Behind the Gate

by Renee Adams

  She still has a look of disbelief but the tears have finally tripped over the ledge and have made their way down her face. Taking a few more steps toward her I can see that she is shaking. Whether it be with anger or anxiety, I don’t know. She hasn’t said. Hell she has barely looked at me since I came in. She has mainly stared through me.

  “Say something,” I repeat my earlier words, hoping that maybe she will. I will wait until she says whatever is on her mind.

  Five long minutes goes by while we are on a stare down. The only sound in the room being the sound of her IV pump.

  “Say something!” I am being more forceful with my words now. She has to speak to me dammit. Because I can’t walk out of this room not knowing if I am walking away forever.

  This woman has the ability to destroy me. That realization while I am waiting on her to say something is like a kick in the gut. Never has anyone had this much power over me. I can’t say that I hate it. Because sometimes we meet someone who is meant to be in our lives for a short time. But sometimes they stay forever. She is my forever, she is my home.

  Stunned and shocked does not even begin to describe what I’m feeling. I mean seriously, he couldn’t have dropped a clue? I have nothing that I can say to him right now, so he continues on speaking, almost like he has verbal diarrhea because he cannot stand the silence between us.

  “I met your son. He is exactly like you, headstrong and powerful. I think he had me wrapped around his pinkie the minute I met him. Your mom is great too. Livvy, please talk to me.” His expression is that of desperation.

  As soon as his nickname for me is out of my mouth something clicks. How could I have been so blind and stupid? I pride myself on being smart, I read mystery and romance, and I do crossword puzzles. I just can’t believe I missed it.

  “When he had me captured you called me Olivia. Were you trying to tell me something?”

  “I was hoping you would have picked up on it and realized I wasn’t working for him. I was trying to give you a signal of sorts, I guess it backfired.”

  “What about Cori, Mary and everyone else?”

  He starts rubbing the top of his head. He has short hair so there is nothing for him to run his fingers through. I know whatever he says is going to be bad.

  “Well, Cori is alive and in the ICU. I’m so sorry, but Mary and the Warden were killed. Seven other guards died. Josh was caught at his home and arrested. I don’t think he even suspected that I was police. I am so sorry, Livvy baby.” He starts walking toward me and I put a hand out to stop him.

  “What is it that you need Damian? Or is your name not Damian?” I know I am being a little catty, but I believe I deserve it for him not telling me.

  “No, it’s Damian Shaw. I have been an officer for the past few years after I got out of the Army. I never expected to meet someone like you, especially having the job that I have. I can go away for a few months at a time, so I never let anyone get close. But you wormed your way into me. It’s like you are woven from the same cloth that I am, that makes you fit perfectly by my side.”

  “What about Xavier?” Tears spring to my eyes and I have to take a deep breath so they don’t spill over. I refuse to shed tears over that monster.

  “Dead. When you injected him with the morphine, his respiratory system shut down. You did good, babe.”

  “I’m not your babe, never have been and never will be.”

  Looking straight at him, that cocky smirk appears and his eyes fill with heat. I have to clench my thighs together to quell the pressure that is building within me. My body wants this man, desperately, almost like it has a siren call straight to him. But my body is a traitor because my brain is screaming no, you can’t want him. Now which one to listen to? He is a gorgeous man and maybe my body is betraying me because he is so hot. He is standing in front of me in black cargo pants and a black Henley with a gun hanging on his hip. He looks like an avenging angel swooping down. He is so beautiful it is hard to look at him.

  “Livvy, you have been mine since the moment I saw you. I had you once, I will have you again and I will never let you go. Mark my words sweetheart, you are always going to be mine. I’m ready whenever you are. Don’t worry your pretty little head, I will wait for you, I will wait as long as you need me to. Because a feeling like this doesn’t come along for everyone, and I will be damned if I let it pass us up when we could be so good together.”

