Just Go

by Dauphin, M.

  “Oh fuck you, Vick!” I scream, hearing a dish crash in the kitchen. “You’re the lowest piece of shit I’ve ever encountered. Selling off your daughter for a few G’s!? Who the hell are you, anyway?!” I’m furious. Beyond furious. “I pray to God that mom leaves you. I pray she gets out and gets as far away as she can before you ruin her life as well.” I start to walk out of the room, leaving him in the chair without a care in the world. “Oh, and one more thing,” I say. He turns his head to look at me and I take a second to try and see any semblance of remorse in his eyes but there’s nothing. “Don’t expect to be involved in any part of my life. Ever again. Marriage, kids… nothing. I never want to see your face again,” I manage to say, then storm out of the house, slamming the door behind me.

  Getting in the car, I allow myself a few minutes of tears for the future memories I’ve lost because of the man in that house, then I start the car. Moving back downstate to my lonely little life.

  ***

  I hate Mondays.

  Especially Mondays after a weekend from hell.

  Seeing my father this weekend helped put some closure to everything that’s been going on lately. His words crushed me, but not as much as the reminder that no matter how hard I tried, I was never enough for him. Believe me, there were days that I wish it was me instead of my sister in that car years ago. I feel like she never would’ve been as big of a disappointment to him as I’ve been. I’m certain my parents are getting a divorce after this weekend. If I were my mom, I would. I won’t ever forgive him for ruining everything, and I’m certain she won’t either. Now all I can do is attempt to rebuild in a new city with barely any money, no friends, nothing I love, and no family.

  Seems easy, right?

  I sigh, rolling my neck, trying to work off the frustration from the weekend and look up at the clock when the bell rings.

  Finally.

  I remind my class of their homework and check agendas on their way out the door. When the last one leaves, I shut and lock the door behind them. All I need to do is get my things together and I can head home. Home. I chuckle to myself, since the place I want to call home is so far away now, that I’m not sure I’ll ever go back. Moving back to a city full of liars and cheats and men that don’t want you in their lives would be worse than living alone in a city with no friends or family.

  No thanks, I’ll stay right here. Maybe I’ll get a cat.

  I stop on the way home and grab a pizza. Takeout for one. It’s Monday and I’m single. I can do what I want. The thought should make me happy, but it’s actually more depressing the more I think about it. I haven’t been laid since the last time with Adam. Joe tried, but I never let him. I can’t see myself with anyone else but Adam.

  Joe told me he loved me right before I kicked him out of my life. Too much damage had been done in the past, too many lies, to even think about keeping him around. Even as a friend.

  I get the door open to my apartment building and smile at Rita.

  “Hey, Rita,” I say as I close the door behind me, trying to balance my pizza box and drink in one hand.

  “Oh, Annaliese.” She looks up and smiles from her apartment door like she’s been caught. Caught from doing what? I'm not sure.

  “You cooking something? It smells fantastic,” I say taking a whiff of whatever she’s got on the stove.

  “Oh, um… nope. Not me. Must be the other tenant upstairs.” She smiles and sighs. “Beautiful day, huh?”

  “Yeah… sure. Okay, so… I’ll be upstairs if you need me.” I smile again and head up the stairs. The scent of spaghetti sauce hits me hard when I get to the top of the stairs and I look over at my neighbor’s door. They just moved in a week ago so I haven’t had a chance to get to know them yet, but I really should if they can cook. Pizza and takeout every night is going to kill my wallet.

  I unlock my door and swing it open, just to be hit with the scent stronger than before. Walking slowly into my apartment, I freeze when I notice the candles.

  All the candles.

  “Hello?” I call out, nerves running through my body.

  My first thought is Joe, but I know better than that. He’s back in Chicago. Gabby saw him yesterday and said he looks like shit.

  Who would…?

  “My Sweet.” His voice purrs from across the room and I gasp.

  How did I not see him? How is he here? What’s going on?

  “Adam?” I whisper, my heart beating wildly for the beautiful man standing mere feet away from me.

