Confessions of a Demon

by S. L. Wright

  But it seemed futile to run from trouble when the end was fast catching up with me.

  I had to take care of my people and get them out of harm’s way. I would have to close down the bar. It belonged to Vex, so I couldn’t stay here.

  This was the end of the Den on C.

  When I entered the bar, heads turned. Surprised and welcoming calls of greeting rang out from the Sunday night regulars. It was nearing ten o’clock, so Lolita was there.

  Carl lifted both arms and cried out, “Woo- hoo! The queen returns! Now we can par-tay.”

  Lolita plunked down a glass on the bar and made a bee-line to the door. Her relief shifted to concern when she saw my worried expression. She gave me a long hug. “Are you okay? How’s Jamie?”

  “She’s fine, almost completely recovered.”

  “That’s good news, isn’t it? What’s wrong?”

  I took a shaky breath. “We’re going to have to close up early, Lo.”

  “Why? What happened?”

  “Trouble with the owners. They’re shutting us down.” It was as good as any other excuse, and at least had a measure of truth.

  “Allay, no. Not for good?”

  “Yes. I’m so sorry, Lo.” This would destroy her life almost as much as mine. She and Darryl would have to find new jobs.

  Lo’s mouth formed a perfect O. For a second, I thought she was going to cry.

  Then with a flip of her hand, her expression hardened. “Fuck ’em! We’ll find another bar. How about a drink before we close up?”

  I started to smile. Leave it to Lolita to go out with class. I was worried about the danger to my patrons with my being here, but another twenty minutes probably wouldn’t matter. I raised my voice, calling out, “Drinks on the house, everyone!”

  After that, Lolita and I were kept busy serving drinks to everyone. Old Jose managed to get one from each of us. There were only about twenty people in the bar, so our little rush was over too soon. As I pulled on the lever to pour a draft beer, I realized I would never do that again. I would never wipe down the bar with my towel or clean these glasses with the sink brushes. Even the feel of the honeycomb mats under my soles seemed poignant in that final light.

  I went around to talk to everyone, telling them I was sorry, but we’d have to close up early. Over and over, I said, “We’re shutting down the old place. It’s been great serving you.”

  As a matter of principle and loyalty, I didn’t feed off them, not a drop. I wanted it to be a clean good-bye. I wanted to be able to remember it with pride.

  Some of the patrons said their good-byes and left, while others lingered at a complete loss, like old Jose, as if he couldn’t get it through his head that he shouldn’t show up tomorrow for happy hour. I accepted a hug from Maria Rodriguez, who shifted her ever-present toothpick to the other side of her mouth so as not to poke me in the eye. Her dark roots were several inches deep beneath her bronzed hair.

  “You can’t go away, Lah-lah,” Maria said, using my nickname. She also called Lolita “Lo- Lo.” “What will I do without you?”

  I just smiled sadly and said good-bye to everyone. Somehow this had become everything to me, these people, this stinky old bar.

  With a purring meow, Snowplow jumped up on the bar and rubbed his back against my face. I came up spitting fur, wiping my lips. He dived in for another strafing run, but I caught him and turned him upside down in my arms where he purred and drooled on himself, he was so glad to see me.

  “You stupid cat,” I whispered. “What am I going to do with you?”

  I was tearing up, and the pain in my chest made it hard to breathe. So I concentrated on rubbing his ears until his eyes closed in ecstasy.

  Lolita let the last person out, and together we drew the metal shutter down over the front and locked the door.

  Now I felt marginally safer. But I had to get Lolita out of here before any demons showed up. I stopped her from gathering the glasses. “Lo, could you do me a huge favor?”

  “Anything, you know that.”

  “Could you take care of Snowplow and Monkey for a while?” I would have to find something more permanent, especially if I didn’t survive my final deadline in two weeks. “I know Snowplow gets on your nerves, but it will only be for—”

  Lolita put her hand on mine. “As long as you need it, Allay. I’ll take care of your cats. You know I love them. Only not while I’m working.”

