"Like you wanted to eat each other." Tom grinned widely when he told him.
"No, you're wrong and Ben's been through enough as it is. He doesn't need any more complications right now."
"Do you like him? Yes or no?"
"Tom. You are an employee-"
Tom waved a hand at him. "Blah, blah, whatever. Ben is my friend. We've been through a lot of shit together. I'm looking out for him. You can understand that, can't you?"
"Yes, I understand what you're trying to say."
"So..."
What was the harm in admitting it? He wasn't going to pursue a relationship with Ben. "Yes, I do find him attractive."
"It's the dimples, isn't it? Damn, I wish I had dimples." Tom shook his head, sighing dramatically then smiling at Geoff.
"I think Seb loves you just the way you are, but the dimples are nice." Geoff paused before adding, "I'm not going to pursue anything with Ben. He needs time to adjust and get used to his life as it is right now. He might want to go to college and meet new people, make new friends. I'm over ten years older than him."
"So? What if it's you he wants?"
"How would I know that he really wanted me or if this was a form of gratitude for helping him?"
"Fuck, Ben doesn't roll like that. He's always been aware of who he is. He might not have thought very highly of himself, but he isn't stupid either. We met a lot of people doing what we did. You'd be surprised at who would pay for a quick fuck. We met men from all walks of life. None of them cared about us. They didn't offer us a way out. Once they were finished, they were gone." Tom stared intently at Geoff. "You've been there for him no matter what shit he threw your way, and you haven't asked for anything in return."
Geoff nodded. "Let's see."
Tom continued to stare at Geoff until he too finally nodded. "Okay. I'll get started then."
"I'll send Seb down when it's time for lunch," Geoff told him, walking towards the door.
"Yeah, alright, and Geoff?"
"Yes?" Geoff asked, twisting to face Tom.
"Thanks."
Geoff smiled. "You're welcome, Tom."
Geoff stood and watched Tom work, rummaging through paperwork and files, muttering to himself. After a few minutes, it became apparent that Tom had forgotten that he was there. Leaving him, he walked back to his office and found Seb waiting for him.
"Well?" Seb asked him as he entered his office.
"He knows what he's doing. I left him muttering about the place looking like a disaster zone and how he was obviously needed." Geoff smiled. "How was he last night?"
"Nervous but excited. When we got back yesterday, he was telling Matt and Luke about the job."
"I told him you'd get him for lunch, but I think he was already distracted at that point."
Seb laughed a little then sobered. "He's smarter than he thinks. He just needs to gain a little confidence in himself."
"Well, hopefully this will help him."
"Thanks for this. I appreciate what you're doing."
Geoff waved him off. "I needed someone, so he's helping me. Now go. I've got a lot of work to catch up on."
When lunchtime came, Geoff called home to see how Ben was doing before calling the detective in charge of Adam's murder to see if there were any updates. He wanted to find closure for Ben as he was aware of how guilty he felt over it. The detective didn't give him much information, but it was clear that they had nothing concrete to go on. It looked like they would need to have another attack before they could continue with the investigation, which was frustrating. Other people would have to suffer before they were likely to catch whoever was committing the crimes.
Clara was happy to hear from him and willing to see Ben again. She agreed to start the sessions at Geoff's house and, when Ben was ready, move them to her clinic.
Geoff checked on Tom a couple of times throughout the day, but Tom hadn't noticed as he was too engrossed in his work. There had been files all around him, and he had been sat on the floor in the middle of it all with a pen and paper taking notes.
It was six when he heard the knock on his door and saw Tom and Seb stood there. Leaning back in his chair, he smiled at them before asking Tom, "How did you find your first day?"
"Fuck, it's a mess down there, and it's gonna take me a while to sort everythin' out, but it was good. I have to ask though, how did he get away with it for so long? What was he doing?"
Geoff knew he was responsible for the state things had gotten in, but he had been preoccupied with Ben. He also knew that wasn't a good enough reason because, at the end of the day, he was the one in charge.
"Nothing, by the state of things."