  I fight hard to keep myself from giving into him. But he is right, from the moment I saw him, I was his. Whether I wanted to be or not, I was willing to risk everything to be with him. Is what we are feeling love? I don’t know, but I can’t let the feelings pass me up. What if this is my happily ever after of a fucked up fairy tale?

  “You met Jack?” I try to change the subject while I process all of this in my head.

  “Oh yeah, he is such a good kid. He was telling me all about some game he plays, mine something. He tried showing me on his tablet. Said he was playing online with a friend, but it looked like 2 cartoons walking around aimlessly and building stuff just to tear it down. He is a smart kid, just like his momma. Your mom is wonderful when she is not a nervous wreck. When you were brought in, she met us here. She was yelling at everyone and trying to push her way to you. I think security was scared of her.”

  Just hearing his words about Jack has me warming to him even more. I just don’t know what to do, I need time. I need to breathe without worry from anyone or anything. But I don’t think I can let him go. I don’t want to let him go. But can I just let him into my life, hell, into Jacks life? What if it doesn’t work out? Jack would be devastated. What about his job? Can I accept him being gone for who knows how long or if he will return?

  He either senses my internal struggle or he’s smart and giving me time. With a peck on the forehead, he tells me to rest and that he will be back in a bit.

  Lying in this hospital listening to the hustle and bustle of the nurses makes me think of what am I going to do with my life. I certainly can’t walk into that prison again, nor do I want to. I can’t put my baby in jeopardy again. Pushing the call button, the nurse, I think her name is Kimberly comes in.

  “Did you need something, hon?”

  “Yes, how long was I asleep?

  “Oh, you were asleep for 2 days, that sweet boy of yours was here a lot and that yummy man of yours was here every day and night. He only left when your mom and baby would come or if we needed to do something. You got lucky with that one. He is definitely one of the good ones, he had to get held down when the docs were trying to examine him because he didn’t want to leave your sight. Screamed bloody murder to get to you!”

  I’m surprised. Not because Jack was with me, but because Damian stayed and threw a temper tantrum to get to me. Something deep in my chest aches and warms at the same time from hearing this. I want to give him another chance, but I wonder if the damage has already been done. His lies are a lot to take in, but he had no choice at the time but to lie to me.

  “How is Cori?”

  The look that crosses the nurse’s face makes me fear the worst. I don’t know what to expect and have no idea if I will be able to live with myself if something happens to her. She is my bestie, my family and so like a sister to me that I don’t think I could survive without her.

  “Well, she is in a medically induced coma until some of her injuries heal. I can take you to her in a few minutes if you want.”

  “Yes, thank you. What are her injuries?”

  “Well, she listed you as next of kin so I can get her doctor to meet us there so he can talk to you. I am not all that familiar with her injuries except for hearsay.”

  Not surprising that she listed me as next of kin, Cori doesn’t have a lot of family. I still wish I had someone to call to let them know about her. She deserves love, hell she deserves all the love in the world. Hopefully one day she will find it if she pulls through. Just thinking about her in a coma because of me just makes me hate myself even more.

  �
�Let me go page the doc, and then I will come in and help you get yourself together so you can see her. I’ll be right back.” She is entirely too bubbly and chipper. She has fiery red hair and the personality to match.

  I almost scream out in pain trying to scoot to the side of the bed, but I keep it together. Kimberly comes in and walks me to the bathroom. I’m sore and stiff but, all in all, ok. Until I look in the mirror. Bruises dot my face and line my jaw, my hair looks like a family of rats have taken up residence on my head. My breath is enough to knock someone over, and don’t even get me started on my lack of a shower in quite a few days.

  Kimberly yells through the door that I have a care package that someone brought me with shampoo, a change of clothes and all the fixings. I send a silent thanks into the air to whoever sent it because I am desperate right now. I feel like my teeth have fuzzy stuff growing on them.