  “Thank you. It’s a huge load off my mind. Could you help me get them now? I’ve got carriers upstairs for them.”

  “Allay, you’re not getting kicked out tonight, are you? Do you have a place to stay? You can come home with me.”

  The last place I could go was to Lo’s apartment. I wanted to keep demons away from her, not attract them. “I’ll stay here tonight; that’s no problem. But I don’t want to risk going out and having some idiot padlock the door with the cats shut in here.”

  Lo nodded seriously. “You know you’re welcome to stay at my place, Allay. Anytime.”

  The lies spread between us, forming an impassable gulf. “I know.”

  I helped carry out the cat carriers with the two protesting cats, and signaled for a cab for Lolita. She was also carrying $2,153 in bar receipts that hadn’t been deposited this weekend—all I had in the safe—with instructions to give one-third of it to Darryl, one-third to Pepe, and to keep the rest for herself. It was piss-poor severance pay, but maybe Michael could wrangle something more for them. I didn’t want to promise Lolita anything I couldn’t deliver.

  I checked the padlock on the metal shutter, then retreated upstairs. Even with my heavy doors and a screw twisted through the holes to hold the skylight shut, I felt exposed in my own apartment. It was as if I were seeing everything with new eyes, looking at a memory, something that was already long gone.

  My place was strewn with things I’d picked up and friends had given me. I went around, carefully touching a lei from my last birthday luau in the bar, the thorns on a squat, round cactus that sat on my front windowsill, and a pink porcelain piggy bank that matched the one my sister had gotten at Christmas when we were young. I could imagine the pig smashed in a Dumpster as a crew of men wearing breath masks gutted the interior of the bar for demolition. A narrow condo tower might go up in its place.

  With sudden loathing, I stripped off the purple T-shirt and black pants that Vex had given me, and threw them in the trash can along with the Mary Janes. As I changed into my own familiar jeans and hoodie, I knew I couldn’t stay long. I couldn’t stay in a place Vex owned. This wasn’t my home anymore.

  I’d done the best I could for my people and my pets. What about Theo? Did I owe him anything? Not really, since he had lied to me. I could hardly be self- righteous about it when I was lying to him, too. But as it turned out, I hadn’t dragged him into this. He was already deep in Vex’s pocket when he showed up at my place and got knocked around. Now I knew why he had been so accommodating and understanding. He never even asked why a girl named Emma was nicknamed Allay. That was because he was being paid to infiltrate my life.

  It had all been a lie—just like everything else.

  Before I left, I took one long, last look around. This was it, the end.

  I couldn’t bear to say good-bye, so I rushed out quicker than I meant to. It felt too awful to linger.

  Downstairs, I paused before opening the door, making sure I couldn’t sense any demon signatures. Then I peeked out to check if there was anyone watching me, in the same way as Theo had been. But nobody was lingering in the doorways or sitting in parked cars. Traffic was fairly sparse this late on a Sunday night, with mostly locals out and about instead of people coming in from the outer boroughs and New Jersey.

  I closed the door behind me, then headed over to the gated alleyway. As I unlocked the padlock and stepped back to open the gate, I practically collided with Phil Anchor. “Phil! I didn’t see you.”

  Phil was breathing hard, as if he had run to catch me before I left. His finger poi
nted in my face. “You’ve been a baaaad girl, haven’t you, Allay?”

  “Hey, stop that,” I ordered, backing away from his finger.

  His worn leather coat creaked as he moved, and the smell of cigar smoke was strong on him. From his shaking hands and the way he kept wiping his mouth, I figured he was binging again. “What did you do with my drop, Allay? They said you missed the handover.”

  It took me a second to remember. “The USB? I gave it to the prophet. Yesterday.” When he hesitated, I realized this was all some stupid coke drama. “I took it to Brooklyn myself. Haven’t you talked to anyone since then? Didn’t they tell you?”

  He fumbled out his phone. “No messages. He told me to make a copy and wait for drop-off instructions.”

