Confessions Of A Vampire

by Donna Haley

  Severus was my soul mate. He was the one being in all the realms that loved me and allowed me to be myself completely when I was with him. He'd seen sides of me no one else had bothered to see. I could be vulnerable with him and know that he'd protect me and keep my secrets. He'd forgiven me just as many things as I'd forgiven him.

  We were more than husband and wife. We were best friends and confidants. I was the push to his pull. He was the fire to my flame. We completed each other and no matter what came our way, we'd survived it.

  But you couldn't tell me that in the light of day. With two new babies that required my full time attention, I was slowly falling apart. In those moments of insanity, I hated him.

  Malachi tried his best to get me to reconsider, even though he was angry with his father. He knew, just as I did, that I would never forgive myself for giving up on us. He argued with me until he could no longer stand to be around me.

  He'd leave only to return a few short hours later to try once more to convince me that I was wrong. But I refused to listen. I was too angry at Severus and I wanted to hurt him, as much as he'd hurt me. I wanted to punish him for all the times he'd just left me without warning. I wanted him to feel the betrayal I felt each time I looked at the empty seat across from me.

  Our daughters didn't know their father and I didn't want them to. He didn't deserve his family. He didn’t deserve to be in our lives anymore.

  Months passed without a word from him. Each month brought me closer to the human’s law that I had to be separated from him for at least a year before I could proceed with a divorce. And each month that passed also brought me closer to being able to legally declare him dead.

  I weighed the benefits of each and soon the legal death started to sound better and better to me. That way I'd lose nothing. I stood to inherit his entire estate and that, to me, was the best fuck you I could think of.

  I admit that I wasn't completely rational at that point, but it all made perfect sense in my head. I could have him declared dead, claim his estate and live happily ever after. And I wish I could tell you that it actually worked out that way, but as in any plan I've ever come up with, the shit hit the fan, so to speak.

  Just days after he'd been declared dead by the human courts my dear departed husband popped up. By then I'd given up on ever seeing him again and actually wondered if I had gone insane or was trapped in a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. Of course it was a nightmare of my own making.

  But there he was, flesh and bone and just as sexy as ever. Part of me wanted to rush into his arms as if nothing had happened and we'd never been apart. But that wasn't the part that won that war. The anger I had let build up for so long came flooding out and I let him have it. I screamed and yelled and threw vases at his head.

  Much to my surprise Severus just stood there and took it. He didn't offer an excuse or an apology. He told me, in a voice I'd never heard from him before, that he was wrong and he didn't blame me for hating him. He asked for my forgiveness for letting me down and I wanted to give it to him, but I just couldn't. Something inside of me demanded that I make him suffer as I had. I wasn't thinking straight and I was letting my emotions lead me down a path that was sure to end up in a very bad place.

  I turned away from him, as much to hide my tears as to show him that he meant nothing to me. In a voice that had more confidence than I felt at the time, I told him to get out of my home.

  And then I walked away. I walked away from the man that had held my heart for almost nine centuries. Closing the door behind me, I sank to the floor, my tears held in check as I listened to his steps falling away. When the front door closed, I knew that we were over and my cold, unbeating heart shattered.

  Maria, the maid we had since we moved to Rome, came in and sat next to me. She wrapped me in her arms and I still couldn't cry. For all the times I'd cried when he was gone, now I couldn't shed a single tear.

  I felt hollow inside, as if his leaving had taken my very will to live. My heart screamed at me to run after him and beg him to come back but my head wouldn't listen. And so I sat there on that cold Italian marble floor, in a daze, alone with a woman that was paid to take care of me.

  Night fell and there I sat. I could not move. Moving meant it was real. Moving meant that Severus was gone and so was my heart. So I sat there for three nights.

  As the sun colored the sky pink on the morning of the fourth day without him, he appeared. I heard the heavy oak door swing open and footsteps on the hall. I caught his scent before he even stood before me. Severus always smelled of a smoky, heady scent and it enveloped me.

  Without a word he swept me up in his arms and crushed his lips to mine. It was a kiss that seared into my very soul and my arms wrapped around his neck as if that kiss were the only thing standing between me and madness. When he spoke, his voice was breathless and strong.

  “You are my wife and no one, not even you, will stop me from being here with you. This is where I belong and that's that.”

  And with that, he laid me back on that cold floor and reminded me of how good we are together. His lips left heated kisses down my neck as he teased spots only he knew would drive me wild. His calloused hands wandered my curves, as if memorizing them. I arched up into his touch, a need burning hot inside of me that only this man could fill.

  My long, dark red hair splayed out on the floor beneath me as he bit and licked his way up my stomach. His hands lifted my hips off of the floor and I wriggled out of the jeans I'd slipped on earlier in the day. With each kiss my anger slipped further away until all that was left was an aching desire to belong to him again.

