn't attractive because he was. He simply couldn't find the energy or the desire to go.
Entering the house, Geoff walked into the kitchen to put some coffee on when he realised there was a fresh batch waiting. He stopped, listening to the sounds of the house, hearing the shower on in the bathroom above.
Fuck! Who was in his house?
Grabbing the cricket bat Geoff kept behind the front door, he slowly walked upstairs, hands sweating, heart racing, trying to make as little noise as possible. Standing outside the bathroom, he gripped the bat tightly and closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath in, and slowly reached to open the bathroom door when he heard the shower shut off. His hand froze in the air. Shit, how was he going to get in the room now? He stood outside, bouncing on the balls of his feet thinking about what he was going to do next when the door swung open and he stared into Ben's shocked face.
"Fuck man, you scared the shit out of me!" Ben slapped a hand on his chest, gasping.
Geoff gaped at him. "I did? Imagine how I felt when I walked into what I thought was an empty house to find the coffee made and the shower on!" He shouted at him, the adrenaline still coursing through him.
"Oh, okay. I should have thought of that. I'm sorry. Let me get some clothes on and we can talk."
It was only then that Geoff realised that Ben only had a towel wrapped around his hips. He looked at his chest and watched droplets of water run down it. Clearing his throat, he stepped back to let him past and glanced away. "I'll meet you downstairs," he murmured before quickly jogging down the stairs. As he walked back into the kitchen, he let out a breath of air he hadn't realised he had been holding. Oh yeah, he was attracted, which just complicated things.
Why had Ben returned? Geoff poured two coffees and waited for Ben to appear. He'd hoped but had never expected to see Ben again. After the way he'd left, he'd assumed that was it. Even when he had been out looking for him, part of him had thought that he wouldn't see him again. So, why was he here now?
Grabbing his phone, he sent a message to Seb to let him know Ben was back. Seb's reply came quickly. He'd just finished telling Tom what had happened and Tom was furious with him for not telling him sooner.
Geoff swore and called Seb and he answered on the second ring. "It's okay now. I've told Tom that he's back." Geoff could hear raised voices in the background and was ashamed of himself for causing it.
"Look, apologise for me. Tell him it was all my idea," Geoff told Seb.
"Pfft, already done that. Don't worry, he'll get to you soon enough."
Geoff turned when he heard Ben enter the room. "Got to go. Speak to you tomorrow." Hanging up, he walked over, picked up the coffees and nodded towards the living room. He walked away, knowing Ben would follow. Sitting down on the sofa, he watched Ben hesitate at the doorway before pulling himself together and walking in. Geoff sat silently waiting for Ben to speak.
Taking in Ben's appearance, Geoff frowned. He hadn't noticed in the bathroom but now it held his attention. Ben's face had bruises on the jaw and cheek. Dropping his gaze, Geoff looked at Ben's hands seeing the cuts and swollen knuckles. How many fights had Ben been in? Were there other bruises that Geoff couldn't see?
Glancing back up to Ben's face, Geoff noticed the hollowness of his cheeks, the sunken eyes and dark circles underneath. What had Ben endured?
The silence stretched between them and Geoff could feel the tension build in the room. He was about to speak when Ben faced him.
"I'm sorry. I just want to say that before I say anything else," Ben muttered.
"Were you alright? And how did you get in?"
"Spare key. Was I safe? That's what you want to know, isn't it?" Ben glanced down at the cup in his hands. "I can't blame you asking about that. I've been living here for weeks with you trying to take care of me and me throwing it back in your face. I want to tell you everything, I do, but it's hard, so just give me a minute, okay? There's a lot to tell."
Geoff nodded and sipped his coffee as he waited.
And waited.
Ben cleared his throat then nodded. "Alright. When I was five, my dad left home. My Nan moved in to help as Mum seemed lost. I guess, looking back now, she was devastated t
hat he'd left. Mum remarried soon after and Nan moved out. She didn't like him. I couldn't understand why because he was always nice to me, but after he'd moved in, things changed. I was six the first time he beat me."
"What?"
CHAPTER SEVEN
Ben fidgeted on the sofa, struggling to get comfortable. His stomach churned and he bit his lip, a light film of sweat breaking out over his skin. His eyes darted around the living room but not at Geoff. He was nervous about talking, about bringing up his past and dusting it off for Geoff to hear.
