by Bella Jewel
“What about Peter? Has anyone seen or heard from him? Someone has to know where Dax is.”
“Peter is clean as a god damned whistle which is why I think he’s working with someone else high up. Nobody can get away with what he has and not leave a trail. They’re good, I’ll give them that, but I’m better. I will find them, and I will end this. I’ll make sure Kendric doesn’t spend the rest of his life behind bars. He doesn’t deserve that.”
“No,” she exhales. “No, he doesn’t.”
“Anyway, I have to go. Jayden wants some dinner and I’m going to get some time in with him before I’m back out there, doing what I do best ...”
She laughs. “You’re super woman. I’ll call you again soon. I hope you’re well, sis.”
We hang up, and with a huge smile in Jayden’s direction, I scoop him up and we both go to enjoy a nice shower together before I’ll make us some dinner and we’ll chill out for the evening.
I’m trying hard to focus on my son and not the case in front of me.
That’s proving to be more difficult than I could have anticipated.
Kendric is suffering, the club is on edge, and right now I feel like I’m the only one who can help them.
The only one who can fix this mess.
“HAVEN’T HEARD ANYTHING,” Alarick says to me as we walk toward the prison the next day.
As far as anyone knows, I’m simply escorting him in to visit Kendric. Nobody knows I deal with the club, and that’s how I want it to be kept. Because they’re under watch, it makes a lot more sense that I would be an escort during a time like this. Someone who is keeping a “watch” on them while we investigate further.
Alarick doesn’t seem to mind what I tell them so long as he gets to see Kendric and fix this for his club.
He has been good to me during all of this. He has had my back and made sure nobody has treated me badly. I respect the hell out of him for that. Before my dealings with the club, I looked at them the same way everyone else does—a bunch of criminals doing illegal shit that we, as cops, were constantly having to clean up.
That’s typical cop mentality though, isn’t it?
It’s like the moment we become a police officer, we look at people so very differently. I’m guilty of it myself, judging someone purely because I see them as a criminal, even if all they’re doing is living their lives a little differently to mine. The club does deal in illegal things, there’s no doubt about that, but they’re also incredibly good people with a family bond that I have never seen outside of those walls.
I want that.
I wish I had people in my life that would die for me.
“Dax did a good job at covering his tracks, but nobody is untraceable,” I respond to Alarick, crossing my arms as a cold breeze whispers past me.
“You’re fuckin’ right about that. We’ll find him, and when we do ...”
“When we do, we’re going to be smart about it,” I cut him off. “I know what you’d like to do to him, Alarick, believe me I do, but the cops are involved now, and Kendric’s fate hangs in the balance. One wrong move and he’s going away for a long time. If we’re to clear his name, we need to make sure we do this right.”
Alarick glances at me, the big burly man that often scares me. “Why are you still helpin’ us, Zariah? You’re riskin’ your own job now.”
“I’m helping you because it’s my fault Kendric is in there. I could have done something and I chose not to to protect my job. The very least I can do is make sure he walks away from this.”
“You could still lose your job, your career.”
“Yeah,” I say, carefully. “Yeah I could, but I also know I can’t carry on if he’s behind bars for life when I know damn well he’s innocent.”
“You’re a good person,” Alarick points out, matter of factly. “Don’t come across a great lot of those anymore, but you’re one of them. Hang onto that, the world is a fuckin’ ugly place, and we could use as much good as we can get.”
Well, if that ain’t the truth.
We go through the prison, and once we’re cleared, we are sent into a private room where we wait for Kendric to be brought in. A few moments later, he comes in wearing a pair of dark green prison pants and a white shirt. His hair is scruffy, and his eyes are tired, but even through all of that, he’s gorgeous. Breathtakingly beautiful in a way that makes my heart feel a certain kind of way.
He has this black hair so dark it’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen. It curls at the ends, and with his olive skin and grey eyes, it makes his features pop. He’s dark and dangerous, broody and unkempt. His body is large, covered in tattoos and scars that tell of the life he’s lived. Edgy, that’s how I’d describe him if I had to sum it up in one word.
Kendric is edgy as hell.
“What is she doin’ here?” he growls, his voice low and thick.
Alarick watches the guard who tells us we have ten minutes before leaving the room. He locks the door and we’re stuck in here with Kendric who, at this stage, hasn’t been formally charged with anything so can’t be kept away from us. If he’s charged with murder, on the other hand, that’ll be a different scenario.
“She’s here because she’s tryin’ to help, Kendric. You gotta know she isn’t at fault for what went down that night.”
“She fuckin’ put those cuffs on me and watched as they arrested me, knowin’ all along I had nothin’ to do with it. Could have spoken up, could have changed how this is goin’ for me. She’s dirty, and she’s a fuckin’ traitor. I don’t trust her.”
“Funny,” Alarick growls. “Had no problem trustin’ her before.”
Kendric’s eyes hold Alarick’s in a glare that makes the room feel a few degrees colder suddenly. I take a deep, shaky breath and decide to speak. Kendric hates me, and right now there is nothing I can do about that, but one thing is for certain, I’m going to make sure he gets out of here.
