Be in the Real

by Denise Mathew

  “Exactly that,” he said.

  His voice was a rumble in his throat, with an undertone of smooth that had Kaila’s heart beating faster at just the cadence of it. His was the kind of voice that she could have listened to forever, soothing and calm. He pushed the joint closer to her. After a moment’s hesitation, she took it deftly from him.

  “I don’t think she should…” Derrick started to protest.

  Dred-man threw up a hand, silencing Derrick immediately. Kaila studied the skinny end of the joint for a few seconds, unsure exactly how to do it.

  “You just put your lips around the end, not touching you see, just as if you’re going to kiss someone, but you stop just before you do…”

  Kaila pulled the joint toward her mouth, pursing her lips into an O.

  “Now suck in the smoke through your lips, real slow like…that’s it,” he said as Kaila drew the white smoke into her mouth, then her lungs. A gut-wrenching cough came next as her virgin lungs protested the toxic smoke.

  “Easy now,” the driver crooned, his voice washing over her like warmed chocolate. She wanted to enjoy the sound of it, but couldn’t stop choking. Derrick plucked the joint from her fingers. She continued to cough with a force that made her head spin. As she sputtered and tried to catch her breath she regretted that she had tried it at all. Her violent reaction had her wondering what the allure was for inhaling the substance.

  Seconds later, a rush of euphoria surged through her. She relaxed back against the seat that smelled of leather and cologne. Soon she was riding a wave of oblivion. When Derrick rolled down the window beside him, fresh air replaced the smoke. Kaila closed her eyes, basking in the glory of being, knowing, and the feeling of floating on a cloud, high above the world where she saw everything and more.

  “Sleep now,” the voice soothed.

  Kaila listened, falling into sweet unconsciousness.

  CHAPTER 25

  “It is in the light that we see the darkness, and in the darkness so goes the light. Wake up.”

  Kaila cracked her eyes open at Trillian’s urging. It seemed odd for Trillian to be asking her to wake up since she had never done it before, but Kaila understood that Trillian was excited to see what the real world offered. The early start might also have been because Trillian needed an outlet. Before Kaila had left Wildwind she had been worried that if she didn’t give Trillian time to write about their adventure it might prove problematic. If that happened, Trillian would shift control, take what she needed and do what she liked, and everything that Trillian liked might not be the right choice in this foreign world that Kaila had traveled to.

  Kaila was no expert on the customs of the real world, but knew enough from the movies that she had watched, and the things that she had read, that speaking the way Trillian did was considered crazy. Not that Kaila cared if people knew the truth of her craziness, but outside of Wildwind she wasn’t sure how it would appear to others, or if it would get her in trouble.

  “There you are.”

  The voice was unfamiliar, buttery smooth with a hint of gravel. When Kaila took a hard look at her environment she noticed that she was no longer in the yellow Camaro at the deserted farm but in a place that she didn’t know. Though she had promised to be open to the changes that she was bound to encounter, she felt a prickle of panic climb her spine.

  “Where’s Derrick, I want Derrick,” Kaila said.

  It seemed odd that she was asking for the man-boy. She quickly reasoned that she had called for him because he was the only touchstone to her other reality that she could draw upon.

  “He’s out for a bit…don’t worry he’ll be back soon. I’m Clary, I’m going to be with you until Derrick gets here.”

  Kaila pushed up to sitting. The scent of heavy incense was similar to the brand that Pauline used to burn in their room when she was trying to what she called cleanse the space. The swirling smoke that had always choked Kaila went undetected by the too-old smoke detector system that Wildwind was equipped with. Usually when Pauline was cleansing Kaila would slip away to the games room. Unlike the stuff that Pauline had burned, this was more of a memory of the smell than something that was happening right then.

  The room was dimly lit, making it impossible for Kaila to get a proper glimpse of the female who had spoken to her. The silhouette indicated that she was a small sort, almost elfin in size. Her hair seemed boyish in length, but could easily have been tied back into a ponytail.

