Confessions Of A Vampire

by Donna Haley

  “Honey, you must be new in town. If you like it here, you should forget trying to find that man. He's happily married and his wife is not one to ask questions first. Be careful.”

  She didn't wait for me to respond. I knew that I should heed her advice but something deep inside of me told me that this man meant something to me and I ignored the warning of the waitress. I asked anyone who looked my way and I was met with the same warning every time.

  I was starting to wonder if this woman had convinced everyone she was some bad ass when in reality she was nothing more than a jealous wife. She wasn't going to stop me though. I needed to know who he was and sooner or later someone would have the guts to tell me.

  I was still sitting there, nursing a bottle of blood and staring at the photograph when in walked a young man who caught my attention. His long dark hair was spiked and he wore leather as if he'd been born to wear it. Tattoos covered his arms and his beautiful sea blue eyes sparkled with mischief. It seemed that everyone in the club knew him and liked him. He spoke to everyone and if they were lucky he shot them that megawatt smile that lit up not only his face but the room around him.

  I picked up his scent and smiled to myself at how good he smelled. It was almost as if he were two different beings. He smelled of cinnamon and whiskey. It was an interesting combination and I was tempted to move closer. His face fell into a frown when a young woman approached him and he shook his head. I couldn't hear what she'd said to him but it seemed to upset him.

  I suddenly and inexplicably felt compelled to destroy the girl that had brought that over him. I couldn't explain it but I wanted to protect him. His smile filled me with a warmth that bespoke of love and devotion. And yet I didn't know his name.

  But I planned to remedy that sooner rather than later. I was patient and waited until he was alone before I stepped up to the bar and took the empty seat next to him. I slid the photo across the bar to him and turned to face him, the questions at the ready.

  Picking it up, he looked me up and down and finally spoke.

  “Why do you have a picture of my dad?”

  I stared at him blankly for what I’m sure was only a few seconds but felt like a few lifetimes. “I was hoping you could tell me who he is and maybe why I have this picture.”

  “He’s my father. As for why you have it, I'd like to know that, too.” He sniffed me, which I found very odd but I remained still until he was done. “You're not demon. At least not fully.”

  “No, I'm a vampire. Why would you assume I'm a demon?” The question raced through my mind. Could he be a demon?

  The young man tapped his fingers on the bar and stared at me as if I had suddenly sprouted wings or grown a hideous mole on my nose like the Wicked Witch in most fairy tales. I stayed put in my seat and waited for him to speak.

  “My father is a very powerful demon but he's not in this realm right now. If you're looking to hurt him, you've missed the opportunity.”

  I scratched my head, frowning even more now. How was I supposed to get answers when the only one I even had a tiny hint of knowing wasn't in this realm. Not that I knew what the hell that meant, but I didn't want him to know I had no clue.

  “I'm not here to hurt him,” I assured him. “I'm just trying to find out how I know him and hoping maybe he can tell me why I had his picture in my wallet. Can you at least tell me his name?”

  “Sure, it can't really hurt anything I guess. Unless of course you are trying to get your claws into him in which case I should warn you that my mother would tear a little thing like you from limb to limb.”

  The frown appeared before I could stop it and my mood was darkened considerably when he spoke of his mother. Somewhere, deep in my cold undead heart I knew that this man in the picture was special to me. I covered my emotions hurriedly and let my eyes widen.

  “I don't think your mother has anything to worry about if he loves her. I'm just trying to find out who he is and if he can tell me anything about myself.”

  His brow raised and those blue eyes looked as if they saw into my soul as he examined my face. “Amnesia? That's not very original.”

  “Original or not, it's truth. I woke up in a strange hotel room with no memories of anything. The only thing I could find was an ID with the name Sunshine on it and this picture.”

  It was his turn to drop his jaw and let his eyes widen. I saw the pain blossom in his eyes before he concealed it. His shoulders hunched and his voice lowered and I could see the little boy inside crying to be let out.

  “What did you say your name was?” he asked with a shaking voice that betrayed his outward confidence.

  Just to prove to him that I wasn’t lying, I dug around in the black messenger back that served as my purse and withdrew the pink wallet. Opening it so that the ID was visible, I slid it across the mahogany bar to him and let him read the name that was printed on the card.

  “Sunshine Spencer,” I replied.

  The emotions that crossed his face in rapid succession were almost enough to make me dizzy and I was more than taken aback when he threw his arms around me and cried. I nervously patted his back as the thought that I should be more motherly to him washed over me.

  I couldn't quite understand why I wanted to make sure he was okay, but I did. I felt as if I needed to protect him, but from what? Was I a threat to him? Was he a threat to me? And why the hell was he hugging me?

  All of these things ran through my mind as the embrace continued. I could feel his chest heaving and deduced that he was crying. My hand instinctively smoothed his long dark hair and I tried to soothe him with soft words of comfort.

