Ugly

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “What?” I turn and slump my shoulders in disbelief.

  “He never wanted me to know Mom had kept me from him. They had a short fling, lasted a couple of months.”

  “Wow,” I whisper, as I turn back to watch the glittering lights, and the soft snowfall. “Just wow.”

  “You ready to go?” He places a hand on my shoulder.

  “This is the apartment building you were talking about, wasn’t it?”

  “Guilty,” he sheepishly answers. “Come on, so we can get back to Shayne and Liam’s.”

  We go down the elevator, and are back in the car heading toward town. “Do you know where you’re going?”

  “I researched it a while back, in case you disappeared and I needed to find you.”

  “You know, there’s no way they’d let you in there? It’s a safe haven for women and their kids. And just having a man in there, might cause damage and would definitely shatter any trust the women may have in the administrators of the home.”

  “Yes, I’m aware. I’ll wait down the road. I’ll park, and watch you go in. I’ll be pacing around down the street, waiting patiently for you.”

  “How do you patiently pace?”

  “Hmmm, good point. I’ll just wait.”

  “Max, this is the apartment building you were talking about, right?” He nods his head. “There’s no way I’d be able to afford the rent on a car spot, let alone the rent on an apartment.”

  “Hmmm, I do see your dilemma.” He pauses for a moment, and I can see a cheeky smile start to form. “But, lucky for you, I know the owner. I’m sure I can get you a good price.”

  “Max.”

  “No, hear me out. You’ll have the same rental contract as the rest of the tenants, but I’ll make yours so I can’t interfere at all. It just means I know you’re safe. And if you happen to need a cup of sugar, you already know one of the tenants.”

  “You mean the owner.”

  “That, too. Please Lily? This is for my peace of mind to know you’re safe.”

  I exhale loudly, as if to say ‘I don’t like this’. “I’ll think about it.”

  “That’s all I can ask for.”

  We get to the shelter, and Max parks, watching me walk toward it.

  I knock, and I’m screened to make sure I’m not a threat. I talk to the lady through the door and tell her I’m here to offer a donation, and it’s a large sum of money. There are my two thousand dollars, and an envelope Max gave me. The envelope from him is bigger than the one with my two thousand, but he could’ve put twenty or fifty dollar bills in there.

  The lady allows me into her office and we chat for a few moments. “I have two thousand here, and a friend of mine has sent a donation, too.”

  She opens the envelopes and quickly glances in mine, then glances in Max’s. “No, I think there’s a mistake.” She hands me Max’s envelope back. I look inside, and I find the thickness is all hundred dollar notes. At the very least, there’s five thousand dollars in here.

  “There’s no mistake.” I say.

  She hugs me and cries, telling me there are women and children here who’ll really benefit from this money. I know we should’ve followed proper procedures and done it officially, because it could’ve been a tax deduction for both Max and me. But I don’t care about that. I just want to help someone who is where I was two short months ago.

  When I leave I know, absolutely, I did the right thing. “We can go,” I say to Max as I approach him.

  “Are you okay?” he asks as he opens my door and lets me get in before closing it.

  I sit quietly as we drive, not having answered him. When we reach home, I place my hand over his and smile. “I was lucky I was able to get away. Some aren’t so lucky. What we gave them is just a small amount, but at least it’ll give someone a fighting chance. So for that, yes, I’m okay.”

  “Come on, Snowflake, let’s go enjoy our New Year’s Eve.”

  We go inside and already there are a few people here. I can’t help but stay close by Max. “Oh my God.” I recognize that voice from my phone calls with her. “Oh my God. You’re Lily!” This tiny, dark-haired, and slightly overweight woman bowls me over in a hug. “I’m Michaela,” she says as she keeps hugging.

  “Pleasure to meet you. This is Max, a good friend of mine.”

  “Hi, Max,” she says and looks back at me. “I have something for you. Lame, I know, but you helped me so much I just wanted to give you something.” She hands me a box which is nicely wrapped. “Please, open it.”

