Reckless Mind

by Wiginton, Heather

  “No way. I would marry you today, but since we've got a lot of stuff going on right now, it would be kind of hard. Plus I need a little time to plan it, nothing big, but I want the flowers and the dress. Oh, we could get married outside!” I was so excited thinking about all of it.

  “Whatever you want, you tell me and I'll make it happen. As long as you are there the day of, and I get to call you my wife, that's all I need.” Cole's mouth found my neck after he brushed my long hair over the opposite shoulder. Sucking lightly, he ran his tongue just under my ear; I couldn't help the moan that started to escape my lips. He pushed his mouth to mine quickly, swallowing the noise and keeping me quiet.

  Cole pulled me so my back was against his left side, his arm still wrapped around me, and he gently placed his hand over my stomach. I was thinking about being pregnant with his child someday, and although that wouldn't be happening any time soon considering we weren't even getting married for six months, I wondered if he thought about it too. Maybe he didn't think about it since he wasn't asking me about that when he asked me about the wedding. It would be understandable if he was scared to want too much at once, or maybe he was waiting for me to tell him what I wanted. I was younger than him, and given my childhood he could think I didn't want kids, but he wouldn't be farther from the truth. I'm sure his mom's suicide sat in the back of his mind too.

  The fasten seatbelt light came on, but we were already set. “It's okay to talk about it, Cole.” I waited for a minute but he didn't respond. I turned around looking deep into his eyes. “I want this,” I put his hand back on my stomach. “I want it so badly. With you. You don't know how many times,” I got choked up thinking about when I'd been kidnapped. I'd told Cole he was what got me through, but I never went into really specific details, but now I would.

  “Cole, when he took me,” I took a few deep breaths in and out slowly. “The only thing that got me through was you, that part I've told you already, but it was more than just that. Every time unconsciousness was about to pull me under I would close my eyes and think of you. How you would propose, what our wedding would be like, how you would look at me when I was carrying your son, holding our baby boy, and that he would look just like his handsome daddy as he grew...all of it, baby. Our whole life together, what I wished and prayed for I don't even know how many times, that's what got me through.”

  His green eyes looked almost black now, the way they did when he got turned on. He reached over and unbuckled my seatbelt. We had taken off and were now able to move around, so he took my hand and shifted me in front of his body, his fingers delving into my hips moving me forward. I felt Cole's warm breath on my neck and heard him whisper in my ear, “I hope you wanted to join the mile high club, because after telling me that, that's exactly what's about to happen.”

  We were in first class, and there was only a few other people, none of which were paying attention to the bathroom. I wanted Cole, every second of every day, and I was not about to object to this. Pulling me into the bathroom, locking the door, he captured my mouth in his and began stripping off my pants. This would be one plane ride I'd never forget.

  This was pure raw sexual need. Cole got my pants around my ankles, and did the same with his, bending me over the sink he thrust into me from behind. There was a mirror right in front of us and it added a sexy erotic level to what we were doing. Cole unbuttoned my shirt, and undid the front clasp on my bra, then he pulled me up more wrapping one arm around my waist, the other rubbing sensually over my nipples.

  “Watch yourself, Kahlen. See what I do to you, and what I get to see, why I get so turned on by you. Look at your body,” he ran his hand over my breasts and up by my collar bone, tipping my head to the side. “How my touch affects you.” His tongue moved up my neck, and then he started thrusting into me hard and fast. My eyes locked on his in the mirror, but even so I could still see my face, saw how he made me feel, the arousal and passion and lust all over my face.

  “Oh, Cole,” my words were breathy air. He pulled out fast, turned me around and picked me up, then thrust back into me when my legs wrapped around his waist. Crushing my lips to his he inhaled my scream when my orgasm rocked my body, and he released into me and the same time. It was one of the sexiest, turn me the hell on, experiences that we have had together.