“I’m going to get you out of here, Kendric. You can think what you want about me, but I’ll prove that I’m not any of those things when you’re set free. You don’t have to trust me, but you have to know that I’m working on this case as hard as I can.”
Kendric looks at me finally. Days I’ve been trying to talk to him with no luck but today he finally makes eye contact. The look he gives me has my skin prickling. “I don’t like you, Zariah. I don’t fuckin’ trust you. I don’t want you anywhere near this case. Do you fuckin’ understand me? You are a cop, and cops are fuckin’ dirty.”
“She’s not, you know she’s not,” Alarick growls.
Kendric looks back to him. “You really goin’ to let a cop keep fuckin’ us, brother? You know we’re skatin’ on thin ice right now. One wrong move and the cops are goin’ to take down the fuckin’ club. They’ve got their eyes all over it. You gotta know that.”
“What I know is that we’re keepin’ our noses clean. You don’t need to worry about how I fuckin’ run my club, you need to worry about how the fuck you’re goin’ to clear your name. We need her help to do that, and you fuckin’ know it.”
Alarick jerks a thumb in my direction, and Kendric leans over the table a little, palms pressed against it, jaw tight. “Do not fuckin’ tell me what I do and do not know. You were not there the night she let them treat me like a fuckin’ dog.”
“I had no choice!” I yell, frustrated. “I have a career, a job, people that depend on me too, Kendric. I couldn’t just give it all up. I will get your justice, you have to believe that.”
“The way they treated me was fuckin’ vile!” Kendric roars. “You stood back and let them do it.”
“I was scared!” I bark back. “I was scared because you’re not the only one who can go down for this, you’re not the only one who doesn’t trust a single person around you. I don’t know who is good and who isn’t anymore, and out there, in the woods alone with them, I wasn’t about to risk everything. I have a son.”
“Go fuck yourself,” Kendric seethes. “Go to fuckin’ hell.”
I jerk at his words, and my heart feels like it explodes in my chest. I take a shaky breath and try to calm my nerves, but they’re sparking left right and center, making my entire body feel like it’s going to just burst right open. I can’t take the pressure and immediately shove the chair back and stand before I say or do something I will regret.
“I want to leave,” I whisper to Alarick.
Alarick stands and looks to Kendric. “It ain’t her fault, brother.”
“Isn’t it?” Kendric hisses. “She’s meant to protect the innocent, meant to rid the world of scum and make it a better place. She’s meant to be honest and fuckin’ good. She was none of those things when those cops did what they did. She was fuckin’ weak.”
That hurts, it hurts so god damned much because he’s right.
I was weak.
I could have defended him.
Could have fought.
But, instead, I stood there—I stood there and let them hurt him, let them treat him like a dog.
I could have reported them. I could have told them to stop.
I could have done anything other than what I did.
I’ll regret that for the rest of my life.
Every damned day, it’ll torment me.
Which is exactly what he wants.
2
ZARIAH
I arrive home exhausted after my visit with Kendric at the prison. It didn’t go anything like I would have hoped, and if anything, I feel a whole lot worse right now. I know I deserve his wrath, but if he isn’t going to let me help him then we’re never going to find Dax and get him out of this.
I get out of my car as I pull into my drive and see Reece standing at my front door. No matter how many times I lay eyes on that man, I feel the same thing deep in my chest. A range of broken emotions wrapped up with confused cotton wool and finished off with a terrified bow. He makes me feel things I can’t even begin to understand, and that scares me. It scares me more than I’ll ever admit to another human being.
I should walk away, yet I find myself drawn to his toxic love.
Drawn to him in a way that isn’t healthy.
I’m a cop, I should know better, and yet here I am ... Weak.
“What are you doing here, Reece?” I ask, walking up to the front door where he’s leaning, waiting for my return.
His eyes study me and, as always, I shudder. Not in repulsion, but not exactly in excitement either. It’s my body’s weird way of acknowledging just how dangerous he is, and yet at the same time it wants his touch.
I hate it for that.
Hate it.
When you don’t have your own back, how are you supposed to protect yourself?
“You look troubled.”
His words come out low and husky, in a voice that I once loved so very much.
He pushes off the door and steps toward me, reaching out a hand. I flinch away, but he catches me by the back of the neck and holds me firmly enough that I can no longer pull back. He knows that I won’t fight, not right now at least.
I have, though.
I’ve fought, and I’ve won.
I’ve fought, and I’ve lost.
It never ends the same.
That’s what’s so scary about him.
About all of it.
Reece’s eyes travel over my face, reading me in a way I’ve never been able to understand. I can hide nothing from him. Nothing at all. He knows me so well, it’s terrifying. In front of him, I’m like an open book. Pages flapping in the breeze, words scrawled everywhere. I meet his slate-grey eyes and swallow.
Reece is gorgeous, in a way that is deceiving. It makes you think he’s kind and loving and beautiful, but he’s none of those things. He’s dangerous and dark and very, very twisted. His blond hair is messy atop his head, and he sports a beard that is not too long, not too short. Just perfect, really. His jaw is chiseled, his mouth is full, and his skin is olive.
He’s big and muscled, but his skin is clean of any ink, unlike someone like Kendric.
