The Wife

by ML Roberts

  ‘All those years, I resented him. For having you.’

  It never felt that way. I never knew he felt that way.

  ‘We can all put on an act, Ellie.’ He turns to look at me. ‘Can’t we?’

  Chapter 33

  I pull the car into the parking space and turn off the engine. Yesterday’s sunshine has given way to a cloudier Sunday, the grey sky scattered with heavy dark cloud. Rain’s threatening. Heavy showers are forecast. A storm could even be on the way.

  I sit back in my seat and take out my phone. I’m checking Michael’s here, in the hotel. It wasn’t hard to find out where he was staying, given that I’m tracking his every move. And now I need to know if she’s here, too. If he’s taking her to Cardiff. I need to know.

  I’m giving him the space he so badly seems to want, but I’m not leaving him alone. He thinks it isn’t my business, that Ava isn’t my business, he thinks I don’t need to know what’s going on. He’s wrong.

  I slip my phone into my pocket and get out of the car, locking it before I make my way inside. I won’t let him see me, of course, but I need to see him. I need to know if he’s alone, or if she’s here with him. Is that why he really wanted to spend the weekend at a hotel? Maybe he isn’t taking her with him, maybe he just wanted some time alone with her before he had to go. My stomach tightens as a barrage of yet more irrational thoughts and theories flood my brain, they’re relentless. Always nagging away at the back of my mind, giving me reason to think the worst. Because the worst could be happening.

  It’s busy inside the hotel’s reception area, and that gives me a chance to slip by unnoticed and find a seat that gives me a good enough view of the lifts and the entrance. I can also see the corridor that leads down to the bar and restaurants. If he’s still in the hotel, which the tracker tells me he is, then I’ll see him, if he comes by here. And I could be here for hours, I don’t care. I’ve brought work, magazines, I’ll be fine. I can wait.

  I settle back in my chair and look outside, up at the rapidly darkening sky. I’m sure I can hear a rumble of thunder somewhere in the distance; it looks like that storm might be coming. But it doesn’t seem to be bothering everyone outside, not those heading the short distance to the airport anyway, dragging their luggage, and in some cases their kids, behind them. A lot of them will be heading off to sunnier places, holidays. I idly wonder if any of them are travelling to Spain. A country Michael and I loved. Is he planning to take her there one day?

  I snap out of those thoughts, bring my attention back to the hotel foyer. I can’t afford to lose concentration, I don’t want to miss him. I pull out a file from my bag, start skimming over the notes from a meeting Carmen and I had last week regarding the spa becoming a wedding venue, but it’s nothing more than a cover, something to make it look like I’m just another businessperson. This hotel will be full of them. It’s easy to blend in here.

  My phone vibrating in my pocket distracts me, and I hurriedly pull it out, it might be an alert. Is Michael making a call? No. It’s nothing. Just a message from my network provider, telling me about some deal or other. I’m not interested. I log onto the tracker app instead, check to see if I’ve missed anything. Liam distracted me a little too much yesterday. I’m still confused by his talk of walking away – of leaving Michael, for him. Why would I do that?

  My heart leaps into my mouth as I look closely at Michael’s call log. I did miss something. A call was made to him, from her. From Ava. Just an hour ago; it must’ve happened while I was driving here. She called him.

  I reach into my bag for the headphones I carry around with me, slipping them on to play back that call, my skin prickling as her voice fills my head. A soft voice. A local accent. She wants to see him, sorry, needs to see him. I need him too, but he has no time for me. He has time for her.

  He tells her to come here, to the hotel. She asks him why he’s in a hotel, but he doesn’t tell her the real reason. He makes something up about it being more convenient for his flight later today. He’s lying. She tells him, again, that she needs to see him. He instructs her to meet him outside the bar across the way from reception, and I glance outside to the bar opposite. That storm I thought was coming seems to have given way to a brighter spell, the sun’s out now. People are starting to drift out from the bar to the tables outside, and I crane my neck to see if Michael’s one of them. If she’s one of them. Is she here yet?

