Reckless (Finding Ava)

by Jennifer Loren

  “It’s been a long day, is all.” he said, forcing a smile.

  With a soft sigh, I assume his issues. “I can understand why, considering what I have heard.”

  “And whom did you hear it from?” He asks, with his piercing eyes flashing.

  “First, there was your mother. Then Abbey followed right after, telling me for the second time what happened today with Rebecca.” He nods, leaning back further into the pillows that he positioned perfectly behind himself. When his expression turns somber, I crawl into bed and try to reassure him. “So, tell me how I can get your smile back?”

  He manages a weak smile. “You already did,” he said, welcoming me into his arms. “I love you.”

  “And I love you.” I said.

  Cradling me in his arms, he tightens suddenly. “I love you so much, Ava,” he whimpered.

  “Sean? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. Sorry, I’m overly tired and I was worried about you being out so late is all.”

  “If it’s something your mother said, I can talk to her and …”

  “No baby, it’s alright. I think today brought up some bad memories, which are making me that much more grateful for the life I have now.”

  “Are you sure?” I ask as he traces his fingers along the edges of my face.

  Nodding, he smiles sweetly at me. “Promise me you won’t ever lie to me?” He asked, holding my eyes with his.

  “Sean?” I said trembling.

  He immediately shakes his head as tears well up in my eyes. “I’m sorry, forget it.” Kissing the side of my head, he twists my body around him as I try to fight my own tears. With all my fears coming to the surface at once, I can’t hold them back. I fist his shirt, fighting the tears from falling any further. What if he finds out? I don’t know how I will ever begin to explain why I kept it from him.

  ~

  I have started working from home every other day, so I can spend more time with my daughter. Today is one of those days. My once true love of architecture is slowly fading into the background behind my family. “Okay Lillah, are you ready to go outside and play?” I asked my rosy-cheeked daughter.

  She nods anxiously. “Yeah.”

  “Okay, let’s go.” I said, picking her up and grabbing her arm floats on our way out the door. The pool is warm and feels incredible. I ease Lillah in as she squeals and giggles. “Watch Mommy, Lillah.” I move down under the water, just enough to get my mouth under and blow bubbles. I come back up to her overly excited wiggling, “You ready to try?” She nods. “One … two … three…” I help her gently under the water and then back up again. “Good job, Lillah.” I said, clapping along with her.

  “If you need to learn how to swim, Ava, you can watch me.” I turn to see Rebecca setting up her lounge area by the pool, sporting pieces of fabric that barely cover key parts of her.

  “Thank you, but I think I got it down. I am trying to teach my daughter now.”

  “How sweet.” Rebecca said, lying back in the chair without ever glancing my way. Ignoring the Bitch to my side, I continue with Lillah. “Ava!” Rebecca screamed.

  I pop up out of the water. “What’s wrong?”

  “Your … dogs.” she shakes her hands at them with a sour face. “They’re everywhere! Do they need to be out here?”

  I narrow my eyes at her as the boys try to get Rebecca to throw their ball for them. “Are they bothering you?” I asked.

  “Yes, they are. They stink and are constantly bringing me that disgusting thing. Can you do something with them? Put them into a cage or something?”

  I smile happily at the boys. “No, and if you so much as breathe harshly at my dogs, I will put you into a cage.” Rebecca huffs at me while I go back to ignoring her.

  Rebecca slams back into her chair, managing to ignore the boys after all. However, the nice silent treatment she is sending my way doesn’t last long.

  “I like your bikini Ava.” Rebecca called out to me.

  “Thank you.” I respond warily.

  “I didn’t know they sold bikinis that - big. You must have found a great mommy store.” Rebecca giggles to herself.

  “Well, I prefer not to dress like a whore in front of my daughter.”

  Rebecca instantly sits up. “Are you saying I look like a whore?”

  “No, I said I prefer not to dress like one.”

  “Sean!” I heard her yell. I look up to see Sean walking towards us after arriving home. Rebecca runs to him and jumps all over him, rather like a distressed dog. “Sean, what do you think of my swimsuit?” she said while modeling her suit in exaggerated poses.

