Bad Medicine (Wolf Love Book 4)

by Red L. Jameson

  I smile despite being upset that my sister found me. She’s got an accent. I think it’s German mixed with a little Russian. It’s really bad and makes me grin, no matter how perturbed I am at her.

  Slowly, I make my way to the door, unlocking it and opening it. “Hi, Lona.”

  She’s not alone. There’s my brother, who’s looking down at me with…well, he’s angry, that’s for sure. He pushes the door wider and lets himself in, my sister not far behind.

  “Asha.” My sister’s voice is a sad whisper as she checks out the garbage I’ve left scattered throughout my room.

  I don’t drink booze for comfort. I eat. Everything. There’s candy bar wrappers, cookie containers, ice cream pints, and pizza boxes all over the room. I have no idea how much weight I’ve gained. And I haven’t felt like cleaning up. I keep telling the maid that I don’t want her services. I kind of like the garbage everywhere. It makes me feel like the chaos that’s within me isn’t alone.

  “I know.” I yank my greasy hair into a ponytail holder. “It’s a mess. Don’t you dare tidy up.”

  My sister turns and looks at me. “But you’re always the clean one. So organized. I envied you that.”

  My brother, though, isn’t listening. He’s picking up things from the bed.

  “Hon, I just said—”

  “I’m cleaning off some space to sit,” he hollers. “Besides, now that we found you, I don’t plan to leave. I’m moving in, Sis.”

  I shake my head. “No, you’re not.”

  He makes the bed presentable again and stands, smiling hard at me. “Oh, yes, I am. I’m not about to repeat the last few years. I’m never letting you out of my sight again. Besides—” he swallows, “—I seriously need to apologize to you for—for saying anything in front of Ryder. I don’t mean this as an excuse, but to let you know my frame of mind. I blabbed because I felt like I was excluded from you, and everyone else was included. So I assumed he knew. I—that doesn’t make sense.”

  I nod. “I think I understand.”

  And I do. I know I do. He felt so much like an outsider to me he assumed everyone else just knew my secrets. I get that.

  As odd as it sounds, I’m not mad at him for saying anything in front of Ian. And my heart doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it used to when I look at my brother. It only hurts because I doubt Ryder will want to be with me again.

  Hon sucks in a sharp breath. “I made a lot of assumptions and made you severely uncomfortable, hurt you, by yet again not protecting you like I should have.” There’s a lot of pain and guilt swimming through his dark gaze.

  I wish I could take that away from him. “You’re not—”

  He doesn’t let me finish and covers his hurt expression with a plastered smile. Flopping where I had been laying, he fluffs the pillows behind his head. “Well, I plan to make it up to you by never letting you out of my sight. You and me are going to be spending a lot, a lot, lot, lot of time together. Now, what are we watching? No. No, I’m not watching cooking shows.” He has the remote and starts to surf while the TV’s still muted.

  I growl, frustrated with the takeover. He looks up and growls back, even snarling his white, straight teeth, then genuinely smiling at me.

  “Do you still like Molly Ringwald movies?” he asks, like he hadn’t just growled at me. “The Breakfast Club is on.”

  I purse my lips. “Surprise, surprise, but I don’t want to watch TV at this very second. I want to know why my siblings are here and how you found me.”

  “I went through your apartment until I found your credit card bills,” my sister says, nonchalantly. “Checked them online—by the way, you should rethink all your passwords—and found the card you were using for your hotel. Easy peasy.”

  “And illegal. Total invasion of my privacy.”

  She shrugs. “You weren’t calling any of us back. Ryder’s nearly crazy with worry. So I figured I could break into your apartment and invade your privacy. Bit showed me how to pick your lock. She’s the most exciting woman I’ve ever known. And so pretty. God, I’m lucky.”

  I hold a hand out to her, loving how she talks about her fiancé with such reverence and love, even if she is talking about breaking into my apartment, but I need to know about Ian. “Wait, how do you know how Ryder’s doing?”

  “He’s part of the family now.” Hon’s fiddling with the remote. “Of course we’re going to know how he’s doing.”

