Conflicted (The Existing Series Book 2)

by Guilliams,A. M.

  Chapter 22

  Two months had passed since that day at the gravesite. She’d moved in, albeit she swore that I better let her help. I complied, but what she didn’t know was that all of the money she gave me toward bills, I put into an account for the baby. She could get mad at me later. For now, what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

  We set up the baby’s crib and changing table in the guest room and baby items started to be strategically placed through the house for the little guy. She’d gotten tons of clothes and other necessities from the baby shower that she just had, but the one thing she wanted, she didn’t get. So today we were in search of said item. It was a quilt that no one could seem to find. Only she searched and searched and finally found one that was similar to it at a shop in Charlottesville.

  We packed Grace up into her SUV and were on our way there. She shocked me when she came home one day with a car seat in her car all ready to go for Grace. The other side had the bottom piece for the newborn car seat already strapped into place. The fire department had something going on at the station near where she worked so she bought the car seat and had them show her how to put both in. She said she wanted to make sure she had one just in case. That’s what I loved about her. She wanted to include Grace in everything we did. Last month my loving daughter asked her why her stomach had gotten so big and I wanted to crawl in a hole. Delaney took it in stride and explained that there was a baby growing in her belly and that her belly needed to get bigger to make room for how big he would get. The baby moved and Delaney grabbed Grace’s hand to let her feel. Ever since she felt the baby kick, she’s asked Delaney to let her feel her belly. And every time Delaney let her crawl in her lap and feel the baby if he’s kicking. I loved how she let Grace be a part of the baby coming. She even let Grace help decorate and put away the clothes, telling her she would need her to help her and be a big girl when he arrived.

  Now all Grace talked about was being a big girl. She even started saying that big girls would use the potty and she wanted to start trying. Only she didn’t like the big toilet very much. But Delaney brought home a small one that was just her size along with big girl princess underwear. Shockingly, within a few days, Grace had used the bathroom in her potty a few times. I couldn’t believe in just this short amount of time how much things had changed, but they had and they were all for the better. I felt better. Happier. And hadn’t had to use the punching bag. Delaney had cured my rage. I didn’t feel the need to be mad anymore. Because when Grace had a setback we handled it and moved forward. I knew she’d have them, only now I was prepared to deal with them.

  We arrived at the store and purchased the quilt. Once the store associate put the item in a big enough bag, I took the bag and we walked out of the store.

  “You want to walk around since we’re here?” Delaney suggested as she bent down to grab Grace’s hand.

  “Sure. Let me take this back to the car so we don’t have to lug it around. Wait over by the bench and I’ll be right back. Grace, you stay with Delaney and listen to her while I’m gone please,” I said before I turned to take the bag to her vehicle.

  “Yes, Daddy,” Grace replied.

  I dropped off the bag, making sure to lock the doors before I headed back to the girls.

  I helped Delaney stand and she put her arm around my elbow. She was getting bigger by the day and sometimes she needed to lean on someone while she walked.

  Grace wrapped her little hand around my other hand, and we walked inside the shopping mall.

  “Is there anywhere in particular you want to go?” I asked Delaney after we’d gotten to the intersection of the mall.

  “I promised this little lady a jump on the trampoline. So we might as well head there first. Isn’t that right, Grace?” Delaney asked as she leaned forward to look down at Grace. That little sneak did this on purpose. She knew that I usually said no because those things scared me. I didn’t care if she’s hooked up to bungee cords or not.

  Grace grinned up at me and that look said it all. She’d conned Delaney just like she did my dad when they last came here. Instead of putting my foot down, I decided to let her. We walked the short distance to where the kid’s play area was and Delaney pulled her wallet out to pay. When I tried to object, she scowled at me, her lips tight and her eyes serious. If looks could kill, I’d be dead.

  Grace was hooked up to the bungee cords and began to jump. Her little legs couldn’t get her but so high and that made me feel safer. The kid across from her was doing flips and appearing as if she’d go to the ceiling. When her time was up, she let the lady unhook her and I went over and picked it up.

  “I jump, Daddy,” she screamed while she clapped her hands. Even though I thought I’d have a heart attack, I loved seeing how happy that simple activity made her.

  “You ready to go walk around some more?” I asked as I put her down on the floor and took her hand in mine.

  She nodded her head and started to walk in the direction we came. I looked over to Delaney who understood Grace’s sense of urgency. She rushed to catch up to us and put her arm in mine again. From the looks of the way she walked, it looked like she was in pain. But time and time again she told me that it was just the baby dropping and getting bigger.

  We were almost on the other side of the mall when the smell of honeysuckle assaulted my senses, causing the hair on my neck to stand. I knew that anyone could be wearing that perfume, but I feared it was her. And that Grace would see her.

  Frantically, I looked around and tried to hide my anxiety. I turned my head to the left then the right, seeing no one that remotely looked like her. I was about to turn my head back to the right, when I felt Grace let go of my hand. Something she knew better than to do.

