What's Left of Me

by Kristen Granata

  I lift an eyebrow at Cole, who’s grinning at me from the recliner. “The Luciano siblings on the same team? That doesn’t sound very fair to me.”

  Dan chuckles. “I’m an expert at Pictionary. You’re in good hands on my team.”

  Brandon covers his mouth so his father can’t see his lips. “Dad is the worst artist in the history of mankind.”

  “Lower your voice next time,” Josie says. “Your hand isn’t soundproof.”

  Cole stands and wraps his arms around my waist. “Are you hungry? I can make you a plate.”

  I shake my head and stretch up onto my toes, pressing a chaste kiss on his lips. “I ate at the diner. How was your day?”

  “Good. Missed you, though.”

  Gagging noises sound throughout the room, and my cheeks burn. I toss a pillow at Josie, hitting my target on the side of her head.

  “You’re kissing my brother, and it’s making me nauseous.”

  I roll my eyes and lower myself onto the floor next to my teammates. “All right. Let’s get this party started.”

  “Dad’s up first,” Miles says, handing him the deck of cards.

  Dan selects a card from the top of the pile, stares at it for a moment, and then nods. “Set the timer. I’m ready.”

  I bite my lip to keep from laughing. These people take Family Fun Night to an extreme level.

  Dan begins to draw, and it becomes evident that Brandon was right. Our heads tilt as we try to make out what Dan’s drawing.

  “Is it a skateboard?”

  Dan shakes his head.

  “A hot dog?”

  “A worm?”

  He keeps pointing to the log-like picture he drew, but it’s not helping.

  Brandon thrusts his hands through his hair. “Dad, stop tapping on the picture and draw something else!”

  Buzz.

  “Damnit!” Dan flings the marker across the room.

  “Dan, what the heck was it?” I ask.

  “A unicorn!”

  A laugh bursts from my throat, and I clamp my hand over my mouth.

  Josie’s face is priceless. “A unicorn has four legs. What you drew looks like a slug.”

  “Whatever.” He slumps onto the couch and crosses his arms over his chest.

  I pat his knee. “It’s okay. We’ll get it next time.”

  “Yeah,” Brandon mutters. “Just keep him away from the marker.”

  Cole is laughing so hard there are tears spilling out of his eyes. His smile lights up his entire face, and it’s a sight I don’t think I’ll ever get used to.

  Over the past few months, I’ve changed, but so has he. The angry, closed-off stranger gave way to the sweet man who’s holding on to hope. Heartache and regret still haunt him, and I think they always will, but it doesn’t hold him back anymore.

  He catches me staring and leans down. “What?”

  I thread my fingers through his hair and press my lips to his cheek. “You’re beautiful when you smile.”

  “That’s because I’m around you.”

  Warmth pools in my chest, slow yet overwhelming, like a molten river. I know I’m going under. Know where this is leading. And for once, I’m not scared. I don’t care about timeframes or people’s opinions or guilt.

  For once, I just want to be.

  Josie, Cole, and Miles win Family Fun Night by a landslide. Poor Dan may never recover. I help Josie clean up, say goodnight to the kids, and then follow Cole to the pool house.

  “I cannot wait to shower the smell of grease and ketchup off of me,” I say, hanging my jacket on the hook by the door.

  Cole hoists me up and tosses me over his shoulder. “I’d love to do the honors.”

  I squeal and belly-laugh until he sets me down on the tile in the bathroom. With hooded eyes, he gazes at me, pulling the hem of my shirt up painfully slow. He drops it to the floor and falls to his knees, sliding my jeans down at the same maddening rate. He stays there after I step each leg out of my pants and pulls my panties to the side, dragging his tongue over my already drenched folds.

  He inhales deep, letting his eyes close, and confessions begin tumbling from his lips like he’s intoxicated.

  “You’re everything to me, Callie.”

  “Need you like the air I breathe.”

  “My angel.”

  “So goddamn sexy.”

  “Want to keep you.”

