Conflicted (The Existing Series Book 2)

by Guilliams,A. M.

  I grasped her wrists firmly and pulled back quickly so that I’d catch her off guard and moved both into one hand. I gripped her chin and lifted so that I could gain her attention and hopefully break through to her long enough to get her to comprehend my plan.

  Slowly, her eyes went from looking at the floor of the truck to mine, pain etched in their depths.

  “You don’t need to be here right now. I know you need someone to cling to and I’ll be that person, but I need to get us back to my house first. You can sit beside me if you need to be close. I don’t live far, okay?” I explained as I searched her eyes for the understanding I needed to see in order to leave this dreadful nightmare.

  She didn’t speak, just gave a slight nod of her head as she turned and put her legs into the truck. She pulled them onto the seat and wrapped her arms around them. I shut the door and ran to the driver’s side door as fast as I could so I could get us out of here. I heard my name off in the distance just as I was about to open the door. I turned back and saw Miller running toward the truck.

  He reached me completely out of breath moments later. Bending over, he put his hands on his knees and attempted to catch his breath.

  “What’s up? I want to get her out of here. She’s going to break any minute. I can feel it,” I explained hoping to get my point across.

  “The cops are on their way. What do you want me to tell them?” he asked.

  I pulled my card out of my wallet and handed it to him.

  “Give this to the officer in charge. Just explain to them that I had to get his girlfriend out of here because she was hysterical. I know it’s against protocol, but I can’t keep her here. She’ll keep trying to go over there to him. Tell them where I live and that we’ll both be there for questioning. I need to leave before she tries to get out of the truck. I’m shocked she hasn’t already,” I explained as fast as I could.

  I didn’t care if they arrested me for leaving the scene of an accident. I wasn’t running and neither was she.

  “Thanks for keeping her back by the way. I hope she didn’t hurt you too bad,” I said as I turned and walked back to my truck door.

  “No problem,” I heard him say, but I was too focused on getting her back to my place to even care.

  I jerked the door open and hopped in the truck, slamming the door harder than I’d intended. I risked a glance over at Delaney and her fragile form was curled into a ball leaning up against the door of the truck. Tears streamed down her face, but she didn’t bother wiping them away. She just rocked back and forth while staring out the window. Her face expressionless.

  I started the truck and put it in drive. Slowly, I maneuvered over the bumps in the field. The sound of her head hitting the glass echoed throughout the truck. I looked over and she didn’t seem fazed. It’s like she didn’t even feel the pain I’m sure that happened with each hit to the window.

  Moments later, I stopped in the driveway of Davis’ parents’ house and put the truck in park. I couldn’t stand to see her so broken and sitting over there. It broke my heart just imagining what thoughts went through her mind.

  “Come here, Delaney,” I said as I touched her leg to try and break her out of her trance without scaring her. I put my arm on the back of the seat to give her a place to rest her head if she wanted to. Without making a sound, she scooted over until her head rested in the crook of my shoulder. I put my arm around her and lightly squeezed as she burrowed her head into my shoulder.

  “It’s going to be okay,” I tried to reassure her, but I didn’t believe my own words. The only way it’d be fine was if Trent miraculously came back to us all.

  I put the truck back in drive and drove off in the direction of my parents’ house.

  Five minutes later, I’d driven down the mountain and pulled into the driveway. I slowly came to a stop after I drove up the hill to their house. With my left arm, I reached over and put the truck in park and shut off the engine. I rested my head against the headrest and shut my eyes, taking a deep breath in. The moment my eyes closed, the replay of what had happened tonight flashed to the forefront of my mind. Instantly, I jerked up from the position I sat in and looked around. I never wanted to see that picture again. The way he laid on the ground unmoving. The scream that echoed into the night as he flew forward into the air. I’d never forget that sight as long as I lived.

  My movements caused Delaney to groan and slam back into the seat. I’d forgotten she was even in my arms to begin with. I turned in the seat to face her. Her hair now in her face, but she’d yet to move it out of the way. She looked like a zombie with the way she sat there just staring off into space. Her eyes never blinking. Her expression never changing.

  “Delaney, we’re at my parents’ house. Can you walk inside?” I asked, not knowing if she’d have the strength or even be aware of what I had said.

  She shook her head and scooted toward me. I took her actions as my cue to get out of the truck. After grabbing my keys from the ignition, I opened the door and hopped down, turning around just in time to grab her hand and help her climb down.

  Without letting go of her hand, I walked us around the back of the house so that we could enter through the basement. There was no need to wake up my parents’ by coming through the house. I was sure Delaney didn’t want to interact with anyone new, and I needed some time before I told my mom what had happened tonight.

  Using the key, I opened the door and walked us inside, turning on the light as I entered so we didn’t trip over any furniture.

  “There’s a bathroom over to the right if you need to use it. I’m going to grab some blankets and pillows and get the pullout bed ready. Will you be okay until I’m done?” I asked as I rubbed my thumb back and forth over her hand.

  She nodded her head yes and looked to the floor. Her hand slowly crept up to her face as she tried to hide the fact that she was wiping more tears from her face.