  Soon he was between my thighs, hovering just above me, his lips a breath away from mine. The gold chain he wore hung down, teasing my breasts as he took his time joining our bodies. When his lips met mine, they were soft and gentle. Each movement we made spoke of love and devotion. Our fingers laced above my head as his whispered words sent my heart soaring. This was the man I had loved my entire existence and I was the only woman he'd ever given his heart to.

  We were one again and nothing could part us. Stolen kisses and soft caresses seemed to last an eternity. By the time we lay spent on that floor just outside of his study, we were both breathless. Our legs entangled, my head on his chest, his arms wrapped around me, keeping me pressed tightly against him and I was home again.

  His heart beat in my ear, loud and strong and I could smell the lingering scent of my lavender soap on his skin. Tracing small circles on his chest with a nail, I listened to him breathe. The sound was soothing and his breath was warm as he exhaled.

  There was so much that needed to be said, but this was not the time for words. For just once in my existence I let myself do nothing but feel. And it was the greatest gift I'd ever given myself.

  We lay there for hours, content just to be together. Neither of us spoke, each knowing that words would not be enough. We'd said everything that needed to be said in our lovemaking. As he played with a lock of my hair, I clung to him. This man was home to me and even if we lost our way at times, we'd always find each other again.

  Soon the days were passing too quickly and we'd fallen back into our normal routine. The twins grew at a normal human pace since I'd forbidden Severus from taking them to Hell. I wanted to enjoy them as long as I could.

  “Was Malachi as accepting of his return as you were?”

  I tore myself out of the memory and shook my head, a sad smile forming.

  “No. My son is the type to hold a grudge and he didn't trust that his father was home to stay; and with good reason. Malachi had a hard time accepting his father into his life again.”

  Aaron frowned and for the first time I began to understand that he was invested in this story emotionally. My smile was warm and I reached out to touch his hand. Somewhere along the way, I'd begun to like this young human.

  “Mrs. Severus, why was Malachi so reluctant to give his father another chance?”

  Chapter Eighteen

  My c
hest rose and fell with the deep inhalation of breath. “That's tough to say, my dear, but if I were to guess, I'd say he didn't understand how Severus could leave us. You see, Malachi had recently found a young woman that he cared a great deal about and he would never have just up and left her. As much as he was like his father, he'd also inherited a few traits from me. Mal loved Izzy with all of his heart and he'd never do anything to bring her pain.”

  The memory came flooding back and I was off on yet another tale.

  Izzy was a dear friend of mine, one I considered family but I never thought she'd end up my daughter-in-law. Malachi had known her his entire life and they'd been good friends when he was little. I watched with great interest as he set his sights on her now that he was a grown man.

  Poor Izzy never stood a chance with that Severus charm directed at her. Malachi was very much like Severus in his ability to lure any woman he wanted into his bed. And if Izzy was who he wanted, then Izzy is who he'd have.

  Now, to Izzy's credit, she didn't just rush right in. She'd changed his diapers and I think that held her back some. But anyone could see that she was falling for my sonny boy.

  Malachi stood a little over six feet tall and he was a walking wet dream, or so I'd heard from the girls that he brought home. His thin frame was covered in tattoos and he leaned toward leather more often than not as a clothing choice. His long black hair was often streaked with reds or pinks. He was the type of young man that old people were scared of and girls wanted to throw themselves at.

  His pale blue eyes shone with intelligence and he loved to debate any subject. But his beauty wasn't only skin deep. Malachi had a kind heart when it came to those he cared about. Now don't get me wrong, that boy is evil to the core, but if you were lucky enough to be considered friend or family, he'd protect you with his last breath.

  And Izzy was the one who made him want to settle down. To be honest I wasn't sure he ever would, especially with everything he'd witnessed between his father and myself. But Izzy was the girl for him.

  She was stunning. Long dark hair flowed down her back, and brushed teasingly at her waist. Her green eyes sparkled as if she knew secrets we’d never learn beneath thick lashes. Her full lips were naturally red and her skin was pale and soft. She wore short skirts as if they'd been created to show off her long legs. To say Izzy was beautiful was an understatement. This young woman was destined to be a star and my son was in love with her.

  I couldn't have been happier with his choice but I worried that she'd never see him as more than the kid she'd babysat. I cautioned him to give her time to adjust to him being grown up so quickly. But Malachi is a lot like his mother in the patience department and he set about wooing her with a passion. Every day he sent her her favorite flowers and arranged romantic dinners on secluded beaches. My son was a pro when it came to making the girls swoon and Izzy was no exception.

  Before she knew what was happening they were dating. He brought her over for dinner and I sat smiling at how they held hands and she giggled up at him. The way he brushed her hair from her eyes reminded me so much of when Severus and I had first fallen in love. They seemed well on their way to happiness and it brought such joy to my heart.

  A little over three months after they started dating, Malachi asked Izzy to marry him. It was a magical time in our lives. The only thing missing was Severus.