  I hum and moan while my legs tremble, unable to stand his soft, teasing licks a second longer. I yank him up by his hair and make quick work of his pants, shucking his boxers at the same time. He tears his T-shirt over his head, and finally, he’s standing before me in all his naked glory.

  Hard ridges and deep contours.

  Strong and bold.

  A dark intensity radiating from his eyes, looking at me as if I’m the only thing he can see.

  My heart is a stampede, thundering in my chest as Cole takes my face in his strong hands.

  “I love you, Callie,” he whispers against my lips. “I’ve been falling since the day we met, and I don’t know how to stop.”

  Please don’t ever stop.

  He engulfs me in his embrace, gripping me like I’ll float away if he doesn’t. “I’m terrified of this. Of us. You fill me with hope, with possibility. And I don’t deserve it; I don’t deserve you, but I can’t let you go. I can’t go back to a life without you. You make everything better.”

  Then, the storm that wrecked my heart for so many years finally lifts. The wind dies down. The ominous clouds clear and give way to bright, blue skies. The pain and suffering rolls back out to sea.

  Amidst the rubble, my soul rebuilds.

  Emotion strangles me. “I love you too, Cole.”

  Disbelief flashes across his face, as if he can’t trust what his ears just heard, and then our lips collide. Fused together, we stumble into the shower. He twists the lever to hot, and steam fills the stall.

  Cole takes his time, lathering me with soap, smoothing his hands over my skin in the most sensual way, with such care.

  When we’re both clean, he takes me to bed, and we make love into the late hours of the night.

  And his words hammer into me with every thrust.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you.”

  When dawn breaks, we lie together, blissfully sated.

  And we are loved.

  Thirty

  Cole

  “Am I boring you, sweetheart?” Billy asks.

  Callie smiles. “I’m so sorry. I’m exhausted. Feels like I can barely keep my eyes open these days.”

  Billy elbows me in the ribs. “Bet I know who’s keeping you up at night.”

  Her cheeks tinge with embarrassment, but she flashes me a devilish smirk before returning to the kitchen.

  “Man, I never thought I’d see the day.” Billy shakes his head and sits back against the stool.

  “Neither did I.”

  He claps me on the back. “I’m happy for you. Jealous, but happy.”

  I chuckle, and my chest swells with pride.

  The bell above the door jingles, and Gertie walks in. She stops and closes her eyes, raising her nose and inhaling deep. “Smells like home.”

  “There’s my favorite girl,” Billy says, standing. He wraps her in a hug and rocks her back and forth. “How are you feeling?”

  “Like shit.”

  I wipe the corners of my mouth with my napkin and stand to give her a hug. “The place isn’t the same without you here.”

  “Well, get used to it because it’s not going to be mine for much longer. The lawyer is drawing up the business transfer paperwork as we speak.”

  “Callie is so excited to be taking over.” I squeeze Gertie’s frail hand. “This means the world to her.”

  “That girl is the only thing that keeps me going. Don’t know what I’d do without her.”

  Me either, Gertie. Me either.

  Love courses through me. I never expected I’d fee
l this way again. Never wanted to. I fought like hell against it, but some things are inevitable. Falling in love with Callie was impossible not to do.

  Preordained.

  Unavoidable.

  Penny was my first love, and it was beautiful while it lasted. But life had other plans for us. Wretched, unfathomable plans that neither of us could’ve survived. I don’t blame her for cheating on me. We were broken. Ripped to shreds by sorrow. She tried to replace the debilitating feeling with something else, while I looked to bury it.

  Loving Callie doesn’t erase what happened. It doesn’t lessen the pain from the loss of my daughter.

  My precious Mia.

  She’s a wound that’ll never heal.

  I’ll never move on from her, but I’m learning to move forward with my life. One day at a time, little by little, the confines of guilt lessen their hold.