"We're going home now, but I wanted to remind you of the time as I know how you are when you get lost in one of these cases," Seb told him.
"Yeah, thanks. I had lost track of the time. Go. I'll see you both tomorrow."
A few minutes later, he closed down the programme he'd been working in and switched off the computer. Grabbing his belongings, he walked out of the office, saying goodbye to some of the staff still working. It wasn't uncommon for staff to work late into the night, especially if new information came to light in a case or if they had deadlines to meet.
It took almost an hour to get home, and when he finally walked in, the first thing he noticed was the delicious aroma. Walking into the kitchen, he found Ben stood in front of the cooker, stirring something in a large pan.
"Wow, that smells wonderful. I didn't know you could cook."
Ben shrugged as he continued to stir. "I had no choice growing up, but I'm kinda glad for it now. I had a look at some of your recipe books and chose an Italian dish. There's wine in the fridge along with a salad."
"Let me get a shower and change then I'll be down to help."
Ten minutes later, he was back in the kitchen, asking what he could do.
"It's only pasta, but the sauce is homemade."
"I appreciate this. It's nice to come home to a cooked meal, but I don't expect you to do this."
Ben shrugged. "I know, but it makes me feel useful, and that's a feeling I haven't had in a long time."
Geoff nodded, then spotted Ben's journal on the counter. "Have you been writing?"
Ben looked over to the journal, colour flooding his cheeks before nodding. "Yeah. Can't seem to stop now I've started."
Geoff saw the faint blush on Ben's cheeks and decided not to ask any more questions, but he was glad that he was writing about his experiences. From what Ben had told him, it sounded like he hadn't had a great childhood.
"It's ready now. Can you pass over the plates please?"
Geoff passed the plates to Ben and then went to the fridge to get the salad and wine. He put them on the counter then grabbed a couple of wine glasses and cutlery. Sitting down, he started to eat and then moaned as the sauce hit his taste buds. Damn, Ben could cook!
Ben chuckled. "That good?"
"It's fantastic, Ben. You can always taste the difference between a jar and something that's been homemade." Geoff ate some more before speaking again. "Tom started today."
"How was he?"
"Well, he was nervous at first, but once he started, he was in a world of his own. I went to see him a couple of times, but he didn't even notice me." Geoff laughed, remembering the look on Tom's face as he was working. "He was pulling files out and muttering to himself scratching his head."
Ben nodded as he continued to eat. Geoff watched him for a couple of minutes before he too continued eating. After finishing, Geoff stood and started putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.
"I can do that."
Geoff looked up from where he was knelt in front of the dishwasher and shook his head. "No. You cooked, so I'll clear the table. Go and sit down while I do this."
He watched Ben hover over him before he eventually walked away. Geoff smiled, watching Ben go. It was nice to finally see some of the real Ben coming out. There would be setbacks. Hell, he'd seen it with Seb and Tom, and
there was no denying the fact that they clearly loved each other.
He walked towards the living room and leaned against the door frame, watching Ben stare out of the window. "Want to watch some TV?" he asked him as he pushed away from the door frame.
Ben jumped before he looked over at him and gave him a shy smile. "No, thanks. I'm gonna go to bed actually."
"Night then, Ben."
Ben stood and walked past him, looking at his feet. "Night, Geoff."
"Hey, is everything alright?"
"Yeah. It was nice." Ben shrugged. "See you in the morning."
Geoff watched Ben walk out of the living room before he sat down. Yeah, it had been nice, and now that it appeared Ben was going to be staying, they would hopefully have more evenings like this. Geoff hadn't been this relaxed in a long time. The one problem Geoff faced was his growing attraction to Ben. Something he would have to fight if he was going to be of any help to him.
CHAPTER NINE
Over the next few weeks, Ben made sure to have something ready for Geoff when he returned home from work. It felt good to be useful and to be doing something that helped him. He kept the house clean, did the washing and the food shopping with some money Geoff had left. Even though Geoff had told him not to cook every night and that wasn't why he was there, he enjoyed it. For so long he had lived hand to mouth and sometimes that had been food that had been thrown out and wasn't fit to be eaten. You did what you had to, to survive. So, cooking with fresh food? Not a problem as far as Ben was concerned.
