Songbird

by Fristoe, Angela

  But it could be Reece. If he was using a payphone or even a room phone from the hospital, it might come up like that. Shifting the direction of my hand, I pressed the on button for the answering machine. It clicked on and I prayed for Reece's voice.

  “You've reached the Thompson's. We're unable to take your call, so please leave a message after the beep.”

  Beep.

  “Dani. Whore. Die.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  I quickly deleted the message. It wasn't something I wanted Paul and Martha to hear. Besides, I was sure the calls would stop as soon as Paul changed the number.

  “Did I hear the phone?” Martha said, coming into the kitchen. Like me, she was freshly out of bed, although she'd had a chance to throw on a lush burgundy robe and matching slippers. Looking at her cozy outfit made me starkly aware of how cold I was in my tank top and plaid flannel pants with my bare feet peeking out from under the hems.

  I tried to think of something to tell her. “Yeah, it was...Reece, just wondering if I could bring some of your chocolate chip cookies.”

  “Seems a little early for him to be calling about cookies.”

  Crap. She didn't buy my story.

  “I know,” I said with a forced laugh. “I told him next time I'd let him starve.” I whirled around so she couldn't see my face. I was probably the world worst liar, something I'd never really minded before.

  “Dani,” she sighed.

  “I better get ready. I want to get to school early today.” I took off back to my room before she could give me the third degree. I rushed through my routine and was almost out the back door when Martha stopped me.

  “Aren't you forgetting something?” she asked.

  “Umm, yes...?” I said confused.

  “Cookies.”

  “Right, thanks.” Just another reason why I was a terrible liar, I could never remember what I'd lied about. I went back to the kitchen and grabbed a handful of cookies, shoveling them into a zip-lock bag, feeling Martha's eyes on my back the entire time.

  “So, you and Reece are friends again?” she asked as I put the baggie into my backpack.

  “Yeah, I think so.” A smile curved my lips in hope. I didn't expect it to be the same as before; I don't think it ever could be, but I had hope that we could get past everything that had transpired since Homecoming.

  “Just friends?”

  “Yes,” I said, rolling my eyes. What is it about parents that they insist on knowing everything? Well, most parents. “Gotta go.”

  I zipped my bag up and went out the door, sending Martha an awkward over the shoulder wave to acknowledge the bye she called behind me.

  I planned to wait for Reece by our lockers, but he was already there, waiting for me. It felt strange seeing him there with his back pressed to the blue metal. For years I'd been waiting for him, now it was the other way around, although if Martha hadn't stopped me I'd probably have beaten him to school.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Did you call my mom?” he asked abruptly.

  My heart stopped. Oh God, what had I done? I had wanted to help, to make her realize what a selfish person she was being. Had I gone too far? Butted in where I didn't belong?

  “I did, but I swear I just wanted her to-” My plea for understanding and forgiveness was cut off when he grabbed me into a bear hug.

  “Thank you.”

  “Wh-what?” Despite my confusion, I returned his hug, loving the radiating warmth of him.

  He set me down and I was finally able to see his smile. His shoulders no longer sat heavy and slumped.

  “She called last night. She said she was sorry for being so selfish. I don't think I've ever heard her say she was sorry before.” Amazement rang in his voice. “She has a flight booked for this evening. I-I never thought she'd...”

  He shrugged a shoulder, letting his thoughts go silent. I didn't need him to say anything else. I knew what he meant. Mrs. Tyler had always been so detached from everyone around her. I couldn't believe that my phone call had actually effected her.

  “So, you think everything is going to work out with her?”

  “No, I don't expect that much from her, but I'm praying this will be enough for Gregg. He's really struggling with the chemo.”

  He wasn't the only one. Even with the defeat vanquished from his shoulders, Reece looked beat. His eyes had long since given up the red rims to the darkness of puffy circles, and his lack of time in the sun was evidenced by the paleness of his skin. The blond stubbly hair that had begun to grow back in only added to the tired and sad air around him.