  A man who’s haunted my dreams since the day he let me go.

  “Annaliese,” he whispers in a voice rough and full of emotion.

  That’s all it takes.

  I drop everything, not caring about the food, or my bags, or shutting the door behind me. I drop it, and run. Straight to the man I love.

  His arms come around me and he lifts me to him, wrapping me and holding on for dear life.

  “Oh God, baby,” he whispers into my neck as my legs wrap around him and I cling to him like my last breath. “My God, I’ve missed you, Annaliese.”

  There are tears pouring down my cheeks and I can’t even tell if I’m crying or laughing.

  He’s here. He came for me.

  “Adam, what’re you doing here?” I ask through my sobs.

  “I… I need you, Annaliese.”

  He sets me down but takes hold of my hands.

  “I… Shit,” He pulls me in for another hug, this time kissing my forehead. “I need you.” It comes out a whisper and I can feel the wetness from his tears hit my shoulder.

  “I’m here, Adam.” I shake my head like he’s lost it and smile. I can’t stop smiling, and the tears are still rolling.

  What’s he doing here?

  “I know. Shit,” he smiles at me and my heart flutters back to life. “You’re here. You’ve always been here.”

  I smile and wipe the tears from my face. He sighs and sits down on the couch with me right next to him, never letting go of my hands.

  “I’ve been an asshole, Annaliese,” he starts. When I try to speak, he puts his hand to my mouth and shakes his head. “I’m not done. Hear me out. Please,” he whispers the last word, his eyes begging me. I nod and listen patiently. “These last three months have been hell. I was stubborn, I was stupid, I was scared, and I pushed you away.” He takes a breath before he goes on. “I made the biggest mistake of my life when I told you to take this job. Not a day has gone by that I didn’t see your face. Not a second of my life has passed without me regretting those words I said to you. None of them were true, my Sweet,” he whispers. His hand comes to my cheek and his thumb caresses my lips. “Jesus, I’m so sorry, Annaliese,” he whispers, then leans in and kisses me gently. I sigh into his kiss, leaning towards him, not wanting the connection to break.

  He pulls back and grins at me. “I've missed that,” he whispers.

  “I've missed you,” I manage through all of the raging emotions running through me.

  This last week has been absolutely insane, and now that he’s here with me, I don’t care about anything but us.

  “I know. I’m so sorry, Annalise. So goddamned sorry.”

  “You ruined everything, Adam,” I whisper. As much as I want to go running back to him and forget all of this happened, it can’t happen. I need answers. I need time. “I took a chance on you, and you ruined me.”

  I start to cry again and he pulls me to him, hugging me and kissing the top of my head, whispering his apologies over and over.

  “I know. I know you did, and I know I messed everything up. But I promise you, I’m going to fix this.” His eyes lock with mine and I know he means it.

  “How, Adam? I work here now. And you work five hours away,” I whisper, my gaze still locked on his.

  “I love you, Annaliese Ryder,” he says then sighs and smiles, shaking his head. “We will figure this out. Weekend trips, I’ll start doing more business down here. We can do this.” He watches me and his face falls when I don’
t say anything. “Annaliese?”

  I’m trying to form the words.

  I told myself I was over him. Every day that I woke up and he had no contact with me, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t go crawling back to him. This isn’t crawling back to him, though, right?

  “I….” I don’t know what to say. I want this, but I’m more scared than the first time because I know how badly my heart will be crushed if it doesn’t work. His eyebrows pull together when I hesitate.

  “No… no, Annie... don’t,” he frantically whispers. His hands cup my face and his eyes search mine. “Don’t say anything.”

  “Will you stop?” I laugh. “I love you too, you asshole,” I say, smiling the biggest I’ve smiled in a long time. “God, you’re so serious all the time. So old for being so young,” I joke with him. “Did you really think I stopped loving you, just because you were being stupid?”

  His eyes are big and his mouth is grinning. He’s trying not to laugh, but he’s not doing a good job at it.

  “I… I guess. You hesitated. Why’d you hesitate?”

