Nothing to Fear

by Claire Boston

  “I can’t say the same,” Fleur said. “Are you finished here? I need to speak with Hannah.”

  Justin frowned. “What’s up with you?”

  She looked at him, head tilted and gestured to the door.

  Justin glanced between the two of them. “I still haven’t checked in yet.”

  Fleur ran a hand over Hannah’s arm. “Hannah, why don’t you get a glass of water from the kitchen? You don’t look very well. I’ll deal with Justin.”

  Hannah wanted to tell her Justin couldn’t stay, that he wasn’t welcome, but she couldn’t speak, still couldn’t move.

  Fleur sat at the computer and quickly typed in some details. “There’s no booking under your name.”

  “It’s under Smith.”

  She typed again. “Oh, damn,” she said. “I’m sorry, you’ve been double-booked. We don’t have any other cabins available.” She didn’t sound sorry at all. “There’s another park down the road.”

  “What? Smithy checked the booking last week.”

  “Sorry, Justin. There’s been a software glitch. It’s going to take an age to sort through all the bookings and check them. You’d better get going.”

  “What do you know about it?” Justin’s voice rose. “You don’t work here. Hannah, aren’t you going to check?”

  Hannah swallowed. “Fleur knows the system.” Why wouldn’t he go?

  “The other park is out the road and to your left,” Fleur said. “You’d better hurry in case they’re booked out too.” She crossed her arms and stared at him.

  Justin sneered. “I’ll be going, then. I’ll see you later.” He turned on his heel and left.

  Hannah closed her eyes, desperately trying to control the tears welling up inside.

  Joe nudged Hannah’s arm and she slid to the floor, putting her arm around him, clinging to him. She’d never, ever thought she’d see Justin Lodeham again. Couldn’t quite believe he was acting as if everything was fine between them.

  Fleur turned to her. “Honey, are you all right?”

  Hannah shook her head, the sobs coming now, big racking sobs that shook her whole body.

  “Come with me.” Fleur pulled her to her feet. “Come into the back room so you don’t have to deal with anyone coming in.”

  Hannah let herself be led into the little kitchen next to the office.

  “What is he doing here?” Fleur asked as she pulled out a chair and handed Hannah a box of tissues.

  “A holiday, I guess.” She choked on the words. “He’s here for a week.”

  “Bloody hell.” Fleur sat down next to her. “You should press charges. It’s never too late.”

  “No.” They’d had this argument before. “We were dating. No one’s going to believe he raped me. It’ll be his word against mine.”

  “So what are you going to do?”

  Her chest hurt. “He’s not staying here anymore. Thank you for sending him away.” Blackbridge was her safe place, the place where she could function, where she knew almost everyone and he’d invaded it. And she’d gone completely to bits. Her reaction terrified her. What if she bumped into him again?

  “Let me tell Lincoln,” Fleur said. “There’s got to be something he can do, if only to keep an eye on him.”

  “No!” Lincoln would go into protector mode and make things worse. Plus, she didn’t want him to find out how badly she’d stuffed up.

  “What about Ryan? He’s staying near you. He should know so he can keep an eye out for the bastard.”

  She shook her head. “No one needs to know. It’s in the past.”

  “Yeah, right,” Fleur scoffed. “If it was so in the past, you wouldn’t be having a breakdown right now.”

  She let out a shuddery breath, wishing her friend wasn’t right.

  “Why don’t you stay with me while Justin’s in town? I’m sure you can arrange the duties around this place so you’re not alone. He might come back. I’ve got the next two days off work, so I’ll hang out with you, and I’m sure Mai and Kit can arrange some time to be with you as well.”

  Hannah was shaking. She wrapped her arms around herself. She had to get a grip. She’d let what happened to her rule her life for far too long. She couldn’t ask her friends to interrupt their lives for this, not if she wasn’t willing to do something about it. “Let me think about it.”

  “We’re here for you.”

  “I know.” She hugged Fleur. “Thank you.” After a few moments, the tears began to slow. She checked the time. She could shut the office now.

