Be in the Real

by Denise Mathew

  The morning light accentuated Derrick’s form. What had been merely his silhouette for most of the night, now became the man-boy. She rapidly understood that her previous assumptions that he wasn’t as bothered by the long walk as she was, were untrue. Judging by the way his navy t-shirt was plastered to his back with perspiration, how his hair was damp like an old mop, and the back of his exposed neck glimmered with sweat running in rivulets down his skin, his struggle was as great as hers. It heartened Kaila to see that Derrick wasn’t as tough as she had originally gauged. He was a human too, one who tired, sweat and got blisters on chaffed flesh.

  As the sun rose higher in the sky, the temperature soared. The suns rays sizzled across Kaila’s freckled skin, leaving a prickly sensation on her exposed flesh. She dug into her bag for the water bottle and was disheartened to see that she had drained all but a few drops. As she swallowed the last of her water she chastised herself once again for her stupidity and lack of planning. She appreciated Derrick’s forethought more than she could express.

  Now that she had the luxury of seeing where they were, Kaila paused for a few moments. She turned to face the path that they had followed to this point. She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, but the vast fields of empty land, devoid of anything but evergreen and deciduous trees, wasn’t it. Although she knew that it was absurd, she had somehow expected to see Wildwind in the offing, sitting there as a beacon, its presence saying that she could return at anytime if the notion hit her.

  “Come on,” Derrick said, pulling her out of her thoughts. “We have to keep going, it’s already five-thirty.”

  Not for the first time since they had made their escape, Kaila had gone back in time and had questioned what she was doing. Her state of exhaustion made her forget the excitement of being outside the confines of Wildwind. Now she pondered a question that had figured prominently but she had mostly brushed aside. Why couldn’t Derrick have relayed his premonition to the staff and allowed them to remedy the situation? She had actually mentioned this option to Derrick before then, but he had been quick to shoot it down, saying that the staff would never have given his dream any credence.

  Despite being exhausted and a little fearful, Kaila was pleased that she hadn’t allowed any doubts to cloud her mind for more than a second until right then. The questions that swam through her psyche at that moment might have been enough for her to halt her plans altogether.

  “You need to pick up the pace.”

  The urgency in Derrick’s voice was difficult to ignore. His stress made something tingle in Kaila. Trillian whispered her doubts again. But when Kaila had honed in on Trillian and her comments, she had disappeared into the back of Kaila’s mind; Trillian was hiding. This odd behavior on Trillian’s part only caused Kaila more anxiety.

  Kaila pushed her body forward, willing her fatigued muscles to do their job, but her urging was no match for the increasingly sluggishness that followed her every step. The blisters on her feet had broken, and every time her runners scraped across the swollen and tender skin of her soles and the back of her heel, burning pain ensued. She wanted to ask Derrick how much longer they would have to push on, but wasn’t sure if she wanted to know, so she kept her mouth shut.

  Then she saw it, and her heart leapt with anticipation. Something other than the wide expanse of fields that they had plowed through endlessly had risen on the horizon, in the form of a manmade structure. The building was ramshackle with a slanted tin roof, and was sided by greying shingles that looked as if they hadn’t seen paint in a century. A single gas pump was positioned at the front. A weather beaten sign that said Quik-mart, where the red painted letter “k” and “m” had faded years before, dangled lopsided from a single hook. As they approached the place, Kaila noticed a relatively new looking pay phone that appeared to be in working order. Without a word, Derrick quickened his pace and had reached the pay phone in seconds. By the time Kaila had caught up with him he had already fed some coins into the slot, and was talking in a hushed voice to someone on the other end.

  “Is that Pauline?” Kaila asked hopefully.

  Derrick gave an impatient shake of his head then turned his back to Kaila. He lowered his voice even more. It made it impossible for Kaila to hear what he was saying, not that she cared much since no one other than Pauline mattered. Unless of course it was Norm. She shook the thought from her mind. It had been a long while since she had put any thought into seeing Norm again. But now that she was outside of Wildwind things could be different. The possibility that she could look for Norm after they found Pauline became real. She wondered if she did find him if they might have sex after all. Kaila’s body vibrated with the remembrance of their last encounter.