  After work, Callie meets with her lawyer. The divorce is close to getting finalized, and I know how much she’s looking forward to closing that chapter in her life. As long as Paul doesn’t fight her for Maverick, it’ll all be over soon. She misses that dog like crazy, and I’m not sure how she’d handle it if she lost him to that monster.

  She’s been mentally and physically drained lately, burning the candle at both ends. She bolts around, taking care of everyone like a damn superhero, and she forgets to take care of herself.

  Which is why I’ve set up a homemade dinner with a bottle of her favorite wine. Candles and low music fill the pool house. I plan on rubbing her sore feet and letting her fall asleep on my chest so she can get a full night’s rest.

  If we can keep our hands off each other.

  I head over to Josie’s house while I wait for Callie to arrive. I promised the boys I’d toss the football around with them, so we play catch in the front yard.

  “Uncle Cole, are you and Callie going to get married?” Miles asks.

  I smirk. “Not sure, bud.”

  “If you do, can I be your best man?” Brandon asks.

  Miles pouts. “No, I want to be your best man!”

  “How about you can both be my best men?”

  The boys jump into the air, pumping their fists overhead.

  I shake my head, but a smile tugs at my lips. It’s too soon to be talking about a wedding, but fuck if my heart doesn’t skip a beat at the thought of Callie walking down the aisle toward me in a white dress.

  And my heart races at the thought of ripping her out of it at the end of the night.

  Ten minutes later, Callie pulls into the driveway. The boys bum-rush her as they often do, yelling about how they’re going to be the best men at our wedding.

  Callie’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “We’re getting married?”

  I lift her into my arms and twirl. “Apparently.”

  She laughs and shoves out of my hold. “Interesting. Think I’ll need to get divorced before I’m allowed to remarry.”

  As if Callie just summoned him from across the street, Paul walks out of his house with Maverick on his leash.

  The smile falls from Callie’s face, and her eyes go wide at the sight of her dog.

  Paul ignores us, keeping his head down, but Maverick has other plans. His keen nose sniffs Callie out, and the second he spots her, he takes off. The leash slips out of Paul’s unexpecting hand, and Maverick bolts into the street.

  I should see it coming, should hear the engine rumbling louder from just up the block, barreling toward us. I’m not focused on it, and I don’t realize before it’s too late.

  But Callie does, and she sprints into the street.

  And my heart drops to the ground, my feet frozen where I stand.

  “Callie, no!” Brandon’s voice sounds muffled, and I don’t hear much over the deafening sound of blood pounding in my ears.

  Until the tires screech against the pavement.

  Callie’s body envelops Maverick, shielding him like the superhero she is. A guardian angel sent to serve and protect.

  My angel.

  My angel.

  The car swerves left and then right.

  Terror clutches my throat, seizing my breath as I watch Callie heave Maverick out of harm’s way—sacrificing herself instead.

  A flash of blond hair tumbles up onto the hood of the offending car and then rolls off onto the ground in a heap.

  My angel.

  My angel.

  Please don’t leave me.

  Please be okay.

  Thirty-One

  Cole

  One Year & Ten Months Ago

  “Cole! Oh, my God. Something’s wrong!”

  I tore the covers off my legs and leapt out of bed. Still half-asleep and disoriented, my shoulder slammed into the wall as I sprinted into the hallway.

  “Ow, fuck. Penny, where are you?”

  “Cole, hurry! Oh my God.”

  I followed her voice into Mia’s nursery, but something about the expression on Penny’s face made my feet stop in their tracks. Standing beside the crib, horror twisted my wife’s delicate features as tremors racked her body. Her eyes were wide as tears spilled down her cheeks.

  “What’s wrong?” I couldn’t move, muscles tight, fear binding my ankles together. Afraid to go any closer, afraid to see what Penny saw.

  Her hand shook violently as she reached out to point into the crib. “Mia,” she whispered.

  My stomach twisted, reeling from anticipation. Dread crawled up my spine as I made my way to Penny’s side.

  I peered down at Mia, and at first, nothing seemed wrong.

  “What—”

  The words stilled on my tongue, disintegrating, turning to ash.