  “What do you mean he’s part of the family now?”

  Hon shrugs like my sister just had. “He’s my buddy. My friend. You know he looked for you all day when you ran away. All fucking day. And into the night. I had to sleep over at his apartment the first couple nights. He’s a mess.”

  I have to sit down. I don’t care that I’m sitting on an old bag of powdered donuts that are making my butt white. I can’t believe what I just heard.

  Ryder’s a mess. Without me.

  God, it’s awful but that makes me so happy.

  Lona tucks some of my hair behind an ear. “He thinks you don’t care for him.”

  I glance up at my sister. “Of course I care for him.”

  “That’s what I told him.” She smiles. “I said the only reason you’re such a chicken is because you care so much for him.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  Her smile widens. “Bit says I’m a tad too blunt. Do you agree?”

  I love Bit. I’ve never had the courage to say anything like that to my sister, always too afraid she’d fiercely, much too fiercely, defend herself. Lona’s tiny girlfriend is a lot braver than me.

  I swallow and glance at Hon, who averts his gaze back to the TV.

  Lona—always pristine, always cool even if she is yelling her point—growls like Hon and I did. But she’s loud and sounds a wee bit crazy. Hon and I stare at her.

  She flings her hands in the air. “I asked you a question.”

  “Which I feel really uncomfortable answering.”

  “Ease up on Ash, Lon.”

  She growls at Hon but then smiles. “And it’s about time you two started teaming up against me. Like you usually do.”

  “We don’t—”

  Lona scoffs with a snort. “Please. From the second the two of you were born, you were in your own world. You barely needed Mom and Dad you were so ensconced in your little twin universe. It wasn’t like you needed a bossy older sister.” Her voice cracks, and I realize she’s being serious. And vulnerable. Which is so unlike my sister, but it makes me want to hold her and comfort her.

  I stand, looking at Lona, really looking at her gorgeous face etched with pain. “I—I’ve always needed you.”

  “Me too,” Hon adds.

  Lona turns away, snorting again. “Whatever. I was always the odd man out. Mom and Dad doted on the twin babies, while I got told to brush my teeth all by myself. Crap, I didn’t want to talk about this. I don’t even know what I’m talking about, brushing my teeth alone. I wanted to talk about the two of you, get you two to…gang up against me, because I know the two of you have missed each other. And I—god—” she sniffs and crosses her arms, looking at us again. “You know what sucks about getting in a serious relationship with a person who you adore? They bring a mirror with them. By getting so close to them, you see yourself all the better. Clearer. You see all the bullshit that you’ve tried to cover up. You see it in HD, you know? And it sucks.”

  I glance at Hon. He has no clue what to say either, but he’s sitting up, listening. He glances at me, and I know it’s there, the connection we share. No matter how much time apart, no matter how angry I am at him, or him at me, we’re always connected. He knows my heart and I know his. We may not know each other very well now, but we’ll always know each other’s hearts.

  I take a step closer to Lona. “I adored you when we grew up. I worshipped you. Ask Hon.”

  Lona glances at our brother.

  He nods. “She was always stealing your clothes.”

  Lona glares at me. “I know.”

/>   “That’s because I wanted a piece of you, even if it wasn’t really you. You were always so busy and wouldn’t hang out with me or Hon—”

  “Because you and Hon had your own little world. I—God, I’m a monster, but I kind of liked the last few years, the two of you not talking. It was the first time I felt like a real member of the family. Both you and Hon talked to me. I wasn’t the last to know something. I wasn’t the afterthought. You included me. And I liked that.” A tear rolls down her cheek as she looks at Hon then me. “I’m sorry. And I do realize how shitty I’ve been. It’s time I stepped out of the way.”

  I shake my head. “I want you in the way. I want to do lunch with you or anything you want. I couldn’t believe you wanted to see me the other day.”

  “I’ve been dying to see you. You’re my little sister. And I love you so much.” She smiles at Hon. “And I want to keep doing things with you too if that’s okay.”

  He stands and comes closer, glancing at us with a worried smile. “I—I want us to be a family again. Only, this time I want us to talk. Really talk. And not through each other. But to each other. I want both of my sisters in my life.”

