What's Left of Me

by Kristen Granata

  “Come to join the party?” Dan tips his World’s Best Dad mug in my direction.

  “Didn’t know there was one.”

  “Lucas here can’t sleep.” Josie presses her lips to the top of his head. “Think he had a nightmare.”

  Lucas whimpers and nuzzles his nose against her neck.

  “That makes two of us.” I gesture to the stainless-steel fridge. “Mind if I make something to eat?”

  Dan waves a hand. “Knock yourself out, brother.”

  “So, anyway,” Josie says, continuing the conversation I barged in on, “Serenity pulled down her sweater, and there were all these bruises on her arm.”

  Dan’s head cocks to the side. “Bruises?”

  Josie runs her index finger from her shoulder to her elbow. “Like someone had grabbed her too hard.”

  “What did she say about it?”

  Josie’s eyes roll. “She lied. She claimed Paul got rough during sex.”

  “Could be true.” Dan hikes a shoulder. “Paul hasn’t complained about their lack of sex in a while. Maybe things are back to normal between them.”

  I’m about to carry my plate of cold lasagna back to the pool house, skulk out of the kitchen before anyone notices I’m gone.

  “Cole, sit. We’re talking about your new friend from across the street.”

  I stifle a groan. “Not really one for gossip, Josie.”

  “It’s not gossip. Callie’s my best friend, and I’m worried.” She kicks out the stool beside her. “I could use an unbiased opinion.”

  Blowing out a sigh, I drop onto the stool and shove a forkful of lasagna into my mouth.

  Josie’s voice lowers. “I think Callie’s husband is hitting her.”

  My jaw stops moving, and I immediately think back to our encounter earlier. The woman flinched every time I moved.

  Like she expected it.

  Like she was used to someone raising his hands to her.

  Not my business.

  I shovel another bite into my mouth. “Bruises don’t mean she’s getting abused.”

  Dan nods. “I’ve never seen Paul with a temper. He’s so even-keeled.”

  Josie shakes her head while she rocks Lucas. “Those are the most likely suspects. The ones you’d never believe could do such a thing. You didn’t see her arm. Something’s wrong. I feel it in my gut.”

  “Have you seen bruises on her before?”

  Why am I entertaining this?

  “No. But it’s strange that she’s always covered up. If I had a body like hers, untainted by four kids, I’d be flaunting it all over this place.”

  Dan chuckles. “Would you ever ask her? There’s no way I could ask Paul something like that.”

  Josie’s mouth tugs downward. “She won’t tell me the truth. She lied to my face today.”

  “Nothing you can do if she doesn’t want you to know.” I wipe my mouth on a napkin and toss it onto my plate. “Penny’s family went to great lengths to hide anything that would tarnish their reputation.”

  Josie’s hand clamps over mine. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

  I shake my head. “Not your fault.”

  Nobody’s but my own.

  I push back and carry my plate to the sink.

  “Feels like it is,” she says.

  My head jerks around to look at my sister, confusion etched onto my face.

  “I wasn’t there for you. Not enough. It kills me that you had to endure something like that by yourself.”

  Grief twists my stomach. “I’m glad I was alone. Glad Mom and Dad weren’t there to witness that.”

  Dan nods like he understands, but he doesn’t have a fucking clue. Nice guy and all, but he’s never known suffering a day in his life.

  The kind that obliterates joy.

  Shattering any morsel of hope.

  Extinguishing the sun for all eternity.

  I glance over my shoulder as I move for the door, watching as Josie kisses Lucas’s head, Dan rubbing his back in soothing circles.

  A family.

  One last look to twist the knife in deeper.

  Four

  Cole

  Six Years Ago

  Today started like any other day.

  Almost ended like any other day too.

  I was on my way home from the construction site, counting down the seconds until I could scrub the dirt and sawdust off of me.

  Then, my phone buzzed from my tool belt on the passenger seat.

  I answered it with my car’s Bluetooth. “Yes, Mom. I’m coming tonight.”

