Ugly

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “Pfft.” He waves his hand at me dismissively, and I smile. “I’m not cuddly.” He is. Very.

  “Okay, well, it was the last two in the cookie jar.”

  “Really?” He shoots his eyebrows up at me in question. He then turns and goes to his messy desk and sits. “So you just running down there and buying cookies has nothing to do with these?” He points to the small plate.

  He misses nothing, not a single thing. “Guilty.”

  “I have work to do, and I believe you’re leaving early so you can go do what every other nut job, myself included, does just before Christmas.”

  “Yes, Peter, that’s exactly right.”

  He flicks his hand at me, and that’s my cue to leave and close his office door.

  The next two hours fly by as I do the rest of the day’s work. I barrel through it, and by the time I’m ready to leave, I only have a small amount of work left undone.

  I look at the time and know if I’m going to make the driving lesson this afternoon I need to get going now. I grab my/Shayne’s coat, and head downstairs. There’s a cab stand half a block down, and when I get there, there are two cabs waiting.

  I’m on a tight time schedule and only have Shayne, Liam, Max, Dale and Peter to buy for. First place I head is to Target to buy me a coat, so I can give Shayne hers back. As it turns out, I find an identical one, so I merely replace hers with a new one. Then I try and find her something for Christmas. But I can’t find anything, and as I’m walking around, I come up with a brilliant idea. As a way to say ‘thank you’, I’m going to send her and Liam on a weekend away. A small vacation, somewhere away from winter and me.

  Next, I go to the liquor store and buy both Dale and Peter a bottle of nice, aged scotch. I’ve bought them both the same, because they’ve both been incredibly kind to me.

  For Max, I’m struggling. I’m unsure what to get for him, because I don’t want to buy him something too personal and give him the idea I’m even remotely ready for an intimate relationship, but I also want to get him something that tells him how much I appreciate him for being him.

  I wander around, not really sure what to get him. Eventually I make my way to a counter which has perfumes. And I find a scent, a men’s aftershave which is quite appealing. Although it’s well over one hundred dollars, I buy it for Max and hope he likes it.

  I’ll have to get Shayne and Liam’s present when I get home. I can do that all online. I get a cab home, and hang the new coat on a hanger, and put it on the door handle of Shayne and Liam’s room. I quickly change, and get ready for my driving lesson.

  As I pull up in front of the house, Shayne and Liam’s car is here, beside mine and I know they’re home. I walk in with a smile on my face. “Hey, how was your driving lesson?” Liam asks when I come in through the front door.

  “Really good. He said I’m quite confident and I’ll definitely be ready for my test early in January. He’s surprised how far I’ve come with only a few lessons.”

  “Good for you, chicken butt. You have that sexy car sitting out in the driveway, and soon you’ll be able to drive it. I’m really proud of you.”

  “Thank you. Hey, can I make dinner tonight or have you or Shayne started it already?”

  “Shayne started it. You know how much she loves to cook.”

  “I do.” I smile and walk into the kitchen to find Shayne moving her butt, singing a song in the worst possible voice as she dances around the kitchen cooking. “Hey, can I help?”

  “You can pour us a wine, and tell me where that sexy coat came from.”

  I grab three wine glasses, and the wine that’s opened from the counter, pouring us each one. I take Liam’s out to him and then come back into the kitchen and sit on one of the stools. “Well, I went to Target and found it. It’s exactly the same as the one I’ve been borrowing, so I bought it, and gave you the new one. Isn’t that okay?” I sip my wine slowly.

  “No, it’s not. I’ll take the one I gave you, and you can take the new one.” She stirs what’s cooking on the stove stop.

  “I’ve been wearing the coat for a little while now, it’s only fair you take the new one, and I’ll keep yours.”

  “Yeah…No. I want my original coat back.”

  “Why? It’s just a coat.”

  Shayne turns around to face me and says, “You deserve new, not hand-me-downs. You’ve had plenty of hand-me-downs. Now take something new.” She turns and keeps cooking.