  “Go wash your face,” Fleur ordered. “You look like hell.”

  Hannah smiled. “Yes, ma’am.” She stroked Joe and went into the bathroom to freshen up. She stared at herself. Her eyes were red, her cheeks stained with tears and her usually styled blonde hair was all mussed up. Her concern about Ryan paled in significance against the reality of seeing Justin again. It was almost laughable – except it wasn’t the least bit funny.

  For five years she’d lived in fear and now her nightmare had come to her door.

  She straightened her spine.

  She’d had enough. It was time to defeat it.

  Chapter 3

  After freshening up, Hannah went back into the kitchen. “I can’t go on like this,” she told Fleur. “I’ll take you up on your offer to stay at your place tonight and we can discuss a plan of action.”

  Fleur hugged her. “Good. I’ll invite Mai and Kit as well.”

  Hannah hesitated. “They don’t know about it.”

  “Don’t you think they should? Particularly if Justin is in town. They never met him and he’s just Kit’s type. What if she runs into him and decides to go on a date?”

  She winced. Fleur was right. She’d never forgive herself if something happened to Kit. She nodded. “All right.”

  Fleur checked her watch. “Have you got any more guests arriving?”

  “No. I’ll lock up early.”

  “Great. Why don’t you pick up a change of clothes and come to my place? I’ll buy some drinks on the way home.”

  Hannah gave her friend another hug. “Thank you.”

  “Nothing to thank me for.”

  Hannah locked the office and then stopped briefly at her place to grab a change of clothes and food for Joe, before heading to Fleur’s house in town. It was an old wooden fifties house, and it had a front porch with a bullnose verandah. Flowers bloomed in the garden, a riot of colour contrasting against the dirt driveway. Mai’s red Mazda was already there, and as Hannah let Joe out, Kit pulled up in her dirty white ute.

  “Hi,” Kit said. She must have come straight from the farm as she wore what Hannah considered her work uniform: khaki shorts, white singlet with a red flannel shirt over the top and steel-capped boots. She slung a bag over her shoulder. “Do you know why Fleur’s called an emergency meeting of the musketeers?”

  Hannah smothered her groan. When they’d been kids, someone in town had given them the nickname. They’d embraced it with enthusiasm and formed their own not-so-secret club. All their most important decisions had to be made at an official meeting. Fleur was enacting the rule again. She hesitated. “Let’s go inside and have some wine.”

  Kit frowned. “All right.”

  They let themselves in the front door and Hannah called a greeting to Fleur and Mai as she walked through the house to let Joe roam in the large backyard. Mai was sitting at the kitchen table sipping a frozen mango daiquiri, looking gorgeous in a blue summer dress. Mai was the shortest of them, almost petite, and always made Hannah feel large and ungainly. Her straight, dark shoulder-length hair and beautiful brown almond-shaped eyes showed her Vietnamese heritage.

  “Who wants a daiquiri?” Fleur asked as she reached into the freezer for more ice.

  “Yes, please,” Hannah replied.

  “Me too,” Kit said as she took a seat. “So, what gives? Why are we drinking daiquiris on a Monday night and why the emergency meeting?”

  “Let me make the drinks first.”r />
  Hannah grabbed the packet of chips from the kitchen bench and poured them into a bowl, needing to keep busy. She wasn’t sure what to say, how to say it. How would her friends react? Would they blame her for going back to Justin’s place that night, for going into his room? God knows she blamed herself enough. What else had she expected was going to happen, if not sex? She’d as good as given him the green light. Her hands shook and the empty packet rustled. Hurriedly, she placed it in the bin and focused on her breathing.

  She was glad the noise of the blender made conversation impossible as Fleur mixed the drinks. It gave her a bit of space. When Fleur finally put drinks in front of them all, it was Mai who asked, “What’s wrong?”

  Fleur looked at Hannah.

  Of course it had to come from her. She couldn’t expect Fleur to tell them. She took a sip of the cold, sweet drink. Would her friends think her stupid? Would they say it was her fault? Could they even comprehend what she’d gone through – what she still went through every day? “I have to tell you about something that happened when I was studying in Perth.”