  “Oh, good!” her cheery voice boomed through the speakers. “I need you to pick up that bread from that place near your apartment. La Vida ... La Dolce ... La Vida Loca ...”

  I grinned as I made a quick U-turn. “La Dolce Vita.”

  “Yes! That’s the one. They have the best bread.”

  “How many loaves do you want?”

  “Two should be fine.”

  “I’ll get three. You can freeze whatever’s left.”

  “Good idea. My boy’s so smart.”

  I chuckled and shook my head. “See you in a bit, Mom.”

  “Drive safe!”

  Every Thursday since my sister moved out to California with her fiancé, I ate dinner with my parents.

  Tonight was a regular, run-of-the-mill Thursday night.

  But tonight, I had to make a pitstop for bread.

  The silver bell on the door clanged when I walked into the bakery. My mouth watered when the sweet, sugary aroma wafted up my nostrils. After a long, scorching day of working outside, I couldn’t wait to have a beer and a heaping plate of Mom’s lasagna with some of this bread.

  A brunette with a tiny frame stood in front of me in line. My eyes lingered on the swell of her ass in her tight pencil skirt, the way the curtain of her dark hair shone under the fluorescent lights, the way her heels accentuated her calves.

  I hadn’t even seen her face, and I was already intrigued.

  Her red fingernail tapped on the glass display case. “I’ll take two loaves of the sesame bread, please.”

  Her voice was a melody, a song I wanted to learn all the words to. My body hummed along to it, inched closer so I could hear it better.

  She shifted to the cash register, and when I stepped forward, she turned her head toward me.

  My heart stalled in my chest, popping and sputtering, forgetting how to beat.

  Big, brown eyes blinked up at me with long lashes fanned out around them. Her nose was perfect, small and slightly turned up at the tip. Her pouty, full lips were covered in a pink-tinted gloss.

  The whole world tilted on its axis.

  She stole the breath right from my lungs.

  She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.

  The woman’s cheeks flushed, and her eyes averted to the ground before flicking back up to mine. “Thank you.”

  I tilted my head to the side. “What?”

  “You said I was the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen.”

  “Shit,” I muttered. “I said that out loud?”

  She giggled, and Cupid shot my heart with another arrow. “Yeah, you did.”

  I stepped closer, her fresh, flowery scent intoxicating my senses, luring me in. “Sorry. My mouth gets ahead of my brain sometimes.”

  “Don’t be sorry.” She fidgeted with the strap of her purse. “I don’t mind.”

  My heart kicked back to life, a jackhammer in my chest. “I’m Cole.”

  I extended my hand but yanked it back when I realized how filthy it was, covered in dirt from the day’s work. “Shit, sorry.”

  She shook her head, her hair swishing around her shoulders. “Stop apologizing, Cole. You look like you’ve had a long day at work. Nothing wrong with that.”

  “Miss,” the cashier called. “Here’s your bread.”

  The brunette turned away from me to hand the cashier her credit card, and it felt like all the warmth left the store. Like nothing would b
e the same again without her deep, dark eyes on me. Like everything in my life would always be less than if she wasn’t with me.

  I had to know her name. Had to kiss those lips. Had to wrap my arms around her, hold her close.

  After she paid, she spun around and gazed up at me. “Well, Cole. It was nice to meet you.”

  “You didn’t tell me your name.”

  “Penelope.” She blushed again. “My friends call me Penny.”

  Penny.

  My lucky Penny.

  “Sir, can I help you?” the cashier asked.

  Keeping my eyes on Penny, I said, “Can I have three loaves of sesame bread, please?”

  “Sorry, sir. We’re all out.”

  Penny’s head whipped around. “But I just bought some.”

  “You took the last of it. We’re closing in twenty minutes.”

  Penny looked down at her white shopping bag and back up at me. “You can have one of my loaves. One’s better than none.”

  Sorry, Mom.

  I shook my head. “No, no. Don’t worry about it. You bought it, fair and square.”

  Her cheeks pushed up as she smiled, and I vowed right then and there to keep that smile on her face.