  “You’re pathetic.” I reached out to shove past him, but he wouldn’t let me touch him, as usual. “They’ve twisted you, Phil. You call this a life? You’d do anything for a fix, wouldn’t you? Even if it means helping somebody sneak into my place. All you care about is you.”

  He grimaced as if I had hit a nerve. “I didn’t help anybody. You let that guy inside last night.”

  I was talking about my mysterious intruder, not Theo. “How do you know about Theo? Have you been watching me, Phil?”

  “No, it’s not like that. I came by a few times, but I couldn’t… I thought there was another way.…” He trailed off, lost in his own thoughts, his eyelid twitching.

  “You must know Theo. Or whatever his real name is. He works for the prophet, too.”

  Phil shook his head. “No, he doesn’t.”

  I thought he was lying. “Of course not, just like you don’t.”

  “No, really. Sebastian asked me to do a background check on Theo Ram yesterday.” He was talking about Savor, so it must have been Dread’s request after I had arrived at the Prophet’s Center. “I haven’t found anything. It’s as if he doesn’t exist. Sebastian says he’s never seen him before—he’s also come up with nada. My contact on the inside says the cops can’t figure out who he is, either.” Phil shrugged and tried to give me a winning smile, but his lips were chapped and cracked. “I thought I’d come over here and ask you about him. Come on, Allay, I need to give the boss something. So who is the guy?”

  I realized I was standing there with my mouth open. “I don’t know. From the way he acted, I thought he was hired to watch over me.”

  Phil nodded thoughtfully. “The question is, who cares about you enough to pay for it?”

  Suddenly it made sense. It was my other sugar-daddy—Revel, the one who was responsible for protecting me. But I didn’t say that.

  Phil saw it in my face. “You know who sent him, don’t you, Allay? Come on, give a guy a break. I really need this job.”

  “This isn’t a job, Phil. You’re messing with people’s lives, digging up the dirt on them so the prophet can make them dance on his string. I don’t know how you can live with yourself.”

  He pulled back. “You’re a big one to talk. How long have they owned you, Miss Holier-than-thou?”

  I smiled tightly. “I quit. You won’t be coming to this bar anymore. I have nothing to lose, now. Maybe I should blow the whistle on the lot of you. If I thought anyone would believe me, I would. Maybe that would stop him.”

  Phil shook his head, confused. “You’re going to tell? About me?” When I didn’t reply, he insisted, “What did I ever do to you? You can’t do that to me. Allay…”

  I couldn’t believe I had ever been attracted to him. But that guy in the past wasn’t this Phil Anchor; it was someone who had squandered tons of potential and vitality. He’d taken this path and it had ruined him, just as it had ruined me.

  I pushed open the gate. His voice got louder as he insisted that I couldn’t rat on him. I finally snapped, “For Christ’s sake, shut up, Phil. I’ve got much bigger things to deal with than your petty piss-ant crimes!”

  He looked hurt for a moment, with hangdog blue eyes that had none of their former charm. He seemed to be debating whether to step in front of the bumper of my car to block me. The intensity of his reaction, the shame he was hiding, were sickening.

  I got in and jammed the car into gear. As I edged out, Phil moved away. I backed into the street, watching for traffic. He shoved his hands into his pockets, hunching his shoulders under the lamppost, disappearing behind me as I road off.

  I drove around for a while, turning abruptly and running red lights until I was sure nobody could have followed me. Then I pulled over to call Revel. I had to go through Ki to get to him, and the wait burned me up.

  Instead of saying a standard hello, Revel demanded, “Why don’t you answer your phone, Allay? I left you six messages.”

  “I was busy closing down the bar.” I didn’t want to hear his exclamation of joy over the fact that I had finally abandoned the old place. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew Theo? Or whatever his real name is.”

  “Who? You mean your bodyguard? Do I know him?”

  “You hired him to spy on me.” Grudgingly I added, “To watch over me. He fought off Pique.”

  There was a beat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about—”

  “You’re lying. I’m going to hang up if I get any more lies from you, Revel.”