  Cole left the bathroom first, asking the flight attendant if they had any clear pop because his fiancé was getting sick from the air travel. And yes, my heart beat wildly in my chest at hearing him call me his fiancé. He opened the door moments later giving me a look that told me she was standing just to the side, I groaned a horrible sound telling him I'd be back to the seat in just a few minutes. Barely able to contain his laugher, he set the pop down and went back to our seats.

  When I made my way back, Cole had a huge smile on his face. “Best entrance into the mile high club ever.” He pulled my mouth to his, and kissed me sweetly. “About having a baby,” his eyes focused on me, his face serious. “I don't bring it up because I don't want to scare you, Kahlen. Please believe me though, I have thought about you carrying my son so many times since I brought it up the first time you visited the shop all those months ago.”

  My eyes grew big because I did remember, I remembered him talking about passing the shop on to his son someday, and then he looked down at my stomach. At the time I wondered, but thought there was no possible way he would be thinking about that when it came to me, but now I knew. Cole had always been in this one hundred percent from the beginning, and I was so lucky he never gave up on me.

  “We will take it slow, get married first, and then we can talk about it more. But I want time with you to myself for a while, maybe a couple years at least. I want to be able to claim your body whenever and wherever I feel the need, and having a son might put a hold on that. I love you so much, Kahlen, I will always want us to make something as wonderful as a baby together until it happens.”

  I kissed Cole, happy to know that he wanted the same things as I did. And those hornets came back flying and dive bombing in my stomach when Cole talked about wanting to have me to himself, however he wanted, for a few years before bringing a baby into our lives, and I wouldn't complain about that.

  After landing in Vegas, we made our way to the hotel. I was exhausted from traveling, and mentally the situation happening tomorrow was weighing on me. Cole ordered room service so we didn't have to go out and could just relax before tomorrow morning.

  ***

  Sitting in the court room the next morning, I squeezed Cole's hand so hard I was sure I was hurting him. I hadn't had the cast off for too long, and even though everything healed fine, when I squeezed hard it hurt my hand a little. They were being brought into the room, both of them at the same time. I didn't want to see them, didn't want them to see me.

  I specifically asked to testify before anyone else, which the court agreed to. Another request was to do it without being in the same room as them, but that was denied. I felt a panic attack swelling in my chest; I dreaded walking up there without Cole, but he told me to look only at him the whole time. I needed to pretend it was his voice I heard talking and asking me questions.

  He pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me, and making me feel safe. I could do it, I would do it, testify and put them away forever. I was called up to the stand. Everything went just how Dr. Hyland said it would, but I stuck to everything, repeating the truth over and over again no matter what different way they tried to phrase the question to throw me off. It took almost two hours for them to be satisfied and have no more questions.

  My eyes stayed locked on Cole's the whole time, never once did I look at the last people who were my foster parents. I saw Cole stand as I started to walk away from the stand, but then the whole room went deadly quiet as Helen raised her voice when I walked past where they were seated.

  “You'll never be anything, Kahlen, don't forget that. The best you ever would've been was what you were with us, nothing but a little whore. I should've let
him kill you when he had the chance.” I felt like I was choking, but I turned to Cole, and he was there wrapping his arm around me as the whole court room went crazy.

  But I'd had enough. I wasn't the weak, scared girl she held captive for five years. No, I was Kahlen Jourdan, finally me, finally able to live my life the way it was meant to be lived. So I turned from Cole's chest to face Helen and Chuck as I spoke, and the entire room went silent.

  “You're wrong, Helen. You may have broken me, exploited me, and were physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive to me. And I know the part I played in the last five years of my life, and I have come to terms with my not believing I was strong enough to say anything to the police which only kept me in the situation I was in. But you,” my voice broke a little as I continued. “You took a child, a child, Helen, and ripped her into a million pieces. Yet, the woman you see before you, I'm one hundred percent whole, and one hundred percent the person I always knew I would be. As I put myself back together piece by piece, I replaced the parts you tainted with confident, loving, pieces of myself that I knew I deserved to let live. There is no room for you, or the horrible monsterous things you did to me in my life. You will get what you deserve,” my glance moved to Chuck as well. “Both of you will. Goodbye. Forever.” Taking Cole's hand in mine, I turned and we walked out of the courtroom.

