Praefatio: A Novel

by Georgia McBride

  “Grace.” Another long sigh from Arcturus, like I was exhausting him with my stupidity. He stood up. “I tell you what. Let’s continue this outside. You know, so we can get some fresh air. It’s kind of stuffy in here.” Arcturus looked like a kid who had just begged his mother for an ice pop before dinner. Because I ranked higher than he did, he was not allowed to turn his back on me or walk away. He wanted to so badly, I could tell.

  I fought a smile. “Okay, Arcturus. Okay.” I was so tired, and I had little desire to get beaten up by Arcturus again. I found the strength I needed to complete the physical portion of my training, which continued for six hours after Titan finished with me. I didn’t return to my quarters most nights until after midnight.

  By the end of the week, I had completed training in military defense strategy, martial arts, defensive action, offensive maneuvers, ancient physical and mental arts, street weaponry, hand-to-hand combat, and chemical, cyber, and biological warfare. I worked hard to achieve superior agility, flexibility, strength, range, and timing. Arcturus suggested I keep my advancement in these areas between the two of us. Said I couldn’t trust anyone.

  That day, Arcturus wanted to “practice hand-to-hand combat.” He threw the first punch and hit me square in the face. Little cornrowed jerk.

  I steadied myself, pushed my right leg back, and held one hand up blocking my face, the other hand—now completely healed—ready to punch. He circled me, jumping up and down like Muhammed Ali. Amateur. I remained still.

  “Let’s go, cherub. Answer my questions. You promised,” I yelled over the growing wind. Just as Arcturus planted his right foot back and looked down to ensure he was on solid footing, I rocked an X-kick that hit him under his chin and knocked him back. Then I spiral kicked him again with my other foot, which knocked him to the ground, probably part of his plan all along. I wasn’t that good. Not yet.

  I landed above him with legs spread on either side of him, my left arm in front of my face ready to block him, and my right arm close to my chest, ready to jab. I was breathing heavily, adrenaline flowing, getting warmed up. My arm was getting heavy and starting to hurt.

  “Uncle, uncle.” Arcturus smiled and faked a wounded look.

  I knew it was gonna take way more than that for Arcturus to go down. “Yeah right. Get up. Let’s go. I’m ready now,” I insisted even as my body began to betray me. My limbs were getting shaky, and my arm muscles were burning. I hated feeling like I couldn’t keep up, feeling winded and in need of water and rest and food.

  Arcturus spoke to my mind. You can do it, Grace. You are the one who sits at the top of the Order with a capital O, who has been sent to ensure the order, with a lowercase “o,” if things go as planned. It was the distraction he needed to slide forward and up from under me. He steadied, and the last thing I remember was a loud “kihap” before he punched my lights out.

  ***

  I’d passed final exams, and supposedly I could’ve built a human being had I wanted to. No angel had ever tried it, and I certainly wasn’t going to be the first. I had, however, built an entire galaxy, recreated the history of the world exactly through the year 1995, and frozen hell over, twice. Just kidding. That last part, it’s a joke. But no one was laughing. The crowd at the police station had grown silent, still. I stood and stretched my legs.

  ***

  Arcturus and Caius waited for me at the exit.

  “Congratulations. No one’s ever aced exams like that!” Caius shouted. He looked as if he might hug me, but his body was twisted at too awkward an angle.

  “Yeah! Way to go, Grace!” Arcturus’s smile was wide and bright.

  “Thanks,” I offered, trying to hide the smile I’d been wearing since Titan had graded my perfect score. After all, they were there to spar with me, not make nice. They were there to teach me how to defend myself. “Wait. All angels had to do this? I thought it was just me. ’Cause I’m human. Well. Not. You know what I mean.” I looked from Caius to Arcturus, then to the open field in front of us.

  “Nope. Everyone trains, regardless of class, race, talent, or post. Which reminds me … ” Arcturus elbowed me in the arm without looking in my direction.

  Caius walked toward the center of the field. I ran to catch up with him while Arcturus wrapped his hands. But Caius wasn’t skilled in human communication. He didn’t know I wanted to ask him something. That I had been dying to ask … someone. “Can you tell me about … Remi?”

