12 Naughty Days of Christmas 2018

by Isabella Kole

  The cab pulled up, she drifted to it and got inside. The driver chattered about the weather and handed her a towel. She patted her head and shoulders a few times and looked out the window, seeing nothing.

  At least on Monday she wasn’t alone. Albert called her aside during the first read-through, concerned about her. She gave him some lame excuse, promising to do better. Without having read the play, she relied on her script far too much. She used every break she had to learn her lines and character.

  Checking out the refreshment table, Jana’s stomach growled. Saturday morning was the last time she ate anything. Deciding on a bagel, she wandered over to the bowl of cream cheese.

  “I can’t tell you how honored I am to be in a production with you. I saw you in My Fair Lady when your college troupe came through our town. I admired you and your singing voice so much. It inspired me to follow this dream.” The compliments came from a taller, gangly female. An attractive, younger strawberry blonde, with an apparent sense of self-assuredness, smiled at her.

  “Well, thank you. I’m not all that great of a singer, although I appreciate it. I just have the necessary ability to project my voice.”

  “You do it well. I have to really work on keeping my pitch to maintain that ability. I’m Emma Grace.” She held her hand out and grinned like an excited kid.

  Jana switched her bagel from her right to her left hand and shook Emma Grace’s. “I’m Jana Erickson, but I think you know that already. You did a terrific job with our scenes together so far. I’m sure you know that being hired by Albert speaks volumes. He is my utmost favorite to work with.”

  “When Meg had to forego this week’s shows, we were all devastated. She was awesome to work with, and we just couldn’t imagine anyone comparable who would fill the role in such short notice. When Albert mentioned you, I swear I jumped up and down in disbelief. I know from following your career that you and he have worked together on numerous productions, and I know that you didn’t leave the business. Buying and running your own theater, what a dream.” She threw her hand to her chest with true classic dramatic flair. “But I know you decided to stop traveling and ventured more to management and production, and I know I’m talking a lot, but I’m just… just,” she gushed.

  “It’s a great play with a great cast and a great director,” Jana acknowledged.

  “I’m sorry. Go eat. If you’d like, maybe we can grab some dinner after rehearsals?” Emma Grace appeared so eager, but Jana just didn’t feel up to it. Being an actress, Jana presumed, aided in getting her through the day, but she was tired from the entire pretense she forced. She wanted nothing more than to get to her hotel room and into the bed, once Albert released them.

  “Can I get a raincheck? I just got in last night, and realizing my lack of preparation today, I need to rectify that,” replied Jana.

  “How about we read lines together? I would so love that. Your feedback would be awesome,” suggested Emma Grace.

  Shit. Didn’t seem she could shake the younger woman. But it might be for the best. She knew if she didn’t stay busy, she would call Matt. Most likely, it would make things worse. He hadn’t called or texted her. He obviously didn’t want to talk to her. What if she’d compromised his cover? She had been so selfish over the last months, she hadn’t shown any interest in his job. She sometimes allowed herself to forget his line of work and how dangerous it could be. She had to be the worse girlfriend ever. No wonder he didn’t want to commit to her. Recognizing the quivering of her chin and several days of experiencing what came after, she accepted. “I’d love that. I’m in room 1511. Let me catch a quick nap; come over around seven.” On a positive note, accepting Emma Grace’s invitation would ensure she gained a few hours of not succumbing to a sob fest.

  “Great. I’ll be there,” Emma Grace squealed.

  Jana thought the day would never end. By the last scene for the day she struggled to hold it together. As she reflected on her ridiculous reservations and her skepticism the other night, waves of nausea assaulted her. She loved Matt. She trusted Matt. But she let her mind rule her heart and not only searched for, but created catastrophe for their relationship.

  Returning to her room after five, she tried to lie down. Giving up, she paced the room. The dam broke and tears soaked her face, her neck, and the neckline of her shirt. Sitting on the bathroom floor thinking she might vomit, she grabbed her phone again. She’d been checking it all day. Besides a text from her mom about Christmas Day, she’d had no other texts or calls.