  After a shower, I feel semi-human. I don’t think it was my mom that left me the stuff because she knows what shampoo I use and this one was too high end for my tastes. But I certainly won’t complain. The clothes are brand new as well, just a white t-shirt and drawstring pants, which is a welcome thing because I was scared to have to put jeans on. The pain from that would certainly ruin the good shower I just had.

  Running the brush through my hair is too hard, so when I stick my head out of the bathroom door expecting to see Kimberly, seeing Damian is a shock. But my goodness, he looks amazing.

  “Need some help?” His hands are in his pockets and he leans up against the foot of the bed. His gun is strapped to his side.

  “Yeah, I need my hair brushed. Can you get Kimberly for me?”

  “I can do it if you will let me.”

  He stares directly into my eyes and it is hard to think of anything else other than the way he felt when he was inside of me. He goes to sit higher up on the bed and pats the spot in front of him. I walk towards him and it feels like I am approaching the firing squad. Maybe just the firing squad for my heart, because thinking back, he was never bad to me. He never hurt me physically, sure he lied to me, but it was a part of his job. He made me believe that he worked for Xavier, but he had to. I feel like I can’t breathe. I feel like he has x-ray vision and when I look into his eyes he can see deep down into my thoughts. Just thinking of that has me giggling and he gives me a curious stare.

  “It was nothing.” He gives me a look like yeah, right.

  After sitting and getting myself into a position that doesn’t hurt, he gathers my hair into his hand. I swear every time he brushes my neck with his fingers I about come on the spot. I can feel the wetness pooling in my new panties. I feel my body temperature rising, and I wonder if he can feel it as well. He is gentle in his brushing, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. With the knots finally detangled I find that I don’t want to leave this spot. His legs are up against my thighs and I can feel the muscles flex with his every movement. I can feel his erection through his pants, resting up against my back, letting me know he is just as turned on as I am.

  I whisper out a shy ‘thank you’ and he clears his throat before delivering a very gruff ‘welcome.’ His hands barely skim my side and I cannot help it, I moan. I feel his erection pulse, almost like a bounce up against my back. Grabbing a hold of my hair in one hand he pulls my head back. I don’t feel any pain only pleasure.

  “Tell me you forgive me, Livvy baby. Tell me you want to see where this goes. Tell me,” he demands, his voice a sultry plea.

  I try to nod my head yes, but he doesn’t let me. Instead, he whispers in the shell of my ear. “No baby, tell me.” His lips barely skim the outside of my ear and my whole body breaks out in goosebumps.

  “I do.”

  “You do what, Livvy baby?”

  “I forgive you.”

  “Good.”

  With that, he turns my head so I can see him and he kisses me. Exploring each other’s mouths with tongues and teeth. Setting each other on fire with the want and need to explore. Sucking my bottom lip into his mouth, I moan as if releasing some of this sound will help with the pressure I feel to have him inside of me. I reach down to pull his t-shirt over his head, forgetting that we are in a hospital room because all I want to feel is his skin on mine. To absorb his heat into me. But when I start pulling and my hand touches his gun it is like a bucket of ice cold water being thrown on me. I bring my head down to rest on his chin and try to cool my raging libido.

  “I need to go see Cori.”

  “Ok, I’ll take you. I have been visiting with her when Jack and your mom were here. I know you wouldn’t want your friend alone.”

  I feel the tears spring to my eyes, but I try to blink them away. I don’t want to be a blubbering mess after I just had a shower. Hand in hand we walk towards her room. It is a slow walk since I am still stiff and sore, but he never complains. Not once did he try to drag me along, he just slows his pace waiting for me.

  Arriving the ICU, I was not prepared for what I would see. I don’t really think any amount of preparation would have prepared me. She has bandages all over her face, across her forehead and cheeks. I rush to her side and reach out to hold her hand but stop myself. She probably hates me, I hate me. Good people are dead because of me, and she almost died.

  “Miss Ambrose, I’m Dr. Brinkley, Cori’s doctor. I know this is a shock to see her this way, but I can assure you she is comfortable and not in pain. Unfortunately, we had to put her in a medically induced coma to let some of her injuries heal.”