  It’s a quick conversation. They arrange to meet and end the call. I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. I keep the phone in my hand, I don’t want to miss anything else, and it’s just seconds before it starts vibrating again. I’ve turned it to silent, I don’t want to draw any unnecessary attention to myself.

  Looking down at the screen I see Liam’s number flash up, and I don’t want to answer it, but I do. He’ll only keep calling if I ignore him.

  ‘Where are you, Ellie?’

  ‘Out. I’m busy going over some notes from a meeting me and Carmen had last week.’

  ‘You couldn’t do that at home?’

  ‘I needed to get out of the house.’

  He stayed over again, last night, because I wanted him to. But today I needed some space, so when he arranged to meet friends for lunch at the pub, I was relieved. I was hoping he’d stay out longer, not notice I was gone until later.

  ‘Are you going to tell me where you are?’

  I look back out of the window, I don’t want to miss Michael. I don’t want to miss Ava. ‘Are you keeping tabs on me?’

  ‘It’s you who’s the expert at that, remember?’

  I say nothing, I don’t offer a response. And then I hear him sigh down the line. He’s realized he shouldn’t have said that, even if it’s true.

  ‘I’m sorry, okay? I just don’t want you doing anything stupid.’

  ‘I’m not doing anything stupid.’ I quickly glance around me, making sure I’m not missing anything. There are so many people milling about, I don’t want Michael to slip by unnoticed. ‘I’ll be home soon. I promise.’

  I end the call, put the phone down on the table in front of me and I look outside again. There’s a small round courtyard separating the reception area where I’m sitting from the bar opposite, but it’s still close enough for me to make people out. To see faces.

  My phone vibrates again. It’s Liam, again, but this time I ignore it, because I can see her now, walking across the circular courtyard, her head down, arms wrapped around herself as she makes her way to the bar. My heart’s hammering so hard as I look for Michael. He told her he’d meet her outside, and then I see him too, coming out of the bar. I see him smile at her, even from this far away I can see his smile. See her return it. He reaches out and touches her arm, guiding her to a table outside and I watch as she sits down; watch as he asks her something. I’m guessing it’s what she’d like to drink because seconds later he goes back inside. It’s all I can do not to go out there, to confront her. I was all ready to do that not so long ago, and I didn’t have half as much evidence as I do now. Now I’m almost one hundred per cent certain this is an affair. This is his secret. His distraction. And yes, I have my own secret, my own distraction, but that means nothing. My secret isn’t dangerous. My distraction is harmless.

  I watch as Michael comes back outside, places the drinks on the table and sits down beside her. She starts talking before he’s even taken his seat, and he places a hand on her arm and says something to her that silences her. She bows her head, looks down at the table. Michael’s still talking. He still has his hand on her arm.

  My stomach twists up into a tight knot. It hurts, but I can’t tear my eyes away from my husband. From her. From the two of them together.

  Ava looks at him again, and I move my head a little, to see if I can get a better view. She’s smiling now. So is he. The liar. The cheat. His betrayal stings, it rips through me like a knife tearing at my skin.

  And then I sense someone approaching my table, and my head snaps around as they sit down opposite
me. It’s Liam.

  ‘How did you know where I was?’

  ‘It doesn’t take a genius to work it out, Ellie. You told me Michael was staying at an airport hotel and this is one we’ve both used before, so call it a lucky guess. The way you’ve been acting lately, the way you’ve been talking – I knew this was where you’d be. And your car’s in the car park. But you need to come home now, okay?’

  I turn my head to look back outside. He’s still there, with Ava. My husband, and his distraction.

  ‘He’s over there.’

  I’m guessing Liam follows my gaze, but he doesn’t say anything, not at first.

  ‘He’s with her.’

  ‘Come home, Ellie.’

  I shake my head. ‘I’m not going anywhere, not until I find out whether he’s taking her with him to Cardiff or not.’

  ‘And if he is? What are you going to do, huh? Are you going to – what? Physically drag her away from him?’

  ‘He’s my husband, Liam.’

  ‘For how much longer, Ellie?’

  I turn to face him. Why would he say that? ‘You think I’m just going to stand here and watch while she takes my husband from me?’

  ‘If he wants to leave, Ellie, he’ll leave.’