  “They’re coming for us soon, but we have to meet them further up the road, away from where people might see us. There’s supposed to be an abandoned farm about a mile up that way,” Derrick said.

  He motioned north, at the winding dirt road that was only partially visible in the distance. Kaila was crushed to see that other than the store they were standing at, more desolation and long stretches of fallow land was all they could look forward to.

  “Can we get some food and water in this store?” Kaila queried.

  Hope bloomed at the concept of having something to wet her parched lips. She pressed her face to the greasy, dirt-smudged front window that had a crack down the center. A fluorescent light flickered inside, showing an interior that was far superior to the outside façade. Modern coolers were crammed with bottles of colorful drinks that she imagined were icy cold. Racks of potato chips and salty snacks were stuffed to capacity. Kaila’s stomach, programed by the regularity of her routines, growled at the sight of it all.

  “No,” Derrick snapped. “We have to stay under the radar. This place might be a dump but I know a lot of buses go along this line. It wouldn’t be difficult for someone to put two and two together, and realize that we’re escapees from the funny farm.”

  “It’s not the funny farm, it’s Wildwind,” Kaila corrected.

  She gazed longingly at the chips and drinks, ignoring Derrick’s words. Her need was too great to be concerned about what he said right then. Derrick continued speaking, but Kaila had stopped listening. Feeding her hunger and thirst took precedence over anything that Derrick had to say.

  Kaila laid her laptop computer on the surface of a swing that was mounted to the overhang that covered the deck, running the length of the building. Her arm was cramped from carrying it so long and she was relieved to extend her fingers and straighten her elbow. With all the kinks stretched away she searched her surroundings. She spotted exactly what she needed almost immediately. Without fanfare she hurled a baseball-sized rock that she had just discovered, through the glass door at the front of the store. There was a satisfying smash of glass followed by the tinkle of the shards that fell away onto the floor below.

  “What the fuck are you doing Kaila?” Derrick hollered, grabbing her arm. She spun to face him, ice in her glare. He fell back. His hand rapidly returned to his side.

  “I’m hungry and thirsty,” she said simply.

  She reached inside the shattered door, disengaged the lock and pulled it open.

  “What if there had been an alarm?” Derrick said, fear lacing his words.

  “There wasn’t,” Kaila said.

  She didn’t bother to tell him that Trillian had cased the place already and had come to the conclusion that there was no security system. But even if Trillian had noticed something nefarious, Kaila wasn’t sure if she could have stopped her actions, since her need felt so great.

  Kaila had already downed a bottle of bright orange Gatorade by the time Derrick chanced following her inside. He didn’t waste any time cracking open an ice cold Pepsi, he chugged the contents in a few long gulps.

  With her thirst satisfied, Kaila began stuffing her already full bag with more drinks. When she couldn’t shove anymore inside she went behind the counter, where a computerized cash register sat.
She grabbed a handful of white plastic bags and filled them too, adding packs of potato chips, Slim Jims, beef jerky and a few chocolate bars as well. She quickly realized that she had been haphazard in her greed because when she checked the weight of it all she grudgingly had to admit that there was no way she was capable of lugging all her goods for more than a few feet at a time.

  Ignoring Derrick completely, Kaila tugged two pairs of sweat pants and two tees from her bag. She eyed the white cotton underpants but decided against tossing them since they weren’t the kind of item you wanted to fall short of. She threw her clothes into the garbage can that sat behind the counter then fitted a few items from the plastic bags into the newly freed up space. Kaila left the rest of the bags on the floor at her feet.

  It was then that she spotted a sign that read Rest Room, mounted over a closed door at the back. She dug through her bag, retrieved her deodorant, her hairbrush, toothbrush and toothpaste and began to make her way to the rest room.

