by Love, Lust
“Darius, I need to sleep.”
He stood and came toward her. She didn’t cringe the way she did when Morey made the same movement. Darius was angry, but she’d never fear him. She still didn’t know the whole truth where he was concerned, but as far as her safety went, she trusted him.
“I had to see it online to know you’d gone back to Morey. So is it true? ’Cause fuck, Ashley, I’ve been working my ass off all day on your PR situation. Do I need to send my notes to Morey?”
The anger and tension in his body rolled off him and assaulted her.
“I’ve messed everything up.”
She put her hand softly to her forehead and sank onto the bed.
“I’m tired, Darius. I just want to sleep.”
A small light came on. She winced at the pain it cause as it sliced into her aching head.
“Oh my God. What happened to you?”
She wriggled her way to the top of the bed and lay on the pillows. She didn’t care about clothes or getting under the covers, she just wanted to sleep.
“I hit a paparazzo. Light concussion. No big deal.”
She felt the mattress dip as he kneeled beside her, gently touching where the bandage on her head was.
“It looks like a big deal.”
She yawned.
“I cracked my head on the windshield. It’s just a small cut.”
She could feel the last of her strength leave her. It was a good fight, but maybe it was just time to accept the fact that she’d lost, that her lot in life had been cast and she would forever be the plaything of someone else’s whims.
“Oh, my God, Ashley. I’m so sorry. I stopped tracking the news a few hours ago after I found out about Morey. Can I get you anything?”
“No.”
He left her side. She heard his footsteps pace to the window and back.
“Damn, fucking moron!”
She opened her eyes, the pain his words caused shredding pieces of her heart.
“Don’t speak to me that way. I am not!”
She got up, realizing that no matter how tired she was, she’d made a mistake in coming back here. She should have gone straight to the home she’d shared with Gabe and sent for her stuff, but at the hospital, she’d been groggy and disoriented and all she could think of then was melting into Darius’ arms.
“Not you, darling. Me! I’m the moron. I let my personal feelings and the hurt I felt when I heard you’d gone to Morey’s affect my judgment. If I’d stayed on top of things, I would have known you’d been hurt. I would have come to the hospital. I would have…” he lost a little of the steam he’d had when he finished with, “I would have handled this entire situation differently.”
She watched as he sank to the rug in front of the fireplace. Still swamped by the eerie sense of detachment, she couldn’t go to him and put her arms around him the way her heart wanted to. Instead, she moved to the closet and began throwing things into a bag.
“I’m so confused right now, Darius. I don’t know what I want or what I’m going to do, but for now, I’m going back to Gabe’s.”
When she came out of the closet, he stood at the door waiting. His body stiff, his expression unreadable.
“Go back to Morey, Ashley. I think he’ll do a better job for you now. I’m too emotionally involved and I’ve made too many mistakes.”
She wasn’t sure why, but his words cut her deeply. Maybe she wanted him to fight for her, for them, but then why should he? He got what he ultimately wanted—her body. No man ever wanted more than that and she’d been stupid to think that would ever change.
She said nothing, just moved past him. At the door, she stopped but couldn’t face him.
“I’m sorry if I complicated your life. Send your bill to my business manager.” Somewhere, she found the strength to look back over her shoulder. “Feel free to bill me for everything. At least with you, I actually lost my virginity and that’s something no one else was able to accomplish.”
She moved quickly through the doorway then because she knew the tears were coming fast now.
Chapter 11
Darius bit the inside of his jaw, blocking out all the commotion around him.
It had been two weeks since he’d seen Ashley and though this measure was extreme, he simply had no idea what else to do. She had his calls blocked. They wouldn’t let him past the gate at her house. Even Paige and Johnny stonewalled him.
This stunt would either get her back, or push her away forever, either way, it was better than this limbo she’d left him in. He loved her. He wanted to spend the rest of his life making her happy, but first, he needed to get her to speak to him.
“Oh, my God, how great is this?”
Pamela Hartson grabbed one of his hands with both of hers, squeezing it in her excitement.
Darius knew she would be pissed when she realized he had lied to her, but he had no other way to get on her show, and currently, her show had the biggest audience and aired live. Both were absolute must requirements for his plan to succeed.
He smiled. Pamela took the director’s-style chair set up across from him, causing him to avert his eyes as she adjusted her position.
“Pamela, I’m not interested. Keep your legs together.”
Alienating her before the show even started probably wasn’t smart, but his nerves had the better of him and he wasn’t making great judgments.
The next few minutes passed so slowly, he thought he’d aged twenty years in the twenty minutes, when finally the lights came up, the set grew quiet and he heard the blessed words he’d been waiting for…
“And we’re live!”
* * * *
“Princess, you need to get out of bed.”
“No, I don’t.”
She didn’t look at him. Her gaze focused on the ceiling, but she heard the breath he exhaled in frustration and also heard his footsteps coming closer. She’d told him to leave a million times in the past two weeks. She was starting to accept he wasn’t going anywhere.