  I placed my hand gently on her tiny belly, but it didn’t rise and fall with her breaths.

  I wiped away the froth bubbling at her tiny lips and stroked her cheek, giving her a gentle nudge, willing her to open her eyes and look up at me.

  But she didn’t.

  Bile rushed into my throat, acid burning as I tried to swallow it down.

  No, no, no, no!

  I reached into the crib and scooped Mia into my arms. “Come on, baby. Wake up. Wake up for Daddy.”

  Her tiny head lolled to the side.

  I placed my thumb in her tiny hand, but her fingers didn’t latch on.

  I tried to suck in jagged breaths, panic taking over any rational thoughts. “She needs CPR.”

  I kneeled down and laid Mia on her back.

  Penny choked out a sob and then dropped to her knees beside us. “It’s too late, Cole. It’s too late.”

  “It’s not too late!” I roared.

  Using two fingers just like the doctor showed us, I pressed on Mia’s tiny chest.

  Thirty compressions.

  Tilt the chin.

  Two puffs of air.

  Again and again, I tried to breathe life into my baby girl.

  “Stop,” Penny wailed, yanking on my arm. “Enough, Cole! Please! Enough!”

  But I couldn’t stop. Couldn’t accept reality.

  Thirty compressions.

  Tilt the chin.

  Two puffs of air.

  Still, nothing.

  Penny hunched over and vomited on the carpet.

  I lifted Mia into my arms again, pressing my lips to the top of her tiny head.

  How could this happen?

  Guttural sounds ripped from my sternum, and I wept.

  I wept over my angel baby.

  Thirty-Two

  Callie

  “Ouch.”

  I groan as I shift my legs under the blanket.

  The nurse grimaces, leaning onto the bed railing. “You’ll feel sore for a while. The Tylenol should help.” She glances up at the monitor. “Your vitals are good. You have a concussion but no internal bleeding. No broken bones. Just some bruising.”

  Bruises. I’d laugh at the irony of that if it didn’t hurt so much to breathe. “The bruises will fade.”

  “They sure will. Many women in your condition aren’t as lucky. It’s like y
ou had a guardian angel watching over you two.”

  My heart lurches. “I hope Maverick is okay. He was probably so scared.”

  “You’ve already picked out a name? Wow, you’re good. What if it’s a girl?”

  My eyebrows collapse. “What?”

  “You said Maverick.” She makes a few checks with her pen on my chart. “What if the baby turns out to be a girl?”

  Baby?

  I scoot myself up to a seated position, grunting from the stabbing pain in my right side. “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what you’re talking about. I didn’t save a baby today. I saved my dog, Maverick.”

  The nurse’s eyes widen. “Oh, I thought you were referring to your baby’s name. I’m so sorry.”

  “That’s all right.” I hike a sore shoulder. “I don’t have any children.”

  The nurse glances back down at my chart and then swallows.

  The privacy curtain slides open, and a tall man in a white coat walks to the foot of my bed. “How are you feeling, Mrs. Kingston?”

  “Like I’ve been hit by a car.”

  He chuckles and takes the chart from the nurse as she scurries away. “That’s understandable. You did a very heroic thing, jumping in front of that car to save your dog. You’re lucky you sustained only minor injuries.”

  “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to him.”

  He rolls his chair around to the side of the bed. “I’m Dr. Goodwin. I stitched up your head while you were unconscious.”

  I reach out to shake his hand. “Thank you, Dr. Goodwin. I’m Callie.”

  He sticks his stethoscope into his ears and motions for me to sit up. “Take a nice deep breath in for me, Callie.”

  He places the stethoscope on my back, and I wince as my chest expands.

  “What kind of dog is he?” he asks.

  “A Golden Retriever.”

  “They’re very good dogs.” He moves the stethoscope to the other side of my back. “They’re excellent with babies.”

  Again with the baby talk?

  “I can’t have children, so he’s all I have.” I inhale again. “Maverick is like my baby.”