Broken Lens

by Shannon Dermott

  Not caring, I gave Josh my back as I steered Jess away. It was a risky move considering he was red faced and could have sucker punched me. He didn’t.

  On our way to our movie, Jess finally spoke. “I should be pissed you went all caveman, but I have to admit it was kind of hot.”

  “Yeah?” I asked, feeling my chest puff up. I’d expected her to give me the third degree.

  “Yeah. But don’t do it again. I can handle Josh on my own.”

  I winced at her reprimand but hadn’t expected less. That was my girl. I sighed and let her choose the seats for her usual choice of movies.

  When the credits rolled, she turned in her seat and asked, “So, what did you think?”

  I shrugged before getting to my feet. I held my hand out and helped her to her feet. “The parts with the guy riding the bull were pretty good.”

  Not letting it go, she waited until we were in the main hall to pose her next question. “And the others?”

  I loved the way she looked up at me with amusement on her face. I had my arm around her waist because it was hard to be near her and not touch her.

  “What? There was more?” I teased.

  Her eyes narrowed, but she wasn’t mad. “You were asleep, weren’t you?”

  “No,” I denied. “I had my eyes closed picturing you.”

  “Really, because there was this part when he had her pressed against a wall, and I wondered what it would be like.”

  My eyes shot wide with anticipation until her next words killed all those happy thoughts.

  “Or maybe you didn’t want to see Allie on screen with another guy. Do you still love her?”

  She’d convinced me to support Allie even though neither one of us had spoken to her since they’d found her at Mr. Millers. She’d shot the movie before all of that took place. There had been speculation about whether or not the studios would still release the movie. There shouldn’t have been any doubts. With the trial set to begin in the fall, they were capitalizing on all the media attention.

  “I never loved her, at least not the way I love you. She was like my best friend and that’s all it ever was.”

  For me, I didn’t add. Allie had wanted more, a lot more. I’d always been honest with her. I never lied or led her on.

  “Best friends with benefits?”

  “Do you really want to talk about my relationship with Allie?”

  I was uncomfortable with that topic. The fact that Mr. Miller had hurt her because of me was guilt I never thought I would shake.

  “I guess not. I wonder how you would feel if you knew Bradley, and I had a thing.”

  I stopped in my tracks. Bradley had fast become my best friend even though he was Jess’s first. I couldn’t imagine the two of them together, and it felt like a betrayal even though it was just a, What if, scenario.

  “See,” she admonished.

  “I can’t take back what happened between Allie and me. I was at a time when I needed someone like her. Her joyfulness kept me out of some dark places, but it never lasted. If she wasn’t around, I was back in my black mood.” I focused on her hard before I said my next words. I wanted her to understand their meaning. “You brought me completely out of the darkness. You brought light into my life.”

  And that was true. What would I do without her?

  twenty-three

  My stomach lurched waking me from a sound sleep. I couldn’t move fast enough to the bathroom before I retched in the toilet. It was so violent, my eyes watered from the force of it. It seemed like I gagged for hours before my stomach was void of what felt like gallons and gallons of liquid poison. The burn coming up wasn’t as pleasant as the burn going down had been.

  In the vacant house, the pad of my stumbling feet sounded like thunders as I made my way back to my empty pallet. I held my stomach as I collapsed to the floor hoping the puking had finally subsided. It took a moment for my brain to catch up. Where was Jess?

  Rising on my elbows, I surveyed the room. There were only three things in it, me, a blanket and a pillow. Nothing else. No note, no second pillow, or any other evidence to support she’d been there. Not even a condom wrapper, which meant it had to have been a dream.

  I fell hard onto my back and covered my bleary eyes with my hands. My head pounded with the force of a sledgehammer against my skull.

  I couldn’t believe that what I remember in exquisite detailed was a dream. Yet, the real moment that ruined my relationship was still shrouded in mystery. The only part of that reality I could remember of that encounter was it destroyed my life. Flipping over to my stomach, I buried my face in the pillow. It took some doing, but I finally fell asleep until the sun blazed a trail on my skin that forced my eyes open.

