Child's Play: A Spaceman's Story

by Guerin Zand

  “That’s all I needed to know.”

  Chapter 18

  The Big Dinner (Playtime & Nightcaps)

  We entered the “game room”. Maybe humans are young because my first thought was this was one hell of a man cave. The kids were in the middle of a game using an upgraded playstation. It was like walking into one of those holodecks in the Start Trek shows except there was no actual physical forms. They were simple, I guess I had been with the aliens too long, holograms. This still made Call of Duty damn scary. The little bastards were a blood thirsty pair for sure from the carnage I saw.

  Sid turned off the game and the room returned to its normal appearance. I then noticed the main room we had walked through to get the holo room. I had been so mesmerized by the holo game when we walked in I hadn’t even noticed this room. There were a lot of musical instruments from Earth. There were several choice guitars hanging on the wall with keyboards, drums, amplifiers and microphones scattered around the room.

  “What do you think Guerin?”

  “Pretty impressive Sid. Why do you have all of these Earth instruments?”

  “I asked Milly and her team to bring those back from their visits to Earth. Sid and Nancy love Earth music.” Sly responded. “I have to get back to the committee so I will leave you three here to play.”

  “Sid. Nancy. Don’t keep Guerin too long. We don’t want him to miss the rest of the party ok?”

  “Sure dad. We’ll bring him back in an hour if that’s ok?”

  “Ok. I’ll see you a bit later Guerin. Enjoy yourselves.” And Sly left to rejoin the adults.

  “Thanks guys. I really needed to get away from those boring adults.”

  Sid and Nancy snickered.

  “So, who’s the musician in the family?”

  “We both are. We play our own native instruments but they’re not as much fun as the Earth ones. Nancy really is good with the drums and I like the keyboards.”

  “You have some really sweet guitars on the wall. Who plays those?”

  “We can’t really. Our fingertips are too sensitive and it hurts to play the guitars. We read that humans develop calluses which makes it easier for them but we don’t, so it’s hurts if we play too long. Can you play the guitar?”

  “I can play a little but I’m not that good. Why don’t you make some covers for your fingertips? It may take a few tries to find the right material but if you can interface a playstation to the holo room it shouldn’t be that hard for a couple of super-intelligent space cadets like you two.”

  We spent the rest of our short hour jamming a bit and talking about my favorite Earth music. It came as no surprise to find out they were Beatle’s fans. Then I walked them through some Earth movies I thought they’d like. Of course, this included the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the original BBC Hitchhikers trilogy and a bunch of my other favorites. They had already seen E.T., which made me laugh, but I promised I would have Milly bring them back some Reese’s Pieces when we went back to Earth. Finally Sid, obviously the serious one, said it was time to go. They led me back out to the main reception area where all the guests were busy enjoying drinks and small talk. I thanked Sid and Nancy for making the night so much fun and I promised to hook up with them again if my handlers allowed it.

  “Did you have fun at playtime Guerin?”

  “Yes, I did Julie. Did you miss me?”

  “Yes. It really has been pretty boring since you left. I should have gone with you.”

  “Sorry Julie. No adults allowed.”

  “Guerin you’re back. Would you like to join me for a drink?”

  “Of course I would Milly.”

  “Don’t worry Julie. I’ll be back for you. I’m not some loser who brings a girl to a party and then dumps her. You’re all mine tonight.”

  Milly grabbed my hand and yanked me away from Julie rather rudely.

  “Really Guerin? Are you trying to make me jealous?”

  “No Milly. I meant what I said to Julie. If it bothers you so much than maybe you shouldn’t have pimped me out for the night.”

  “Pimped you out?”

  “That’s what I said.”

  We arrived at the bar not a moment too soon. I ordered us both a couple of Gargle Blasters. There probably is a rule about mixing Gluark and Gargle Blasters but I didn’t know about it. If this turned out badly I would have to jot that down with all the other notes I was taking.

  “I haven’t had a chance to tell you Milly just how beautiful you look tonight. That dress is really causing me problems you know.”

  I gave her one of my best dirty old man smiles. I wasn’t just saying that to get me out of the dog house, she really was stunning that night. She was wearing a simple and elegant emerald green dress that set off her green eyes and just clung to her fantastic body in the most suggestive fashion. Ok, maybe it also helped with the dog house situation too.

  “Yes, I noticed how much attention you were paying me especially when you kissed Julie before going off to play.”

  “Are you mad at me Milly?”

  “NO!”

  Ok that sounded like she was mad.

  “Why were you so mean to me tonight? You treated all the other committee members’ questions with less hostility than you did mine?”

  “Maybe because you were a little more hostile in your questions Milly. Why was that?”

  “I couldn’t appear to have my personal feelings affect my job Guerin.”

  “Well then my hostility should have helped with that as well.”

  “Are you mad because I ‘pimped you out’ to Julie?”

  “No. Actually I’m really enjoying the date. She’s not so bad when she’s not trying to torture me. And I have to admit having the two hottest space babes in this universe vying for my attention is a pretty big ego booster.”

  “Just remember the rules.”