  This all took place during the time he was gone and we all felt his absence at every turn. The wedding plans were coming together quickly and they didn't want to wait any longer than absolutely necessary. I could understand the rush, even if Izzy's family was a little more hesitant. It wasn't every day that your daughter was marrying a demon who was part vampire.

  I did my best to reassure them that she was safe but they still worried. Even with that uneasiness, I could see they loved my son as much as I loved their daughter. Soon our families would be joined and I missed having my husband at my side to enjoy it with.

  A little over six months after he’d returned as a grown man, Malachi and Izzy's wedding day dawned bright and sunny. Thanks to the gift I'd been given when cast out of Hell, I could walk safely in the sunlight so I was eager to help with all the plans. They'd decided to marry at the Severus Estate in Rome and the house was abuzz with preparations. The scent of orchids lingered on the breeze as it danced over the curtains. The front foyer was filled to brimming with gifts arriving from many different realms. It was shaping up to be the social event of a lifetime.

  I dressed carefully in the emerald green gown I'd chosen for the event. Clipping pearl earrings in, I gave myself the once over in the mirror and smiled at my reflection. I didn't look a day over twenty-five and had it been any other family, that may have caused a few raised eyebrows.

  Stepping into my stilettos I made my way down the hall and knocked softly on Mal's door. I opened it slowly when he called out for me to come in. Peeking in, I tried to hold back my tears at the sight of him and failed.

  There standing in front of me was my son, all grown up and looking more like his father than he ever had. His black tux was impeccable and he looked happier than I'd ever seen him. I could tell he was nervous by the way he paced the room and I did my best to calm him. Drawing him into my arms I hugged his tightly to me and kissed his cheek.

  I pressed a gift into his hand and watched in silence as he examined the pocket watch that had belonged to his father. He traced a finger over the inscription and a single bloody tear slipped down his cheek as he tucked into his pocket.

  “Thank you, Mom.”

  My own tears falling, I nodded my head. “He loves you, Little Evil. Even if he's not here to tell you.”

  “I hope so,” was the last thing he'd say on the subject and he hugged me again. I straightened his tie and kissed his cheek once more before I excused myself to go speak to his bride.

  I rapped lightly on her door and cracked it open, sticking my head in. I caught sight of her and nearly gasped aloud. She stood in front of a mirror, clad in a fitted, white lace gown that seemed to hug every curve. Her hair fell in soft ringlets that framed her heart shaped face. I hurried to her side and hugged her.

  She flashed me a smile that put me at ease almost instantly. This young woman that was about to marry my son, was kind and loving. She'd treat him well and for that I was eternally grateful. She proudly showed me the roses that Mal had had delivered just that morning and I could see her excitement bubbling over as the hour approached when she'd walk down that aisle and marry her Prince Charming.

  Their love story was something fairy tales were made of and for the second time that morning, I found myself missing Severus. This was something he'd never get back. And something I wasn't sure Malachi could forgive him for missing.

  As the clock struck four, I hurried down the hall and took my son's arm. Stepping into the grand foyer I stopped him for just a moment, kissing his cheek and telling him how very proud I was of him. Then we walked the few steps into the living room and I took my seat as he stood before the High Priestess that would unite them in marriage.

  As the music swelled, we all stood, watching in awe as Izzy made her way down the aisle on her father's arm. I wiped bloody tears on an antique lace hankie as they exchanged vows and rings. My son had never looked happier than he did at that moment.

  A few hours later, I shared a dance with Malachi and the sadness that lurked behind his smile was enough to rip my heart out. His eyes kept going to the door, and I knew that he was hoping that Severus would somehow magically appear. I longed to give him that but it wasn't to be. Once again, his father had let him down.

  Later that evening, after the last guest had said their goodbyes, I faced the night alone. This should have been the time that I'd be undressing and discussing our son's wedding with my husband. But nothing ever seemed to go the way I'd planned when I'd fallen in love with that demon. Our lives had been spent apart more than they had together and I was beginning to believe that our fairytale was nothing more than a nightmare.
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  Aaron’s voice pulled me from the memory again. “Well it makes sense why Malachi wasn't so quick to be forgiven. How do you do it?”

  “Do what, my dear?”

  “Forgive him so easily.”

  “I wouldn't say it was done easily, as I've spoken of earlier. But I love him and he loves me. It's the kind of love you only find once in a lifetime.”

  “But don't you get tired of his disappearing act?”

  I began to laugh then, not sure I'd be able to stop. “Yes, I do.”

  “Then why forgive him? Surely you could find someone who would stick around.”

  “I'm sure I could, if I wished, but I'd always be comparing them to Severus. And they'd never come close. Even with everything we go through, I love him. I only feel whole when I'm with Severus. There are times I wish that weren't the case, but it is and I have learned to live with the long absences. I have a life outside of our marriage and it keeps me busy.”