  Turning on my phone, I realized too late in my drunken stupor I changed my password from Jess’s birthday to the date of my father’s death. Total phone wipe. My day couldn’t get any worse. I didn’t have my laptop with me to restore all my contacts, settings and apps from the backup. Thus, it looked like any calls I had to make would be from memory. As that fact settled, I realized I didn’t have anyone to call except maybe Bradley.

  Immediately, I halted any pitying thoughts as I noticed the time. I hit the shower, which helped to further wake me up. I made it to the Prosecutor’s office about ten minutes late for my appointment.

  Escorted to a large conference room by a statuette brunette, I sat in a padded leather chair that had seen better days. The leggy stunner fawned over me as she offered me everything from coffee, tea, muffins, donuts or a piece of ass by the gleam in her eye. A different me would have taken her up on her offer. How long had it been since I last had some? Excluding my Grade A fantasy last night, it was a distant memory. It would have been easy to have tossed her flat on the table and pound away until she screamed my name, but that was a different me. I was different. Even if I weren’t, nothing stirred in my pants in interest.

  By the time Ed Hunt strolled in, the brunette had given up. The man stood in front of me with a receding hairline on the verge of a gray takeover. For a second, the visual had me reconsidering my choice of profession. The prosecutor looked worse for wear. Had it been a late night of drinking that caused his eyes to be filled with shadows and sand bags? I didn’t think so. He looked like a man tired of the world and carried the weight of it on his shoulders.

  He held out his hand as if it was our first time meeting. My father would have had my hide if he’d known I sat in the chair as I shook it. But he wasn’t there, and I wasn’t the son he’d groomed me to be in what seemed like so very long ago.

  “Ethan,” Ed Hunt offered.

  “Mr. Hunt.” I gave a firm grip before a quick release. No limp hands, the ghostly voice from the past spoke inside my head. Dad’s lessons were still very much ingrained in me.

  “I wanted you here a bit early to prepare you for what’s coming.” He held a hand up cutting me off before I could remind him I’d done something like this before, sort of. A quick flash of a room with a one-way mirror, when I'd been questioned about Carly's disappearance, popped in my head.

  “You’ve been through questioning, I know. This is different. There is no question they cannot ask you. There won’t be a judge to stop questions that are off-limits. Your juvenile records are sealed. Until a court order says otherwise, you are not required to answer any questions regarding those topics.”

  When someone knows that you fall very short of being perfect, it’s hard to meet their eyes. My gaze traveled to my lap, the table, and my fingers, anything to avoid his discerning stare.

  “However, basic answers about Carly’s disappearance might actually help with our case since we want to establish a pattern of behavior by the defendant. Keep in mind you are not required to admit guilt to anything regarding the accidents and drinking, etc.”

  All of a sudden, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to be here. Did he want me to admit to what led up to the drinking and the fight at the party before I wrapped my car around a tree? Doubt regarding
answering questions about Carly filled me. I hadn’t been subpoenaed. I could walk out that door. But I knew it didn’t matter. They would get me back here anyway. If I didn’t volunteer, I would be subpoenaed eventually.

  “Is Jess here?”

  I wasn’t sure I was up to seeing her. Sam looked away, and I wondered if he knew about our crumbling relationship. Had he asked her about me or coming with me when he called her? Had she told him we were no longer together?

  “I asked Ms. Shelby to come in a little later. I have a favor to ask of you when you are done, which will require some more of your time.”

  I met his eyes. “And that would be—,” I began hoping he’d fill in the rest.

  “I’ll fill you in once this is over. You have enough to think about right now.”

  I nodded in silent agreement. I had more on my plate than he could possibly imagine.

  “To make this neutral for everyone, the deposition will be held in a small courtroom on the second floor. If you would follow me, I’ll walk you up.”