  “Penny, would you like to have dinner with me?”

  Her lips parted, and I had to hold myself back from claiming them as my own.

  “It doesn’t have to be tonight, if you’re busy. Maybe tomorrow? Or Saturday? Whenever you’re free.”

  She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m free tomorrow night.”

  Tomorrow.

  My spirits soared.

  From that moment on, my life was never the same.

  That was the moment I let a woman steal my bread—and my heart.

  Five

  Callie

  “Happy Fourth of July!”

  “Happy Fourth of July, Miles.” I place my bowl of homemade potato salad on Josie’s patio table.

  “Callie, you have to watch my flip! I’ve been practicing.”

  “I can’t wait. Let me see if your mom needs help first. I’ll be back out in a few, and then I’m all yours.”

  “Okay! Hey, Paul, want to watch me?”

  Paul slides his sunglasses on and rubs the palms of his hands together. “Let’s see this flip I’ve been hearing about.”

  I grin as I make my way inside.

  “Oh, thank God you’re here.” Josie shoves Serenity at me when I step into the kitchen. “Take her. I still have to cut the vegetables, clean the chicken, mix the dip, and Lucas literally just shit up his entire back.”

  I choke out a laugh. “Go. We’ll handle the kitchen. Isn’t that right, my sweet Serenity?”

  Josie scurries into the hallway, holding Lucas out in front of her at arm’s length.

  I spin in a circle, and Serenity giggles, flinging her arms around my neck.

  “You look so beautiful in that dress. Are you going to stay up for the fireworks later?”

  She nods emphatically. “Fire go boom.”

  “Yes, it does. Now, let’s see. Where does Mommy keep her cutting board?”

  “Cabinet to your left.”

  I gasp, my head snapping in the direction of the deep voice.

  “God. How long have you been lurking in the corner?”

  Cole shrugs. “Since you walked in.”

  “You scared me.”

  “Like I told you, you’re jumpy.”

  I roll my eyes and rummage through the tall, white cabinets for the cutting board. When I stand, Cole is at my side, invading the space I’m standing in. He gives me a gentle nudge with his elbow, and it’s not in the domineering way I’m accustomed to.

  “I’ll chop. You can make the dip.”

  I blink up at him, curiosity piquing my interest. He isn’t wearing his hat today, so his face is on full display. Hard lines and sharp angles, his chiseled jaw flexes like he’s thinking about something that’s pissing him off. His eyebrows slant downward, pinched together in the middle. Thick, chestnut hair sits in an overgrown, messy pile on his head.

  Though he smells like fabric softener, his fitted gray T-shirt is wrinkly. He’s dirt-free, but he’s still unshaven, still rough around the edges. It’s a half-assed attempt to look presentable for the party, yet he’s incredibly handsome.

  Makes me wonder how good he’d look if he put in a full-assed effort.

  Cole tilts his head, and the full weight of his steel gaze bears down on me. “What?”

  “You look clean today.”

  Oh my God. Did I really just say that out loud?

  “I mean nice. You look nice.” I clear my throat. “Gray is a good color on you.”

  “Had to clean up.” His eyes narrow. “Heard the princess was coming.”

  My top lip curls at the nickname he keeps tossing at me as an insult.

  Jerk.

  Plopping Serenity on the counter, I pour the packet of onion mix into a bowl with sour cream and stir. Her little hand wraps around the top of the spoon to help me. She observes Cole over my shoulder, leery eyes watching to see what he does, like she doesn’t trust him.

  Smart kid.

  Josie saunters back into the kitchen with a clean Lucas attached to her hip. “Need a damn hazmat suit every time I change this kid’s diaper.”

  I chuckle. “Not surprising with how much he eats.”

  The loud melody of the doorbell echoes in the room.

  “Party!” Lucas shouts.

  Josie carries him into the foyer, and I’m relieved that guests are starting to arrive. The awkward tension between me and Cole is palpable, to say the least.

  Josie returns with a couple who she first introduces to her brother. They shake hands, and then it’s my turn.

