Tut--My Epic Battle to Save the World

by P. J. Hoover

  She’d been right. Doubt clouded my mind.

  I tried again. I focused all my immortal energy, but nothing felt different. Nothing changed. Apep flicked his horrible tongue forward, brushing it against my arm. I refocused the beam of light. It still didn’t work.

  But then Henry yelled a single word across the room: “Synergy! That’s the word Thoth gave me, Tut! It’s ‘synergy’!”

  Synergy? Synergy … Wait, that was it! Synergy was teamwork. The doubt cleared. Nephthys was right. I wasn’t strong enough to do this—at least not alone. As long as I kept trying by myself, I would fail. But I didn’t have to do it alone.

  “Grab hold, Gil!” I yelled over the hissing sunlight.

  Gil reached forward and touched the sun disk also. The second his hand connected, energy flashed through me. Apep screamed in pain. The beam of light flared and flickered like it was made of flames. Apep started smoking and shriveling. His screams filled the planetarium around us. I wanted to cover my ears, but I also knew that I couldn’t take my hands off the sun disk until this was done. The burning continued. Apep fought. And when he could fight no longer, the sun disk sucked him in like a straw sucking in a piece of fruit at the bottom of a smoothie.

  Henry was still fumbling with the roof controls, but he finally got them to work. The roof began to peel back and open, exposing the blackened sky above. And then Henry gave the glass storage tank a kick of his own, and the already weakened tank shattered.

  Sunlight blasted through the open ceiling of the planetarium, back into the world, and as we watched, it filled the sky and daylight returned.

  I let the sun disk fall from my hands as I grabbed Gil in a hug so fierce, I almost cut off his circulation.

  “I am so mad at you,” I said.

  He mussed my hair in reply, and started to make some perfect witty Gil comeback, but in that moment something burst from one of the mirrors on the wall.

  It was Blair.

  26

  WHERE SNACK TIME SAVES THE WORLD

  Blair’s blond wig was gone, exposing a bald head, and her face, like Apep’s, had flattened to look like a snake. Makeup streaked down her pale skin.

  “I’m going to get him back!” she screamed, and she dove for the sun disk, reaching it way before I even had a chance to react.

  “Put it down, Blair,” Henry called. He looked torn, like he was half ready to run over to her and half horrified by her appearance.

  “No!” she screamed. Tears streamed down her face. “That was my father. My daddy. Do you have any idea how important he is? Any idea? He was going to run for Senate.” Gone were any signs of her cheerleader bubbliness. Gone was all talk of her dad’s charity and the good it would do. Blair was nothing but a crying, heartbroken snake-monster.

  I almost felt bad for her, except for the fact that her dad was trying to destroy the world.

  I inched toward her.

  “Keep him away from me, Henry!” Blair cried. “Help me get my dad back!”

  Henry looked from Blair to me and then back to her again, and for a split second, I worried that he might side with her. That he liked her that much. But my worries quickly vanished. Henry shook his head. “Blair, your dad was sucking the sun from the sky. That’s not a good thing.”

  “It’s a great thing,” she said. “He would have re-formed the world. Made it better.”

  “Just give me the sun disk,” I said, and I jumped out and tried to grab it from her. But she ran around the perimeter of the room, and with all the mirrors, I couldn’t tell where she was. It was like the funhouse except this time, the consequences were going to be apocalyptic. If she managed to free Apep, the world wouldn’t have a second chance.

  Gil, Henry, and I tore after her, but everywhere I thought she was, it was just a reflection. And in those reflections I saw Blair lift the sun disk and catch the sunlight on it, bouncing it around the room. I didn’t know if she could really free Apep this way, but I also didn’t want to find out.

  I dove for her, but before I could reach her, Humbaba leapt from the same mirror Blair had come through only moments before. He bounded across the chairs of the planetarium, jumping and gliding like it was some sort of parkour course. And then he stopped dead and roared so loudly that all the mirrors fell from the walls of the planetarium. They shattered when they hit the ground. Then Humbaba leapt forward, opened his huge mouth, and swallowed Blair whole.