  But I sure the hell didn't have a clue what was going on and I wanted to move this along. I pulled back from him slowly, looking at his face, shocked by the sadness I found there.

  “Are you okay?” I asked sheepishly.

  “You really don't know who I am?” His voice was so full of emotion that I became uncomfortable almost immediately.

  I shook my head in response. “No, am I supposed to?”

  His sigh was deep and prolonged. He stood in front of me just staring for a while before he finally spoke again. “Mom, it's me, Malachi.”

  Blinking was becoming a habit lately with all the stuff I'd been through in the last few days and I did it again when he called me Mom. “I think you've mistaken me for someone else. I don't think I have children. I mean, I sort of feel like I'd probably kill them and eat them if I ever did attempt to have them.”

  I was rambling, but I had good reason, I thought. His laugh was quiet and it warmed me. If I'd had a son, I hoped he would be like this young man in front of me. But I was pretty damn sure I didn't. Part of me wanted to insist he was insane and the other wanted to be his mother. I had an overwhelming desire to ease his pain and lie. What I didn't know was that he wasn’t crazy, I was his mom.

  He asked me to please just give him a chance to explain and even though I was hesitant, I couldn't bear to see him upset again so I agreed to go back to his house and listen to what he had to say.

  The drive was short and soon I was sitting in a big overstuffed chair with a blue checkered pattern. A glass of heated blood was placed next to-me by a thin woman in a servant’s dress and I ignored it, starting to fidget, anxious to get this over with so I could get back to the task at hand.

  Malachi paced the room taking long strides. Tapping my nails on the arm of the chair I let my irritation show and he soon began to speak.

  He talked of how his mother had gone missing not long after he'd returned from Hell. It had been his belief that she'd gone in search of his dad. But as the days went by without a word from her, he'd grown worried. Snapping back and forth to Hell in search of her, he was growing more and more concerned when no one knew anything about if she'd even been there.

  I interrupted him to suggest that maybe she'd found his father and they were together but the look on his face told me that he knew this wasn't the case.

  He went on to say that he'd been u
nable to feel his mother through their bond for several weeks now and that many had told him that she could possibly be gone for good. He'd been hearing rumors that she'd gotten into a fight with a demon and had not survived. He said that even though his friends and those he considered family had advised him to accept the possibility that she wouldn't return, he'd not given up hope. He knew that his mother wouldn't just abandon him, he explained.

  I could see that he was pinning that hope on me being his mom, but I was afraid that I'd be disappointing him. Even if it were plausible, how could I be someone's mother and not know it? Wouldn't I have remembered giving birth and raising a child, I asked?

  He merely laughed at that. He explained how he'd grown faster than most children. In the human world he was only around eight months old.

  I raised both brows this time and leveled my gaze on him. How the hell was I supposed to believe that this man standing before me was a child of only eight months in age? It was impossible to believe and I seriously questioned his sanity.

  Time moves differently in Hell he went on to tell me and I shot back with a smart remark that he overlooked. But he was so serious that I was starting to think he was telling me the truth.

  “If I'm your mother, why can't I remember you?” I asked.

  “I don't know, maybe Lucifer erased your memory. But that doesn't explain the body. Don't you feel odd looking like that, Mom?”

  It was weird to hear someone call me mom and I didn't know how to respond to it. Nothing made sense in this world and I wasn't so sure it ever would again.

  When I didn't answer him he pressed on. “Mom, come with me. I think I might know something that will trigger your memory.”

  I reluctantly took his hand and held tightly to it when he snapped us out. Reappearing in front of the cottage, I stepped away from him and put my hand on the red door. Closing my eyes, I felt the tears that fell and it all came rushing back to me.

  I saw Severus' smile as we were pronounced husband and wife. I saw his tears when Malachi was born. I felt his heart beating against my cheek as we slept, wrapped in each other’s arms. It was all so clear.

  And it was all too much.

  I crumpled to the stones that made up the front sidewalk and sobbed. As my son wrapped his arms around me I tried to explain why I was so upset. I told him everything as it came rushing back. I explained all that had happened in Hell. How I'd searched and searched for his father but with the bond closed I could no longer feel him. I wanted him to know that I hadn't given up. I wanted him to understand that his father didn't want to be found.

  I could see the pain etched on his face as it dawned on him that Severus had willingly left us both. Gathering him in to my arms, I saw the little boy that had grown up too fast, break. His tears mingled with mine and I vowed then and there to never let him down. He would always know that he was loved and I would figure out a way to make his father realize what he'd lost.

  Aaron cleared his throat and frowned when I looked up. “I don't mean to interrupt, Mrs. Severus, but obviously you forgave him.”

  “I did, eventually. Things were different when Severus returned. I was different.”

  “How so?”

  I thought about it before answering, trying to find the right words to explain the changes I'd gone through. “I was quieter.” Shaking my head I wondered if that even made sense to someone who hadn't known me before.

