Coming Undone

by Stallings, Staci

  When Ben leaned back this time, it was to get more comfortable as he wanted to hear this whole story. “So you had a tough time then?”

  “Oh, yeah. Not that I got into trouble or anything. I was just a really lost. I didn’t fit much of anywhere. I didn’t play sports or band. I wasn’t all that smart or that talented. I just kind of floated through school. Then when I was a freshmen in high school, Ty moved in, and he invited me to church. I guess I finally found the place I fit.”

  “So you like church?”

  “I love it. I feel safe there, like I belong.”

  A pang twanged in Ben’s heart at the thought of his little brother feeling so alone for so long. “I wish I could’ve been there.”

  The smallest of smiles came to Jason’s face. “Me too.”

  “Mrs. Gunthrey,” Kathryn said as she crossed into the room. On one side the woman’s daughter stood, a small box in hand to collect their mementos and belongings.

  “Oh, dear Kathryn.” Mrs. Gunthrey turned to her, and Kathryn gathered the old woman in. “Thank you so much for everything.”

  Tears slipped into Kathryn’s eyes. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

  “It was time, dear. It was time.”

  Kathryn stepped back and leveled her full attention on the woman. “So, do you have everything? Do you need anything else?”

  Sadness clouded the woman’s faded blue eyes. “Prayers.”

  With a nod, Kathryn fought to keep the tears from falling. “You’ve got it.”

  “Misty, please let me know when Father Patrick gets here,” Kathryn said five minutes later as the door closed behind the Gunthrey’s final exit. “I’ve got to get some paperwork done.”

  “K.” Misty bent her head back to her work. “Oh, did Nathan call you last night?”

  “He did.” Kathryn was already headed down the hallway. “And that’s all I’m telling you.”

  “Oh, come on!”

  Making sure she sashayed just a bit more, Kathryn kept walking. Of course that would drive Misty crazy, but the truth was Kathryn really didn’t want to talk about it. Nathan and Friday night was freaking her out. Trying to sound excited for her friend’s benefit was too much to ask. In her office she sat down and slipped the paperwork for Mr. Warren back into its folder. “Dear Lord, please hold the next couple of hours in Your hands. I know Jason is freaked, not to even mention Ben. Please, please be with them and with Father Patrick, and with me too.”

  She smiled at that request. He was probably tired of hearing that request by now, but there was no way around the fact that she needed as much help here as she could get. She glanced at her watch. It was already almost ll:30. She hoped Father Patrick would hurry. And with that thought, she got back to work.

  Chapter 11

  “Knock. Knock.” Kathryn pushed into the room with her head down and then picked her gaze up and peeked in.

  Ben saw her first and came up off the couch. Jason followed from the chair. The center of Ben’s chest vice-gripped into a knot when he realized it was her. She really was beautiful. Where that thought came from, he had no idea, and he readjusted the waistline of his jeans at the thought that she might be able to read his mind.

  “Hi, guys.” She came all the way in then, followed by a little, balding man of about 55.

  He had only a ring of dark hair around the low perimeter of his head, and he was dressed all in black with the little white collar thing at his neck. Ben knew the outfit well from his days of serving for Mass. That seemed a different lifetime now, and in a way it was odd that there were still priests on the planet. It had been so very long since he’d seen one. He’d almost forgotten they existed.

  “Ben, Jason, this is Father Patrick,” Kathryn said, indicating each in turn.

  Ben’s gaze snagged on her hand, which moved with such grace and confidence. He really liked that hand. Then he yanked his attention back to the reality of the moment. He held out his own hand to shake the older man’s hand. “Father.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Ben. Your father spoke about you often.”

  “Oh. Well.” Ben stepped back, his gaze bouncing to each person in the room. “That’s… nice.”

  Jason shook Father Patrick’s hand as well but got only the word, “Father” out.

  Looking over, Ben’s heart went out to his little brother, and lest it become too awkward for him, Ben took over.

  “Well, Father, Kathryn says you want to do some ceremony thing?” He looked to Kathryn for confirmation of that, but she was looking only at Father Patrick.

  “Yes, I brought the oils to give your father the Anointing of the Sick,” Father Patrick said. His manner was quiet and completely respectful. “Are you familiar with the Sacrament?”

  Ben hadn’t realized there would be a test. “Uh, well, no, not really.” He looked to Kathryn for help. “I’m not really all that religious…”

  He had expected a rebuke and harsh words. Instead Father Patrick only smiled softly.

  “I understand. If you would like, I can explain a little about it?”

  It was more an offer than a question, Ben was touched by it. “Yeah. I’d…” He looked over to Jason and for the first time felt they were both in the same boat. “We’d like that.”

  Father Patrick nodded. “We can sit if you want.”

  “O… kay.” Ben turned back for the couch and headed that direction.

  “I’ll just leave you…” Kathryn started.

  Instantly Ben spun. “I… Um, could you stay?”

  True indecision went through her eyes, and his heart pleaded with her not to leave him with this one.

  Finally she sighed and smiled as if forced. “Okay.”