What Ben did find hard was his attraction to Geoff. The man just seemed to appear more gorgeous with every passing day. He would find himself staring at Geoff when they ate together in the evening. It was becoming embarrassing. He was positive Geoff had noticed it as well. It was inconceivable that he could have missed it with the number of times he'd looked up to find him staring at him. Ben groaned whenever he thought about it and the fact that Geoff always had a little smile on his face afterwards.
Shaking his head, he started preparing the food for dinner that night. He had decided on cooking a chicken Pad Thai that he'd seen in one of Geoff's books. He'd never had Thai before and was looking forward to trying it. He'd bought the ingredients and had read through the recipe. He planned to start cooking it when Geoff came home.
That was another thing. He was thinking of Geoff's house as his home, yet it was only a few weeks ago that it had felt like a prison. Being on the streets for that week had opened his eyes in ways no amount of talking had done. Seeing what he had escaped made him realise that he would be a fool to go back to that way of life. That was when he'd started writing in the journal. Seeing what people did to survive. Before, he'd become accustomed to it, but seeing it fresh again made him realise that he didn't want that, he didn't want to have to fight daily to live.
He had issues, fuck knows he had them, and maybe talking to Clara, Dr Rimmer, would help some. He'd seen her that day and had agreed to continue seeing her and write in his journal. He hadn't realised how much he had blocked out, locked away somewhere in his head.
The years of emotional, mental and physical abuse by his mother and Derek. Then his time on the streets. It was true that you could switch off when working and ignore what was being done to your body or the things you had to do to someone else. His body had simply become a means of survival. He couldn't even say how many men he'd sucked off or had let fuck him. They all seemed to blur into one.
Thinking back to Clara and their session, he'd struggled to answer some of the questions she had asked. The ones where he had to look deep inside himself and reveal emotions regarding things from his past that he had hidden away. He lost count of the number of times his chest had constricted or his throat had burned and his eyes had itched.
Shaking his head slowly, Ben thought about Geoff again. Yeah, he thought about being with him, but really, what chance did he have? He was used goods. The best he could do was be a good friend to Geoff until he could get himself set up. A job first, well, once Ben found out what his exams results had been, then a new place to stay.
Hearing the front door open, Ben walked into the kitchen to start cooking. Geoff walked in, carrying a box and a bag, and smiled at him.
"Hey, how's your day been?" Geoff patted him on the back as he spoke.
Ben sighed. What he wouldn't give to have Geoff come in and hold him or kiss him, but he knew better. Enjoy what he had. "Fine. I've been thinking about my exam results. I never got them, you know."
"Have you decided to go to college?"
Ben shrugged. He hadn't thought past getting a job. "I was thinking about a job."
Geoff frowned at him. "Don't you want to go to college?"
"I haven't thought about it. I just thought about a job and then maybe I could get my own place. I must be cramping your style, right? You can't bring people over and let's not forget how I was when your family came. So, yeah, a job." Ben started throwing the ingredients in the wok and checked the noodles he'd already placed on the hot water.
"You don't have to leave. This can be your place too."
"What about when you want to bring a woman over?" Surely, Geoff wanted to date someone?
Geoff snorted, and Ben looked up at him. He watched as he smiled at him. "I'm gay, so no on the women."
"Oh, I...I just assumed..." Ben stuttered, mouth falling open. Geoff didn't appear gay, but he should know better than anyone that looks could be deceptive.
"Yeah, you did. I'm not in the closet, so to speak, I just don't advertise it. I don't feel like I should have to. My sexuality is my business and nobody else's."
"Your family is alright with it?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't they be? Not all families are like Tom's. My family wasn't even bothered when I told them. My dad was like 'surrogates.'" Geoff chuckled.
"I never said anything to my family." What he wouldn't give to have had a supportive family like Geoff.