  “I guess it’s fine, Rebecca.” Sean said, pulling her off to one side before approaching the edge of the pool and kneeling down to wait for Lillah and me. “How’s my girls?”

  “We are doing well with our swimming today.” I said.

  “Really? Can you show me, Lillah?” He asked. Lillah nods excitedly, almost jumping out of my arms into the water. We show him everything we worked on, earning applause from Sean. Lillah claps sweetly along with him, proud of her own work.

  “Are you home for lunch,” I asked him.

  “Yes, is that okay?”

  I lift Lillah to him as he holds out her towel to wrap her in. “Very much so.” I said, walking out of the pool and watching Sean’s eyes light up. “You like my new tassels?” I asked him with a wink.

  “You know that I do.” I cradle the back of his head as he leans down with a kiss.

  “Are we eating lunch or what?” Rebecca said with a huff.

  ~

  As soon as Sean gets home for dinner, Rebecca begs him to help her with a part in a commercial she managed to get. I am not even certain the part really exists, but she sweetly talks him into helping her anyway. I walk in on them and sit, pretending to read my book as I watch Rebecca consistently find reasons to touch my husband.

  “I think you have your lines down, Rebecca.” Sean said, pulling away from her again.

  “Yes, but I want to run through them completely with you.” I glance up at him catching his eyes on me briefly.

  “I’m not kissing you Rebecca.” Sean warned her.

  “You don’t have to. Only everything right up to it will be fine.” She said happily. He let her take his hand and pull him in near her while Rebecca puts on her lipstick, seductively, in front of him. Her lines are few and stupid, but she overacts them anyway to a pretend camera. Obviously, she is ignorant of the absurdity. Sean pulls her in close to him as she feels her way up his chest, up his neck, to the back of his head. She pulls him down to her, pausing to stare into his eyes. He starts to move away but she grabs his lips with hers and holds on tight. Sean grabs her hands and shifts away from her quickly, both of them looking my way.

  “Oh, don’t worry Sean. Ava understands it is only part of the job.” She says, smiling.

  I want to say something, but Sean’s silent expression begs me to let it go. Sean’s phone rings, its peal cutting through the tense air in the room and providing him an easy exit. I don’t even want to look at her. I know if I do, I might do something horrible to her.

  “Ava.” Rebecca whispers. Shaking my head, I continue to ignore her. “Can you believe I barely touched Sean and he became hard as rock?” My head snaps in her direction. “Not that I didn’t enjoy feeling it, but if he calls my name out tonight, don’t be offended. It happens a lot with me.” My body is up and moving before I even realize it. I am in mid-air when Sean catches me and sets me back on the floor.

  “Rebecca, I think we should all call it a night.” Sean said, continuing to hold tight to me. The bitch doesn’t say another word. She slowly walks out of the house, still wearing that smile I want so badly to rip off.

  “You can let go of me now.” I said as he releases me slowly.

  “Will you please try to not let her get to you like that?”

  “Will you tell her to shut her mouth?” I yell.

  He grabs my waving hands in his face, “She is
threatened by you. She will calm down if you ignore her. I’m not telling you to be best friends, but try to be patient with her.”

  “Sean, she kissed you right in front of me! And did you hear what she said to me?”

  “I heard her Ava, but you know it’s not true and the kiss was nothing. It had nothing to do with me. She was trying to upset you and it worked. Don’t let her get to you and she will stop trying.”

  “I want them out of our house, Sean. I see nothing but problems from that girl.”