  “I can’t let you think I’m gonna cave that easily, mister. You still have a lot of making up to do.” I move towards him and put one leg slowly over his lap, pulling my skirt up enough for my legs to wrap around him.

  He groans when my hands go to the back of his neck and pull him in for a kiss. His hands immediately find my ass and I smile and grind into him, feeling his hard length growing.

  “Jesus, Annaliese.” He nips my ear lobe and his fingers play at the top of my dress. “Shit. I made dinner,” he says as he continues kissing me.

  “You cooked?” I pull back and smile.

  “Of course. I can cook, you know. I just choose not to most nights.”

  I hop up and run into the kitchen and notice all the candles at the perfectly set table. Smiling, I turn to walk back to the living room and run into his hard chest.

  “You always did like running into me,” he whispers as he wraps his arms around me.

  God, I've missed this.

  “It’s a great excuse to get close to you,” I whisper looking up to his eyes. “I’m starving, Adam. Can we eat? This smells fantastic.”

  “Absolutely, my Sweet.” He kisses me and pinches my ass before walking me to the table.

  Dinner is absolutely amazing. I’m not sure why he hid from me that he can cook, but someone taught him right. The spaghetti was perfect, and he swears he made the sauce himself, which from what I see is the truth since I find no empty jars in the trash when I look.

  We spend the entire time eating and catching up. He tells me about Benton and Hannah, and how much Thor loves to play with her. I have to tell him all about what happened with my dad, too, which is a subject I’d rather never have to approach, but he’s opening up so it’s only fair I do too. To say he’s pissed is an understatement, but he’s promised not to do anything too drastic. I did tell him that I’ve cut ties with my father, though, and he smiles sadly and nods.

  “I’m so sorry, Annaliese,” he says reaching across the table to take my hand in his.

  “I’m not. He’s not worth it.” I shrug and grin, then change the subject before he notices the sadness in my eyes about it all. “This food is terrific. I’ve never tasted a sauce like this before,” I say shoving more pasta in my mouth and grinning.

  He chuckles and sighs. “Jesus, I've missed you.”

  “Missed you too,” I say smiling. I can’t stop smiling tonight. “Thanks for getting your head out of your ass.”

  “You have Benton to thank for that. God, I’ve been so fucking dumb,” he says and then sighs and smiles. “Never again. I promise,” he whispers. I can’t really believe this is all happening.

  The rest of dinner is spent like this, in a light discussion and playful banter. He helps me clean up afterwards and even puts the dishes in the dishwasher. I stand in the doorway, watching him and wonder to myself how I got so lucky. This beautiful man, white crisp button down shirt, slacks, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, is mine.

  All I have to do is take another chance on him.

  “Hey,” he whispers coming over to me and lifting my chin so I can meet his gaze. “Everything okay?” he asks worriedly.

  “Everything’s just perfect,” I whisper, then reach up on my toes to kiss him gently. When I pull back, I see the look in his beautiful eyes and grin. “Come on.”

  I take his hand and walk past the living room and down the hall towards my bedroom. Opening the door, I go in and drop his hand. Turning to face him, I walk backwards into my room until my legs hit the end of my bed. I grin, and start moving the straps of my dress down my shoulders. He growls and moves towards me.

  “You’re so beautiful, my Sweet.” His hands stop mine from their dance along the top of my dress. “Let me. Please,” he begs. I drop my hands to my side and sigh as his lips gently caress my collarbone.

  He finishes what I started, gently pushing my dress down so I’m standing in front of him in a dark blue and black lace set that I had no choice but to wear when I realized I had no clean laundry this morning. He growls his appreciation and drops to his knees in front of me, kissing his way down my body. His hands play at the edge of my panties and I feel the goose bumps rise from his gentle touch. His hands gently help lift each leg from the dress pooled around my feet, then he tosses it aside.

  “Lie down, Annaliese,” he whispers after standing up to meet my gaze.