  “What’s the time and date?” Kaila asked. “I need to see Pauline, tell her the prophecy…where’s Derrick I need Derrick,” Kaila said, her voice on the edge of hysteria. It mirrored her feelings of impending doom. It was odd to feel that way, but being away from Wildwind in a place where nothing was remotely normal had flicked something on in her. She needed light to see this new world that was now obscured by gloom.

  “I want light, I want light now.”

  Kaila’s voice had risen in pitch and was just a few octaves below a scream.

  The subsequent click seemed to reverberate through the room that had been altogether too quiet. A bright light exploded to life above their heads. Kaila shielded her eyes from the glare, pulling her hand away when her eyes adjusted.

  The small-framed girl, who looked to be in her late teens or early twenties, was just a few feet away. She sat crossed-legged on a pumpkin orange beanbag chair. Her short spiky platinum blonde hair was tipped in black, giving it a sharp appearance. A slender silver nose ring dangled from her left nostril. There was a silver pointed stud piercing in her left eyebrow, pinching the skin in a way that made Kaila feel a little ill. Her blue-green eyes were made dramatic by shades of blue and shell pink eye shadow, and were lined in thick black, making them appear huge compared to her petite nose and tiny rosebud lips. Her chin was pointy, her face heart-shaped, giving her a fairy-like appearance. The only ingredient missing were iridescent wings and a chiffon dress. But the combat boots, oversized khaki pants and the white fitted tee, pulled the girl back to the human side.

  When Kaila spotted the symbol on the wall all her anxiety washed away immediately. The sign was black with a raised gold infinity symbol at the center. It was the bit of familiarity that she needed to remind her that the infinity symbol would always be there to lead the way.

  Calmed by the symbol, Kaila allowed her eyes to explore her surroundings. It was a cramped place, little bigger than the closets in the patient rooms of Wildwind. In spite of the size, it still held a single bed, a small wooden desk with a grey metal folding chair and a twenty-one inch television, balanced on a black bookshelf that was overflowing with paperbacks. A brass censer with grey plumes of incense smoke swirling from the top sat on the desk. A thick royal blue curtain covered the only window in the room. The slivers of light trickling in at the edges said that it was still day outside. Other than the image of the infinity symbol, the walls were bare and displayed an assortment of nail holes where pictures had once hung.

  “Here, take this.”

  Clary showed Kaila her palm. A tiny peach colored pill lay at the center. Kaila studied the pill for a moment, noting that it looked nothing like the wide range of medication that she took twice daily at Wildwind, or even the lime green pill Derrick had given her before.

  “What is it?” Kaila asked.

  She didn’t really care much what it was or wasn’t. Kaila had never put much thought into the pills that she took, only that she took them. It was Trillian’s need to know the particulars that had sparked her query.

  “It’s a little something to relax you,” Clary said.

  Her cherub lips formed a tight smile that wasn’t comforting at all. Kaila might have accepted the pill but Trillian was having none of it.

  “No,” Kaila said.

  She shifted her focus away from Clary to the door that she had just spied. Like the rest of the room, the white painted door showed wear, chips of paint having been stripped away to reveal dark wood beneath. The knob was made of glass that had been cut into an
angular gem shape.

  Kaila threw her legs over the side of the bed. She tossed off the thin grey wool blanket that made her skin itch. Before Clary could register what was happening Kaila was at the door, had turned the handle and had thrown the door wide. Without a backward glance Kaila stepped into the long hallway outside.

  “Hey, wait,” Clary said from behind her.

  Kaila was in no mood to listen. She needed to know the day, the time, she needed to make sense of her surroundings so she could move on to the next part of Derrick’s plan.

  She needed to find Pauline.

  She felt an intense tug at the back of her t-shirt; she ignored it. Kaila padded the length of the hallway in her sock feet, not sure where her runners had disappeared to. The floor was scuffed and most of the varnish that had once protected the Oak wood had been worn away. A four-paneled window was at the end of the corridor, and a set of stairs leading to the downstairs was adjacent to it.

  “Wait, you can’t leave.”