  I choke up and I’m not sure I can answer her without tearing up and crying. “Okay,” I manage to croak.

  “Good. Dinner will be ready soon. Michaela said she was so happy with what you did with her book. She even said she’s got someone else who’s interested in using your services.”

  “She told me today. I have to figure out what I’m going to charge.”

  “Michaela said the work you did is worth quite a lot. You did what an editor would do. Not that I know what she’s going on about, but she said she would’ve paid you five hundred for what you did. She also said others charge heaps more than that.”

  “Yeah, but I’m sure they’re qualified.”

  Shayne’s shaking her head. “She said there are people out there who’ve been beta readers, whatever that is, and go on and say they’re editors and charge too much. Some aren’t even good. Well, that’s what she says. I have no idea.” She shrugs her shoulders at what she’s saying.

  “I don’t know, five hundred seems a bit excessive.”

  “Hey, first rule of business is don’t ever undervalue your product. If you do, people will think it’s crap and won’t buy it. It’s what I’ve learned at the tire shop. You have to value what you offer.”

  “Makes sense,” I say as I pick my glass up and sip some more of my wine. “You think five hundred is reasonable though?”

  “Well, how about you do an introductory price of three hundred and fifty. Then, if they use you again, you can charge five hundred. If they recommend you to someone new, then the person who’s referring you gets fifty dollars off their next book?”

  “That may be too confusing for everyone. But I do like the idea of charging them less for the first book”

  “Michaela said a lot of editors and proofreaders charge per word, so really five hundred is not unreasonable, especially if the book is large.”

  “Hmm.” I focus on the pot Shayne is stirring and start to really think about a reasonable amount to charge.

  “Anyway, dinner will be ready soon.”

  “Okay, I’ll be back in a bit. I’ll just go get my laptop.” I go into my room, get my laptop and go back into the kitchen, sitting at the counter. I open it up, and while Shayne is cooking, I click onto the vacation destination I’ve chosen for them, and get everything organized. I’m so excited, and I know they will be, too.

  Then I open my email and find a message from someone new, saying she’s Michaela’s friend and has a book she wants me to look over.

  I email her back and tell her my introductory fee is four hundred dollars, and it’s fifty percent up front and fifty percent upon completion. She instantly emails me back and asks for bank details to secure me. She also says she’ll be ready to send me the book early next week.

  “Shayne, she’s asking for my bank details.”

  “Who is?”

  I explain to her about the referral and how she wants to secure me, so she’s asked for my bank details. “Use PayPal,” she says.

  I look at her and tilt my head, not really knowing what the hell she’s talking about. “What?”

  “Here.” She walks around, types ‘PayPal’ into the search engine. “Follow the instructions, it’s really quite simple.”

  I go through and set it up, and before I know it, I have a PayPal account. “That was easy. So I get paid through PayPal, and can then transfer the money into my bank account.”

  “Exactly right. Now, come get your dinner.”

  “Hang on, let me send her an invoice and I’ll come get it.” I create an in
voice, and send it to her. Within seconds, I get notified of payment. “Whoa,” I say as I smile.

  “What is it?”

  “I just got paid. Two hundred dollars.”

  “You go girl. Here.” She puts a bowl on the counter and takes hers and Liam’s bowls and silverware out to the family room.

  I pack my laptop up, feeling on top of the world. Actually, I’m giddy. I just got paid to proofread a book. Correction, I just got half paid for a book. Actually, someone wants me, Lily Anderson AKA Lily Richards, to work on their book.

  As I come back from my room, I do a little dance.

  It’s four days before Christmas, and I’ve been so busy. I’ve been taking driving lessons, and I’ve been proofing the book I was paid for. It’s nearly time to go home from work, and I’ve been so busy here too. Tomorrow is Peter’s last day before he takes two weeks’ vacation. Dale is stepping up, and filling in while Peter is away. I’ve got both their Christmas presents safely hidden at work, because I want to give their gifts to them after the Christmas staff lunch tomorrow.