  “Good boy!” I said, and I ran over to him and started scratching his head.

  Humbaba’s tail wagged and his tongue hung from the side of his mouth.

  “You tamed Humbaba?” Gil said. “Guardian of the Cedar Forest? Devourer of both the living and the dead? I imprisoned him. He’s dangerous. You can’t tame him.”

  “Sure, I can.” I scratched the monster under the chin. “I’m King Tut. I can make fireballs now, too.” I’d been waiting to tell Gil that for over a week.

  “I can’t believe he ate Blair,” Henry said. “She was so nice.”

  I’d never seen Henry look so sad. It was like a kid who’d just dropped his ice cream cone on the ground.

  “Blair was the daughter of the Lord of Chaos,” I said. “She was trying to destroy the world.”

  “I know. But I really liked her.” He looked wistfully at Humbaba. “Why did she have to be evil, anyway? It totally stinks. I was going to ask her to a school dance this fall.”

  “You can do way better,” I said. “Trust me.”

  “You really think so?” Henry said.

  “I’d bet the throne of Egypt on it.”

  Anything would be better than Blair. But I still felt kind of sorry for Henry. He had seemed to get along with her pretty well.

  A rumbling noise started coming from Humbaba, deep in his giant stomach. It crept up his body, through his throat, and then Humbaba let out the hugest burp I’d ever heard in my immortal lifetime. The sun disk flew from his mouth, having been devoured with Blair, and landed on the ground, rolling to a stop in front of me.

  I reached down and picked it up. I’d promised it to Tia, and it was a promise that I intended to keep.

  27

  WHERE THE FATE OF THE WORLD COMES IN THE FORM OF A WORD

  The sky was filled with sunlight. Apep and Blair were conquered. But the planetarium was a disaster. I didn’t want to stick around and have to explain anything to the authorities. So Henry, Gil, and I hightailed it out of there and headed back for the townhouse as fast as we could. Humbaba trotted along beside me, growling at anything that moved the wrong way.

  “I should have known you’d have a perfect plan all worked out,” Gil said.

  I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed his sarcasm.

  “You know, if you hadn’t left, none of this would have ever happened,” I said. “I still can’t believe you did that. Without even asking.” My voice cracked, just the smallest bit.

  “I’m sorry, Tut,” Gil said. “It was a mistake. I thought if I left you alone, that if you didn’t have me watching over your every move, it would help you grow. That you would be better off without me, especially now that I’m no longer immortal.”

  “Better off without you? Why would you even think that?” I said.

  Gil ran a hand through his dark hair. “I don’t know. I figured you could live your life, be independent, and do whatever you wanted to do and not have to worry about what I thought or worry about me growing old and dying. I was trying to make things better, but all I did was make things worse. And…”

  I waited.

  “And I’m sorry I hurt you,” he said. “I’m really sorry.”

  I tried to think of some witty comeback, but the lump in my throat was too big. So instead I crossed my arms and smiled. There was a lot more to be said. The conversation was far from over. But I was too happy to see Gil again to press it anymore right now. As far as I was concerned, we had an eternity ahead of us to argue about it. An eternity because I totally intended to find a way to make Gil immortal again, whether h
e wanted to be or not.

  Gil and I opened the door to the townhouse and Horus jumped onto the cat platform by the door. I walked in first. Henry was still dragging his feet, out on the sidewalk. I guess he was bummed about Blair.

  “How you feeling, Horus?” I asked.

  Horus stretched out super-long, like he’d just woken up from a nap befitting Sleeping Beauty. “Amazing, all things considered.”

  His fur was washed and brushed. His claws were trimmed. His good eye shone bright.

  “What do you mean, all things considered?” I asked. “I saved the world. I restored the sunlight. Apep has officially been re-imprisoned.” When I listed it out like that, it sounded pretty impressive.

  “Yeah, don’t get ahead of yourself, Tut,” Horus said. “Oh, and the no-dogs rule still applies.”

  “He’s not a dog,” I said as Humbaba rushed past me into the townhouse, knocking a couple feather fans from the wall as his snake tail wagged. “So the rule is irrelevant.”