  We smile at each other, but I think we’re all a little afraid of hugging. Besides, when we were kids, Lona wouldn’t let us embrace her, some weird aversion to physical affection. So Hon and I would do drive-by hugs, which is just as it sounds. It’s more of an attack than anything else, and Lona really didn’t seem to like hugs after that.

  I glance at my brother and sister, a little amazed at the turn of events. I have my family back. Well, I’m sure it will take some time to get to know each other again, but we’re here for each other.

  Still, I’m dying to know something. I reach out and touch the shaved head of my brother. “I can’t believe you did this. Did the folks freak? Did Dad yell at you?”

  “Asha.” Lona’s tone is a warning, which I don’t understand.

  “Seriously, Hon. Why’d you chop it off?”

  He doesn’t look at me but down at his black boot. “Not good to fight with long hair.”

  “How long have you been fighting?”

  “That’s not the reason why he cut it.” Lona sniffs. She looks at me like I’m an idiot. “Come on, Asha, you know why. There’s only one reason why we cut our hair. When we’re grieving.”

  I stare at my tall, muscular brother. His eyes redden and there’s a tic in his jaw.

  My eyes fill with tears as I ask, “You did that…for me?”

  He still won’t look at me but says to the carpet, “I missed you. Every day. So I shaved it. Every day. Until this morning when Lona called, told me she broke into your place and found out where you were.” He glances up, smiling, the smile I know from when we were kids. “I’m never leaving again, Ash. I thought what I was doing was for your good, but not now, not after we talked, not after I talked to Ryder.”

  “You talked to Ryder?”

  “The man basically asked me to move in with him when we couldn’t find you.”

  I smile. “That shouldn’t make me so happy.”

  Hon shakes his head with his wide grin. “I understand why. And you have to know he misses you. I missed you. I get it why you’d want to run. I do. We, our family, has a really fucked up way of dealing with things. Poor Lona all alone when we were born, having to fend for herself.”

  “It’s not like Mom gave me to a wolf pack.”

  “I’m making a point, Over-Corrector.” Hon and Lona frown at each other, but then my brother shakes his head and smiles at me. “It’s taken some time to understand how our family deals with things isn’t good. They sweep things under the rug. I mean, Mom and Pop knew Lona was a lesbian for how long now?”

  “I’m not fond of that term.”

  “Yeah, she’s not fond of that term.” I reiterate, the way only a little sister can. “She’s not fond of Two-Spirit, either.”

  “Fuckin’ a, can a man make a point here?”

  Lona sucks in a breath. “I came out to Pop when I was fifteen and had a crush on the neighbor girl. Do you remember Susan Little? I thought I was in love with her. So I told Dad and he told me to never tell anyone.”

  “Yeah.” Hon nods. “Jesus, really? That’s horrible. But that’s helping my point. They sweep things under the rug. And I’m not blaming them. I’m just saying that’s how they cope. But I don’t. No more sweeping for me.” He looks at Lona. “I’m proud that you’re my Two-Spirit, total lesbian sister.”

  Lona playfully smacks him on his shoulder, giggling.

  He’s smiling when he looks at me. “And I’m proud of you, Ash. My twin sister who, thank god, looks nothing like me, who followed her childhood dreams and is the strongest person I know, besides Lona, of course.”

  I glance at my sister. “I’m so sorry.”

  “For what?” Her voice is soft and sweet, but I know she’s going to be screaming soon with what I’m about to do.

  “I can’t help it any longer.” I reach my arms around her and Hon. “I’m going to hug the crap out of the both of you.”

  She tries to duck away but Hon and I have her in a firm strangle-hold, while she groans like we’re torturing her.

  Whispering in her ear, I say, “I’m proud of you too, Lona. You’re the first to fall in love and be that brave. You’re always fighting for justice, and…oh my god. I just figured it out. You’re going to be working for Hon, aren’t you? That’s the job you’re going to do.”

  She turns in our hold. Her face red. She’s trying to frown, but she’s also smiling. A little bit. “Yes. But I’m working with Hon.”