  I heard the silence break, right before the door closed, by someone giving a guilty verdict because Helen admitted to everything, and moving to have the outburst submitted as verbal evidence. But I was done, and damn did it feel good to get all of that off my chest and finally, finally, tell her that even though she tried all those years, she never really broke me. I was fine, and I always would be.

  ***

  We got back into Columbia late last night, and it felt so good to be home. After eighteen years I finally had a home. Today was Christmas, and in a few hours I would be surrounded by people who loved and cared for me. They didn't care what I could do for them, they cared for me as a person. My eyes filled with happy tears.

  I had come a long way since showing up on Columbia's door step the end of May. Life was still slapping me in the face every now and then, but I was working with Dr. Hyland, and I had Cole. Never in a million years did I think I would fall in love, not after what I saw love do to people. Turns out what I grew up seeing, especially the last few years, was just delusions. Cole gave me unconditional love from the moment we met. When you fall in love, all encompassing true love, it lasts a life time.

  I thought I was moving to someplace no one would ever find me, but it turns out I found myself. I wanted to do more than just exist, because before I came here that's all it was. Everyone has a story, has gone through something at some point in their life that changed them. Sometimes I still wake up terrified, but then I just breathe, and I remind myself that I am still here. That I am living, finally living.

  Epilogue

  (almost six months later)

  Emma showed up at my apartment an hour ago telling me I needed to stick with tradition and not see the groom the night before, or the day of, the wedding until I walked down the aisle. I didn't want to leave Cole, more like I wanted to stay wrapped in his arms all night long after letting him make amazing, mind blowing, earth shattering love to me. But since we lived together, Emma said I needed to go.

  We headed to Emma's apartment where her mom and Becca waited for me to do more traditional wedding stuff. Emma about had a heart attack when I told her I didn't know what something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue meant.

  “Bless your fucking heart, Kay.” I kind of felt like when they said that down here sometimes they were really telling me I was kind of an idiot, but it was a much nicer way of putting it, I suppose. “Of course you need the four something’s before your wedding. Look, I'll figure something out, don't you worry.”

  That was Wednesday, and now Friday I was going to the four something’s party. I did have to laugh, Emma really was all into this wedding stuff. She planned so much of it with me and for me when I got really overwhelmed and thought about just eloping with Cole. I couldn't wait to return the favor for her someday. My fingers were still crossed for her and Jax.

  As we pulled into their apartment complex, Brandon stood outside by his car. Emma eyed me carefully, then shrugged when I gave her a questioning look about her brother. Brandon and I had come a long way since Christmas. Sometimes he walked with me between classes, or if I was home when he stopped by to talk to Cole he'd come up to our place to say hi to me too, and a couple weeks ago he actually put his arm around me and gave me a little side hug after making fun of me, and Cole was even there that time.

  As we got out of the car Brandon asked if he could talk to me for a minute. “I don't know what fuckwad over there is up to, he doesn't tell me anything. You're on your own with this one, Kay.” Emma continued up the stairs to the apartment leaving me with Brandon.

  “Hey,” he said quietly, and I said hey back. “I just wanted to tell you I'm really happy for you and Cole. And I got you something...you know, for the four something’s.” Seriously? Even he knew about the something’s for a wedding, I guess I was a little uninformed. He got in his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. Hesitantly, he handed it to me. “I saw this at the store the other day, and I called Cole to make sure he was cool with it, but I thought it was kind of a perfect representation of the two of you. So, yeah,” he shrugged. “I hope you like it.”