  “I wasn't so keen on fighting over every little injustice,” I continued. “I really began to just not care what anyone thought about me or my choices. I enjoyed being alone more. I was awkward and I favored things the old me would never have given a second glance. The old Sun was all about fashion and what the world thought of her. But now, I just wanted to be happy. Nothing else really mattered. Before I'd focused on making sure everyone knew who I was and now, I was perfectly happy being anonymous. I had a lot to figure out in this new existence. I had new powers I needed to learn to control and I had to figure out how to be who and what I was.”

  “You weren’t still vampire?” His eyes searched mine, hoping the question wouldn’t get him killed.

  I smiled reassuringly and explained. “I was, but I wasn’t. When I’d been returned to this realm Lucifer had gifted me with demonic powers. I can’t tell you what he was thinking when he did it, but if I had to guess, I’d say he thought it would help protect me.”

  “What type of powers?”

  Chuckling softly, I waved a hand and materialized a soda, handing it to him with a smile. “I can materialize pretty much anything, much like Severus can, but there are other things as well.”

  Holding out my hand I watched his eyes widen in fear as the ball of fire hovered just above my palm. “It’s a neat little party trick, no?”

  Aaron could only nod and I went on. “Conjuring fire is a way I can protect myself. I can also steal powers from other demons, but that’s very dangerous so I only do it when necessary.”

  Aaron jotted down a few things in his book before speaking again. “How long was it before your husband returned?”

  “Severus was gone over nine months that time.”

  “There have been other times?” he interrupted before I could finish.

  I couldn't find my voice so I simply shook my head as the memory of the other time he'd left washed over me.

  Chapter Seventeen

  He’d stayed almost four months before he left again. He touched base when he could, but I’d long since given up hope that he’d be home anytime soon. I was close to delivering the twins and wanted nothing more than for my husband to be there. There were so many things I needed to talk to him about and I needed him by my side when I gave birth.

  I'd done everything I could to get in touch with him but my text messages and calls through the bond had gone unanswered. I was beginning to doubt that he was coming back. Trying to push those thoughts from my mind, I went about my daily life, getting the nursery ready and going to my doctor visits.

  Malachi did his best to stop in and check on me but he had his own family now and as much as I wanted to see more of him, I stayed quiet. It wasn’t his job to take care of his mother anymore and I certainly didn’t want to intrude on his life. He was happy and being in his childhood home seemed to make him depressed so I just tried to handle things on my own.

  As my due date loomed with no word from my husband that old feeling started to creep back up on me. I just knew that he wasn't going to make it home and I silently prayed that it wasn't by his choice.

  Even knowing it could be against his will that he wasn't home, I was angry. Angry enough that I'd seriously begun to doubt whether I could stay in this marriage if he were going to continue to be gone like this. He was missing all of the important events in our lives and he didn't seem to be too upset about it. That was the thing that bothered me the most. He seemed so indifferent about it all. It was as if we didn’t really cross his mind at all when he was gone.

  I had just about reached my breaking point and with the birth of our daughters looming, I was ready to just end it all. To say I was emotional then was like saying Satan was evil, it was just fact. With each night that passed I began to hate who I was becoming. I'd never depended on anyone the way I did Severus and that was the bane of my existence then.

  I had always been the girl that could take care of herself, but now, I was scared of facing life alone. I loved him so much that it was impossible for me to consider a life without him by my side. And yet, that was exactly what I was living.

  I needed more than he was giving me at this point. I needed a husband who was going to be around and who would be a father to our children. He'd missed everything with Malachi and I still hadn't forgiven him for that fully. The thought of him missing our daughters’ birth and their lives was too much.

  As the days passed without a word from him I made plans to go back to Rome to have our children. I wanted to be close to him at least and Rome was his home so I packed what we would need and before dawn I was t
here.

  I busied myself with opening the house back up and preparing for the birth of the twins. I tried my hardest to not think of Severus but I was failing miserably. I hadn't been there for more than a few days when I went into labor. I wasn't so much upset as I was pissed that he hadn't bothered to show up. I knew damn well he could feel my pain and my need for him. I was convinced that he’d chosen to ignore it and purposely missed the birth. It was the final straw and I consulted my attorney about filing for divorce.

  Of course, that was much easier said than done given we were supernatural beings and I'd promised him my soul. Still I argued that we'd married under human and supernatural laws and I wanted both dissolved. I don't know why I was adamant that our marriage be over. It wasn't as if I'd stopped loving him, but I was hurt and wasn’t thinking rationally.

  Hurt that he'd let me face this birth alone. Hurt that he'd left me yet again with no word. A heart can only take so much and this one had had enough. Or so I tried to convince everyone, including myself. But then night would fall and I'd be lying in the bed we'd shared and I'd cry. I cried for every time he'd left me. I cried because I knew I could never go through with a divorce from him no matter how badly he hurt me.