  “I will Milly.”

  We stood at the bar sipping our drinks. Other committee members came up and engaged us in conversation. It was nice to be with Milly but I had a few Gluarks and a Gargle Blaster in me so I was on the way towards oblivion. I thought it was a good time to leave.

  “I should get back to Julie and take her back to her room. It’s been a long night. I’ll talk to you later, ok?”

  “Behave yourself Guerin. If you think Julie’s scary you don’t want to find out just how scary I can be if you get my drift?”

  I shook my head and gave her a little peck on the cheek then headed back to Julie.

  “Are you ready to go Julie”

  “You’re not leaving already are you Guerin? The bar’s still open.”

  “Oh Sly. I have had enough for one night I think. At least I can still walk which is my cue to leave before I make a fool of myself. Maybe one night we can get together for a boy’s night out? You can show me the seedier side of life on the ship. That is if you can get a kitchen pass from Stella. Don’t tell her it was my idea though.”

  “What’s a kitchen pass?”

  “Look it up in the urban dictionary.” Julie responded.

  Stella and the kids came over.

  “Good night Stella. Thanks so much for your hospitality. I really enjoyed myself tonight.”

  “Thank you so much for coming. Don’t forget I still owe you one and I can’t wait for my turn with you.”

  I gave an awkward look to Stella, Sly and Julie. What was that supposed to mean? They all just chuckled. Could Stella be the anal specialist?

  “Sid and Nancy. Remember, never trust anyone over 30. Thanks a lot for the playtime. I really needed it.”

  “Shall we Julie?”

  Julie took my arm and we started to leave. We stopped a few times to say our good byes to the other guests and finally made it out to the gardens. It was a beautiful night and having Julie with me actually made it better.

  We made our way to a waiting magic pad. I wondered if they had valet parking at this compound? I took control since I knew where we were going and away we went with Julie
holding me close. DEAD PUPPIES! DEAD PUPPIES!

  The magic pad brought us up to Julie’s room and I walked her to the door.

  “I actually had a really good time with you tonight Julie. Thanks for being my date.”

  I leaned in and gave her a nice kiss on the lips. I did slip her a little tongue just so she’d know what she was missing. She surprised me and pushed it a little further. I backed off and she giggled.

  “Come on in for a drink Guerin.”

  “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.” I knew it wasn’t.

  “Are you scared of me?”

  “No. I’m just trying to behave.”

  “Quit being such a kill joy. It’s just one drink.” And I agreed.

  In my defense, I had been drinking some pretty potent beverages. I knew this was not the smart thing to do but …

  Julie summoned up a couple of Gargle Blasters for the two of us and came over to me with my drink. She was standing awfully close and brushing up against my body at times.

  “So how long are we going to keep being nice to each other Guerin?”

  “Until the clock strikes midnight Julie. Then your prince turns back into an asshole.”

  “So, we still have time?”

  Julie turned her back to me. “Would you mind helping me with my zipper?”

  Ok. Ok. I know. I should have run but I wasn’t thinking clearly and I unzipped her dress. Julie just let it drop to the floor and turned around. I probably should mention she had nothing on underneath that dress and I was staring like a little school boy.

  She put her arms around my neck and pulled me in closer. “Is there something wrong Guerin?”

  “Are you trying to seduce me Julie?”

  “Is it working?”

  “Yes. But I should go. I mean, I don’t want to go obviously, but I should uh, go I mean. I like Milly, a lot, and I don’t want to ruin that by being stupid. Trust me, right now I would love to stay and do something stupid but I know I shouldn’t. Thanks though. I’m totally flattered.”

  Julie pulled me in for a rather passionate kiss. “Well then you should go.”

  I kissed her back and whispered in her ear “You’re definitely my number one back up plan if Milly dumps me.”

  “You are such a smooth talker aren’t you. Now run off back to your room. From the look of things, you could probably do with a long shower.”

  She released me and gave me a wicked smile. I just headed straight for the door at a speed just short of a run. Even though nothing had happened I’m sure Milly would not be happy about any of this. I told myself it was ok. I behaved the best I could, right?

  Chapter 19

  Drunken Booty Call

  I had been sleeping for at least a couple of hours before Milly woke me up.

  Milly prodded me a few times. “Are you sleeping Guerin?”

  “Yes”

  “No, you’re not.”

  I rolled over and looked at Milly. She had a big smile on her face and she was still in her dress from the dinner.

  “Did you stay and close the bar with Sly?”

  “I had a few drinks with Stella.”

  “You’re drunk!”

  “Maybe a little.”

  “No. You’re totally blotto. What is it with you space babes.”

  “I was just celebrating. The dinner went really well and that was a surprise. I thought all your bullshit would have ruined everything but most of the members were impressed. I guess they don’t know you well enough.”

  “Real funny Milly. I’m glad you’re happy.”

  “Come on, get up and have a drink with me. I want to celebrate some more.” Milly went to the kitchen and poured us a couple glasses of Pappy.

  I sat up and took my drink. Milly turned around and asked if I would help unzip her dress, which I did. Of course, she just let the dress drop before turning around and drawing me in close.