  As they all took their seats, Kathryn resisted looking at her watch. God, I’m going to have to be on Your time here. You know I need to eat lunch before I go to the funeral. How am I going to get all of this done? But she couldn’t leave Ben and Jason. They needed her. She just wished she could split herself into three people.

  “The Sacrament of the Sick or Anointing of the Sick used to be called Last Rites,” Father Patrick began, and Kathryn sincerely hoped he didn’t launch into an all-out Catechism lesson.

  Patience, Kathryn. Find your patience. She focused on breathing and pulling patience to her.

  “It used to be given only when a person was on death’s doorstep, but we have come to the understanding that physical healing in the context of the spirit is needed many times throughout life, not just at the end. So now we give an Anointing of the Sick regardless of if the illness has progressed to the point of death or even if it might very well be healed outright.”

  Across the small space, Ben nodded, and Kathryn was grateful for that. He needed to find some peace, and maybe this finally had a shot at allowing him that.

  “As for today, we can do either the simple anointing or we can do a reading from the Bible and maybe a prayer or two if you would like, but basically we are simply asking God to be merciful to your dad and to come into this moment to give you all peace and wisdom.”

  Ben sat for a moment and then shifted slightly, wondering why the priest hadn’t talked about burning candles and strings of garlic. “And that’s it?”

  He knew he sounded skeptical, but truly he couldn’t help it. He’d seen the movies with the priests doing exorcisms, and though he had also been part of the church and never seen one in person, he’d just assumed they did them when no one was looking or something.

  “That’s it. And it’s totally up to you how much we do. Would you like to choose a Bible reading or just do the anointing?”

  Boy, that question was way out of his league. He looked first to Kathryn and then to Jason, unsure of how they wanted that question answered. For himself, he had no clue.

  “Uh, could we do 2 Corinthians Chapter 4:16-17?” Jason asked, and they all looked at him.

  Father Patrick pulled his Bible out and found the reference. His smile affirmed the selection. “That is an excellent choi
ce. Shall we?”

  They all stood, and Ben followed but slowly.

  The room suddenly seemed quieter and smaller as Ben watched them all go toward the bed. Standing, he adjusted his waistline and cleared his throat. It took actual force to get his feet moving, and his progress to the bed was slow and hesitant. The closer he got, the more his head swum for lack of oxygen. With the three of them buffering him from the sight of the bed, he heaved a breath, closed his eyes, and bowed his head.

  It was a minor miracle that he didn’t pass out right there. The swaying of his body told him that was a possibility, and he willed himself to be strong, to not think about what was going on, and to just get through it. That was much easier said than done.

  “Father God, we come before You today to ask for Your mercy and Your love for our brother Ronald. In this life we are called to walk with You in faith. Ronald has done that, Lord. Now we ask for Your gentle arms to encircle him and to guide him on this his final journey home.”

  If he could just keep all the words outside of himself, Ben could get through this. He shifted on his feet carefully and willed a wall up between himself and what was happening just in front of him.

  “A reading from 2 Corinthians,” Father Patrick said. “Therefore, we are not discouraged; rather, although our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond comparison, as we look not to what is seen, but to what is unseen; for what is seen is transitory, but what is unseen is eternal.”

  A moment and he closed the Bible with the smallest of claps. In any normal room, the sound wouldn’t even have been noticeable. Here, it was bone-jarring.

  “Kathryn,” Father Patrick said, taking something from his pocket. “Will you please hold the Holy Oils?”

  She turned from her position next to the priest and accepted the small bottle. It took another moment before Father Patrick continued.

  “Lord God, You have said to us through Your apostle James: Are there people sick among you? Let them send for the priest of the Church, and let the priests pray over them anointing them with oil in the name of the Lord. The prayer of the faith will save the sick persons, and the Lord will raise them up. If they have committed any sins, their sins will be forgiven them. Lord, we have gathered here in Your name and we ask You to be among us, to watch over our brother Ronald. We ask this with confidence, for You live and reign forever and ever.”

  “Amen,” Kathryn said.

  Father Patrick stepped just past Kathryn to the head of the bed and put his hands gently on the white head of the man laying there. Ben watched him do this and then put his head down and let his eyes fall closed. To just keep standing there was taking everything he had. Watching would be more than he could do.

  After a brief moment, Father Patrick turned to Kathryn and took the bottle. He tipped it, got some oil and put it just below the white shock of hair. “Through this holy anointing may the Lord in His love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit.”

  “Amen,” Kathryn said softly, solemnly, and Ben’s gaze went to her. Of course, she had surely done this a million times, and yet she looked as if this time were truly special.

  “May the Lord who frees you from sin save you and raise you up,” Father Patrick said.

  “Amen.” This time it came from both Kathryn and Jason.

  With a slight scowl, Ben glanced at both of them. What did they need him for? Certainly not this. He blinked those thoughts back, annoyed both with the situation and himself.

  “Now, if we could say the Lord’s Prayer together.” Father Patrick reached to either side of him for their hands. “Our Father, Who art in Heaven…”

  Ben didn’t know the words, so he closed his eyes and prayed they would forget he was even in the room.

  “Hallowed by Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.”

  A moment and as the words continued, he sensed movement. When he opened his eyes, Jason was turned to him, gazing at him as he continued to pray.