  I do as I’m told, never breaking our connection, and my hands start playing at the buttons on his shirt as he hovers over me. Once they’re undone, I take my time grazing over each muscle, each bulge. Slowly I slip the shirt off him when he sits up, then I show it the same amount of care he showed my dress and grin.

  “You’re still losing in the clothes department,” I whisper, starting to work his pants off of him.

  He grins and obliges, quickly standing to pull his pants off, then he’s back over me, strong, muscular arms bracing his weight around me. His eyes lock with mine and I feel like I can see into his soul. Our connection is so intense, I’m not sure I could look away right now if I tried.

  He kisses me, then trails his lips down to my neck, then my collarbone, and then lower. Making sure to show every part of my body the affection it’s been missing these last three months.

  “It’s been so long, Adam,” I gasp when he pulls the fabric of my bra down to kiss my bare breast.

  “Jesus, even better than I remember,” he growls as he releases my other breast, the fabric of my bra pushing them up for him. His hands cup them, gently playing with my nipples, and when his teeth come around one I gasp and buck up towards him, feeling the wetness between my legs start to pool.

  “God, I’ve missed you,” his voice comes out as a whisper as his lips work their way lower. His fingers gently tug at the top of my panties and I lift slightly to allow him to remove them, thanking the heavens I like to keep things neat down there even if it’s not seeing any action. “Shit,” he whispers.

  His fingers graze along my wet slit, then slowly push in with ease. He moans as he plays with my clit, his lips kissing so close. I want more than this. I need him. All of him.

  “Please, Adam,” I gasp when his lips go around my swollen clit and suck gently.

  “Yes?” He smiles as his fingers play me.

  “I need you, Adam. All of you,” I pant.

  He slowly removes his fingers and licks them, his eyes never loosing contact with mine. Holy crap! I forgot how hot that is.

  “Condom.” He starts to move off the bed, but I stop him and shake my head.

  “All of you. Nothing between us,” I smile and bite my lip, praying he’s okay with it. “I don’t want anything between us anymore. Ever.”

  “God… are you sure? I mean… shit yeah. I haven’t been with anyone since you, Annaliese. But… Jesus, I love you,” he says, then kisses me as he slides into me.

  My arms wrap around his neck and he moves his lips to my neck as
I push up to take him all the way. God, he fills me perfectly, and without any barrier I can feel him so much better than ever before.

  “You’re so tight, Sweet,” he growls into my neck, then bites down hard enough to leave a mark as he slowly pulls out.

  “There hasn’t been anyone since you, Adam,” I whimper as he pulls all the way out, just to quickly reenter me and start the slow torture to fill me again.

  I can feel the electricity building, my entire body in tune with his. I feel every movement, every hard ridge, everything. He continues his slow movements, making love to me like never before. There’s not anything in the world that compares to this, and when he pulls his head up and locks his eyes with mine, I know he means it.

  “I love you so much, Annaliese,” he whispers as he pushes back in, never taking his eyes off mine. “So much,” he grunts and leans in to kiss me.

  I start to feel my release building at the same time I can feel him hardening, and his movements becoming less rhythmic. He curses under his breath and speeds up his movements, hitting every part of me perfectly.

  “Oh God, Adam,” I gasp when I feel the start of the orgasm starting to rip through me. His lips crush into mine as I feel him grunt and release into me, the grinding on my clit the perfect amount of pressure. “Shit!” I clutch to him, my nails digging into his back as he rides his release out and my orgasm explodes around him.

  “My God,” he pants as he rests his head on my forehead, still trying to find his breath.

  I have no words to what we just experienced. It was nothing like anything before.

  It was true love making.

  “I love you, Adam,” I gasp, not able to let go of him.

  “I love you, Annaliese. Forever,” he whispers then kisses me.

  We forget about everything else that night but each other, making up for three lost months without each other. He remembers every part of my body, and explores parts he hasn’t yet been able to. Falling asleep in his arms is the best feeling ever. It’s hard not to be mad at myself for being so stubborn three months ago while I lay in his arms, finally able to relax for the first time in months.