  I wanted to say something more, to ask him how he was really feeling, but Colin appeared behind him.

  “Hey, Colin,” I said, striving to sound natural.

  “Dani. Reece.” He nodded at both of us, then shifted so he blocked Reece from my line of sight. “You ready?” he asked me, referring to our habit of walking to class together.

  Reece stepped around him and they stared each other down. A long, uncomfortable silence filled the space around us. It was startling to realize how much Colin had taken Reece's place in my life. Not completely, but little things that I had considered belonging to Reece and me were now also Colin and me things: walking to class, eating lunch, doing homework. All had at one time given me an excuse to be close to Reece, and as much as I loved doing those things with him, I loved doing them with Colin, too. Was this the first time I'd have to choose between them?

  The last time I'd had to choose between people I loved it had been the permanent end to my family.

  Most of the hearings they'd had to decide my fate hadn't included me. Carol had always represented my interests and made a recommendation about my placement. This time though, the judge changed things up.

  “Dani, the judge wants to talk to you,” Carol said, coming out into the hall where I waited. I wondered if that was normal. Was it because I was older? He'd never asked to speak to me before.

  “What about?”

  “I can’t say. Just answer him truthfully.” She led me to an office door and looked down at me with those neutral eyes. I could never tell what she was thinking or feeling, and each time I saw her it became harder and harder to guess. Maybe that's what being a social worker did to you, drained the expectations for a child from you.

  Walking into the judge's chambers was unnerving. I'd though it would be like something from TV or a movie, with a dark mahogany desk, paneled walls, and rich leather furniture. Instead, it was a pleasantly light colored room, with cream-colored chairs arranged in front of an oak desk.

  “Come in, Dani. Have a seat.” He nodded at Carol, and she left me alone with him. He turned his eyes on me, removing his glasses in a way that made me think of Paul when he got serious. “So, how have things been going with the Thompsons?”

  “Good. I mean, they're really nice and... stuff.” What else did he want me to say? They were nice. There wasn't a better way to describe them.

  “What about your visits with your mother?”

  I shrugged, trying to appear as if the question didn't affect me. “I don't know. They're okay, I guess. Most of the time she doesn't show. When she does come, she's not full out smashed.”

  “You believe she's drinking again?” His left eyebrow soared, not in disbelief, but in curiosity.

  “Yeah. She's been talking about Dad a lot. When she's sober, she doesn't mention him.” I shifted in the soft chair. The wingback obscured my peripheral view, making me feel caged in. I kept my gaze focused on the judge.

  “She's been going to AA meetings,” he said, glancing down at the file lying open on his desk.

  “She's been going to those since I was nine.” My tone came off harsher than I'd intended, but I'd stopped believing a long time ago.

  He sighed and closed the file, placing his glasses on top of the manila folder.

  “The thing is, Dani, you're seventeen and about to be a senior in high school. Your time in the system is almost over. Technically, y
our mother is doing the minimum, but she's doing it. The Thompsons and Carol are recommending that you stay with them. What do you think?”

  Shocked, I stared at him a moment, unblinking. “What-what do you mean?”

  His lips curled up at the corners. “I'm asking you if you want to go back to your mother or stay with the Thompsons.”

  My stomach clenched and I could feel the skin of my face tensing, my nose tingling. Here was the chance I'd wanted since the first time Carol picked me up.

  How could I not pick her? She was my mom. Maybe some people couldn't understand that, but I loved her. Unconditionally. It didn't matter that she never protected me, or that she defended Daddy, or even that when I was with her she usually had no clue I was even there. She gave birth to me and once there'd been a time when she'd loved me more than her next bottle of booze.

  Maybe one day she'd love me like that again.

  “I'd like...” I took a deep breath and did what was best for the both of us. “I'd like to stay with the Thompsons.”