  “Has this got something to do with why you did the final semester online?” Kit asked.

  She nodded. She couldn’t even remember what lame excuse she’d given her friends.

  Mai reached out and squeezed Hannah’s hand. “We’ll still love you, no matter what it is.”

  Tears pricked her eyes. Mai meant well, but there was that hint of blame, that it was something she’d done wrong. And perhaps it had been. She swallowed hard. Start with the basics. “I was dating this guy, Justin. We’d been dating for a couple of months and I really liked him.” More fool her.

  “I remember you talking about him,” Kit said.

  “One night, after we went to the movies, he invited me back to his place.” She’d been a little nervous, but excited as well. She and Justin had clicked – they liked the same movies, had the same music tastes, and they could talk for hours.

  Her friends were silent, waiting. “I knew he wanted to have sex and I thought I was ready.” The nerves that had fluttered around her stomach were nothing compared with the beasts in there now. “Two of his housemates were playing computer games, so we went into his bedroom.” She took a big gulp of her drink, but the sweetness and the alcohol clashed with the swirl of her stomach, making her nauseous. She pushed away the glass and clenched her hands together. “We started kissing and he got handsy, kind of aggressive, and I didn’t like it. I pushed him away and told him no.”

  At least Hannah was pretty sure she had. Had she not been loud enough, or forceful enough? Had she only shouted in her head and not aloud? She closed her eyes, her chest tight, and the scene played out behind her eyelids. The warm kisses had stirred her, until his hands began groping her breasts, pinching them hard, his breath smelling like popcorn as he thrust his tongue in her mouth. The way he’d shoved her jeans down her legs, his touch no longer gentle, no longer caring. She squeezed her legs tightly together, wrapped her arms around herself and rocked back and forth.

  “Hannah,” Kit said.

  She flinched and opened her eyes again. They were staring at her. She breathed deeply, once, twice, three times and the panic lessened. She cleared her throat. “Justin didn’t listen to my protests. He forced himself on me.”

  “Son of a bitch,” Kit swore, pushing back her chair and getting to her feet. She paced the small kitchen, her eyes wild.

  Hannah had never seen her friend so angry. It gave her some comfort. “When he was done, he said how much he liked me.” As if he hadn’t realised what he’d done.

  “What did you do?” Mai asked softly.

  “She called me and I picked her up,” Fleur said.

  “Then what?” Mai said.

  “I did my exams and came home.”

  “He didn’t contact you?”

  “He rang and Fleur told him I had to leave Perth suddenly. I changed my number.” That last week at university had been terrifying. She was sure she was going to bump into him around campus. She almost didn’t go to her exams at all. The moment uni was over, she’d packed her things and gone home.

  “You didn’t go to the police?” Kit was outraged.

  The disbelief in her tone stole Hannah’s breath away. It took her a second to adjust. “And say what?” she demanded. “I went to his house expecting to have sex. I didn’t yell or scream. I struggled, but he was too strong, so in the end I lay there until he finished. None of his housemates would have testified against him.” She’d remembered her mother lying bleeding on the floor of the kitchen some twelve years earlier and she’d stopped fighting, stopped speaking. She didn’t want to die too.

  “Hannah.” Mai’s voice was insistent as she shook her shoulder.

  Hannah blinked, tears flooding her eyes.

  “I’m sorry.” Kit pulled her to her feet and embraced her, and Mai and Fleur joined in. She sobbed as they murmured words to console her. But it didn’t matter. No words could fix what Justin had done to her.

  When she pulled back, they let her sit. She was drained.

  “Maybe you should tell Lincoln,” Kit said as she sat down again. “He’d listen.”

  She couldn’t have at the time. She’d been so confused, so unsure, so damn frightened and hurt – she’d just wanted to hide. The thought of Lincoln or anyone else finding out still filled her with dread. He’d been like a big brother to her, to all of them. He would have been disappointed that she hadn’t fought back.

  “Why are you telling us now?” Mai asked, her gaze intense.