  Peter is putting on a lunch for all the office staff, and has arranged to give all the floor staff a bonus, in lieu of the outing. He’s truly a great boss, and keeps everything running so well, he easily inspires me to be better at my job.

  I start shutting everything down, and have a few moments to check my own personal emails. There’s an email from Michaela saying she absolutely needs to talk to me as it’s a matter of urgency. Panicking, I dial her number.

  “Hello?”

  “Michaela, are you okay? What’s happening?”

  “Oh my God!” she shouts at the top of her lungs. So loud, I have to remove the phone from my ear. “Lily. Oh my God!” she screams again. She’s not hurt though, I can tell by the tone in her voice she’s excited and not in pain.

  “What is it?”

  She starts talking at speeds which are humanly impossible. I’m picking up some words like “bestseller” and “publisher”, but I still have no idea what on earth she’s saying.

  “Michaela, stop and take a deep breath. Don’t say another word, just breathe in and out.” I can hear her breathing heavily doing as I’m asking. “Now, are you calm?”

  “Yep.” Her tone is still filled with mirth.

  “What is it?”

  “Okay. Guess what? Love Is Perfection has hit the New York Times and USA Today bestseller lists. It debuted in the top ten for both. ARGHHH!” she screams.

  “Oh my goodness. Congratulations! That’s just fantastic news. I’m really happy for you.”

  “I had a publisher contact me, they want to negotiate a deal,” she says the sentence so fast it sounds like a jumbled mess.

  I quickly manage to decipher her words and say, “Wow, that’s just phenomenal. And it’s your first book, too. What an amazing feat!”

  “I really wasn’t going to write another book, it really was just a story that came to me and had to be told. Lily, thank you. I know you didn’t write my book, but because of your suggestions, it is so much better than what it originally was.”

  “It’s all you, Michaela, I simply tweaked it. Nothing more. And you’re welcome.” I sit back in my chair, smiling, because I’m truly really happy for Michaela and all her success.

  “Um…” she wants to say something, but seems she’s stuck for words.

  “What is it?”

  “I want to pay you, Simone said you’re charging her four hundred for her book, so I want to pay you the same.”

  “No need. We already discussed this.” Although her offering is generous, I’m not going back on my word and taking her money now, regardless of the fact she’s a bestselling author now.

  “Please, I really want to pay you.”

  “No, consider it my Christmas present to you.”

  “Then I’ll pay you for my next book. But you need to charge me five hundred for it.” I look at the phone like she’s crazy. Who does that? Insist on paying, and paying more than what has been asked of them.

  “Just write the next book, and we’ll discuss it when it’s done,” I say. I won’t charge her five hundred, I’ll charge her what I charge everyone else. Regardless, my success with her book may be a fluke. Maybe I’m not as good as she’s giving me credit for. I’m sure Trent would agree with me, that I’m not as good as she’s saying.

  “Okay, deal. I’m starting it straight after Christmas. Have a good Christmas, Lily.”

  “You too.” I hang up really happy. The smile feels like it’s permanently etched onto my face. It also gives me the oomph to get home and finish with the manuscript I’m currently working on.

  “Tomorrow we have the staff lunch. You’ll be there won’t you?” Peter stops by my desk and asks on his way out.

  “I will be. Is there anything you need from me?”

  “You’ve booked the café down the road?”

  “Check, and double check.”

  “You’ve got everyone’s bonus check ready?”

  “Check.”

  “And you’ve let downstairs know we’ll all be out for a couple of hours?”

  “I have, I’ve got Carl on the floor for that time, in case anything is needed. I’ve made sure there’s extra staff to cover the time we’re away in case we get busy, like we usually do for the three days before Christmas, I’ve already triple-checked attendance and let the café know. They were only too happy to close for the general public for those two hours seeing as we’re taking up the entire café.”

  “You really do an excellent job, Lily. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Bye,” I say as he walks out.