  Reluctantly, I walked over to the stairs and took off my boots so that I could climb them as quiet as possible. With each step I took, I prayed that they didn’t creak and wake up my mom. She heard every noise on most nights.

  First stop I made was to the bathroom. I had to wash my hands before I touched anything else. The blood had already dried to my skin, but I couldn’t contain my emotions knowing that part of him still lingered on me. I shut the door and turned on the hot water and scrubbed like my life depended on it. After a few minutes, I added soap to my hands and continued scrubbing, my skin almost raw with the harshness of my movements. The water scalded my skin, but I welcomed the pain. It gave me something else to focus on. I couldn’t break down now. Not when she needed me to hold her together. I rinsed off my hands and wiped them on a towel. After taking two deep breaths, I opened the door and went to grab what we’d need for the night.

  I made it to the closet without incident and grabbed clean sheets and two blankets. I walked over to my room and sat the blankets on the bed. Quickly I changed into a pair of basketball shorts and put on a clean t-shirt. I grabbed some sweats and a shirt for Delaney and the blankets and walked back in the direction of the basement.

  Delaney was sitting on the edge of the couch, her gaze locked on the phone in front of her. I didn’t want to interrupt the private moment, so I stood there and watched her. She just stared down at the screen, the tears never stopping as they continued to stream down her face.

  Quietly, I sat everything down on the chair in the corner and walked over to the bathroom. I grabbed a washcloth from under the sink and wet it with warm water. After squeezing out the excess water, I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the bottle of ibuprofen.

  When I entered the room, she was still in the same position. Still staring down at the screen. Every so often she’d squeeze the side to light it back up. Whatever she stared at didn’t appear to calm her, it seemed to make her more emotional.

  “Hey. I got you some meds to try to prevent a headache in the morning and a warm cloth for your eyes. There’s also some sweats a
nd a t-shirt on top of the blankets in the chair so you don’t have to sleep in your clothes,” I explained, not moving too close to her in case she needed a moment to herself.

  “Did tonight actually happen?” she asked, her gaze never wavering from the screen of her phone.

  “I’m afraid it did,” I admitted, not wanting to accept the accident, but needing to tell her the truth.

  “I don’t understand the why of it all? He made it back from Afghanistan for Christ’s sake. Why take him from the world now?” she said, her tone growing louder with each word she spoke.

  “I can’t answer that. But you’ll drive yourself crazy with those questions. We’ll never understand all that we’re going to question ourselves with.”

  “He was so happy to come home and see everyone. You guys were all he talked about for the month leading up to his discharge. He always talked about you guys while he was away, too. So much so that I felt like I knew you all before I even got here. I just can’t believe he’s not here right now making jokes.”

  I couldn’t respond to that. It sounded so much like Trent. To boast about everyone in his life.

  She stood and walked over to the chair and grabbed the clothes that sat on top.

  “I’m going to go change,” she whispered, then walked over to the bathroom door, shutting it behind her after she stepped inside.

  Five minutes passed, and she was still inside. I wanted to walk over and ask if she was okay but decided against it. Instead, I pulled the coffee table out of the way and readied the pullout bed for when she returned.

  Another five minutes passed and I grew worried. Just when I was about to go and check on her, she exited the room. She held her hands in front of her, wringing them within her grasp as she walked over to the couch.

  “Thank you for getting me the clothes and letting me stay. I don’t want to impose, but I don’t have anywhere else to go. We were staying with his brother, and I wouldn’t feel right going back there without him. Hell, I don’t feel right being here without him,” she muttered.

  “You’re welcome. I’m happy to help. You don’t need to feel bad. I wouldn’t have left you alone to figure it out by yourself. I’m not wired that way. My mom would beat my ass if she found out I did something like that,” I attempted to joke, but neither of us even broke a smile at my comment.

  “I just don’t know where I go from here. My mind hurts just thinking about it. My heart hurts even more thinking of a world without him in it. Have you heard from Miller or Davis? I feel horrible for leaving there, but you were right to have me leave. I couldn’t handle being there,” she admitted. I couldn’t blame her.

  I reached into the pocket of my basketball shorts and pulled out my phone to check for any missed messages. There were four. Two from Miller and two from Davis. Both confirmed what I knew the moment I stood up from his side.

  He was gone.

  The paramedics did everything they could to bring him back, but couldn’t.

  Trenton Quinn had died, and I’d always blame myself for not stopping them when I knew I should’ve.

  I shook my head to try and contain the tears that threatened to fall. She didn’t need to see them.

  “He’s gone,” I choked out and looked to the ground. My emotions were crumbling the more it sunk in. I needed to leave, but I couldn’t move. My mind was going into shock.

  She began to sob as she sat down beside me. Her movements brought me out of my own emotional turmoil enough because she needed to be comforted. She needed me to hold it together so I could help her. I promised him I would, and I wouldn’t break it this soon after making it.

  “Come here,” I coaxed as I pulled her close to me. Only she didn’t budge. She remained still and wouldn’t allow me to comfort her.

  “I need to lay down and go to sleep. I can’t handle this pain. It hurts so damn bad,” she sobbed as she slid back on the bed and laid her head down on the pillow. She rolled over onto her side and clung to the pillow as if it were her lifeline. As if it would console her.