  “I can’t do that Ava. Joel has too much going on right now to worry about trying to find another place to live. And Rebecca…” He sighs at my still-rigid stance. “She hasn’t had a whole lot of great influences in her life, Ava. Her mother was a drug addict and her father was in prison most of her life. She’s been on her own, practically, since she was sixteen. She’s tough, but she’s had to be. She craves attention because she never got any when she needed it.” Sean rubs his hand over his face. “Please be patient. We are almost a month in already. It will be over before you know it.” He sighed, pleading with me. “I am enjoying getting to know my best friend again, and with him, unfortunately, comes his wife. I promise I will talk to her and makes sure she understands that her behavior will not be tolerated.” Sean raises my chin so he can smile into my eyes. “If you do this for me, I will take you, Lillah, and the boys to Ireland for a few months. The house renovations should be completed by then, and we can all enjoy it together.” I nod. “I love you.” he said, waiting for me to look him in the eyes.

  “I love you too,” I want to win this argument, but I am not sure how I can. Something within him is wanting to protect her and I am not sure why but I am going to trust that he knows what’s best.

  ~

  Rebecca stretches out in a lounge chair, smiling at the sun as if she owns it. Aside from Spencer, I do not think I have ever hated anybody in my whole life. However, she is working her way towards that line…if not past it. I try to ignore her abrasive smile while I sit in the grass playing with Lillah and the boys, but when Sean comes home for lunch Rebecca is up and at his side before I can even turn around.

  “So how was your day Sean?” Rebecca, like a terrier at her master’s feet, barks for his attention as soon as he approaches. Sean’s forced smile fights through his obvious exhaustion. Rebecca clings to his side, following us inside and talking non-stop. Sean is clearly annoyed, and I begin to feel sorry for him.

  As I set food down for Sean and Lillah, I force a smile at the bikini princess. “Would you like something Rebecca?” I asked as nicely as I could.

  “Oh aren’t you sweet. I am fine with my vitamin drink, but thank you for asking.” Rebecca says with an obnoxiously sweet tone, and pats me on the hand.

  I sit down next to Lillah, helping to make sure she eats, not at all paying attention to the conversation Rebecca is forcing on Sean. “Is your tea good?” I turn towards Sean as he tugs at my shirt.

  “Yes, I finally remembered what I was forgetting.”

  He smiles at me nodding, “Good.”

  “What kind of tea is it?” Rebecca asked.

  “Something my doctor told me about when I was pregnant with Lillah.”

  “It’s good for you then?” She asked and I nod.

  “Can I try it?” Rebecca asked. I push the pitcher over to her, and she pours herself half a glass. “Oh yuck! What is in this?” Rebecca soured.

  Sean laughs, “No one seems to like it but Ava. I think she has forced herself to get use to it.” He leans over to me and kisses my cheek gently, “But whatever she wants, I am willing to get it for her.”

  “Are you willing to watch your daughter for the rest of the day so I can go to work? Kyle got a call for some last minute changes and he needs all the help he can get.” I ask him, assuming he will not be able to.

  Cocking his head to one side, he allows a slow smile to emerge. “I have a short day today. I can take her with me for a few hours, but I want to see you tonight after I put her to bed. So, don’t be coming home too late.”

  “Okay, deal.” I kiss him happily.

  “If you want, Sean, I can come with you and watch Lillah while you are on set.” Rebecca exclaims, forcing a humorous smile at Lillah.

  “That is nice of you, Rebecca, but I think Ethan and Randy can handle it. They enjoy the distractions anyway.” Sean says, grasping her hand in appreciation. Thankfully, his decision makes it easier for me to leave my daughter behind.

  ~

  It has been a long day and an even more stressful one. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold onto my secrets. I want to tell Sean. I want to tell him before things get out of hand, but I fear they already have. The amount of time I am spending with Jasper these days would surely not go over well with my husband. The more time that passes without telling him makes the lie that much worse and harder to tell.

  A nice, long, hot shower should help rejuvenate me. When I walk into our bedroom, it is lit up with candles while a shirtless Sean greets me with a smile and a tray full of food.

  “I assumed you didn’t eat dinner while you were out.” Sean said.

  “No, I didn’t. Thank you for saving some for me.”

  “You’re welcome.” He sits next to me and plays with my hair as I eat and I slide in close to him. “Do you like it?”

  I nod.