He is clean cut and yet incredibly dirty.
Not in the kind of way you’d expect, either.
No, his skin is clean. It’s his soul that’s dirty.
“What’s upsetting you?”
I pull my face away from his. “Can we not do this right now? I thought we agreed that this is over and we’re going to avoid each other unless it has to do with Jayden.”
I unlock the front door and step inside—I know he’ll follow me. I also know I won’t tell him not to.
I can never say no.
That’s the scariest part.
“You decided it was over,” he tells me, walking in as anticipated. “I never agreed to that.”
I turn to face him. “I told you, this relationship ... It’s toxic. We’re not going to keep going on with it. I’m protecting my son.”
And myself.
Reece steps forward, running the back of his hand down my cheek, making me shiver. “I’m different. I’ve gotten help. I won’t hurt you anymore, Zariah.”
“Sorry if I don’t believe that,” I whisper, because that’s what happens when he’s touching me—my voice forgets who it is.
“I can’t prove it to you if you won’t give me a chance.”
“I’ve given you chances.”
“Don’t you love me anymore?”
I wish I could say no, I really do. But it wouldn’t be the truth. I do love him in the most twisted and broken way you can love someone. I crave his touch, I miss him when he’s not here, but I also know just how dangerous being with him is. He brings out the worst in me, a side I simply cannot accept. I become angry and violent and then when we’re having sex after we’ve hurt each other, I find myself craving more.
It’s a dangerous ride to be on, and it’s not the life I want for my son.
He’s never hurt Jayden, never laid a hand on Jayden, and he’s a good dad where it counts. He loves his son, he protects his son, he gives him a stable relationship.
He just can’t give me the same.
“You know that I do,” I say, my voice small.
Weak.
Pathetic.
“Then let me come back home, let me prove to you that I’ve changed.”
“We’ve tried this, Reece. We’ve gotten help, we’ve tried to change, and we always end up right back where we began. It’s toxic. I don’t want it.”
“I’m not giving up, Zariah. I’m not. I know you want me, and I know you’re not going to just let this be over.”
I swallow.
I want to scream.
I want to tell him I do want it to be over, that this is nothing.
But I can’t say those words.
I can’t.
“Please,” I breathe.
He leans in, his lips brushing over mine. The way his stubble scratches my cheek makes everything inside my body come alive. The way he tastes makes my whole world spin. I want him, he knows I want him, and it’s very, very hard for me to stop what I know will happen if I don’t step away now.
He’ll fuck me, because Reece doesn’t make love.
He’ll fuck me so good I’ll forget all the bad.
I crave his touch. I crave his cock. I crave everything about him.
He knows that.
He uses that.
He exploits that.
I can’t allow any more of that kind of horror in my world.
I have to say no.
His tongue gently touches mine, and I can’t hold back. Even though I know I have to.
I let myself go and kiss him; I kiss him with a ferocity that I didn’t know was possible.
I moan when his hands grab my ass and he backs me up toward the wall, slamming my body against it.
I whimper when his mouth finds my neck and he bites at it, making me ache.
His hand finds my pussy and the front door swings open. He lets me go and releases me with a swift movement that is rather impressive. It’s as if he was never near me to
begin with.
A close friend and babysitter, Alaina, steps inside with Jayden. She watches him on the days I can’t get him into daycare. He loves her, and she lives just over the road, so it makes it easy. She’s a little younger than me, not by much, and she’s such a nice girl.
“Oh,” she squeaks when she sees the position Reece and I were just in. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize you had a visitor.”
“It’s okay,” I say, giving her a smile.
“Hey, buddy!” Reece says, leaning down so Jayden can rush into his arms with a delightful cry.
He loves his daddy, and that makes it so much harder.
I watch as he ruffles his son’s hair and kisses his chubby cheeks, and my heart aches in a way I can never seem to understand.
“How are you, Reece?” Alaina asks, smiling at the exchange between his son and him.
“I’m good, how are you?”
“Wonderful. Jayden was a little gem today; he’s such a good boy.”
“Takes after his father.” Reece grins, pressing another kiss to his son’s cheek before turning to me. “Can I take him a day earlier?”
Reece has Jayden Friday to Sunday, and it works out well. I trust him, I know he’s safe with him, and I know that he loves his time there. I also hate having to give him up. I find it so hard to part with my little boy, even though it’s for the best.
I hesitate, and Reece’s eyes flash as he steps forward and tells me, “You can come too, if you like?”
“No,” I say, my voice a little scratchy. “No, I have to work. You can take him for the extra day. He has daycare tomorrow, though, don’t forget.”
Reece nods.
I turn and disappear to grab Jayden’s things.
Every step brings a new ache to my heart.
This is too much sometimes, even for me.
“ZARIAH!”
I exhale over the stack of papers I’ve been given to work through because I’m treated like a god damned idiot at work even though I’ve passed all the same tests as the men. I’m not sure what it is about my department, but I know that no other women get treated the way I do. I’ve applied for a transfer, but without good reason, I’m not sure I’ll get one. I mean, if I go and tell them that they treat me the way they do, I’m probably going to get laughed at.