  “Mommy,” she screamed as she took off running. My head flew up in the direction she took off in and that’s when I saw her. She looked thinner than the last time I saw her, more tired as well. I took off after Grace, needing to catch up to her before she reached Mackenzie. She turned to walk in the opposite direction even though Grace continued to scream and run toward her. I caught up to Grace and picked her up in my arms, turning around to walk back in the direction I’d left Delaney.

  I knew I said that the rage had left me, but all it took was this one instance for it to all come flooding back. Grace continued to kick and scream for her mommy and there was nothing I could say or do to calm her. I reached Delaney and she nodded her head as we turned and walked in the direction of the exit. She walked beside me, her hand rubbing up and down Grace’s back as she attempted to soothe her. By the time we reached the SUV, she’d stopped the kicking and screaming and her head laid on my shoulder. Her arms held on to my neck for dear life. Every now and then she’d sniffle and my heart broke for what she had to see today. For the setbacks that I knew were coming.

  She barely let me put her in the car seat, but once I put the blanket and bear in her lap, she calmed. She put the blanket up to her face just the way she liked and turned her head to the side of the car seat. She’d be asleep before we’d make it a quarter of the way home.

  I drove us back to the house, my hand clenching the steering tightly as I drove. My teeth ground so hard together my mouth hurt, but I welcomed the pain. Needed something to focus on until I could lay Grace down and beat the hell out of the punching bag.

  I carefully got Grace out of the car seat and took her in the house, hoping she stayed asleep. Once she was tucked away in her crib, I shut the door and walked straight toward the garage. I had a one track mind right now and beating the hell out of something was needed for my anger to escape.

  I walked out into the garage, not caring if the door shut behind me and marched over to the bag. The second I was before it, I threw my first punch. Swing after swing I released my anger out on the bag. Each hit grew harder and harder, but after a few moments, I welcomed the pain as my fists continued to connect. I only felt release. Felt the rage starting to simmer from before.

  My fist connected with
the bag time and time again and I couldn’t stop swinging. I felt like if I stopped that meant I didn’t care about the pain my daughter just endured. That I didn’t feel anything when the woman who’d given me the most precious gift just ignored her pleas, instead turning and walking away.

  I was mid-swing when I felt the hand on my shoulder. My instant reaction was to push the person off, only I realized a little too late.

  I turned on my heel and watched Delaney sway. My quick reflexes caught her before she could completely fell backward. She was in my arms not even appearing frightened like she should be. No one had ever seen me like this. Not one person had witnessed my rage escaping.

  Until now.

  Until her.

  “Are you alright?” I asked as I stepped away from her and grabbed the towel from off the bench beside the punching bag. The rage dissipated and turned to worry since I could’ve seriously hurt her if I hadn’t stopped myself.

  “I came out here to ask you the same thing,” she said as she stepped toward me.

  “I’m not sure now’s a good time to talk about what I’m feeling. I should calm down some.” She didn’t want to get me started. She didn’t deserve to be yelled at. And that’s most likely what would occur.

  “Now’s a perfect time. Your emotions are high which means you need to get it all out. Grace is asleep, and I have a feeling that you haven’t said a word about how you’ve felt since her mom walked away. So let it out before it consumes you.”

  Before I could stop myself all the anger just spewed from my mouth like the venom it truly was. She was right. I’d been poisoned by it enough and now was as good a time as any to release it.

  “How does a mother walk away from their child? One they’ve helped nourish and watch grow for two years? She did it without a backward glanced. Signed the dotted line to never see Grace again without even shedding one tear. And today topped the cake. Grace screamed for her. Was running toward her screaming for her mommy and she just turned and walked away. What type of heartless woman does that? And better yet, she didn’t even say why she wanted to leave. I’ve never gotten an explanation which pisses me off even more. I don’t know how to get over it because I don’t know why she just up and left. I know I could’ve treated her better at times and our relationship needed some work, but that was my doing. Not Grace’s. She did nothing but love that woman and got hurt worse than I did in return. It killed me to hear her screaming and knowing that pure heartache would follow,” I screamed, not feeling better in the slightest.

  Delaney stood before me, not uttering a word, only shedding tears for the pain that both Grace and myself had to endure.

  “I swore to myself that I wouldn’t let another woman get close. And then there’s you. I tried my damnedest to ignore the pull I have when you’re around. How you’ve calmed the rage with your very presence. But I couldn’t fight it anymore. Are you going to up and leave to? I mean you don’t have any reason to stay here. Should I be preparing myself for you to disappear when I least expect it?” I instantly felt like the asshole I was for making this about her when it wasn’t.

  I looked down at the floor, refusing to look up and see if I’d caused her to feel any pain. She stepped closer until there was no space between us. She put both hands on the side of my face, lifting my head to look up at her. For the briefest of moments, our eyes locked, both searching for something within the others. I wasn’t quite sure what she was searching for, but I was looking for an answer. Hoping to find that she planned to stay.