  I cried then as the full meaning of my words hit me. I'd chosen someone else over her. What kind of a daughter chooses to not live with her own mother? Tears had streaked down my face uncontrollably, the tissues the judge handed me doing little to stem the flow.

  There were no tears on my cheeks now, but I felt as torn as I had then. I stood there awkwardly between the two of them. How do you choose between your two best friends?

  I took the easy way out.

  “I've actually got to go to the restroom. So, I'll see you guys later.” I turned and practically ran in the direction of the restroom. Before turning the corner, I glanced back. The two of them were watching my hasty retreat.

  Once I was out of sight, I slowed to a walk and, instead of the restroom, headed to the library. I tossed my bag on a table and slid into a seat. My head dropped back, the ceiling filling my view, and I groaned. I'd gotten exactly what I wanted. Reece was back in my life, but now it looked like they wanted me to choose between them.

  I lifted my head back up and took a long deep breath. Well, they were in for a surprise, because I refused to choose. I'd force them to like each other even if it killed me.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  I managed to avoid the two of them all morning. Not an easy task with Colin in my English class. Instead of going straight to my locker after class, I lingered, coming up with an excuse to talk to Mrs. White. Anything to delay the inevitable. I finally trudged down the hall to the cafeteria, unable to resist the calls of hunger coming from my stomach.

  What I saw nearly floored me. Colin and Reece were sitting together talking. No, not just talking, but grinning and not at each other's throats. As I drew closer, I could hear them discussing their choices for the ultimate Stanley Cup playoffs. Their conversation ended abruptly when Reece spotted me approaching.

  I stopped at the end of the table and there was an awkward moment when they both scooted over to give me a place to sit. My eyes darted from one to the other, while they glared at each other. Was this my first test? Did it really matter so much who I sat beside?

  My body and heart cried to sit next to Reece. To be as close to him as possible, but my head told me to choose Colin and the safety of his friendship. I stood there like an idiot, unable to slide onto a bench. Trace barreled up beside me and took the decision from me. He flung himself onto the bench beside Colin.

  “Hey, man,” Trace said to Reece.

  “What's up?” Reece asked Trace as I slid into the lone empty space beside him.

  “Not much. You back among the living?” Trace joked.

  “Yeah, I guess I am.” Reece's eyes shifted to me and a tingle crept across my shoulders.

  “So, what's with the GI Joe cut? You planning on signing up?” Trace reached over to give Reece's head a rub. Reece batted his hand away and laughed. God, I loved his laugh. It had been so long since I'd heard it. I'd forgotten how the deep chuckle made my stomach twist.

  “Nah,” he shrugged in answer to Trace's question. “I just wanted a change.”

  “Well, you should drop by practice this week. We could use a bit of help. We lost Friday's game without you.”

  “Wish I could, but I've got some stuff going on at home.”

  Trace stuck around a few more minutes then left to join Jenn. He threw his arm around her and she smiled up at him. Obviously, she was no longer heartbroken over Reece.

  I focused back on Colin and Reece. “So, what's with the whole buddy thing going on here?”

  They looked at each other then back at me. Both had those artificial innocent looks on their faces.

  “Oh, come on, guys. This morning you were about to beat the crap out of each other and now you're talking hockey like you went to kindergarten together.”

  “We had a talk this morning,” Colin said.

  “And?” I asked when he didn't elaborate.

  “And we worked it out.”

  “Meaning we decided to try getting along,” Reece added when I rolled my eyes.

  I didn't quite know what to make of it, and I refused to question them any further. If I pushed too hard, I might end up convincing them to change their attitudes, but in the back of my mind was the idea that this had been too easy.

  They picked up where they'd left off on their hockey talk and I started eating my lunch. At one point Reece grabbed my water bottle and took a drink. It was such a normal thing for him to do, a habit he'd started years ago. And just like every other time, all I could think about was that my lips were going to be exactly where his had just been. The intimacy of it didn't go unnoticed by Colin. He stared at the bottle and his jaw twitched before he looked away. I jumped into the conversation to distract him.