  I tear the paper, and open the box and inside is a copy of her book, which she’s signed to me at the front. There’s also a mug, a book mark, and a keychain. “Thank you, so much. These are my first-book related souvenirs. And my first autographed book by a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author.”

  “It’s called swag, all of this, except the paperback. It’s all called swag.”

  “Thank you, I’ll cherish it.”

  “You’re welcome. Anyway, I have to get back to my husband. Really nice meeting you, Lily. And you too, Max.”

  “My pleasure,” Max diplomatically says. “Wow, she was like a very excited tornado,” he whispers and chuckles.

  “I’ll just go put these in my room. I’ll be a minute.”

  “Don’t be two, because you’ll miss the countdown. I’ll get us some champagne.”

  We head in separate directions, and then meet up at the back of the family room. Everyone is standing around, watching the TV and waiting for the ball to drop in Time Square.

  “Here you go, Snowflake.” He hands me a flute with champagne.

  “Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five.” Max puts his arm around my waist, drawing me into his side and his warmth. I look up at him. “One…Happy New Year,” everyone yells.

  For one brief second, I hear nothing, I see no one but Max. “Happy New Year, Snowflake.” He leans down and brushes his lips against mine. The kiss is sweet, the warmth of his lips stay on mine, and slowly, he parts his mouth and gently asks for my permission to allow him to kiss me. It’s more than a peck, and more than anything I’ve ever felt before. He brings me in tighter to him, and he sprinkles a few kisses from my lips to my ear. “You’re wrong, you know,” he says as he places one more kiss below my ear and pulls back to look at me. My heart’s beating wildly, and my pulse is thumping quickly.

  His brown-flecked eyes hold such fierce passion. “About what?” I say, as I get lost in the intensity of his orbs.

  “You’re not half a snowflake. You’re whole, and you’re perfect to me.” He leans down and kisses me again. I feel the moisture of a tear roll down my cheek. But I close my eyes, and enjoy the purity of the man standing in front of me.

  I can drive myself around now. I went for my driver’s test two weeks ago, and I passed. It’s the last week of January and it’s gone by in a blink of an eye.

  I’ve been working on all the books I get sent, and I can’t believe I’m booked solid until the end of February. I’ve taken on new clients, and I’ve managed to be able to save half that money for when I move out. The other half I’ve been giving to Dale for the loan on the car. Today I have another thousand dollars to give to him.

  I walk to his office and knock on his door. He looks up and smiles, “Come in, Lily. Close the door.”

  I close the door and sit down opposite him. “I have some more money for you.” I slide the envelope across the table at him.

  “You do?” He takes out his book he’s been keeping track of the payments. He has me sign it, and he signs it when I give him the money. “How much is it?”

  “A thousand this time,” I proudly announce with a huge smile.

  “Huh,” he mumbles as he opens the envelope and counts out the ten hundred dollar bills. He stops and starts adding all the payments together. “You’ve had the car nine weeks, and you’ve paid the one hundred and seventy-five a week we agreed to, plus you’ve given me, in addition to that, another three thousand, four hundred dollar
s. That makes it.” He double checks his figures. “You’ve paid four thousand, nine hundred and seventy-five dollars.” He tucks his pen behind his ear and sits back in his chair. “Should I be worried?”

  “What? Why would you be worried?”

  “Because I know what you earn, and it’s not enough for you to have paid off an additional three grand.”

  “I’ve taken on another job, and it allows me to have extra money. I want to try and have the car paid off by the end of the year.”

  “By looks of things it’ll be paid off well before then. You’ve already paid off almost one-fifth in just over two months. That’s amazing.”

  “I’m fortunate. I live rent-free with my best friend and her husband. But I’m looking at moving out within the next couple of months, I just want to be able to save some more money before I go.”

  “If you need more money, Lily.”