  “You’re actually going to brush your hair and teeth in a place that we just busted into?” Derrick said incredulously.

  Kaila glanced back at him; his teeth and his fingertips were Day Glo orange from the Cheetos he was busily shoving into his mouth. It was amusing to see him chew rapid fire as if he were in an eating competition.

  “It’s what I do in the morning,” Kaila said, pausing for a fraction of a second. “You should brush your teeth too.”

  She opened the door to the rest room, the stench of pee and mildew floated out on the overheated air, but it wasn’t enough of a deterrent for her to abandon her plans. Kaila tugged the ball-chain switch that hung from the single bulb above her head. She noted that unlike the rest of the store, this room hadn’t been modernized and didn’t have air-conditioning. The inside of the toilet bowl was coated with brown stains and didn’t look as if it had ever been cleaned. A tiny sink with rust and splotches of black mold sat to the left of the toilet. A solid pink twist-top air freshener that had once been rose-scented sat shriveled and forgotten on the tank of the toilet.

  Kaila did her best to ignore the disgusting condition of the bathroom and went to work on brushing her teeth. She made sure to spit out as much of the brown tinged water as she could, so none made its way to her stomach. When it came to emptying her bladder, she hovered above the yellowed seat, peeing as carefully as she could while balancing. She was relieved that the rest room had a full roll of toilet tissue that looked as if it had never been used. Appreciative that she didn’t have to have a bowel movement, which would have required sitting on the toilet seat, she finished up and washed her hands. She opened the door to find Derrick standing there. His hand was frozen in midair, about to knock.

  He winced as the stink from inside wafted out, surrounding them both in its putridness. A flicker of apprehension crossed his face then he shrugged and walked past her into the room, closing the door after him. Kaila listened to the sound of him urinating, marveling at the idea that she had never heard a man, or in Derrick’s case a man-boy, pee before. She actually would have liked to watch how he did it. Kaila had always been interested in how it looked when males peed. If it was like a hose on full power, or more like a tap dribbling water.

  A few minutes later Derrick joined her. He had wet his hair and it looked a little better than before, he had also thankfully rinsed the cheese color from his mouth and had washed his hands.

  “Let’s get out of here before we get caught,” Derrick said. He finger-brushed his damp hair. His hair spiked up a tiny bit with the move then fell promptly back into place.

  Derrick led the way. Kaila noticed that he had retrieved the plastic bags that she had abandoned and had them clutched in his fists. On the way out he snatched a package of Band-Aids from a shelf and stuffed it into one of the bags in his hands. Kaila wondered if he had blisters on his feet like she did.

  After they had left the store it didn’t take long for the building to be lost behind the tangle of trees that they were threading through. Instead of walking on the road and chancing being spotted, Derrick had insisted that they keep off to the side, trekking through the grass at the edge of the forest.

  Kaila would have much preferred to lie down beneath one of the towering Cypresses and sleep. It felt as if she hadn’t rested in days. Derrick however, convinced her that they needed to meet his friends who would be giving them a ride to town. Kaila was suspicious about just who these friends were, but Trillian had convinced her that doing things that were unfamiliar was part of the plan; Kaila’s rigid routines couldn’t be adhered to outside of Wildwind.

  They walked for what seemed a full day, but according to Derrick was just a few more hours. Finally, at precisely 9:05 a.m. according to Kaila’s watch, they cut out of the trees at the side of the road and stepped into a clearing. Judging by the piles of scorched wood, the naked stone foundation, and the single structure, a barn that was collapsing in on itself, the farm had been deserted a long while back. She gasped when she saw the banana yellow Camaro parked at the bottom end of the curved driveway, close to the road.

  “There they are,” Derrick said, releasing a relieved sigh. He dug into his pocket and retrieved a lime colored pill.

  “Here, take this, it will relax you,” he said, shoving it toward Kaila.