  He literally meant walk as we didn’t take an elevator. We climbed a central staircase to the second floor where various courtrooms were hidden behind closed doors. When we reached our destination, we entered through a set of double doors where a man in an impeccable suit stood with a small army of folks behind him. He was positioned perpendicular to the door and only had to glance up from a notepad he held to lay eyes on me. His gaze held the fight of a pit bull and again, I wondered if I was up for the task.

  By the time I was released from the courtroom, my head spun worse than my morning hangover. I’d been asked about everything from who my elementary school teachers had been, which neighborhood kids I played with when I was younger, what my grades were on quizzes in classes long since passed, to personal information up to and including the loss of my virginity. Most of the questions seemed pointless and not at all relevant to the case being presented. Frankly, I was surprised they hadn’t asked the size of my dick.

  My caution over the slick lawyer was unfounded. He had nothing on me. He’d only fished for an angle he couldn’t find. I, on the other hand, was left with questions about how Mr. Miller had been able to hire a lawyer who wore a five figure suit. How did a school teacher have that kind of money? He’d never appeared to be a man with a trust fund pedigree.

  On the stairs heading down, I saw her. Her usual calm exterior was now marked in fear. I wanted desperately to take her in my arms and tell her it would be okay. When our eyes met as she walked up on a path opposite mine, she glanced away so quickly, the idea I could comfort her tumbled away.

  I knew at that moment, the possibility that she was with me last night was a big fat negative. There was no way she would have allowed me to have her in that way after everything she’d said, and then ignore me today. She wasn’t like that. Clearly, I’d been blitzed out of my mind. It was doubtful had she come over, I would have been up for the task considering my level of intoxication.

  I caught a glimpse of her father’s face who walked by her side with a protective arm over her shoulder. I thought about the bond he and I formed together. He’d become almost like a father to me. Where with my father, I felt the urgent need to make him proud; with Jess’s dad, he made me feel proud to be me. In that moment, his eyes held such deep displeasure; I forced myself to look anywhere but at him. So, I continued by without so much as a verbal greeting.

  Lead feet carried me yards away from the Shelby’s who’d been my surrogate family. I should have known that once Jess left me, I would lose it all. Bradley would probably desert me too. And it was my fault for allowing myself to be attached or even putting all my eggs in one basket. The friends and family I’d gathered had all belonged to Jess.

  “Ethan,” Mr. Hunt said catching up to me at the bottom of the stairs.

  I stopped as he made it up to my side. He pointed to an open courtroom, and I followed him in. “I have a few minutes before we start with Jessica.” He paused and when he couldn’t meet my eyes, I knew I wouldn’t like what he said next.

  “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but I need your help. The defense lawyers are putting up compelling testimony that is placing our case in jeopardy.”

  “What?” I exclaimed.

  “I can’t explain all of it right now. The only thing I can say is that things aren’t going so well for us.”

  Shaking my head, I pushed my hand through my hair not believing what he was saying.

  “A request has come through which may help our case.”

  My cheek stung with pain as I bit the inside pleading myself to show some restraint. I wanted to break something. “What request?” I knew it had to do with me; I was just still stunned by his statement.

  “Mr. Miller has requested an audience with you.” There was no way my eyes didn’t grow the size of golf balls. He held up a patronizing hand, and I almost batted it away. He was on our side; I had to tell myself. “I’d like you to go.”

  “No fucking way,” I spat.

  “Ethan… I know this is an impossible thing to ask. But this guy has it in for you. He might say something that could lead us to some evidence to keep him where he is.”

  Shell-shocked, I said nothing while he quickly listed other reasons in favor of me meeting with the man. As much as I didn’t want to, Mr. Hunt’s list was compelling. However, what finally made my decision were Jess, Allie, and the other girl from school I briefly messed around with. I did what was in their best interests.