  I took the box and when I opened it my eyes filled with tears, it was absolutely beautiful. A platinum bracelet lay in the box. When I picked it up I noticed the bracelet was made of small diamond infinity symbols and in between each infinity was a blue sapphire. “My something blue,” I whispered. “Can you?” I handed him the bracelet raised my hand in front of him. “Brandon, I,” I didn't know what to say. It was too much for a gift, but it seemed like it was his way of telling me he did wish Cole and I our forever. Throwing my arms around his neck, he wrapped his arms around my waist telling me congratulations again. “Thank you.”

  He shrugged, “It was nothing.” Brandon turned to walk away, but stopped and faced me again. “Having you as a friend, it means more to me than you will ever know. It's been a rough road, but I feel like we are in a good place, and I'm thankful, Kahlen. I've always been thankful for having you in my life.”

  I hugged him again, feeling in my heart that we really had come full circle. We had what I always wanted with him, a friendship, and told him I was thankful we were able to get to this place too. He gave me a small wave as he headed in the direction of his apartment, and I headed to where the girls were waiting. “Bout time,” Emma said as I came in. “What did that asshat,” but she caught the look on my face, and stopped. “He actually did something right by you this time, didn't he?” She looked at her mom and they nodded at each other, smiles on their faces, knowing everything between Brandon and I was finally how it should be. I showed them the gorgeous bracelet Brandon gave me.

  “Okay, okay, it's my turn,” Becca squeaked from over on the chair. “I wanted to give you your something borrowed.” She handed me a small bag, and I pulled out something wrapped in tissue paper. As I opened it my jaw dropped open. “Becca, oh my gosh.”

  Inside the tissue paper sat a diamond encrusted hair comb. “I know you are wearing your hair in one of those gorgeous wavy knotted chignons and no veil, so I thought this would look pretty right at the top of the bun. I wore it for my sister's wedding last year, but thought you could borrow it for yours.” I hugged her tightly thanking her for doing that, and I asked her if she would put it in my hair tomorrow before I walked down the aisle.

  “You know I picked the something new.” Emma said handing over her sleek long box covered in plain white wrapping paper and a brilliant silver feathered bow sitting on top. I eyed her carefully, knowing her something might jump out at me. As I lifted the top off the box there sat gorgeous lingerie, all white lace and see through. There was a corset, a thong
, and a garter. “You wear the garter under your wedding dress and then at the reception Cole goes up under your dress and pulls that bitch off with his teeth!” She was so damn excited it was cute.

  “Thank you, Emma. I think you'll also be getting a huge thank you from Cole too.” We both laughed as I hugged her tightly. Jules cleared her throat not wanting to wait any longer. She handed me a long velvety box. Opening the box slowly, my eyes landed on a gorgeous diamond tear drop necklace.

  “This was what I wore on my wedding day, it has been passed down in my family for three generations now. When Emma wears it that will be the fourth, and she will keep it to give to her daughter someday.” Tears flowed freely down my face. I tried to object to wearing it before Emma, but she said she was the one that suggested it.

  “I consider you my sister, Kahlen. We love you and we both want you to wear it tomorrow, it's your something old.” I went over to both Emma and Jules, thanking them over and over again. Not only for the necklace but for opening their home and their hearts to me, because never once did they judge me.

  We sat up eating pizza and talking for a while, before we all headed over to Emma's parents' house to sleep for the night.

  ***

  “Rise and shine, Kay.” It was the morning of my wedding, and I couldn't wait to see Cole. The morning went off without a hitch. We had a late breakfast, then headed to the salon to get our hair, makeup and nails done. Once we got to the house and property where Cole's dad, Travis, lived I started getting butterflies in my stomach. Emma got out first to be sure the guys were nowhere to be found yet. I told Cole not to be there for another forty five minutes so I would be able to walk around and make sure everything was set up exactly how I wanted it, but she checked to be sure.

  The Westwood property was huge, but just in the back yard there was a beautiful white gazebo with a small creek running behind it and beautiful sweeping weeping willows making a half circle around the whole area. As I walked around the side of the house I closed my eyes and squeezed Emma's hand as she lead me where we needed to go.