  “First time he tries to chase me around the townhouse, he’s outta here,” Horus said. “And if he pees on my scratching post, trying to mark his territory or anything like that, I’ll stick him back into the Epic of Gilgamesh forever.”

  It was nice to see that Horus was back to his normal grumpy self.

  “Speaking of the Epic of Gilgamesh…” I said.

  Gil peeked his head in the door and grinned. “Okay, I admit it. It’s nice to be home.”

  “The heathen lord returns,” Colonel Cody said, and jumped in front of me. It must’ve been a precautionary measure, just in case Gil decided to attack me or something.

  “It’s about time,” Horus said. “You surprised me this time, Gil. I expect Tut to get himself into huge messes. You?”

  “Hey!” I said. “I do not get into huge messes.” Messes just seemed to have a way of finding me.

  “What in the name of Nergal happened to my door?” Gil said. He stared up the steps at the blue door with the gold stripes and star. His hands balled into fists.

  Colonel Cody looked to me, wondering if he should answer.

  “The shabtis wanted to redecorate,” I said, so Colonel Cody wouldn’t have to. “They were turning your room into a media room.”

  Gil did not look amused. “No media room. I want my door painted exactly the way it was. And why is my stuff piled all over the family room?”

  “They were going to burn it,” I said. “You should thank me. I saved it from sure incineration.”

  Gil fixed his eyes on Colonel Cody. “All of it: back in my room. Now.”

  Colonel Cody again looked to me. “Should we do as the heathen lord commands?”

  I loved that things were back to how they should be.

  “Yep, do what he wants,” I said. “Unless Gil plans on leaving again anytime soon.” I fixed my gaze on Gil, challenging him with my eyes. “Do you?”

  He shook his head and smiled. “I wouldn’t dare. I made that mistake once, which is already too many times. Anyway, someone has to keep an eye on you.”

  “You’re the one who got kidnapped,” I said. “I saved your butt.”

  He mussed my hair. “And for that I’ll be eternally grateful.”

  Colonel Cody summoned his shabtis and they got to work, carting everything back up the steps to Gil’s room. Gil’s eyes drifted next to his chair. I cringed. But Gil smiled.

  I dared to glance over. The chair looked perfect. Between Humbaba drooling and shedding all over it, the shabtis setting it on fire, Tia pulling it apart, and Horus digging his claws into it and hacking up a hairball on it, I thought it was beyond repair. But the shabtis had made it look brand-new.

  Gil flopped down in his chair and let out a huge sigh of contentment. Or at least half a sigh, because then he frowned.

  “My chair feels different,” he said.

  “Just be happy it’s still here,” I said. “And don’t ask any questions.”

  Gil raised an eyebrow but kept his mouth shut.

  Henry finally walked in the front door. “We have a problem.” He held up his cell phone, like he was going to show us a picture. But instead it was a screen shot of Words with Friends, the game he’d been playing with Thoth.

  “Don’t we always have a problem?” I asked.

  “Not like this one,” Thoth said, walking in behind Henry. I guessed the game with Hapi was finally over. It was like a regular party in my townhouse: two Egyptian gods, a Sumerian monster, and three somewhat-immortals. All we needed now were balloons and streamers.

  “Are you sure?” Horus said from his perch. He sat up and flicked his tail back and forth.

  “We’ll see. I need some paper,” Thoth said to the nearest shabtis.

  Thoth’s uncanny power over them prevailed again. They ran off, returning with one of my unused spiral notebooks from school. Thoth ripped a few pages out and handed us each a piece.

  “Write down a word,” he said. “But don’t tell each other what your word is.”

  One of my shabtis handed me a pencil, and I scribbled down the first thing that came to my mind. Henry, Gil, and even Thoth himself did the same thing.

  “Now show us your word,” Thoth said once we were all done.

  We flipped our papers around. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. We’d all written the same word.

  “Ra.”

  “So it’s true,” Horus said. His tail stopped moving. It wasn’t a good sign.

  Thoth nodded. “It’s true.”

  “What’s true?” I held up the sun disk. “We used it to capture Apep. Everything is better.”