  Clary’s voice was shrill with anxiety as she chased Kaila down the hall. Kaila ignored her. When they both had reached the stairs Kaila felt fingers clasp around her right wrist. The spiders sprang to life and she rounded on Clary. Kaila jerked out of Clary’s grasp. Though the contact had been brief it had been enough to activate something primal in Kaila. Seconds later her hands clamped vise-like around Clary’s neck. Clary’s neck felt like a twig that could easily be snapped.

  As was sometimes the case Kaila felt as if she was a passenger in her body, watching the chaos unfold. Only this time there were no orderlies or drugs to stop her. Inside, Trillian pleaded for Kaila to release Clary who had already gone from red to purplish in hue. Her tongue, purple to match her face, protruded from the left side of her mouth as she paddled her feet in the air, fighting to gain purchase on the floor beneath her. The tiny fairy clawed at Kaila’s huge hands leaving red lines of fresh blood in their wake.

  The spiders were stinging now, jagged pincers against sensitive flesh. Kaila knew what she had to do, kill them. As hard as Clary kicked, Kaila squeezed. It was a reflex that she had little control over. Once the spiders had been activated she needed something or someone to pull her out of it, yet this place wasn’t Wildwind and…

  Kaila tried to process what was happening, to comprehend it all. She strengthened her hold until the stings stopped and everything went perfectly silent. Then her mouth burst wide and Trillian was speaking. It was enough of a diversion for Kaila to release her hold minutely.

  “I am Trillian. When the mountains of space and time connect together and there is a place where all people are together, where there is a collective thought and we see, really see that we are one, there is no division. No us against them, for why would you abuse that which is you? You would not of course cut the hand from your body merely because its fingers were not as straight or as beautiful as you imagined. Yet when we vilify and reject other beings, it is the very same as if we did just that. And who would ever reject a part of their body? Even though it may be gangrenous with rot, we still fight to retain the limb that is ours and ours alone. So too, must we see that those that we deem not of us, are really us in a different shell, for all the energy that runs through us is real, it is the same, we are the same.”

  Kaila could feel her grip loosen with every word she spoke, until slowly and gracelessly, Clary’s body slipped from her hands and she crumpled to the floor in a lump. Kaila stared down at the pile of what had once been a fairy, but now looked mottled and broken. Seeing what appeared to be death terrified Kaila. She opened her mouth wide and screamed. Then the darkness sucked her back into its depths and she knew nothing more.

  CHAPTER 26

  “We need to take her back, she’s too dangerous. She hasn’t been locked up all this time for no reason you know.”

  The voice was Derrick’s. When Kaila opened her eyes she spotted the lean muscles of his back. A line of sweat crept up his t-shirt that was flush against his spine. She noticed that he was leaning over the pile of clothes that had once been the fairy. Kaila wondered if she had killed the fairy named Clary, she hoped she hadn’t, but the form was so lifeless she wasn’t sure.

  “No way is she going back now, Franco wants…” a gruff and authoritative, male voice said.

  “She has a pulse but she’s out cold. We’re going to have to get her to a hospital.” Derrick said, cutting off the guy who had just been speaking.

  “You’re a doctor you should know how to fix her,” a third guy said.

  Kaila noticed that the new speaker was a stalky fellow. He was crouched near Derrick, his face obscured by Derrick’s bowed head.

  “I’m a med student, a drop out, not a fucking doctor. I don’t have any shit here to help her. I mean look at the bruising on her neck, she might have a crushed larynx. She needs proper care…she did this same shit to me and I could hardly talk for a week…”

  Kaila was on her feet, moving toward the cluster of three.

  “Did I kill the fairy?” Kaila asked when she had reached them.

  All three of them jumped. The heavyset guy sprang to his feet with grace and precision that Kaila would never have expected given his weight. His jeans hung low on his hips, below an ample belly that dipped down over his waistband like bread dough. His face was scruffy with several days of dark growth and was in sharp contrast to his intensely blue eyes. His orange and purple striped beanie hat had slipped to the back of his head, revealing coiling curls of dark hair that matched his half beard. In some odd way he was appealing to Kaila.