Having spent a week or so back on the streets, Ben had learned one thing: he didn't want to be back there. He'd hated it. The cold, the damp, the smells. The hardness of the ground against his body. Having to curl up as tightly as possible to make himself look smaller and less of a target. Listening to other people doing drugs or throwing up or screaming and shouting. Sleeping with one eye open all the time, trying to stop people from stealing his belongings.
The fights. He'd had a lot of fights. He'd been unable to control his anger and had lashed out at anyone who had tried to touch him or take his belongings. His anger. It had burned inside of him, like a volcano ready to erupt at the slightest provocation. That first night he'd been so drunk he hadn't cared what had happened to him, but when he'd sobered up, he'd started to realise what a huge mistake he'd made.
The time at Geoff's house had made him realise that he probably wouldn't survive living on the streets. It wasn't that he'd lost his street smarts; he'd just lost his will to continue doing things that way. He knew he had issues with his past. The constant arguments in his head, the constant mood swings. Fighting anyone who tried to help.
Ben looked at Geoff's shocked face, taking in Geoff's wide eyes and parted lips. "Six. Derek, my step-dad, hated me. I didn't know it at the time. I would cry asking what I'd done wrong, begging him not to hurt me and asking my mum for help."
"What did she do?"
"Nothing. It got to the point that she would be urging him on." He paused gathering his thoughts. "The beatings weren't too bad. It was the things they said to me or when they would lock me in the cupboard." He paused. "I'm still afraid of the dark," he whispered.
He stopped again, taking a deep breath. Talking about this was far harder than he had anticipated.
"I lost count of the number of times I was at the hospital with various injuries. They always had a reason why I had them and social workers didn't seem too interested. I had clean clothes, didn't look neglected. One time they beat me so bad, I wanted to die. I still have the scars on my back." Ben broke off, swallowing. His throat burned and his eyes itched. Blinking rapidly to clear them, Ben continued, "They wouldn't go to the hospital because the injuries looked exactly what they were. He'd taken his belt and had used the buckle end to hit me with it. My head and back. I remember crawling under my bed, crying as I tried to get away, but my mum pulled me out so he could continue. I don't remember what made them stop, but they didn't hit me for a long time after that."
He stopped talking, again overwhelmed by the emotions remembering his past brought up. Coughing to clear the lump in his throat, Ben tried to compose himself. He needed to get through this. He'd tried not to think about this, about his past, but he'd found himself lost, more so since Adam's death. When he went back on the streets, he only thought about his past. It was like he had opened the door to those memories, and he was unable to shut it again. Like a dam that was breaking. He jumped when he felt Geoff's hand on his leg.
"That's enough for now. We can talk some more later or whenever you're ready. There's no rush. It's been a difficult week for you. Eat something then go to bed. You look shattered."
Ben looked up at Geoff and tried to show him how determined he was to finish what he had started. He hardened his jaw, shaking his head.
"I didn't do anything. I want you to know that. I thought about it, I even got into some man's car. It was when I heard him rip open the condom wrapper that it finally sunk in what I was gonna do. I pushed him away and got out of the car and ran as fast as I could. I realised that once I started, I wouldn't stop because it's so easy to fall back into doing something you're used to. It's not so easy to walk away and try something new, even if you know it's better for you. For so long I thought I was worthless, a waste of space, but you showed me something different. You made me feel like I mattered. So let me finish this bit, okay?"
Geoff moved over and sat down next to him. "Alright. I'm here."
Ben smiled at him before continuing. "As I said, they didn't beat me for a while. Then one night he came into my room and tried touching me. He had his hand over my mouth so I couldn't make any sound. I fought him as hard as I could and luckily kneed him in the balls." Ben stopped, rubbing his face. "He never tried touching me again, but the beatings started again and became worse, if that was possible. They would starve me, never enough for it to become obvious, and the things they would say to me. I was blamed for everything going wrong in that house, for my dad leaving, for Derek never working, there never being enough money. You name it, it was my fault. Derek liked to have me stand naked while he put his fags out on me."
"Jesus," Geoff whispered. "How did you get away?"