  “What’s up with this little maneuver? Julie tried to pull the same shit earlier. She asked me in for a drink and then asked for help with her dress. She let it drop to the floor just like you. Is this from some famous chick flick I missed?”

  “And what did you do after Julie dropped her dress?”

  “Well I stared at her body for quite some time.”

  “Is that all?”

  “Well we kissed.”

  Milly gave me a quick kiss and asked, “Did you kiss her like that?”

  “No.”

  Then Milly kissed me deeply with the perfect amount of tongue mixed in. She stopped and asked, “Did you kiss her like that?”

  “Well yes sort of. I mean it was more like the second kiss than the first one.” This sort of reminded me of an eye exam. You know when the doctor asks which is better one or two, two or one.

  “And then what did you do?”

  “I ran back to my room.”

  “Right, I bet you did.”

  “No, really. I knew I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life so I ran out of there.”

  “You know I’ll get the truth out of Julie. Are you sure you want to stick with that story?”

  “Yes. Don’t you trust me?”

  She looked at me in a way that told me she didn’t. Then she took my drink and hers and set them down. She pushed me back on the bed, clumsily, and fell on top of me.

  “Stop it Milly, you’re shit faced.” And I rolled her off me to the other side of the bed.

  “Sure. I bet you’ve never had sex with a shit faced woman before, have you?”

  “Have you?”

  “Are you mad at me Guerin?”

  “No. I’m tired, which would explain why I was sleeping before you barged in and woke me. Besides, I think you need to sleep it off. You’ll wake up tomorrow thinking we had sex anyways. You won’t remember any of this in the morning.”

  “We all really enjoyed the songs you and the kids played tonight. I didn’t know you had such a good voice.”

  “I never did before, which is something we should probably talk about tomorrow when your sober. And you were spying on my playtime?”

  “We weren’t spying on you. Sly and Stella have monitors in the game room to watch the children. We just decided to see what you kids were doing.”

  “That would be spying Milly.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Sly told me about you turning down the offer. Can we talk about it?”

  “Not now. No serious talk tonight.”

  Milly cuddled up to me and placed her head on my chest.

  “I know why you didn’t do anything with Julie tonight.”

  “Yes, she scared me.”

  “No stupid.”

  “Oh, that’s not it?”

  “No silly. You didn’t sleep with her because you love me.” She was slurring badly and the next thing you know she was out for the count.

  I kissed her on top of her head and said quietly, “Of course I do stupid.”

  I just laid awake for a while wondering what just happened. Luckily, I don’t think Milly heard me but had I fallen for this space vixen? Why couldn’t I have been abducted by aliens from the 60’s who just believed in free love? When I first was taken from Earth that was the reality I was hoping for. Was it possible that you travel all these parsecs, encounter aliens, only to find out it was the same as home except for the view.

  If Milly felt the same, then both of us were going to be hurt. I couldn’t stay here with these people. I simply didn’t belong. Would Milly be mad if I told her I couldn’t stay here? I know she was depending on me for this project. Would she think I didn’t want to stay because I didn’t really care for her?

  I suddenly felt like the whale in the Guide. I was wondering what it was I saw coming at me quickly. Unlike the whale, I knew it was going to hurt.

  Chapter 20

  And the Other Shoe Drops

  I woke up to the sound of Milly’s moans. She was in bad shape. I headed into the kitchen and grabbed her a cup of black coffee.

 
; “Come on Milly drink this. It will make you feel better.”

  “That tastes awful Guerin.”

  “Quit being such a baby. If you can stay up all night drinking you can handle a cup of coffee. Now drink it down. I promise you’ll feel better.”

  Milly managed to get the coffee down and she put on a look showing her utter disgust for the taste of coffee.

  “I don’t feel any better Guerin. We have something that actually works if you’ll let me get it from the kitchen.”

  “No. If you want to get sauced then you have to pay the price. No cheating. You aliens think you can cheat at everything, don’t you?”

  “And you stupid monkeys always have to do things the hard way. Now get out of my way.” She was in a rather foul mood for some reason.

  Milly came back from the kitchen with some sort of beverage and slammed it down.

  “What was that?”

  “It’s a detox beverage. It actually works, not like that coffee you forced me to drink.”

  “A detox beverage. I guess you just happened to forget to tell me about that? I guess my suffering doesn’t count.”

  “You never asked.”

  “That again. I thought we talked about this. Would it be so hard to actually volunteer information like that?”

  “Sorry. Old habits.”

  “Whatever Milly. I’m starving. How about some steak and eggs? Maybe some hash browns with biscuits and gravy too? You want some?”

  Milly turned a lovely shade of green. I guess the detox beverage didn’t work all that well.

  I went and took a shower and when I came out Milly had a big breakfast laid out on the table for me and a bowl of fruit for her. She’d grabbed one of my oversized t-shirts to wear since all she had was the dinner dress.

  “What’s all this?”

  “You said you wanted steak and eggs so I whipped some up for you.”

  “You mean the replicator whipped it up for me.”

  “Maybe. I mean, technically yes.”