  Hon laughs. “No, you’re working for me.”

  I glance at him, touching his shaved head. “You found a different path than what we’d planned when we were kids, and I’m scared you won’t be happy doing it because you’re doing it only for me.”

  He shakes his head, his face somber. “No. I mean, at first, yeah, it was all about you. But now—this is what I want to do, Ash. It’s really for me. This is just for me.”

  I smile at him. “You selfish bastard. You’ll be working just for yourself while saving hundreds of people.”

  He laughs at my teasing. “Yeah, I’m a lot like you that way.” He squeezes Lona and me until we grunt but he doesn’t let up. Instead, he says, “Now, how are we going to get Asha and Ryder back together? I think it should be something really sticky-sweet romantic that makes us throw up afterwards.”

  I try to smack my brother, but he’s pinned my arms as well as my sister’s. However, he does ask a great question: Can I get back together with Ryder? Will he want me?

  Chapter Twenty-Five - Ryder

  Another day without Asha. She was supposed to work today. I thought.

  But then I’ve thought that for a couple weeks now.

  I didn’t have the nerve to ask Tina or Tanya what had happened to her. Fuck, I was looking forward to seeing her so much. And when I realized I wouldn’t, I almost vomited.

  Yeah, me.

  Lovesick. I guess.

  Stupid. I know.

  I fell for a girl who I didn’t have a chance with. I knew that walking into the deal. Somehow, though, I thought…I don’t know what the fuck I thought.

  I know she ran away from me because she didn’t want me privy to her secret. And, shit, if it wasn’t worse than anything I could have imagined. Hon told me that the guy who gave her a roofie and had sexually assaulted her was serving eight years. He could get out soon. He’s already had two probation hearings, both of which several from the Cheyenne tribe in Montana attended and protested. There’s another probation hearing in November, and I asked Hon if I could go, help in any way I could, even if Asha doesn’t want me anymore.

  Hon’s a good guy. I could tell he felt like complete shit when I let him know Asha hadn’t told me about her secret. Trying to make the guy feel better, I said I had guessed as much about her. The man already has a serious problem in that he feels guilty about what had happened to Asha because the
fucker who hurt her was his roommate, his best friend, and hers. Apparently, Asha and Hon used to share everything, including friends. Hon’s struggling with self-condemnation every day.

  I told him I doubted Asha blamed him for anything. She doesn’t think that way, I said. In the small amount of time Asha let me in, I found she was so much better than I’d imagined. So much sweeter, so much kinder, so much funnier…so much more beautiful, inside and out.

  We talked a lot about Asha, but I never asked him if he thought I ever had a chance with his sister. I was too afraid to know the truth.

  I’m driving home from the hospital. Tired as shit. Frustrated. Wondering if I should have another workout. Hon took me to his gym. We sparred a little. He’s a fighter all right. Just like Asha. I think he was pulling punches. I think he was taking it easy because he worries about my broken heart. Oh, I never told him I have a broken heart. But he’s not dumb.

  The thing is, I needed him to beat the shit out of me. I need to feel some sort of pain other than what’s going on inside of me. I miss Asha so much. I opened my fucking mouth, told her how I felt, exposed my heart, and she ran away.

  Even if part of me understands why, there’s a part of me that’s truly pissed. At this point, why the fuck doesn’t she know I’d do anything for her? Anything she fucking wants.

  I park my bike and think about smoking. It will just make me jittery. But maybe I need jittery to fight Hon.

  I’m thinking of calling him when I get inside, see if he’ll spar. Stomping up the stairs, I worry what to do if he’s busy. I could go back to my gym, lift weights again. See if I can tear a muscle. Something to get my fucking mind off the fact that—now I smell her. Goddamn it. I’m thinking about her so much, missing her so much, that now I’m smelling her.

  I clomp the last stair to my place and turn to my apartment. Then I see her, standing in front of my door, in a pretty little dress, her hair up in one of her messy buns, and she’s wearing her red glasses. I love those little glasses.

  I almost run to her, thinking of scooping her up and clinging to her until my heart stops hurting.