  ‘Why are you doing this?’

  He grabs my hand and pulls me up out of my seat, giving me just enough time to grab my bag before he almost drags me out of the hotel, away from where Michael could see us. Back towards the car park.

  ‘What the hell are you doing?’

  ‘You need to leave this alone. Seriously. You need to walk away before you do something really stupid.’

  I pull my arm back and then I stand still. He has no choice but to face me, to listen to me.

  ‘You saw that, right? You saw him, with that girl. And you remember what happened, the last time a student got close to Michael?’

  ‘This isn’t that, Ellie! Jesus!’

  ‘No, you’re right, this isn’t that. This is worse. Because he’s letting this happen, he could stop it, this time, but instead he’s encouraging it. And I’m not going through that again, I can’t go through that again …’

  He takes my hand and pulls me into his arms. He holds me, and he’s just trying to calm me down, I know that. But I am calm. I’m completely in control here, I know exactly what I’m doing.

  ‘You know, maybe it really is time to let him go, Ellie. Maybe the only way you can let all of this go is to let Michael go.’

  I pull back. I look at him.

  ‘It’s hurting you too much, baby. It’s slowly killing you, and I’ve had enough of watching you go through this.’

  ‘You think I should leave him?’

  He reaches out, gently trails his fingertips over my cheek, down over my neck, my collarbone, and I feel a shiver race up my spine. ‘Before he leaves you,’ he whispers as he leans right into me, his mouth so close to my ear it almost touches it.

  I grab hold of his wrist, pull his hand away from my face. ‘He isn’t going to leave me, Liam.’

  He isn’t going to get the chance …

  Chapter 34

  ‘Come back to bed’, he murmurs into my hair, his body pressed up against mine as I stand at the window, looking out over the garden.

  I fall back against him, let his arm circle my waist. ‘I need to get ready. I have to go to work, and so do you.’

  I glance over at the clock on the wall as Liam kisses my neck, drops his hand to my hip. It’s almost seven-thirty. Monday morning. Michael’s in Cardiff now. Alone? I have no idea. Liam made me leave the hotel yesterday before I had a chance to see what happened between my husband and Ava. He may be alone, she may be with him, I don’t know.

  I lay my head against Liam’s shoulder and stare back out at the garden. ‘I should call him. I should call Michael.’

  Liam’s fingers sink into my flesh, and I feel his body stiffen behind mine. ‘Why?’

  ‘I want to know if he’s okay. He didn’t leave on the best of terms, but we’ve both calmed down now. I need to know if he’s coming home.’

  ‘Give him some space, Ellie.’

  ‘He’s in Cardiff. How much more space does he want?’

  He slides a hand underneath my short nightdress, trails his fingers along my inner thigh. My widening my stance is nothing more than a reflex action.

  ‘I need to talk to him, Liam.’

  ‘No, you don’t. Calling him is a mistake, Ellie. It makes you look needy. Let him come to you.’

  ‘And what if he doesn’t?’

  He’s touching me now, and I like it. He’s calming me, and I reach behind me for his hand, feel his fingers slide between mine.

  A beautiful inner peace floods me, and I squeeze his hand tight as my knees give way slightly. But I know he’d catch me if I fell.

  ‘Let him come to you, Ellie,’ he whispers, and I turn around in his arms, lean back against the glass door behind me. Maybe he’s right. If I give Michael the space he needs, he’ll come back to me. Maybe. I’m still not sure.

  ‘I thought you wanted me to leave him? I thought you wanted us to leave here, together?’

  ‘I do. I’ve wanted that for a long time.’

  ‘You’re his best friend, Liam.’

  ‘And I’m fucking his wife … Can you not see what’s happening here, Ellie?’

  I start to walk away, I’m not in the mood for a long conversation. I need to get to work. But he grabs my wrist, pulls me back around to face him.

  ‘Can you not see the huge mess we’re all in?’

  He has no idea, of the mess we’re in. He has no fucking idea.

  ‘You’re all kinds of messed-up, because you think your husband is sleeping with one of his students, yet you‘re sleeping with me.’