  “Maybe for now,” Thoth said. “But things have gone too far.”

  “Things like what?” Gil said. At least I wasn’t the only one who didn’t realize what was going on.

  Thoth lifted his hand and started counting off on his fingers. “Things like Horemheb and the Cult of Set nearly taking over the world. Things like the immortal-killing knife cutting the fabric of the universe. Things like Apep casting the world into eternal darkness.”

  “Yeah, but we’ve taken care of all those things,” I said.

  “You’ve patched them,” Thoth said. “Sure. Just like the shabtis patched Gil’s chair.”

  Gil frowned and looked down at his chair.

  “But why are they happening in the first place?” Thoth said.

  “Because … some of the gods are power-hungry?” I said.

  “Because the gods are fighting,” Thoth said. “And as long as the gods keep fighting, things will only get worse.”

  “This is about Tia’s quest,” I said.

  All eyes turned to me.

  “What exactly do you mean by that, Tut?” Horus asked.

  “She has this quest,” I said. “To reunite the gods.” And I told them everything I knew. About the objects she’d been collecting. And her grand scheme to make sure everyone got along.

  “And you think my mom is helping her with this,” Horus said.

  I shrugged. “It’s all I can figure out.”

  Horus seemed to consider this. “That would tie in with why my mom went away.”

  “Where did she go?” Henry asked.

  “She went searching for Ra.”

  Ra. The name we’d all written.

  “She was convinced that by finding Ra, the battles between the gods would stop,” Horus said.

  “So did she find him?” I asked.

  Horus shook his head. “That’s the problem. I don’t know. I can’t get in touch with her. Nobody can.”

  “So we need to find Ra,” I said.

  “Seems that way,” Gil said.

  “Where is Ra?” Henry asked.

  We all looked to Thoth. Of all the gods, Thoth would know.

  Thoth put up his hands in defense. “I don’t know where Ra is. Or where your mom is either, Horus.”

  “That’s impossible,” I said. “You said you knew where anyone was at any given time.”

  “I do,” Thoth said. “Unless they
’re shielded from me. Which in this case they are. Wherever they are, they don’t want to be found.”

  “Or somebody doesn’t want us to find them,” I said. “But we will. We’ll find Ra, and we’ll set everything right.”

  It seemed like a pretty big job, but after what I’d been through, I knew I could do it. Well, as long as I had a little help, which, looking around the room, I knew I did.

  28

  WHERE WE WATCH THE MOST EPIC FIREWORKS IN HISTORY

  Tia brought cookies over the next day. I gave her Ra’s sun disk in return. Lieutenant Virgil insisted on trying a cookie first. He said he was worried about me getting poisoned, but I think he just wanted to sample the recipe. After finishing the entire cookie, he declared the batch safe and ran off to record notes. I figured he was going to try to duplicate Tia’s secret formula.

  Gil sat in his chair and listened to my entirely awkward conversation with Tia. She annoyingly left me speechless. But finally Henry showed up and saved me from myself.

  “I brought you a T-shirt, Tut,” Henry said, throwing a red bundle across the room to me.

  I caught it and unrolled it. It read, HENRY IS A .

  “No way am I wearing this,” I said, throwing it back at him.

  Henry caught it effortlessly. “It’s that or lending me half your shabtis. I won the bet.”

  My mouth dropped open. “What are you talking about? I won the bet. Apep was totally behind everything.”

  But Henry shook his head. “The Zeiss satellite was collecting the sun, using magnetic force. That is a scientific explanation if I’ve ever heard one.” He threw the shirt back to me. “Now put it on.”

  Colonel Cody jumped onto the coffee table. “Great Master, might I recommend you wear the shirt? The shabtis and I were discussing this matter, and it would make us most unhappy to be placed on loan to master’s questionably immortal best friend.”

  I looked at the shirt and then at Colonel Cody’s earnest little face. He pleaded with me with his eyes. But still? Henry is a genius. Ugh.

  “Please, Great Pharaoh,” Colonel Cody said.

  He’d always been there for me. And Henry did make a compelling argument, though I had no intention of telling him this.