  She swiped through the most recent texts and came to the last one she’d received from Matt. A selfie he had taken of the two of them at a Halloween party that year in which she gave him the cold shoulder displayed as his contact photo. He might ignore her. He might never want to speak to her or see her again, but she had to apologize. Typing out I’m sorry, she hit send.

  Seeing the picture and sending the message had her sobbing more. How could one person have so many tears? She must be dehydrated. Feeling weak, she scooted to the tub using it for support to stand. Her phone buzzed. She stumbled, landing on her left knee as she snatched her phone off the counter.

  I know, was Matt’s response.

  Something. Not much, but something. She hugged her phone to her chest. Maybe things could work out. A big maybe, but a maybe nonetheless. A knock on her door made her check the time – seven. She rinsed her face and greeted Emma Grace. “Hi. So happy you’re here.”

  “Something is wrong. What is it? Are you sick?” Emma Grace’s honest concern threatened to have her crying once again.

  “I’m okay,” Jana insisted. She didn’t need anyone on set knowing her personal problems, especially ones she’d caused. “We have a performance tomorrow night. Let’s get to work.”

  Four hours later, one and a half medium pizzas consumed, and brain-tired, Jana received another text from Matt. Just finished for the day. ‘Bout to drive home to Josie. Wanted to tell you I hope you had a great rehearsal today. You’re gifted. Enjoy every second of it. You deserve it.

  Sweet. Direct. That’s what she needed to focus on. But she didn’t. She analyzed every single word.

  “Everything all right? You look troubled.” Emma Grace picked her script up off her lap and removed her legs from the coffee table. “It’s late. I should go… unless you want to talk?”

  Again, Jana hesitated. Maybe talking to someone could help. She hadn’t told anyone what happened between her and Matt. She needed an impartial ear, not that Emma Grace would be impartial. “I have this wonderful man, and his beautiful daughter in my life. With so much change in my life in the last year, and...” Her body warmed thinking of their sexual relationship. “A lot of change, needless to say. I got… I became tentative. You know, like all good things come to an end. That kind of thing. And I didn’t involve, or trust in him with any of it. I may have lost him.” She exhaled. Her body and mind relaxed.

  “I doubt that. If it’s meant to be, it will be. You’re being too hard on yourself, I’m sure. He probably knows you better than you realize,” Emma Grace assured her.

  Jana knew she liked this girl. “What about you? Any special man?”

  Emma Grace blushed, actually blushed. “I had a one-nighter with one of the stagehands and the water delivery guy, but no.”

  That came unexpectedly. Jana gulped a few times, then shook with laughter. It would seem that the old adage that appearances can be deceiving held truth.

  They laughed until Jana’s sides hurt. Emma Grace hugged her goodbye and left for her room. With a full belly, painful laughter, and the realization and intention, without question, of what she wanted, Jana got into bed and slept.

  The alarm interrupted pleasant dreams and unfavorable nightmares. Checking her phone, she discovered that she’d never responded to Matt’s last text. She quickly sent: So sorry. Late night reading lines with a younger actress. Thank you. Hoping you and Josie are doing great. She also typed out that she missed them, but deleted that part.

&nb
sp; Baby steps. One doesn’t just rush in after a major mishap, she repeated to herself. The hot shower did wonders for her sinuses. So much crying over the last few days had left her with a sore face, stuffy nose, and raw throat. Skipping any makeup as tonight she would have that thick, pore-clogging stuff on, she fixed her hair and dressed in a cute, fitted skirt, tunic top and knee boots. She could do this. She would do this. She’d accepted this role, she would give it her all. That’s who she was. And that acknowledgement stunned her. Every issue between her and Matt was her. She’d tried to make any difficulty she encountered with their relationship about him, but it wasn’t. She had to make things right. She had to. But for now, she had obligations.

  Having had contact with Matt, though minimal, she found it much easier to immerse herself in preparations for her opening night. She missed him. She wanted to share her excitement with him, but he hadn’t texted her again. Everywhere she looked were reminders of Matt and Josie. Last Christmas she and Matt were just beginning. They’d shared the best Christmas she’d ever had, and she couldn’t bring herself to imagine never having it again.