  “Callie, this is Dan’s co-worker, Jeff, and this is his wife, Brenda.”

  “It’s nice to meet you.” I extend my hand to Brenda, and she shakes it with a bright smile.

  With bleach-blond hair and a fit body, she’s much younger than Jeff, which is a common thing here in Orange County.

  Jeff hoists their baby carrier onto the counter with a grunt. “Gonna pull my back out one of these days. This thing weighs a ton.”

  I peer inside at the sleeping infant who’s mostly covered by a blue blanket. “Oh, my goodness. He is absolutely precious.”

  “That’s just ‘cause he’s sleeping.” Jeff chuckles. “Don’t let him fool you. The kid can scream his head off.”

  Brenda nods, running her pink acrylic fingernails through her loose waves. “We barely got any sleep last night. Our nanny had the night off for the holiday, and I could not get him to stop crying.”

  “She’s talking about me, not Braxton.” Jeff’s round belly shakes as he cracks himself up.

  “Josie, I don’t know how you do it without a nanny.” Brenda turns to me. “Do you have one?”

  I shake my head, my stomach twisting as I prepare for the inevitable next question.

  “How many children do you have?”

  “None.” I offer her a smile and return to stirring the dip.

  Please stop talking to me, Brenda.

  Clueless Brenda waves her hand and continues. “Well, when you start a family, get yourself a nanny. Makes life so much easier. Carlita does everything for us.”

  My grip on the spoon tightens.

  What’s the point of having children if you’re not going to raise them or take care of them? I couldn’t imagine pawning my own kids off on someone else.

  Then again, I don’t have my own kids. Therefore, I don’t get to have an opinion about them. Something people often remind me of, which is why I keep my opinions to myself.

  I’m mixing the dip so aggressively the bowl topples over and clatters to the floor, flinging dip onto my dress, the cabinets, and the floor.

  “Crap.” My cheeks burn, and I drop to my knees to start cleaning the mess.

  Cole crouches beside me. “Why don’t you go get cleaned up?” He touches my hand, his voice gentle. “G
o upstairs. Take a minute.”

  I nod, keeping my head down, and then I bolt out of the kitchen. I take the stairs two at a time, my airways constricting, heart thrashing in my chest.

  In the bathroom, I rest my shaking hands on the marble countertop, letting my head fall forward. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to speak louder than the thoughts screaming in my mind.

  “Maverick. California king bed. Walk-in closet. Dream kitchen. Yard with a pool. Mercedes.”

  I’m fine.

  Everything’s fine.

  It’s not Brenda’s or Jeff’s fault. They don’t know my situation. My heartache. Most people don’t realize they’re being insensitive. They don’t know they’re taking what they have for granted, because they can’t fathom not having everything they want. But some of us don’t get to have the things that are supposed to come naturally for us.

  Some of us are broken.

  I have to appreciate the things I do have. “Maverick. California king bed. Walk-in closet. Dream kitchen. Yard with a pool. Mercedes.”

  I slip my sweater off and twist the chrome knob on the faucet, rinsing off the clumps of dip under the cold stream. I use a handful of wadded toilet paper to wipe the splatters off my dress, but there’s no salvaging the oil stains.

  I swing open the bathroom door and let out a yelp. “Jesus, Cole. You need to start wearing a bell.”

  “Just came to see if you’re okay.”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Just clumsy.”

  He arches a brow. “You should’ve just thrown the dip on Brenda and her geriatric husband instead of on yourself.”

  I roll my lips together and stifle a laugh. “That’s not nice.”

  He pops an unapologetic shoulder. “Never said I was.”

  “Yet you’re here, checking on me.”

  He doesn’t respond to that. His gaze moves to my arm, trailing down my bruised skin. The muscles in his jaw pop, and then his eyes flick back to mine. But he doesn’t ask what happened. The way he’s looking at me is as if he already knows the answer.

  I push past him and make a beeline for Josie’s walk-in closet to look for something I can change into.

  Cole follows me in, as if he’s not finished scrutinizing me with that intense stare.