  I knew Reece hadn't done it to intentionally rile Colin. The two of them truly seemed to be making an effort to get along. While they steered the talk back to sports, I let myself relish the feeling of Reece pressed to my side. He could have scooted over to give me more space, but he didn't.

  I smiled at the idea that maybe he wanted to be pressed to me as much as I wanted to be touching him.

  Stop it, Dani. I gave myself a mental slap. I couldn't let myself think things like that again. At least, not right now. I had just gotten him back as my friend, and I couldn't take a chance losing him a second time.

  We sat at the table until the bell rang, and even then, neither of them made a move to leave. There was a tense stare off, and I realized they were waiting to see if the other would leave me alone for a moment. Taking action in an attempt to keep the peace, I stood up and the both of them scrambled to their feet.

  “See you guys later,” I said, gathering my things.

  “Can I talk to you a second?” Reece asked. His hands brushed mine, his fingertips tickling my palm. I wanted to curl my hand around his. I glanced at Colin and saw the ache in his eyes. After my disastrous birthday, he hadn't made any moves, but that didn't mean he was past it.

  “I have to get to class,” I said, aching to escape again.

  “I'll walk with you.”

  I couldn't say no. If I was going to let Reece back in my life, and I knew beyond a doubt that I wanted that, I had to at least act normal.

  “'Kay,” I said. I nodded to Colin, saying, “I'll see you after school.”

  “Yeah, sure.” He slumped back on the bench, hunching over the remains of his lunch.

  I didn't know what else to say. As much as I cared for Colin, I couldn't feel the same way for him as he felt for me. It had always been Reece, and at this point in my life, I couldn't see that ever changing. Maybe one day I'd learn not to love him.

  Reece and I walked out of the cafeteria and I looked over my shoulder at Colin. He had picked up his tray and was heading for the exit on the opposite side of the lunchroom. There wasn't anything I could do or change.

  “So,” I said, turning back to Reece. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

  “You know my mom is coming in tonight. Well, I was wondering
if you'd come to the airport with me to pick her up?”

  I couldn't say no, not after all the times he'd gone with me to see Mama. “Of course I'll go with you.”

  “Thanks,” he said softly. Our hands brushed again, but this time he let his fingers grasp mine. I stared at our interlocking hands and wished it could mean more.

  The afternoon flew by and after the last bell rang, I found Reece and Colin both waiting for me by my locker. They weren't talking, but the hostility I'd grown used to over the past few weeks wasn't there either.

  “Ready?” Colin asked as I opened my locker and began arranging my books. He shot Reece a look, with just a hint of a smirk tilting his lips up. “Dani's helping me draft my English paper.”

  I cringed internally, wondering how Reece would react. The last time this happened, he'd stormed off, furious with the idea that I might rather be with Colin.

  “Dani's the best at that,” Reece said casually. A little too casually. He shut his own locker and as he went to leave, he brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear and smiled. “I'll pick you up at six and we can grab something to eat first.”

  I nodded mutely, trying to ignore the way my heart was suddenly beating double time. I watched him walk away until he finally turned the corner. It was a moment before I realized Colin was staring at me. My cheeks heated and I frowned in embarrassment.

  “What?” I snapped.

  “I just don't get it,” he replied.

  “Get what?” I slammed my locker shut and we started down the hall.

  “It's like you can't stay away from each other, but neither of you thinks you can be together.”

  “It's more complicated than that,” I said and hated the defensiveness in my voice, but it was more complicated than just being together. Reece had always been everything to me. My best friend, my love, my protector. I couldn't risk losing him again.

  Colin just shook his head. “It's not healthy. You need to just-”

  “Drop it.” I stopped walking and glared at him. “Reece and I are working things out.”

  “What does that mean? Working things out?”