  The play Albert chose centered around a group of strangers stranded together on Christmas Eve; Jana could make many correlations between the play and her current situation. Her character complained and emphasized only the negative in their situation. And she did it to such a degree that her husband avoided and ignored her. Of course, it all worked out in the end for them, but understanding her character and her motivations exposed a lot of Jana’s own unfounded insecurities.

  That afternoon while she and Emma Grace sat in their shared dressing room relaxing, talking, and laughing before makeup, a delivery came. It was a beautiful arrangement of gladiolas and Jana suspected they were for her. She hoped anyway.

  “Have a delivery here for Jana Erickson,” the boy announced.

  Going straight for the card, she ripped open the envelope. Break a leg, Jana. Not literally, please. Matt.

  Again, no indication of where they went from there, but something. He didn’t forget her favorite flower. He didn’t forget what they had together. He never did. She did.

  She had to talk to him. But not before the show. If he rejected her, she knew she couldn’t perform. She wouldn’t be able to do anything. She would call him in the morning. She had to make things right. She couldn’t lose him. The level of stupidity she’d exhibited over the last months dumbfounded her. Knowing that she’d been remote and had denied them both a significant and rewarding aspect of their intimate relationship sickened her. It worked for them. It worked for her. Matt never demeaned her. He did the exact opposite. He cherished her. He protected her. He encouraged and supported her. He understood she liked a dominant man in the bedroom, and a partner out of it. She’d had exactly what she wanted and needed. And she would again. She must.

  Chapter 4

  The show went great. Better than great. The audience loved it, and it restored a sense of pride in Jana that she didn’t know she’d lacked. She set her morning alarm to allow herself to have coffee and gather her thoughts before calling Matt.

  After replaying what she wanted to say in her mind for thirty minutes, she pushed the call button on her phone before she lost her nerve.

  He answered on the second ring. “Good morning. How’d it go last night?” he asked. His voice put her body on high alert. It incited every cell in her body.

  “It went great, wonderful. I miss you, Matt. I’m sorry. I’ve been so stupid. You were right when you said I look for things to go wrong. I don’t know why. I guess I’m scared. Scared of how wonderful you make me feel. Scared of thinking I’d lose you. Scared of how you know me better than I know myself sometimes and that I’d get lost in us, to one day not have you,” she cried.

  “Baby, we’re going to be okay. I’m sorry too. Sorry I misread you, and I lost trust too. We both switched up what worked for us, and we shouldn’t have. I was scared that if I continued being so assertive with you that I’d push you away. And that pushed you further away than if I continued down the path we’d started. I was a terrible Dom.” He laughed.

  She laughed too. “You are not. You’re absolutely perfect. I thought you’d think less of me if I wanted and needed that from you.”

  “Jana, really, I love being the man you give that gift to. Your confidence in exposing yourself to me that way is captivating. You’re my woman, always, and when you’re not afraid to strip yourself bare and let me be your man, damn, it’s the best feeling in the world. It’s a special trust, and it needs renewing.”

  The tears continued falling, but this time happy ones. “I’ve struggled with being an ambitious, strong woman during the day, and a submissive, weaker one in the bedroom,” she admitted.

  “Weaker?” He chuckled. “I don’t know of anyone that would ever label you weak, especially me. You have the power in the bedroom, honey. I can’t take it, I wouldn’t. It’s something you have to want. It’s something you must give. It’s not mine to force… or persuade. I’m proud to be the one you allow the privilege. It’s a most special, shared intimacy. In my opinion, the ultimate intimacy.”

  “Did I mess up your investigation?” she asked.