  He already knew I had information, juicy stuff that he could use. Plus, he was just plain curious about what was going on. “It was for your own good, Allay. I needed to be sure nobody hurt you. Vex would kill me if I was lax.”

  I sighed. “So who is he?”

  “You think I know? I have an agency that takes care of security for me. It requires a lot of manpower to maintain round-the-clock coverage.”

  “Along with surveillance duties. I’m sure they sent you plenty of pretty pictures.”

  “It’s part of the package—”

  “I don’t want to hear about it. But you should know that Vex has Theo, and I don’t think he’s going to let him go.”

  “Why would Vex care about the hired help?”

  “Because…” I care about him. They knew exactly how much I cared about Theo from the way I had fought Montagna’s goons in the basement. They probably had close-ups of my face as I held on to him.

  I cared about him. It didn’t matter why he was watching over me. He was being paid, but he was also trying to do a good thing by protecting me.

  It was much worse than imagining that Theo had sold his soul to the church like Phil. Vex would use Theo against me to get me to cooperate. Theo wouldn’t have been hired to stand outside my bar and watch over me if I hadn’t insisted on pretending I was an ordinary woman who could live like everyone else. Revel was right; I should have been secure in some penthouse fortress like him. Instead, real people had risked their lives to protect me.

  But I couldn’t explain that to Revel. “It doesn’t matter why. Vex has him, and you have to make him let Theo go.”

  “I’m sure he already has. I’ll have Ki contact the agency and check to see that all their men are accounted for.”

  I clenched my teeth. “Why don’t you call Vex and ask him?”

  “I thought you wanted me to protect Shock. If I start poking my neck out, Vex is going to take a swipe at me.” His voice grew persuasive. “Why don’t you come over, Allay? We need to sit down together and figure out our next move.”

  Actually, I sort of wished I could run up to his feathered nest and relax, even just for a moment. I wanted to check out, sleep for a long time, not think about anything for a while. But that was impossible.

  I was responsible for Theo. I had to do whatever it took to get him away from Vex. I also needed to get some sort of leverage on Vex so that he wouldn’t go after Shock.

  But as hard as I considered it, I had nothing to hold over Vex. I could threaten to let myself die rather than do as he wanted, but he might just force me to absorb a demon essence somehow. I preferred to keep my intentions a secret because, in reality, it was my ultimate escape route if all else failed. Dying looked easy next to going through t
he charade Vex had in mind.

  Vex’s only weak spot was Dread. There must be some way to put pressure on him so they would turn on each other and concentrate on their own power struggles.

  “Allay? Are you still there?” Revel asked. “Shock wants to see you, and you shouldn’t be out there alone. You don’t have any protection right now.”

  I hung up on Revel, unwilling to admit my absurd dilemma. How could I make two of the most powerful demons in the world afraid of me?

  Then I remembered Phil’s face, and how afraid he was when he thought I would expose him. His eyes had bugged out as if I had jabbed my fingers into his throat. That was some way to get a guy’s attention.

  It gave me an idea—a really great idea. What if I blackmailed one of the big guys Dread had bribed, such as the planning and zoning commissioner? I could threaten to expose his dealings with the Fellowship. I would offer to keep my mouth shut only if he convinced the prophet to let Theo go. That would definitely put Dread at odds with Vex. He wouldn’t want his pet civil servant to be upset.

  If that wasn’t enough, I could blackmail another one tomorrow, and another one after that. Hopefully the suffering Dread would go through was not worth keeping Theo, now that I had left the complex. It might even cause one of the bribed officials to turn evidence on the church. At the very least, I’d throw a wrench into their payola scam.

  Theo was right about me—I couldn’t just walk away. I had to do something to stop them.

  I stashed the car in a garage down on Canal Street. There were several quick ways to get out of the city from Chinatown.

  Then I ducked into an all-night Internet café, the kind with rows of tables with people staring at the monitors. This one offered a choice of hot Chinese tea or coffee, so I took tea and smelled it rather than drank it.