  An impossible hour and a half later, I sat at a round metal table staring into the eyes of my former favorite teacher who’d tried to kill Jess and held Lucy and Allie hostage.

  twenty-four

  less than two years ago

  Gone was the candy coated covering. Carly stood before me with cold, emotionless eyes. She’d morphed into someone I didn’t know. The shy innocence that had baited and hooked me was no longer a characteristic of the girl before me. Had I been played?

  Her tongue lashed old cold and viscous. “I don’t know what you want from me Ethan. It’s business and nothing else.”

  I felt my brow arch in incredulity. Who did she think I was? Some loser that hadn’t been around the block?

  “Licking some other guy’s tonsils is nothing?” I tossed my hands up in a familiar disbelieving move Dad did when he and Mom were at each other’s throats. Too pissed off, I didn’t wait for her to respond. “Good to know. Apparently, I’m that clueless about relationships. I guess if I’d known it was cool to be with other people, I would have had a girlfriend before now.”

  Carly waved away my words with a flick of her hand. “Do whatever you want? I know you’ve been spending time with Allie. I also know you think she’s prettier than me.”

  On the surface, there was no denying that, but Carly didn’t get it. That hadn’t mattered to me. I’d wanted something more than a pretty face.

  “There is nothing going on with Allie and me because I want you. She knows that. She’s with Sam now.”

  Sam was actually one of the better guys at school. He was quiet in a crowd but get the guy alone, and he’d have your side hurting from constant laughter.

  Her eyes turned liquid as she slowly lifted her chin in my direction. “Why would you want me over her? She’s everything I’m not.”

  I placed my finger under her chin to keep her eyes focused on mine. I wanted to believe the girl whose expression now resembled the one I’d fallen for. “You’re wrong. You are everything she isn’t.”

  A tear slipped down her cheek. I couldn’t stand crying. Mom cried a lot these days. Most of the times after fights with Dad where she’s blamed everything wrong in her life on me. I didn’t want to be the cause of Carly’s tears too. I brushed them away with light fingers not wanting to hurt her any more than I’d possibly done.

  She stepped back and bit down on her lower lip. “You don’t understand. The producers want headlines. They forced us to go out and create buzz about our possibly dating. I fig
ured why not, I kiss him on set; I can kiss him in public. No big deal. I thought you would know me better than that.”

  Large solemn eyes held mine with such sincerity; I questioned my reasons for doubting her loyalty. It wasn’t the first time smart marketers had used ploys to create buzz about the next great thing they were selling. Thus, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility everything she said was true.

  “I’ve lived in constant fear of you sending me a message to tell me you’ve moved on. I wouldn’t blame you. Girls are probably happy I’ve been away for weeks at a time.”

  I brushed hair from her face as I held on. She had been the first girl I wanted to know who wanted to really get to know me as well. She’d taken a leap of faith and confided in me the horrors her uncle had done to her. Later, I’d finally opened up about how my own mother hated me. She hadn’t tried to explain away Mom’s behavior either. She’d just listened and believed. How could I doubt someone who’d told me the things she had.

  “It’s you I want,” I repeated, pulled by some unforeseen current. It was as if I were caught in a riptide that had me drowning in her.

  A small unsure smile played on her lips that drew my attention to them. I didn’t waste time before I claimed them. We ended up in tangled sheets. After, her throat was flushed and marked from what she demanded of me. I always felt a little sick afterward until she assured me it was what she needed from me.

  Only, a few weeks later, everything would change.

  twenty-five

  It was late for visiting hours, and the room was empty save for Mr. Miller, two guards, and me. They pretended not to be listening, but what else were they going to do?

  The sick and twisted man who had a hard on for me wore a painted expression of glee that completed his Cheshire cat look in his orange jumpsuit. His dark brown hair was unkempt, but the girls in school who had crushed over him, would probably find it sexy. Not, much else had changed, except the mid-twenties guy was no longer an Art teacher but a jailed criminal.