  “No, and that is a matter that we will revisit. Danielle warned me I needed to tell you that it involved me going to Pillow Talk. The couple Nina and I were sitting with when you appeared unexpectedly are into some pretty bad stuff. The club owners contacted the department with their concerns. With us already on shaky ground, I felt if I told you, it would make things worse. So, I accept partial blame. I accept that if I hadn’t backed off, instead, ensured that you knew how much I love you and you never ever need to worry I might stray, that would never have happened. But for now, I’ve overnighted you a package. I don’t know what time it will get there, but when you get it, call me back for further instructions,” he demanded in his authoritative voice that turned her legs to mush but constricted her center, causing a small whimper to pass out of her mouth. “That’s my girl. We tried it your way and things went to shit. From now on, it’s my way, just the way you like it, need it, and want it.”

  Hearing that he wanted to take control and alleviate all her doubts sent her libido soaring. She hadn’t brought a vibrator with her, but she sure wished she had. Maybe he’d sent her one. “I will,” she consented.

  “I will be awaiting your call. I love you, Jana.”

  “I love you too.” She ended the call and went straight to the hotel phone on the nightstand, calling the front desk. They placed her on hold and then returned, advising her that she did have a package that had just been delivered.

  Whipping things out of her suitcase, as she still hadn’t unpacked, she dressed in record time. She bounced around waiting on the elevator, and if they hadn’t put her on the fifteenth floor she would have taken the stairs.

  Within ten minutes she stood in her room holding the package in her hands. Tearing it apart, she emptied the contents out on her bed. No vibrator, but intriguing nonetheless: anal plugs, three of them, and a bottle of lube. A small cloth bag to store them in fell out too. She and Matt hadn’t introduced much anal into their sexual repertoire, just a finger on occasion. She wasn’t opposed, but wished if he wanted to do so they could be together, in the same state at least. Picking one up, she smiled at the colored ribbons he’d tied around each one. She rubbed her fingers over the smooth, soft surface, a silicone type material.

  Deciding to call him and find out his intentions, she got her phone.

  He answered before the first ring ended. “You got it?” he asked.

  She responded with a nervous chuckle.

  “What? You don’t like them? I can substitute your little assignment with something else if you aren’t interested. I guess I feel somewhat generous, but be forewarned, that I don’t plan on going light on you, Jana. Not after the other night.”

  She took a deep breath. Her stomach fluttered with nerves and tightened with eagerness. “I know. You’re right. I want to do thi
s… Whatever it is.”

  “Whatever it is?” He laughed. “I think it’s pretty self-explanatory. You’ve said you want this, us. You even said the other night that I was taken. I assume you meant by you. It’s about damn time I resume behaving in the manner that brought us together and you desperately need. Agree?”

  “Yes. I do,” she stressed. Listening to his voice, his words, had her pacing the floor by the bed. How she wished they were there together. Her limbs turned weak, slack, but her middle compressed and throbbed as if in a vise.

  “So, you are in agreement with everything, all of this,” he repeated.

  “I am! I am,” she blurted. She wanted him so much, and she wanted to please him that much more.

  “This little assignment serves several purposes. The most important one is for you to know you’re mine, even when we aren’t in the same room. You will start with the smallest one. It has the green ribbon tied to it. Lube up that fine ass and the plug, then insert it.”

  Reaching for the one he’d specified, she rolled it around in her hand between her fingers. She had never done this before, but she didn’t foresee any problems. “Okay.”

  “Now, Jana. Go do it now. I’ll wait,” he ordered.

  Placing her phone on the bed, she scurried toward the bathroom, but dashed back picking her phone back up. “Okay. Be right back.”

  Hearing his laugh as she darted back toward the bathroom, she laughed too. She felt great. A little tentative as she placed the device on the counter and removed her panties. It’s not as if she didn’t know her body. She’d learned a lot more about it since she met Matt. Positioning herself for insertion, she realized she’d forgotten the lube. Sprinting back to the bed, she lowered her mouth near the phone and announced, “I didn’t take the lube with me. Oops. Sorry.”

  A couple of minutes later she exited the bathroom with the plug in place. It didn’t hurt then or when she’d finagled it in, but she wouldn’t forget its presence. It burned while she’d twisted and pushed it in, but after she got it in, the stinging had subsided. She wondered if it would hurt when she sat down. She chose to remain standing for now. “All done. I did it,” she told Matt.