  She opened her mouth like a bird would to its mother when it was receiving a juicy worm. He dropped the pill onto her outstretched tongue and she dry swallowed it, all the while gazing warily at the car. Though she knew she had to rely on Derrick’s judgment to get them to Pauline, she hadn’t expected to have more people, strangers, be part of their plan too.

  “Who are they?” Kaila asked.

  Derrick had been uncomfortably vague about these supposed friends and it had only made her hackles rise more with apprehension.

  “I told you, they’re friends,” Derrick said coolly.

  The change in his whole demeanor had been almost immediate, as if he had stepped into another persona all together. His spine had straightened and he worked his hands through his hair a few times until it lay perfectly flat against his scalp. His eyes were hard and focused, his stride purposeful as he made his way toward the car. Kaila could just make out two heads in the Camaro, but the position of the sun made much more than that initial observation impossible. She made to follow Derrick but he spun to face her, a half-grin curved his lips.

  “Wait here for a second,” he said.

  His tone left no room for discussion. Kaila watched him stride forward and was once again taken by his absolute transformation. Though she didn’t want to admit it, Derrick had slid across an invisible line from man-boy to all man.

  He closed the distance between him and the car. When he reached the vehicle he leaned down into the drivers side. His arms rested casually on the edge of the open window. He spoke for a few minutes then signaled for Kaila to join them. Although she had been waiting for the invitation an icy chill traveled through her. She froze in place, unable to will her feet to take her to Derrick. When more time had passed and she hadn’t joined him, Derrick waved her over again. This time his moves were more exaggerated.

  Only after Trillian reminded Kaila about the reason that they were there, about Pauline and the time constraints that bound them, did Kaila concede and move forward. She advanced cautiously, like an animal that sensed a trap but wasn’t sure where exactly it was. As she drew closer she spotted the two occupants of the car in plain view.

  The driver was dark-skinned with long dread locks that fell to his shoulders. He wore a purple t-shirt that Kaila couldn’t help but notice that it had a gold-tone embossed infinity symbol, with the word infinity written in a way that it was a part of the symbol. Seeing the symbol both intrigued and excited her and her hesitation dropped away. She quickened her pace not bothering to look any closer at the driver or the guy positioned in the passenger seat. She believed that the symbol was like a crumb on a path, leading her to something awe-inspiring.

  By the time she had reached the
Camaro all her reservations were a thing of the past. She was in a state of bliss, knowing that she was in the exact right place in her journey. The symbol had shown her the way and now all she needed to do was follow, to discover and know, and no matter what the adventure showed her she would trust that the universe would always point her in the right direction. With those thoughts lodged firmly in her mind, she scrambled into the back seat of the car. She pushed to the far side near the window so Derrick could slip in beside her.

  The interior of the car smelled a bit like burning grass. It was a similar smell to that made when lightning hit a tree and fire spread to the fields of tall grass and forests surrounding Wildwind. This had happened a few times in the years that Kaila had lived in Wildwind. One time had been very bad and the fires had come close enough to the facility that there had been talk of evacuating. An unexpected shift in the wind had pulled the raging inferno in another direction and Wildwind had been safe. Still, Kaila remembered the scent of burning and how the moon had appeared red in the sky at night and how the sun had made the soot and smoke filled air, turn pink with streaks of yellow and gold like the scaly body of a river trout.

  Even before Derrick slammed the door closed the driver turned around. His gaze came to rest on Kaila in a way that made her uneasy. Another glimpse of his tee pushed the anxiety away. He shoved a hand forward, a hand-rolled cigarette burned between his pinched forefinger and thumb. Kaila immediately recognized this as the source of the smell. She had gotten a whiff of cigarettes many times before, outside, when patients or staff went out for a smoke, but this wasn’t the same as that, this was something else.

  “Is that marijuana?” she said brightly, thrilled that she was getting to see in real yet another thing that she had only known about in virtual.

  The driver grinned, showing teeth that were brilliantly white against his thick dark lips. Kaila wondered if he had used those whitening strip kinds of things that she had seen advertised on television.