  ‘And you know why I’m doing that.’

  ‘So, it’s okay for you to cheat on him, but if he does it to you that’s wrong?’

  ‘Why are you doing this? I don’t understand …’

  He slips an arm around my waist, drops his hand to my bottom as he pushes me against him; as he kisses me, deep and dirty, I feel my stomach do a million tiny somersaults. I’m breathless, slowly being dragged under by this man, but I need to pull myself back. He’s my distraction, nothing more. He’s my best friend with a thousand benefits, but he can never be anything more than that. I love my husband.

  ‘I love you, Ellie. I love you.’

  ‘Michael loves me,’ I whisper, and Liam kisses me again, he pushes me deeper under, and I may flail for a second or two but I’m not drowning.

  ‘How can he love you? When he treats you the way he does? How can you really love him when you’re here, with me?’

  I shake my head, but he rests his palm against my cheek, he makes me look at him. Makes me look into his eyes. I feel like I’m drowning now. And then he comes even closer, his breath warm on my neck, his lips vibrating against my skin as he speaks.

  ‘Maybe it’s time to let go.’

  He steps back from me, his eyes remaining fixed on mine for a couple more beats before he grabs his suit jacket from the back of a chair and shrugs it on. He drags a hand through his hair, grabs his car keys from the dresser and he turns to look at me. Dr Liam Kennedy. Tall. Handsome. So different to Michael. And I don’t want to need him, but I do.

  ‘Don’t call him, Ellie. That really would be a mistake.’

  Chapter 35

  It’s been good to have to place so much focus on work. I need to have something other than Liam to take my mind off Michael. Off her. The spa is busy so much of the time, and it’s only going to get busier as we start to take on weddings. And the salons are all thriving. I have so many distractions … Is that all Liam is? Just a distraction?

  I’m behind reception in the Durham salon when I hear the door open, and I glance up, smiling, ready to greet another client. But it isn’t a client. It’s Michael.

  ‘Hi.’ He smiles a small smile, his hands in his pockets, a look on his face I can’t read.

/>   ‘Hi … When did you get back?’

  ‘A couple of hours ago. I dropped my stuff back at home, popped into work … I rang the spa, to see if you were there, but Carmen said you were working from here today.’

  ‘I am.’ He’s been home. Had he realized Liam stayed the weekend? With me? Had we left any trace of him there? No. We were careful. We’re always careful. ‘Did everything go okay? In Cardiff?’

  Were you alone, Michael? Did you go there, alone?

  ‘It was fine.’ He shrugs. ‘It was a guest lecture. I do that stuff day in, day out.’

  Was she there, with you? Did she make the monotony seem that little bit easier to deal with? Your distraction?

  ‘We need to talk, Ellie.’

  My stomach sinks, my breath catching in my throat. Is this it? Is he going to tell me he’s leaving me? Or is he coming back to me? Has time away really healed some of those wounds? Has it started to fix something?

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘Somewhere more private. How about we go to lunch? We could go to our restaurant. We haven’t been there for a long time, have we?’

  My stomach dips again. I know he’s been there without me. I’ve been there without him, but I was alone. He wasn’t.

  ‘I’m not really hungry.’

  ‘Liam says you haven’t been eating …’

  ‘You’ve spoken to Liam?’

  ‘I asked him to keep an eye on you, while I was away. I’m worried about you, Ellie.’

  Liam never told me, that Michael had asked him to keep an eye on me. He never told me he’d even spoken to Michael before he went to Cardiff. Is he lying to me too?

  ‘You shouldn’t be. I’m fine. And I’m eating plenty, Liam shouldn’t be telling you anything otherwise.’

  ‘He’s our friend. He cares about you.’

  In ways you’ll never know, Michael.

  ‘Did he tell you anything else?’

  ‘No. Just that … that you’re keeping yourself busy.’

  I start to gather my things together, leave instructions with the salon manager about a delivery that’s coming this afternoon, and then I leave. With Michael. We walk side by side, not touching each other, through the streets of Durham city, heading towards our restaurant. But it doesn’t feel like our place anymore. It stopped being that the second I found out he’d taken someone else there.