“Princess, I love you like you were my own daughter and it’s killing me to see you like this.”
He sat beside her on the bed and held her hand. She’d known him most of her life, yet she’d never known him to touch her. He usually kept a professional distance, but in truth, she found this comforting in a way very reminiscent of Darius’ touch.
She closed her eyes. Just the quick thought of him made her heart ache in so many places, she couldn’t catch her breath.
“You’re scaring me. I’ve never seen you like this. I’m no expert, Ash. Hell, I’ve never been in love myself, so I don’t even have any grounds to say this, in my very non-expert opinion, you’re heartbroken and I don’t understand why you don’t just call Darius and make things right.”
She tried to pull away; he held her in place.
“Ash, you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You are a capable woman who’s finally in charge of her own life. You can do anything.”
“No, I can’t!” She sat up, pulling her hand out of his. “I tried and all I got for my trouble was a sex scandal that just keeps getting bigger and bigger by the day. Do you know I saw that skanky Rick Sorenson on Good Day something or another talking about how I sexually harassed him on the set?
“I’m getting hate mail, Johnny. Hate mail!”
She started to cry, despite her best intentions not to. Johnny pulled her close, hugging her.
“I’ve never gotten hate mail. People love me.” She sighed. “I sound like a total snot, don’t I?”
She sniffled and buried her face against his chest.
“No, you don’t. Ashley, most people are never going to understand your reality. Your life has been…well, uh, unusual.”
She laughed.
“It’s a freak show, but thank you for your tact.”
She sat back. Johnny tenderly patted her tears with the edge of his shirt.
“Ashley, hon, you’ll never be happy until you take your fate in yo
ur own hands and learn how to trust yourself.”
She closed her eyes.
“I can’t. I’m not…anything.”
He grunted and cupped her face tenderly between his very large hands.
“Ashley Benson, you are the sweetest, most loyal, kind, sexy, smart, incredible…”
She pulled away from him.
“No, I’m not.”
She pushed off the bed and walked to the window, turned her back to it and rested against the sill.
“Johnny, I’m stupid, naïve, gullible…”
“Stop right now. Those aren’t your words, they’re Myra’s and Morey’s. I’ve watched you, Ashley. I’ve watched you grow and survive and handle things that would have killed a lot of lesser people. You are the strongest woman I know, and you need to hear that.”
He walked over to her and poked her forehead. “Acknowledge it here.” Then he pointed to her chest. “And accept it here.”
He pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“You are so much more than you give yourself credit for and it just kills me to see Myra still ruling your life from the grave. Be with Darius or not, but make peace with the fact you have what it takes to do this. To live your life on your terms. To make decisions and handle the consequences if they’re the wrong ones. I have so much faith in you, Princess. I know you’re going to be fine.
“More than fine. You’re going to be incredible. You’ll find your happiness and no one deserves it more than you.”
She looked up at him, feeling a lot like a five-year-old being told a wondrous tale of a faraway land and magic ponies.
“You think I’m brave?”
He smiled. She’d always thought he was so handsome when he smiled.
“I think you are incredibly brave.”
She almost believed him.
“Ash, seriously, you wouldn’t have made it this far if you weren’t. You wouldn’t still be standing.”
She blinked.
Maybe…maybe.
“Oh my God, Ashley, turn on channel fifty-eight!”
Paige rarely got excited about anything, seeing the woman charge into her room, cheeks flushed, caused Ashley’s stomach to bottom out.
“Paige, I’ve seen enough.”
“You haven’t seen this.”
Paige went about exposing the TV and turning it on. Johnny squeezed her hand and went back to being silently invisible. Still, she drew on his strength to meet whatever this would be. She wondered if she could just do that in general for a while. Other thoughts were yanked away as Darius’ smiling face suddenly appeared on her television screen. Her heart leapt, her stomach flipped, then reality sunk in.
He was talking about her.
“Okay, Darius, I understand that part, but when you agreed to this interview, you said you’d tell all about your relationship with Ashley Williams. So far, you’ve side-stepped everything I’ve asked you.”
“Pamela, I’ve answered everything you’ve asked. Just because it’s not the answer you want doesn’t make it any less of an answer.”
Pamela Hartson, who usually appeared so composed, seemed to become somewhat flustered for a moment.
“Do you think there is any truth to the rumor that she’s going into rehab?”
Ashley felt the blood drain from her face. She briefly met Johnny’s gaze.
“See? My gut doesn’t work.”
Morey had been working very hard to convince her Darius had betrayed her, but she’d been clinging to the hope that he hadn’t, that it was all a lie. But this seemed to prove otherwise. Her heart broke all over again. She started to leave the room, defeated again, and tired of the rollercoaster her life had become.
“What on earth would she have to rehab from, Pamela? To my knowledge, the girl doesn’t even drink, let alone play with any other substances.”
Her feet froze, refusing to assist her in her bid to escape the room.
“Did he…”
“Shhhh.”
Both Paige and Johnny shushed her in unison. She had few alternatives than to hear Darius out.