"Once I did my exams, I waited for them to get drunk one night, and I packed my bags, grabbed the money I'd managed to save and left. I grabbed some things I could sell, pawning them for the extra money. I stayed with my Nan. I never told her what had happened, but I knew she wouldn't say anything to them. She wasn't talking to them anyway, hadn't for years. I had to change jobs as they started turning up, causing trouble.
"A few months before my seventeenth birthday, Nan died. She hadn't been well for a while, so I knew at some point I might have to leave, but I'd hoped she would have been around for longer than she was. I'd missed her growing up. Her hugs." He smiled slightly to himself thinking about her. About her warmth and love. "Anyway, she didn't own the house she was living in, so I couldn't stay there and I ended up on the streets. I preferred that to going back to them. I had some money, but not enough and I ended up selling myself. Then I met Adam, and not long after, Tom."
Ben finished his coffee and sighed. It was a start, a good start to exorcising his demons.
"When did you last have something to eat?" Ben looked at Geoff, surprised at how close he was. He'd forgotten that they were sat next to each other.
"Er ..." He couldn't remember the last time he had eaten. Was it two or three days ago?
"If you can't remember that, it was too long ago. Come on, I'll heat up some soup for you."
Ben stood following Geoff as he walked into the kitchen and watched as he heated some soup up in the microwave. When it was finished, he placed the bowl in front of him along with some thick bread and a fresh mug of coffee.
"Thanks, Geoff."
"I think that's the first time you've used my name."
Ben looked up at him, the spoon paused midway to his mouth, seeing the smile on Geoff's face. "Huh? Really?"
"Yeah." Geoff smiled at him. "It's nice to hear." Ben watched Geoff suddenly look away, running a hand through his hair. Clearing his throat, he continued speaking. "I'm going to call Seb, let him know everything's alright."
Ben nodded and continued to eat. He hadn't eaten anything halfway decent in days and was now ravenous. His clothes felt looser due to weight loss, and he couldn't afford to lose any more. He didn't have a lot of weight on him after living on the streets.
He could hear Geoff talking in the other room and tried to ignore it but could hear his name being mentioned. He was disgusted with himself for the fact that he'd put so many people through a shit week while he'd run away from, well, himself. He had also run from the people who were trying to help him. That reminded him of Geoff's family.
When Geoff walked back into the room, Ben asked him about his nephews. He'd made them cry the first time they had ever met him.
"They're fine. I was around there today, so my back can testify to how well they are." Geo
ff grimaced.
"Used you as a climbing frame." Ben smiled.
"Oh yeah. I'm going to feel it tomorrow, that's for sure. Have you finished?" Geoff asked him as he stretched.
"Yeah, thanks." The last word came out garbled as he suddenly yawned.
Geoff chuckled. "Go to bed. Get a good night's sleep and I'll see you in the morning. A word of warning though."
"Er, what?" Ben asked him, stomach twisting.
"Tom's angry with you, so expect a visit from him at some point tomorrow. I've been warned he'll probably shout at you. He's apparently been doing a lot of that since Seb told him you'd left."
Ben looked down at the counter shifting on the stool as his face flooded with heat. He bit his lips as his chest tightened and he swallowed. If Tom was coming over here and shouting at him made him feel better, then Ben would take it. Ben nodded to Geoff. "I understand."
"Go to bed. You look dead on your feet and don't worry about it. Once you've spoken to Tom, everything will alright."
Standing, Ben said goodnight and walked up to his room. The bed smelled freshly made as if Geoff had been expecting him to come back and had been keeping it ready for him. Stripping, he got in and curled onto his side. For the first time in days, Ben felt safe and within minutes was asleep.
❊❊❊
Geoff was in the kitchen making breakfast when he heard movement upstairs. A couple of minutes later, Ben walked in, yawning and rubbing his eyes. His dark hair was stuck up in every direction possible, and he had creases on one side of his face, courtesy of his pillow.
"Morning. Sleep well?" Geoff asked, smiling at the state Ben was in.
"Like the dead."
"I'm making pancakes for breakfast. Want some?"
"God, yeah. I love pancakes." Ben smiled at him, dimples showing.
Geoff laughed, telling him, "My nephews love them too. Whenever they stay over, it's the first thing they ask for. I've got some fruit in the fridge. Can you get it for me? Oh, there's some syrup in the cupboard too."
"Oh wow. You sure know how to feed a guy."
New Beginnings (Second Chances Book 2) Page 6