  “Because the bastard is back,” Fleur said. “He tried to book in to the holiday park for the next week, but I sent him packing. He checked in at the other caravan park.” She glanced at Hannah. “I called and asked.”

  Mai swore and Hannah stared at her. Mai never swore.

  “I’ve got some castration equipment out at the farm,” Kit snarled. “I reckon we could put it to good use.”

  Mai nodded. “Good idea.”

  Hannah barked out a laugh. They sounded serious and it was kind of soothing.

  “Not that I don’t totally agree with you,” Fleur said, “but it’s best we don’t get arrested. We need to make sure someone is with Hannah at all times while he’s here. I can do the next two days.”

  Hannah wanted to be strong, wanted to refuse the offer, but she didn’t have it in her. She was scared. Having to face Justin alone was terrifying.

  “Put me down from midday,” Mai said.

  “I’ll do whenever you need me,” Kit said.

  “It’ll just be for a couple of days, in case he comes around again,” Hannah said. “He’s with friends and will probably spend the whole time surfing.” She fervently hoped that was the case.

  “We’ll make sure it’s not a problem,” Kit told her. “You can sleep at my place, but it might be too far out of town for you.”

  “She’s staying here.” Fleur gave her a look that brooked no argument. “It’s only for a few nights and Joe will be pleased to have some time out of the shed.”

  Hannah sighed, the relief flowing out of her. She would feel better if she wasn’t alone. Her property was isolated, which was usually comforting, but not now. Not with Justin so close.

  “Have you got a picture of him?” Mai asked. “So we know who to look out for?”

  Hannah shook her head. “I got rid of them all.”

  “I might.” Fleur took her tablet off the bench. “He came to our Christmas in July celebration that year.” She flicked through her photos until she found one. “This is him.”

  “He looks like a nice guy,” Kit said. “I can see how you were deceived.”

  Her words were a balm to Hannah. She’d always wondered whether she’d missed some kind of sign that he was a rapist. But then appearances were deceiving. She wouldn’t have picked her father as a murderer either. She sucked in a breath at the old, sharp pain. Maybe it was her fault. Maybe she was attracted to bad men, maybe it was some flaw in her perso
nality and she would forever make the same mistake of trusting the wrong person. Her chest squeezed.

  Mai rubbed Hannah’s back and Hannah came back to the present.

  “Print out a couple of copies for me,” Mai said. “I want to show the women who work with me.”

  The guilt was sharp. Had she done the wrong thing by not reporting Justin? Was she potentially letting another woman go through what she’d gone through? No. It would have been her word against his and that wasn’t enough to convict him, was it?

  Fleur came back in with the printouts. “You should tell Lynette something, in case he comes in looking for you.”

  She hadn’t considered that. “What do I say?”

  “Tell her the truth,” Kit said. “Say he’s an ex and you don’t want to be left alone with him.”

  She could do that. It was going to be all right. She had friends around her. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she said. “Let’s order pizza and talk about something else.”

  Fleur got to her feet. “Everyone happy with the usual?”

  Mai and Kit nodded and Hannah changed the subject. “What’s happening at the farm?”

  Kit rolled her shoulders. “Paul hasn’t been pulling his weight lately. I’ll send him to check fences and he’ll take all morning doing what should take an hour or two. I’m going to have to have a word with him.”

  “That sucks,” Mai said. “I’ve got some great employees at the moment.”

  Hannah relaxed as they spoke about work and life. When the pizza arrived, Kit cleared her throat.

  “Can I ask you about something?” She looked a little unsure, but there was a slight smile on her face.

  Hannah braced herself. “Sure.”

  “Tell me about Ryan Kilpatrick.”

  Hannah laughed, surprised that she could. “Why is everyone so obsessed with Ryan?”

  “Because he’s single, gorgeous and staying at your place,” Fleur said.

  Kit nodded. “Is he divorced, widowed, what?”

  “Divorced.” Hannah drained her glass, hoping they would drop the topic.

  “How old is his son?” Mai asked.

  “Eight.”