  “You have no idea, do you? I wouldn’t have started to build a life here if I didn’t plan on staying. I moved in with you when there were other options. I could’ve settled for another house, but I didn’t feel like I should have to. I felt like I should find something I truly wanted since it would give me yet another reason to stay. I wouldn’t have let you or your daughter get attached to me and attached myself to you both in return if I planned on leaving. You silly, silly man. Can’t you see?” she asked. Without waiting for a response, she stood on her toes and pressed her lips softly to mine. The kiss was gentle but full of promise. I wanted to deepen it, but knew now wasn’t the time. We had more to discuss and neither of us needed the distraction.

  She pulled away from the kiss but not away from my body. I put both of my hands on her hips, pulling her closer. Trying to gain enough courage to ask her what I’ve wanted to know for months.

  “What did you mean that day at Trenton’s gravesite?” I asked, biting the bullet because I couldn’t go another second without knowing.

  She didn’t answer right away. She looked away from me for a few seconds and then turned back, her eyes full of hope and promise.

  “I meant that you weren’t the only one who was developing feelings. You weren’t the only one who felt guilty because it’d only been four months. I’ve talked to myself over and over again trying to make sense of it all. I’ve never grieved in the usual manner. I’ve always expected someone to leave the moment they entered my life. While I loved Trenton and he will always have a place in my heart, I know he wouldn’t want me to be miserable for months or years on end. He’d want me to be happy. Find someone who’ll love me and this baby just as much as he would. And I believe he led me to that person without even knowing it. What I meant was that I want to see where this goes. I make no promises because my heart still hurts, but I’m open to the possibility of more and for once that doesn’t scare me,” she replied as she put her head on my chest.

  I put my finger under her chin so that she’d lift her head up and look at me. Once our eyes locked, I took a moment to relish in their beauty before I brought my lips down to hers. Giving her a kiss of promise. A kiss to express the endless possibilities we were about to embark on.

  Chapter 23

  Summer turned into fall and fall was rapidly turning into winter, but I’d finally achieved my goal and only one month behind schedule. Things happened. Life intervened, but with the help of my family and friends, the shop was now open for business. My boss had even thrown me a party and congratulated me on my last day, which didn’t surprise me in the least. He was an amazing man to work for.

  But nothing felt better than being my own boss. I’d only been open for business for two weeks and I was still trying to find a helper, but business started off to a great start.

  Magdalena and Delaney had brought Grace to the shop just before closing time. We were all going to head over to Vito’s for dinner and since they were all already together, they figured it would be easier to just meet me here.

  They’d gone outside shortly after arriving so Grace wasn’t cooped up in the office while I finished some paperwork for the day. There was a slight chill in the November air, but nowhere near as cold as it had been in previous years. I’d heard my phone ring time and time again but continued to ignore it so I could get these papers signed and wrap everything up for the day. After I had put my signature on the final document, I put the papers in my outbox and grabbed my coat off the back of the chair. I checked my phone but decided against calling the person back. There was no way in hell I wanted to talk to her. Not after everything that had happened. I shoved the phone back in my pocket and decided to forget about the calls for now.

  My phone rang incessantly for the fourth time in a row causing my aggravation level to rise. I knew who it was, but I didn’t want to speak to said person.

  Not now.

  Not ever.

  But I couldn’t take the numerous phone calls back to back.

  I yanked the phone out of my back pocket and swiped my finger across the screen, ready to get this conversation over with.

  “Yeah,” I bit out, overly annoyed that I even answered to begin with.

  Tires screeching off in the distance diverted my attention. The words being spoken on the other end of the phone were only in the background. I turned my head in the direction of the loud noise, my heart instantly catching in my throat.

  Magdalena, Grace, and Delaney were stan
ding in the parking lot of my shop, all dancing around in a circle, something Grace loved to do. Their heads were all leaned back, chests rising up and down with the laughter that escaped them. Only they were in danger and hadn’t reacted just yet.

  The car wasn’t stopping.

  Instead, it continued to move forward.

  Directly at the three people that meant the world to me.

  I dropped my phone, the sound of it hitting the floor barely registered, and ran out the door, knowing in my heart of hearts that I wouldn’t make it in time. They were too far away and my legs wouldn’t get me there quick enough. No amount of adrenaline would allow my body to move faster.

  My eyes remained on them as I willed my legs to move faster.

  “Look out,” I screamed, pointing in the direction of the out of control car.

  Magdalena noticed the car first and then they all screamed.

  A death curdling scream.

  One that would be forever engrained in my soul.

  Delaney picked up Grace and turned her back to the car, crouching down to protect her and the unborn son that she carried. Only she should’ve moved. Not stand there waiting to be hit.

  Magdalena reacted and shoved them out of the way. Both Grace and Delaney stumbled forward. Delaney lost her balance and landed on her side, protecting Grace in the process.

  I diverted my attention over to Magdalena and the second I turned my head back, I saw her body being hit by the car, her side taking the brunt of the impact. Her body flew through the air and hit the ground just feet from where the car had now stopped, and her head bounced off of the ground as she landed.