  “I’m going be right over here sleeping in the chair if you need me,” I told her as I stood from the couch. I didn’t want to leave her like that, but I wouldn’t force her to accept my comfort.

  With no response, I walked over to the chair and grabbed the blanket, shaking it out so I could cover up. I sat down in the chair and covered up, laying my head back and shutting my eyes. Hoping like hell sleep came without the nightmares of what occurred mere hours before.

  The screams coming from across the room broke me out of my fitful sleep. I jolted up from the chair and ran across the room. Kneeling down beside the bed, I attempted to soothe her from the dream to no avail. She continued to thrash around on the bed and cry out as the nightmare tore through her. Not knowing what to do, I stood up and walked around to the other side of the bed and climbed in. I scooted in behind her and pulled her into me and rocked back and forth.

  “Please, don’t leave me,” she cried out, breaking my heart further. Only the more I tried to wake her, the more fitful she became. All I could do was hold on for the ride and hope that she could feel my presence while I consoled her.

  “Shhhh. It’s going to be okay,” I repeated over and over again to try and calm her. Hoping the words that I spoke weren’t a lie.

  Chapter 12

  Delaney

  The past three days had been a blur. My mind had barely registered anything but the constant pain from the gaping hole in my heart where Trenton Quinn used to be. I never thought I’d say those words regarding him.

  Used to be.

  Everything felt like a horrible nightmare that I just wanted to wake up from any second. Only I knew that would never happen. Thank God for Weston. He’d been the rock I needed. The person I didn’t know I could rely on until he refused to let me face this the only way I’d ever known how.

  Alone.

  If it weren’t for him, I’d be suffering in silence in one of the rooms at the inn down the mountain. Only that wasn’t an option in his eyes. His parents’ basement had been my reprieve ever since that fateful night. The one where my life changed for the worse. I never thought I’d have to meet the love of my life’s parents the day after he passed away. Only I did, but Weston was there to pull me through. And he hasn’t stopped.

  As I laid there on the sofa bed, I closed my eyes and let myself drown in the memories of the man that I’d finally given my whole heart to. The man I envisioned the rest of my life with. The night I met him came to the forefront of the memories and my heart swelled. He’d gotten my attention at the bar we both frequented because of his cockiness. He’d attempted and failed numerous times to gain my attention. Until the one night that he didn’t take no for an answer. The night my heart began to thaw. Something I thought would never happen.

  Then his deployment. The longest nine months of my life. He’d thought I’d leave. Only I proved him wrong time and time again when I answered his phone and video calls. There was just something about him that I finally couldn’t say no to. I’d never figured out what it was. And now I missed that unknown something more than anything. I’d give everything I had for just one more day with him. Only that wasn’t possible.

  And that knowledge alone crushed my heart all over again, causing more tears to fall. I thought I’d run out by now, but they’d been endless ever since his death had been confirmed. The police showed up the following morning. They tried and failed to keep the questioning as painless as possible. No amount of finesse could make that experience painless. The whole process took less than an hour and that was the last time I’d left the bed other than to use the restroom. Showering seemed pointless. Life seemed hopeless. How do you go on when the one person who made your life worth living was gone? That’s the one question I’d inwardly asked myself time and time again, only the answer never came. Not one I wanted to hear anyway. The only solution my mind could conjure up was that you didn’t move on. Was that the solution? I didn’t know that answer either. The only
thing I’d known for a certainty was the man I loved was never coming back. Our hopes and dreams died with him.

  A faint knock on the door brought me out of my self-loathing, only I didn’t answer. I didn’t have the strength to call out to anyone. I just curled up into a deeper ball and prayed that whoever was there just went away.

  “Delaney?” I heard Weston’s voice call out.

  After a few moments with no reply, I heard the door open and shut, followed by his footsteps coming down the staircase.

  I kept my eyes closed and hoped that he would assume I was asleep and leave.

  Only the bed dipped behind me and he pulled me close to him.

  This had become our norm. The only way I could sleep and the nightmares stayed away. Only the sun shining through the window let me know it was nowhere near time for bed.

  “Delaney?” he whispered into my hair as he held me tighter than usual.

  “Weston,” I repeated after I took a deep breath.

  “You need to start getting ready.”

  “Ready for what?”

  He breathed in and out several times, his hand came up and moved my hair off my shoulder, sending chills through me. I shivered and his touch briefly stopped. He ran his fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp when he came back up before running his fingers back through. I started to calm down, become less tense as he continued his relaxing technique, one he’d done several times the past few days when he could tell I was tense or having a hard moment.

  His fingers stilled at the base of my scalp as he exhaled a harsh breath.

  “Today’s the day, Delaney,” he said as he resumed rubbing my head.

  I knew he was going to say it, but I didn’t want to hear any of it. I didn’t want this day to occur. I wanted to skip the sadness, the heartbreak, but most of all I didn’t know how I would say goodbye.

  “I can’t, Weston,” I admitted as more tears fell. There’s no way I’d make it through the ceremony. No way I could remain strong for that long in front of his family and friends.