  That’s Peter for you. You won’t hear him say thank you, but you will hear him pay you a compliment on your work.

  I finish closing everything down, and walk out toward the cab stand to get a ride home. It’s been snowing, and the roads are constantly being ploughed for snow.

  From inside my handbag, my phone starts ringing. I take it out, only to miss the call. I look and see Max was trying to call me. I return his call.

  “Lily, how are you today?” The past couple of weeks I’ve been seeing Max quite a lot. I don’t even hear his stutter anymore, so I’m not even sure if he still has it or if I’ve become so accustomed to it I just don’t notice it.

  “I’m very well, and how are you?”

  “You sound so formal.”

  “So do you.” He chuckles, and I smile. He has a really deep, throaty laugh, and I love hearing it. “How can I help you, Mr. Max?”

  “Mr. Max? You make me laugh. You may as well call me Mr. Sterling. It sounds better than Mr. Max. Mr. Max makes me sound like a crazy man.”

  I laugh out loud, “So tell me, how can I help you tonight?”

  “Would you care to join me for dinner? I was thinking of trying that new sushi place downtown.”

  “Hmm, I have some work to do tonight. I want to finish the manuscript I got. Oh guess what?”

  “What?”

  “You know that first book I proofread?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “It’s a top ten bestseller on both the New York Times and USA Today lists.”

  “Wow. And it was her first book too, wasn’t it?”

  “It was. Hey, the cab driver has just pulled up at home, can I call you back in a few?”

  “I look forward to it.”

  I pay the driver and go inside, to find Liam home, but Shayne out. “Hey, chicken butt. You’re home later than normal.” I’ve been taking cabs to and from work, because I finally managed to convince Shayne and Liam that since Trent hasn’t tried to get in contact with me, he likely won’t. I need to start living life, instead of fearing it. My appointment with Katherine isn’t until the day before Christmas. It was her earliest available time. And although that’s only days away, I’m quite nervous about it.

  “I just took my time. Where’s Shayne?” I ask.

  Liam’s still in his clothes from work, and about to head into the shower. “I’m not
sure, she said she had to go to the store. Probably to buy me my Christmas present. I’m not sure what we’re doing for dinner tonight, either.”

  “Hey, do you think it’ll be okay if I invite Max over? Maybe I can buy Chinese and you guys can get to know him.”

  “I’m definitely up for it, I’ve been saying for a while I wanna meet this guy. Call Shayne and check with her. I’ll just have a quick shower.”

  I go into my room, sit on my bed and call Shayne. Why do I feel so nervous asking her? Maybe because her opinion is very important to me. What if they recognize a trait in him I can’t see? What if they see him for something he hasn’t shown me yet? What if he wants to control me or raise his hand to me?

  My heart is beating out of my chest, and I quickly hang up before Shayne answers the phone. My entire body is shaking from nerves and on my forehead beads of sweat gather. Moisture rolls down my spine, and suddenly it feels like I’ve got an elephant sitting on my chest.

  My phone rings and I know it’s Shayne calling me back. But I can’t get my heart to settle enough for me to be able to answer the phone. Black spots are dancing in front of my eyes and I can’t grasp any control over my own body.

  What if he’s really not who he seems?

  What if he wants to hurt me?

  What if…?

  “Lily?” Liam bangs on my door. “Lily!” he yells. But I can’t speak, I can’t say anything because cords tighten around my throat and block my breathing and my voice. “Lily, I’m coming in.”

  I’m balled up against the bed, and rocking back forth as I try and focus on Liam, who’s kneeling beside me.

  “I don’t know what to do, she’s curled into herself and rocking. She’s not responding.” Liam’s in sweats and sitting beside me. He puts a hand on my leg and I start screaming.

  “He’s touching me. He’s touching me,” is all I can manage to say.

  There’s a logical part in my brain, which is screaming at me to be quiet and not say anything. But there’s another part which has gone into complete flight mode. They say it’s fight or flight, and although I’m not running away, I’m having a hard time coping.