  “Tell me about them.”

  He rubs the back of his neck and looks from me to Damian. Damian gives a slight head nod towards the doc.

  “Well, she suffered major facial lacerations, the result of cutting in the shape of an X. She had several bruised organs and three broken ribs. She also had some vaginal lacerations consistent with being raped. We will be waking her in the next few days. Do you have any questions?”

  “Yes, what about STDs or anything like that? Also, how many stitches? How long is her recovery time?”

  “We did a rapid HIV test which came back negative along with the rest of the STD panel. Hepatitis was also negative. As far as stitches go, she received all in all 216 on her face, 6 on her vagina to close the tears. Her recovery time physically will vary within a few months. Emotionally and mentally, no way of telling how long. In all honesty, it is a surprise that she survived. But she is certainly a fighter, her biggest fight will be soon, though.”

  With that, he walks out of the room and all I can do is stare at her. This was all my fault, I caused this, and I am the one to blame. She will hate me when she wakes up and rightfully so. Swiping at the tears that have fallen, I go to her and hold her hand, they look so small. Whispering in her ear, I hope that she knows how sorry I am.

  Damian comes up behind me and puts a hand on my shoulder, it is meant to be comforting, but in reality it makes me feel worse. Here I am with this gorgeous man, I escaped with a few bruises and a concussion, and here she is broken. I will do everything within my power to help her heal if she will let me.

  “Livvy baby, come on. Let’s go back to your room. Jack and your mom should be here soon.”

  Seeing my questioning look, he says that he saw Mom and Jack in the waiting room and they said they were going to get some food for us.

  I guess being asleep for a few days and my mom and Jack meeting Damian has helped me skip the hard introductions. I just wonder how Jack and my mom really feel about him. Nervous butterflies take up residence in my belly the entire walk back to my room. Walking in, I see Mom and Jack waiting for us. They brought lunch for all of us, and we all eat in somewhat silence. Jack, of course, is the only one gabbing away to Damian about his favorite wrestler. Damian listens intently and asks questions when needed. Our eyes lock and he winks at me. Immediate flood in my panties. Hearing snickering, I look at my mom.

  “What?”

  “Oh nothing, but you guys got it bad! I have never seen you look at someone this way, not even when you wer
e with Jack’s dad. It is a good thing, Olivia, you deserve a man that worships you and Jack. You deserve one who takes your breath away. I think he will be good for you. Besides, Jack has definitely taken a shine to him. I like him as well. I have been worried about you, girl. You seem to have lost how to be a woman in her 20’s. You became a mom and it all stopped with that. You have done a beautiful job raising my grandson, but now it is time for you to find you. Find your happiness, find your forever after.”

  Is this what a family looks like? Obviously not sitting in a hospital room, but sharing a meal and talking to each other about everything and nothing at all. I don’t know, but I can’t wait to find out. I never thought I would settle down and be true to one woman. I never wanted to, never needed to. But now feeling this, I can’t believe I never wanted it for myself.

  Looking at this boy, this magnetic, overly talkative boy and I feel like I am lucky to be in his presence. He is definitely a special kid, one who has just the best parts of Livvy in him which, of course, is everything. Ladies need to watch out, and Dads need to shield their daughters for when this guy gets dating age. I can’t wait to see it. Wait, what? What makes me think that I will be around that long?

  Thinking about being around in the long term fills me with a warmth I never thought was possible. Gives me a feeling of hope that I never knew I needed. Could I possibly be more to them? A husband? A dad? I don’t know if I can, but I know that I want to.

  It has been 3 weeks since I was released from the hospital. I have been to 5 funerals since I got out. Mary, the Warden, Burton and 2 other guards. Cori is awake and healing, but she is closed off from me. She tells me that she doesn’t blame me and she doesn’t hate me, but I’m not sure.