“Ashley Williams isn’t anything that you people are making her out to be. The thing I hate about the media is that one minute you’re propping someone up on this huge pedestal, then the next, you’ve yanked it from beneath them. Do you have any idea what that can do to a person? And Ashley Williams has handled all of it, all her life, like a pro. She…”
“Darius, I hate to interrupt, but you did have a physical relationship with Mrs. Williams while you were representing her, did you not?”
“I fell in love with Ashley, yes. She’s an incredible woman and very potent.”
“Potent?” Ashley had heard herself described as a lot of things, but potent? Not so much.
“Shhhhh!”
Ashley growled her frustration as she was vehemently shushed yet again.
“What about the breast implant removal? It’s been alluded that Mrs. Williams was in the midst of a nervous breakdown when she made that choice and that she will be redoing the surgery once she’s through rehab.”
“Pamela, are you having trouble with your hearing? To be clear, Ashley Williams has no dependence on any substance she would need rehab from. She wanted the implants removed because they made her uncomfortable and after all, it is her body and she is the one who has to live with them day in and day out. And as for any question about her mental stability, I worked with the woman very closely and I only ever saw a strong, competent, compassionate woman that we would all be so lucky to know.”
Ashley’s heart melted. Johnny came up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders.
“He’s a good guy, Ash. Before, I said I didn’t care if you were with him or not, but I’ve changed my opinion. He’d be good for you, princess.”
She smiled. She was changing hers as well, but Pamela Hartson’s grainy voice was hard to ignore as she continued to harp about Ashley’s alleged substance abuse.
“Well, the car accident she was in a few weeks back was suspicious and her blood alcohol level has been brought into question.”
“By you!
“The media questions it, stirring the rumor mill to epic proportions, but not by the police. It was a clear case of the paparazzi not giving a damn about anything but their blasted pictures. They ran her off the road and she could have been killed! No one cares about that, however.
“Ashley Williams is one of the most incredibly strong women I’ve ever met. Anyone who knows her is honored by her friendship. She’s a real person with feelings and your actions, your stories, they have repercussions. You all need to hold yourself to higher standards and remember that you’re not dealing with a fictional character. You’re dealing with a woman who has shown you all nothing but kindness since she was a child. She’s done nothing but entertain a lot of people.
“She made the lonely a little less lonely for a while, made the sad, laugh, made the broken-hearted believe again in love. I know she did all those things for me. She entertained me from the silver screen for years before I ever met her. She’s America’s Sweetheart and don’t we need that? Something to believe in that’s good? But the second you all had the chance, you started ripping her apart.
“She makes us feel things, brings us joy, and how many of us cried for her the night we heard the plane went down carrying her mother and husband? We cry together when she does. We always root for her, and when she’s on that screen and she feels something, she makes us feel it, too. And for that, she deserves this?”
Ashley got chills listening to Darius’ defense of her. She couldn’t remember another time anyone had stood up for her.
“Darius, what is your agenda here? Because I am not stupid. It’s abundantly clear that you lied your way onto this show for some purpose, so what is it? The floor is yours.”
“Why thank you, Pamela. Always such a generous host.”
He smiled, Pamela sneered, and Ashley giggled but held her breath to see what Darius would say next.
&
nbsp; * * * *
Johnny squeezed her shoulders again and whispered in her ear, “Go to him. Show him some support for what he’s done here. You guys can work out all the small stuff in time, just go to him now, Ash.”
She chewed on her lower lip.
“How much longer is the show on for?”
Paige checked her watch.
“About twenty minutes.”
Ashley looked up at Johnny but didn’t need to ask her question. He just grabbed her hand and started out of the room.
“We’ll make it, ’cause I’m driving!”
* * * *
“Clearly you’re in love with the woman, so you may be a little biased.”
Darius was getting really tired of Pamela’s constant assaults on Ashley’s character.
“Maybe I am. Maybe I’ve always been in love with her. I remember being twenty-one, twenty-two, something like that I watched that documentary she did on the mountain gorillas. The three months she spent in the jungle getting to know these animals. Do you remember that?”
“I suppose.”
Darius smiled. He saw Pamela had about given up trying to rein him in.
“Before then, I thought she was a cute kid who’d grown into a pretty teen, but watching that documentary, I saw a woman with a huge heart. A sensitive, caring, wonderful woman. There were no costumes, no make up, no script, it was just her and she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
“And like much of the American male population, the day she got married, I tied one on. I felt like I’d lost something profoundly important that night.
“Then…”
Darius’ eye caught the movement off the side of the stage. He nearly cried then.
“Pamela, here’s your story.”
He got off the chair but only took about three steps before Ashley was in his arms. To the sound of gasps and “awws,” he kissed her like they’d been separated a lifetime. He didn’t give a damn that this tape would be all over the airwaves within the next half hour. He had Ashley back and that was all that mattered. In that surreal moment, holding Ashley, tasting her, loving her, he swore to the depths of his soul that he’d never let this woman get away from him again for as long as he lived.