  He stared at her; Kaila saw fear in his gaze. His thick lips worked as if he couldn’t quite find the words to say. Though he was near her height and had fifty pounds of weight on her, this exaggerated reaction was common enough. It was what she had come to expect from strangers. Trillian had told her a while back that people feared Kaila because she was something of an enigma, unpredictable even to Trillian.

  Normally this unwarranted apprehension wouldn’t have bothered Kaila, but now it did. For some reason she didn’t want this individual to be scared of her. She wasn’t in Wildwind, she didn’t need to protect her territory, so she could be something else. Not that she knew what that would be, only that it was a desire that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. When she cut her eyes to the inert body on the floor and witnessed the purplish-black fingerprints that marred the fairy’s once unblemished flesh, she understood why the man was afraid.

  Derrick leapt to his feet, coming face to face with Kaila. In his eyes there was no hint of fear. Even after she had hurt Derrick he still remained unfazed by her. It was this part of Derrick that Kaila trusted, believed in, and would follow.

  “Back up Kaila. Now.”

  His eyes were alive with fury. Seeing him this fired up only made Kaila want to be nearer to him. The passion of his stance, the way he was poised and fearless, showed her that he wasn’t just a man-boy; there was something more inside him. Kaila wanted to discover that bit of him as much as she wanted to find the part of him that could predict the future, the mystical section of his mind that allowed him to peek ahead in time. What Derrick didn’t understand was that Kaila didn’t just want to observe his prophetic abilities, she wanted to own them, absorb them like osmosis. Prophecy was like a word that was written all around Derrick and she wanted to reach inside him and pull out the part of him that knew things, and see that it was real.

  Kaila remained stationary as if Derrick hadn’t uttered a word. He raised his hand to touch her then lowered it. Then without warning his shoulders slumped. The dejection that raced across his face seemed wrong to Kaila. Derrick threw back his shoulders. He lifted his body back to its full height until he and Kaila’s eyes were locked together. Kaila didn’t know why it was happening only that her heart was racing and her whole body felt like she was being poked by pins and needles. Unlike when the spiders came, this sensation felt good.

  “You can’t go around hurting people Kaila, because if you do I’ll have to take
you back to Wildwind and Pauline will die,” he said.

  His face was stony hard, his eyes glacial.

  Kaila’s fists balled instinctively. She pressed in closer to Derrick, the tingle that had traveled across her skin moments before had rapidly shifted to unadulterated rage; there was no way she was going back to Wildwind before she saved Pauline. In fact right then, Kaila was quite sure that she would kill Derrick, snap his neck, if he attempted to return her to Wildwind before she had saved Pauline. Kaila’s hands moved lightning quick and were around Derrick’s neck before he could take a step back. His smooth skin was clammy beneath her huge hands. The rest of the world fell away as she and Derrick glared at one another.

  “I will not go back to Wildwind before I see Pauline,” she stated.

  Kaila was providing adequate pressure to Derrick’s trachea to warrant a reaction, yet he showed nothing that she had predicted. He didn’t fight to loosen her grip or make any attempt to get away. Instead he acted much like a rag doll, going limp in her grasp. Kaila was strong, but not nearly enough to support Derrick’s full body weight with her hands alone. The muscles in her forearms began to tremble with strain until eventually she was forced to let go. Once again Derrick surprised her because instead of passing out in a heap next to the fairy, he went stiff, standing still in the exact position as before, as if nothing had happened at all.

  “I’ve had enough of your bullshit Kaila. I’m doing you a favor, so start acting like someone who has a right to be out in the real world, this crazy homicidal lunatic act is getting old.”

  “But I am crazy,” Kaila retorted.

  She was still stunned at how for the first time in ever someone had managed to stop her without a needle, drugs or physical restraints. Derrick had more power than even she had predicted. The man who had been squatting next to Derrick had vanished, leaving the handsome fat guy there. She watched him cradle Clary’s head, as he tugged her farther down the hall, away from the upset.