  “What’s to tell?” Cauis stared off into the field. His hands were already wrapped.

  “Why is it that every time I ask a question of you people, I can never get a straight answer? Is it not your job to teach me?” I kicked the dirt under my feet.

  Arcturus arrived and began wrapping my hands. I grabbed the heavy-duty hand wrap from him and did it myself. First, I looped it over my thumb, then pulled it across, then under my wrist four times, then over my thumb knuckle and under my palm. “Well?”

  “Grace, we’d never lie to you.” The look on Arcturus face was serious, wounded even. “I just think sometimes the whole truth is best heard from the person in question.” He reached for the wrap, but I snatched my hand back.

  I wrapped my knuckles three times, then placed it under the thumb and between my pinky and fourth finger. I repeated wrapping, alternating between my knuckles and fingers until I was done.

  “What the heck is that supposed to mean?” I placed my red-wrapped hands on my hips.

  “I’m just saying. You should ask Remi what the email means, who it’s from or whatever.” Arcturus hung his head down again as if awaiting my chastisement. But the joke was on me. I had no idea how to chastise a lower angel. We hadn’t studied that part. I turned to walk away from the two of them, right into Caius, who greeted me with a jab to the face.

  ***

  Being a runaway was harder than it sounded, considering Sergeant Mullane had all sixty of Peak’s finest police officers searching for me at any given time. I managed to stay out of sight, though I did attend a few of Gavin’s shows. Learning to be invisible was an art I still had to fully master. My options were limited to shapeshifting, which was kind of cool, or inhabiting others, which I don’t recommend.

  After a few unsubstantiated “Grace” sightings, Gavin suggested I try shapeshifting so we could be together without anyone noticing. I did it twice; once as a polar bear (yes—that polar bear spotted on North Elm Street was me) and once as Gavin’s new pet leopard (eccentric rock star extravagance). Neither was as cool as it sounds. You try eating gazelles for dinner.

  In the end, our little fun gave way to Gavin being fined twelve hundred dollars and me earning a tranquilizer in the butt. Emeria and LJ refused to let me live that down. Not to mention Caius and Arcturus had to don zookeeper uniforms and rescue me from animal control’s lockup. I so wanted to bite the lunatic animal control guy who kept smacking my butt and calling me kitty. To which Gavin added, “Now you know what it’s like to want desperately to bite someone.” Har har.

  Aside from Gavin, my only friend was LJ, if you wanted to call her that; friend, not LJ. Though she mostly hung with Emeria; LJ would come by when she tired of her, or when Emeria made her mad, which was just about every other day. I accepted the fact that I was the backup friend. It was better than nothing, I suppose, since Remi had put me on the Pay No Mind list.

  I had developed a small tolerance for the otherworldlies who hung around Kheiron. “Yeah, that’s gonna come back to bite you,” Caius had warned. He didn’t even recognize the pun he’d made. My one qualm was their tendency to keep humans around as pets for a few days prior to dining on them. I’d see them hanging around the mansion, thinking they were all cool and emo, with no idea they were about to die.

  I checked in on the Larsons sometimes. Sometimes I would shapeshift as “that silly cat on the porch again” or “that same blue bird that sits outside the kitchen window.” Other times I’d just leave my body and be invisible for as long as I could, so I could sit on the steps and l
isten to their conversations like I did when I lived there.

  It had been a few days since I’d dropped in on them, so when Sergeant Mullane stopped by, I assumed he would be giving an update on the search for me. I’d always enjoyed his thorough and encouraging updates. He always made it seem like they were so close to finding me. His knock was typical, nothing urgent about it, so I decided to wait to hear the news rather than read his mind. It took the fun out of life sometimes if you always knew what someone was going to say before they said it.

  Mrs. Larson walked to the door more quickly than usual. She was a slow walker, even more so since Dad had died, and then like an old lady after I ran away. This time, she was out of her chair as soon as she heard the car door slam outside.

  “Victoria, Ken,” Sergeant Mullane sighed, as if exhausted from all the evil in the world, when he entered the house.