  “No, Sir. I’m fine, really I am. But I’d like to have my car paid off by the end of the year.”

  “Tell me about this other job of yours.” He picks his water bottle up and drinks from it.

  “I’ve been doing proofreading for some authors. Actually, it’s turned into editing. I’ve always had a love for English and I wanted to become a teacher. But truthfully, I’m really enjoying the editing and proofreading I’m doing.”

  “Does it pay well?”

  “If I compare it to my salary from here, on par. I get four hundred a book.”

  “Four hundred? Regardless of size?”

  “Yes, it doesn’t matter.”

  “Hmm, have you researched what other editors get?”

  “Not really. I have a good client base, and it’s increasing daily. I’m booked solid until the end of February. Several of my authors have made bestselling lists.”

  “Really?” he asks as he rolls his neck from side to side.

  “My very first one I did for free. Her book was her debut novel, and it went to top ten in the New York Times and USA Today bestseller lists. It’s still up there.”

  Dale’s eyes widen and he smiles. “So you must have talent.”

  I shrug my shoulders and look down at my knitted hands on my lap. “I don’t know.”

  “How big are the books you work on?”

  “They differ. The smallest was just under sixty-five thousand words, the largest just over a hundred and fifty. “

  “And you charge them all four hundred?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “If you’re being sought after, that means you have a talent for the work you do. Don’t undersell yourself.”

  I smile at his words. “That’s what Shayne says, too.”

  “You should charge per page, as opposed to a flat fee. Because if you have a standard, say even three dollars a page, and the words are a common size and font, then that’ll be fairer to the person writing less, and to the person writing more.”

  “Hmm,” I mumble as I think about his words.

  “And make it a minimum amount of pages. That way, it’s fair for you, too.”

  I start trying to do some figures in my head, but I’m English savvy, not so much mathematics savvy. “I’ll give it some thought, thank you.” I go to stand to leave, having taken up way too much of his time already.

  “Before you go,” he says, and he motions for me to sit again. “Have you had any problems with your husband?”

  “Not one word. I’ve started divorce proceedings. And I’ve found a psychologist who’s helping me deal with everything that’s happened in my life.”

  “You have?”

  “I have, I’m just happy he isn’t contesting it. I haven’t made a fuss about the money he took, or what he did to me. I just want the whole thing put behind me.”

  “And that right there,” he points to me, and the hair on my arms stand to attention. “That right there, Lily is why you’re going to be so successful in life. You may have been dealt a shit hand, but you’re ready to fight for the future you deserve, not the one that was handed to you.”

  Wow, just wow. He’s so observant and also so encouraging. “Thank you.”

  “Now, get out of here,” he playfully says, with the biggest, cheesiest grin. “But keep up the good work.”

  I leave his office and go back to my desk. No sooner do I sit down when Peter calls me into his office. “Peter, do you need something?” I rack my brain to try and figure out what it is I’ve forgotten.

  “Here.” He hands me an envelope.

  I step closer to his desk, and take the envelope. Peter keeps looking down, doing his work. “What is this?”

  “I got given a couple of tickets to some movie premier, but I hate movie theatres. They’re filled with young kids.”

  “Okay, who would you like me to give these to?”

  “You take them. Or if you don’t want to go see whatever movie it’s for, give it to someone else. I don’t care, just take them.”

  “Thank you, Peter.” I open the envelope, and these aren’t just movie tickets, these are for the red carpet premier of the new Josh Harlon movie. Josh is one of the hottest action-romance actors in the world. The movie Love and Guns is apparently his best movie yet, and there’s a lot of buzz around it. “Peter,” I half mumble as I keep looking at the tickets.

  “Yes?”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to give these to one of your daughters? Or maybe Dale’s daughters? These are really rare tickets, and apparently the actor himself will be there. I can give them to Dale for his daughters.”