  Catching sight of the lit up bathroom and the running water, I smile. “Are you getting a bath?”

  “Not exactly.” he says kissing the side of my head.

  “Just running water for no reason?” I ask smartly.

  “No…but if you’re finished eating, I can show you?.” He said, prompting me to push my tray of food to the side. “Come with me.” Taking my hand he leads me into a whole room full of candles and my favorite - movie star rose petals. The bathtub is full of water, and floating petals. “Do you like it?”

  I nod with a smile.

  “Good. You know, they say it is important to relax when you want to get pregnant.” Sean says, pulling me to him and running his fingers through my hair. He waits until I look up at him to kiss me deeply and begins removing my clothes for me. With soft hands, he pushes the fabric from my skin before fondling my bare breasts with the palms of his hands. With a low growl, he whispers his admiration for my body, but all I can hear is the sound of the zipper on his pants and the quiet whoosh of them falling to the floor. Immediately, I feel his erection pressed against me, already searching for what it wants. “Not yet baby.” He smiles trying to calm me down. Picking me up he moves us both into our bath for two. Sean shocks me when he sits down casually with me straddling him. He puts his arms out to either side, and exhales softly - as if he is waiting for me to make the next move.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  He laughs. “Relax.” I narrow my eyes at him and move off him trying to do as told. He kisses the side of my head, “Relax, sweetheart.”

  “I don’t think I can.” I pout. I am way to tense and I want to have sex…now.

  He wraps one arm around me, burying his face into my hair. “Do you want me to help you? Relax, I mean,” he whispered.

  “How?” I mumble with growing excitement.

  I can feel his smile against my cheek. “Trust me baby…I know how.” He holds my head in place as he noses through my hair and begins to play with my nipples. Thumbing them and massaging my breasts, he causes a soft moan to escape from my mouth.

  “Does that feel good?” Sean whispered into my ear.

  “Yes.” I said, as his hand slips down my stomach and between my legs. I gasp as he spreads my legs, massaging each of them as he moves them to either side. Swallowing noticeably, I feel his hand reach my center, his fingers finding their way to my spot. My eyes naturally close as he skillfully plays. My head falls back and I begin to shake, gripping his arm tightly.

  “How do you feel now?” He asked, looking smug.

  “Good.” I breathed.

  I watch him look down at his
hand and his expression changes to pure pleasure as he feels inside of me. I move against his hand, gripping his arm tighter with every wave flowing through me. My moans become uncontrolled.

  “Are you going to come?” He asked.

  “Yes.” I breathe.

  He stops instantly, lifting me out of the tub to sit me on the heated edge. Moving between my legs, he changes from his fingers to his tongue and works me into a frenzy. I can feel the vibration of his groans, with my every moan of his name.

  “Sean!” I yell. I can’t breathe. I release in overwhelming pleasure and he pulls me back into his warm arms and the soothing water with a confident smile.

  “Are you relaxed now?” He asked, cradling me to him. I close my eyes and nod, falling deep into his arms. He relaxes and I can’t get over his gorgeous green eyes on me, so warm and loving. He gently brushes his thumb over my bottom lip and I kiss it, enjoying his smile. “You are so beautiful, Ava.”

  I hold his hand against my face and breathe in before catching a glimpse of him sticking proudly out of the water. I smile up at him to see if he is going to let me. He is amused, but shows no sign of preventing me from getting what I want. I pull his hand behind me and ease myself onto him, watching his eyes surrender completely to me as I rock myself down on him then feel him deep inside. His lips find mine as he takes hold of my hips. I search for his tongue, stroking it with the same movement I make on his erection. He feels so good that I move faster and kiss him harder. Sean suddenly picks me up and carries me to lie down on our cozy fireplace rug. A place we know well. Sean hovers over me, pulling my legs up. He moves deep, shallower, and deep again, faster and faster … pushing hard inside me, causing me to cry out and exhale our orgasms together.

  “Do you, feel relaxed now?” I asked him as he collapses around me.

  He laughs, “Are you making fun of me?”