  Mr. Larson got up from his La-Z-Boy. I adjusted my angle to get a better look at what was going on. I thought I’d picked up on something odd.

  “Would you like something to drink, Rocco?” Mrs. Larson offered as Sergeant Mullane removed his hat, holding it close to his stomach. I had never really seen him without some sort of hat on: police, baseball, fishing cap, or whatever. He was kind of handsome in an old guy kind of way. I’d always wondered why he hadn’t remarried, and wasn’t all that clear on what had happened to his wife.

  “No thanks,” he refused, looking from Mr. Larson, who had taken a seat back in the La-Z-Boy, to Mrs. Larson, who looked especially anxious and quite pretty that evening.

  Mrs. Larson insisted on fussing over people. “Would you like to sit down? Can I take your hat?”

  “No thank—”

  “Victoria, let the man get a word in edgewise. Just let him say whatever it is he came to say.” Mr. Larson rubbed his forehead and braced for the news.

  I wished I could tell them that I hadn’t really run away. They deserved so much better than Remi and me: two liars. All they did was love us, take us in after Dad died and Mom left us. They deserved to know the truth. Or some version of it. Anything but this. What kind of angels worth their wings would cause so much pain?

  I wanted to show myself, to appear to them, but it was against the rules of Praefatio. Angels were not allowed to show themselves to humans unless they were in imminent danger or we brought a Divine message. I considered starting a fire, because then they’d be in mortal danger.

  “We found Gabe’s Maserati.” He paused and looked from Mrs. Larson to Mr. Larson. Mrs. Larson’s face seemed permanently frozen in horror. She remained statue-like as tears streamed down her cheeks. Sergeant Mullane continued when Mr. Larson was obviously going to do nothing to comfort her. “It looks like Remi and Jenny were in the car. But so far we’ve not found their bodies.”

  “Grace, come with me now.” Gavin’s voice was soft in my ear, but the urgency was definite, imperative.

  I whispered even though I knew humans couldn’t hear me. “What? Gavin. What’s going on?” I turned, surprised to see him there. Tears filled my eyes when I turned back to see Mrs. Larson collapse into a ball of sadness. Gavin took my hand and started to pull me backward out of the house. I couldn’t move of my own accord.

  “I didn’t want you to find out like this.” Gavin rushed me out of the house, scaring me with his urgency. It reminded me of that time when Remi and I ran from those evil things. Reluctantly, I opened my wings and took flight with Gavin. He said nothing more, but he didn’t have to. I knew there was something wrong with Remi.

  About one hundred fifty thousand feet up, we reached Arcturus. He was flanked by two angels in black metal battle gear with “take another step and we’ll kill you” looks on their faces. They were beautifully intimidating with swords slung over their shoulders and at their waists and ankles. One had a wicked-looking crossbow at the ready and a few guns on his waist.

  “Arcturus? What’s happened to Remi and Jenny?” I called to him. Gavin squeezed my hand in his as we stopped directly in front of the three boys.

  “That’s far enough, Fallen. Arcturus can take it from here.” The redhead’s voice was commanding and unbelievably threatening for someone who looked to be no more than fourteen. He motioned for Gavin to stop, pulled a sword from his back, and held it firmly in case Gavin disobeyed. The other one continued aiming his crossbow at Gavin’s chest.

  “What’s going on? Who are you? What’s happened to Remi and Jenny?” I demanded. As quickly as the words escaped my mouth, the answers became clear, at least one of them. It was the end of the line for Gavin. He could go no farther.

  “Grace, we don’t have time for this. Michael’s waiting for you.” Arcturus nodded toward Gavin as he said “this.”

  Gavin shot Arcturus a look. Arcturus returned his stare with a fierceness that scared me—and perhaps Gavin. Gavin took a step back, then lowered his gaze and wings slightly.

  “Go. I’ll be here when you get back. And tell your … tell Michael that I’d like a word with him, please. That I would appreciate the granting of an audience with him.” Gavin kissed my cheek and let go of my hand.

  I stared after him, wondering what all the secrecy was about. When he pulled away, he seemed embarrassed. Then Arcturus and I started upward without looking back.