"Well, I can understand why." Geoff gave Ben a faint smile. "Anyway, what are we eating?"
"Chicken Pad Thai."
"Sounds nice. Any wine in the fridge?" Geoff asked, walking over to the fridge.
"Yeah." Ben waited a few seconds before adding, "Clara came."
Geoff looked at him from where he stood by the fridge. "Did it go okay?"
"Yeah. I'm gonna see her again next week here and then maybe go to her clinic." Ben shrugged as he told Geoff. Clara had said baby steps when it came to talking about everything that had happened to him. He'd only given Geoff a brief glimpse of what he'd been through, so he knew reliving everything with Clara would be a long and difficult journey.
He put the noodles into the wok and mixed everything together. It smelled great, and Ben hoped it tasted just as good. He grabbed a couple of plates and served the food then placed them on the counter as Geoff poured the wine.
He sat and watched as Geoff started eating, and then nodded his head. "This is great!" he mumbled around a mouthful of food. Ben started eating, watching Geoff. The way his black hair fell over his forehead and how he would glance up at him and Ben would see his grey eyes, smiling at him. Fuck, he had it so bad. He rolled his eyes at his own behaviour.
Once they finished, Geoff went over to where he'd stored the box and bag and gave them to Ben.
"What's this?" Ben asked him, tilting his head as he looked at the items.
"Happy birthday."
Ben stared at him, his mouth falling open. Geoff had remembered his birthday? He blinked rapidly when he felt his eyes itch. He wasn't going to cry.
Geoff smiled widely, showing perfect teeth. "Open them, Ben."
Ben looked in the bag and found a black cashmere jumper. He lifted the jumper up and smoothed his hands over the material. It was soft to the touch.
"Now the box."
Ben reached over to the box and lifted the lid and laughed. There, in the box, was a Buzz Lightyear birthday cake. Ben shook his head, staring at the cake.
"Want some?" Geoff asked.
They ate the cake and then cleaned the kitchen. Geoff opened another bottle of wine, and they sat in the living room, relaxing. Ben usually had one glass of wine but decided to have another one when Geoff offered. It was his birthday after all. Geoff raised an eyebrow at him, but said nothing as he refilled Ben's glass.
They sat and watched a film while Ben began to feel tipsy. Relaxed, warm and giggly. As the end credits came on screen, he found himself leaning against Geoff on the sofa.
Sitting up, Ben bit his lip then leaned over Geoff. It felt right to kiss him. He gently pressed his lips to Geoff's, closing his eyes when they touched. Geoff gasped pulling back, looking at Ben with his eyebrows raised.
Something in his expression must have given Ben away as Geoff reached over and cupped his face between his hands and pulled him in for another kiss. Their lips gently touched again and again. Ben moaned when Geoff's tongue licked across his bottom lip. He opened his mouth and tentatively touched his tongue to Geoff's. It had been such a long time since he'd kissed someone.
Their tongues slid into each other's mouths then entwined as they tasted one another. Ben moaned deeply, sliding his tongue into Geoff's mouth, trying to touch every part of it. When Geoff sucked on his tongue, Ben moaned loudly. It felt so good. The taste of Geoff was overwhelming.
He felt himself being lowered onto the sofa, Geoff moving on top of him. He jumped slightly as the cold leather touched his bare skin, gripping Geoff's biceps tightly. Ben moaned again when Geoff kissed and bit his neck before licking back up to his jaw. He kissed Ben on the lips again and moved away.
Ben opened his eyes looking at Geoff, who was smiling down at him. He didn't know why he'd stopped. He frowned up as he asked him, "Why did you stop?"
"You've had a drink and I want you to be sober next time this happens, because Ben? This-" Geoff pointed between the two of them- "This is going to happen again."
Ben was pulled up from the sofa and stood next to Geoff. He wobbled before he was able to stand up properly. Maybe Geoff was right. Now, he was stood up he felt light-headed and the room was spinning.
New Beginnings (Second Chances Book 2) Page 8