  “Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses.”

  With his free hand, his brother reached back for him. Ben flinched at the offer. Finally he lifted his hand and placed it in his brother’s.

  Jason immediately turned back. “As we forgive those who trespass against us.”

  A shakiness invaded Ben’s soul. They all knew how to do this. He had no clue.

  “And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen.”

  In the middle of the group, Father Patrick released the hands he held, and the others followed suit. Glad to be let go, Ben stepped back once again and crossed his arms over his chest, hoping this wouldn’t last much longer. His stomach was beginning to clench so tightly he thought he might be sick.

  “Father in Heaven, through this holy anointing grant Ronald comfort in his suffering. When he is afraid, give him courage, when afflicted, give him patience, when dejected, afford him hope, and when alone, assure him of the support of Your holy people. We ask this through Christ our Lord.”

  “Amen,” Jason and Kathryn responded.

  “Amen,” Ben breathed.

  Once again Father Patrick stepped to the head of the bed. “May the blessing of God, the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, come upon you and remain with you forever.”

  “Amen.” Ben almost managed to get his in at the same time as the other two.

  For a moment after the blessing, no one moved, and Ben wondered what came next. That sounded like the end. In fact, Father Patrick had closed the book, but still no one had moved. Father Patrick reached down and touched the pale hand that remained motionless on the bed. He bent his head and seemed lost in prayer or thought or something for a very long moment. The quiet of the room screamed through Ben’s shredded soul, whipping through the tatters and sending a shiver through him. He reached up to scratch his ear and wondered at that just as he heard the thunder clap outside.

  All four gazes went to the window which had the shades drawn and thus gave no view of the outside world.

  “The storm was coming in as I was driving over,” Father Patrick said to Kathryn.

  “I was really hoping it would hold off,” she replied.

  He smiled. “Can’t keep the storms at bay forever.” Then he turned and addressed Jason who stood right next to him and Ben who stood slightly behind all of them. “We can talk here about the services if you would like, or there is a small conference room down the hallway if you would prefer.”

  “Uh.” Ben hesitated, his arms now firmly crossed over his chest. He looked to Jason and then to Kathryn. “I guess the conference room if that’s okay.”

  Kathryn nodded as she looked at them all. “It should be open.”

  Father Patrick nodded. “That will be fine.”

  Kathryn didn’t want to have to leave, but it was nearly noon. The rain slithered down the large window in the lobby, giving testament to the fact that the storm had indeed arrived. Outside the room, she turned to the group, not wanting to go but knowing she had to. “I’m going to go on if that’s okay.”

  From just behind the group, Ben’s heart jumped in protest. She was going to leave him now? What was she thinking? Then he stopped himself and questioned his own motives. What was he thinking? She wasn’t his guardian or even his friend. She was doing her job, and she’d already gone above and beyond the call of duty in that respect.

  “That’s fine,” Father Patrick said. “I believe we can handle it from here.”

  “Please let Misty or one of the others know if there’s anything you need.”

  “All right.” Father Patrick held out his arms. “Thank you, Kathryn.”

  “You’re welcome.” She accepted the hug and then glanced at the other two. “I will be back after awhile if you need anything.”

  Somehow Ben got himself to nod. He had no clue what Jason’s reaction was because he couldn’t
focus on anything other than his own distress. His arms were still crossed, but his head was bobbing because he knew nothing else to do.

  “Okay, we’ll see you later, Kathryn,” Jason said, putting an arm out to her. “Thanks.”

  She gave him a quick hug because he was standing right next to her, and then she smiled in Ben’s general direction. “Take care.”

  “We will. You too,” Father Patrick said.

  With that, she turned and walked away down the lobby. Ben’s heart went with her. What did she have to do that was so important? More important than them? Of course that wasn’t fair, but he really didn’t want to do this alone. Maybe it would’ve been easier if she had stayed. Probably not, but there was always that thought.

  “Gentlemen, the conference room is this way,” Father Patrick said, opening his hand in front of them.

  Even as his gaze fell, Ben nodded and forced his feet to follow.

  With the rain, she was really going to have to hurry. Kathryn let Misty know she was leaving, ran through the cafeteria and grabbed the first small sandwich she came to. She would have to eat in the car. The funeral was only 45 minutes away in St. John’s Lutheran Church. She’d been there several times so it wasn’t like she needed a map. However, with traffic at a near standstill because of the downpour, her progress was slow and painstaking.

  The rain came down in sheets, and she wondered as she drove where the beautiful blue skies from earlier had gone. Were it not for the weather forecaster’s warning of this, she would never have seen it coming. Knowing that getting in a hurry would be dangerous, she defaulted to the only way she’d ever found to keep herself calm in tense situations.

  “Dear Lord, be with us today.” Her mind went back to the room and to the brothers so tentative and unsure of even the beautiful anointing Father Patrick had offered. “Dear Lord, please be with Jason and Ben. Open their hearts to Your love and to giving us Catholics a chance.” She laughed at that softly. “I think Jason thinks we’ve got two heads or something. Please show him that we’re not so bad, and that we really do love You. Show him that we are all Christians no matter what the sign out in front of the building says.”