  Gavin opened his mind to me as I flew.

  Soon, you’ll be too high up for us to communicate. I want you to hear this from me. Jennifer Larson is pregnant.

  I nearly fell out of the sky. My human ears started ringing, and dizziness swirled around me, teasing and daring me to continue my ascent so it could slap me out of the sky.

  Remi! What did you do? What did you do! I wasn’t sure I’d heard Gavin right, or better yet, that I wanted to hear any more. The dizziness caused me to take an unexpected dive before I managed to level off.

  Everything I had ever eaten since birth was about to leave my body. I was sure of it. My toes tingled. Pure fire gurgled inside my stomach. My wings felt low, heavy with condemnation.

  “You okay, Grace? You don’t look well.” Arcturus circled me, awaiting a response. I waved him away, nodding to assure him, then found strength and flew ahead of him. I had to help Remi. He was always there for me. There had to be a way to stop him from Falling.

  Grace, Remi has not Fallen … yet. He should have Fallen immediately. This happened a little more than three weeks ago. Jenny may not even know that she’s pregnant. Even still, Jenny will deliver in a few days. And when that happens, all hell will break lose.

  I was a volcano threatening to erupt. My life as an angel just kept getting worse and worse. I wanted to fall apart there in the clouds. But I couldn’t. I needed to focus, to figure out how to fix this.

  Poor Jenny Larson. Her parents had sheltered her from so much. She probably found out about sex on the day she had it with Remi, and now she was pregnant. She trusted Remi, and now she was going to die because of it. And Remi might be stupid, but there was no way I was going to let him become a Fallen.

  Grace, you cannot stop Remi from Falling. It is already done. The only thing you can do is try to find a way to save Jenny’s life and that of her unborn child. Remi is lost to you now. Gavin’s voice was certain, assured, but oddly sad. When I heard it, I realized it was me who had caused him to be sad. I wanted to save Remi from becoming … like Gavin.

  It’s just that Remi doesn’t deserve this, I countered as the tears streamed across my face, hot, and into my hair. I’d made it worse.

  None of us do. He paused, the pain in his voice evidenced by the cracking. He started to say something, but stopped, leaving only pained silence between us.

  So This is What it Looks Like

  Perched on a cloud, I pulled my knees into my chest and closed my eyes. I wanted to shut out the voices, the growing sense of dread, and the knowledge that my old life was over. I could never go back.

  When I opened my eyes again, the most beautiful being I had ever seen or imagined stood before me. I searched the six thousand five hundred l
anguages I read, wrote, and spoke for an articulate way to describe him. To say that he had this color hair or that color eyes, or that he stood this tall, would be to trivialize all that is Michael. We must have been connected, as Gavin said, because my heart recognized him the minute I saw him.

  “I am Michael,” was all he said. He extended a hand to help me up with powerful arms that appeared to be carved from the most exquisite stone. With that one statement, it was immediately apparent that it was not through intimidation or threats that Michael got people to do his bidding. He captivated with only the sound of his voice. I wanted nothing more than to honor and endear myself to him in that moment.

  Knowing, kind, and alluring eyes met my sad and confused ones. As I looked at him, I knew somehow that if I was ever lucky enough to be held by him, the comfort of a thousand pillows awaited.

  “I’m Grace,” I blabbed, as if he didn’t already know.

  “Walk with me, Grace,” Michael said, keeping my hand in his.

  It felt like my mind was being pried open with a crowbar. There was no hiding the questions, the fear. “So, I guess trying to keep my mind closed is futile?”

  “I’m not sure what you’ve been told about mind reading. But it should only be done to assess the intent of the person being engaged. Our Fallen brothers like to jailbreak minds and use the ability for more sinister reasons.” Michael shoved me with his elbow as if we had been friends since childhood.

  “Oh.”

  “Has anyone ever told you that every one of us has a different Praefatio?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you know that while it starts the same, how it ends up is different for all of us? That it is written by the Authorities as we live our lives?”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “The book changes as events and things change around us, as the order of things change. Did you know that?” Michael’s expression remained fixed, nothing in his demeanor implied that he was about to drop a bomb on me.