  Peter stops working and looks up at me. He does this funny twisty thing with his mouth as he narrows his eyes at me. I feel like I’m in trouble. “If I told you I’d bought these for you to go out, you would’ve rejected them. I tell you I got them given to me, and you still reject them. You’ve been working hard, I wanted to give you something.”

  “But you gave me two thousand at Christmas.”

  “I gave everyone a bonus. I gave everyone what I thought they deserved.”

  I tilt my head to the side, still looking between the tickets and Peter. “These were intended for me?”

  “Yes, they are.”

  “You and Dale keep doing things for me, I’ve never experienced anything like this before.”

  “Close the door, Lily.” He stands from where he is sitting and he rounds the big, ugly desk in his office. I close the door, and when I turn he indicates for me to sit at the chair opposite him. “Do you know why Dale and I are so on top of this?”

  “No Sir, I don’t.”

  “My daughter got herself involved with someone who we thought was terrific. He had a good job, worked hard, and was the best man she could’ve met. And really, he was. He took care of her so well. And when they had their daughter, my granddaughter, he doted on her. He was a terrific husband, and a terrific man.”

  “Sounds like she’s one of the luckiest people in the world.”

  “She was. Until it all changed.”

  “How did it change? Did he start to hurt her?”

  Peter shakes his head. “No, not at all.”

  I squint my eyes and scratch my head, unsure at where this is going. “I don’t understand.”

  “My daughter wanted to lose weight, and she heard that the drug ice was good for doing that. What she didn’t know was just how highly addictive ice is.”

  “Oh my God,” I whisper. Suddenly, sickness rushes to the base of my throat, I’m not sure I can handle what he’s going to say.

  “At first she was always happy, and bouncing around everywhere. No one suspected she was addicted to anything. She was great with Jojo, my granddaughter, and everything was going well. Until the drugs took over her life. Sean would come home from work and find nothing had been done, Jojo would be left in her dirty diaper all day, and she’d be crying and hungry. The first time that happened, he scooped Jojo up, and brought her to us.”

  “Oh my gosh.”

  “We kept her and cared for her, while he looked after our daughter. Don’t get me
wrong, we were involved with her care, too. But Jojo needed a loving home, and my daughter wasn’t able to provide it because of the addiction. Sean, my wife, and I decided we’d provide the financial support to get our daughter the help she needs, but we’d give Jojo all the care and love she deserved.”

  I’m speechless, other than a gasp, I really have no words.

  “Sean tried doing it on his own, but, then she became abusive. He knew it was the drugs, and it wasn’t her, but she started lashing out and hitting him.”

  I clap a hand to my mouth as he tells the story.

  “You see, Lily. Domestic abuse touches everyone, and when I know it’s touched someone who’s as beautiful a person as you are, I need to help. For my daughter, for my son in law, for every survivor.”

  I sit in silence for a moment, until I think of something he said just a few moments ago. “You said when you first started telling me, you thought your son in law was a terrific person, why only thought it?”

  “Because now we know, he’s so much more than terrific. He’s her savior. She needed saving, and he was the saint who stepped up and did it. He loves her so much, he risked it all just so he could get her healthy again. And we all supported him. To me, he can do no wrong.”

  I take a few deep breaths and just take in everything Peter has told me. “May I ask how they’re doing now?”

  “She’s been clean for two and a half years. And they’re together, stronger than ever.”

  “I’m really happy to hear that.”

  “My point, Lily, is no one gave up on her. And I won’t give up on you.”

  I relax my shoulders and let the weight of the entire conversation fall over me. “Thank you,” I say as I stand and take the tickets. “I’m sure I’ll be able to take Shayne with me. She’ll love it.”

  “You’re welcome.” Peter goes back behind his desk, sits and continues with his work.

  I leave his office, and go sit at my desk, sliding the envelope into my bag in the bottom drawer of my desk. I take my phone out and message Shayne:

  Keep the 27th of Feb free. I have a surprise. Lx