Rebel Kiss: A Historical Romance Novel (Scottish Rebels Book 1)

by Stone, Jenna

  “Mairi left her parent’s farm and moved in with us. She took up in Mam and Da’s bedroom. We had a couple of months of happiness. Those were the best weeks of my life, havin’ her there by my side, working on the farm and having her tae come home tae at night,” Quinn said, swallowing hard and trying to prevent tears of weakness from falling. “I can remember so clearly how it felt tae kiss her, tae touch her…”

  “I’m so sorry, Quinn,” Anna said, unable to find any words that might be of comfort to him. “You don’t need to tell me anymore. I see that it’s difficult…” she stammered.

  “I ken that I doona have tae tell ye this. I wouldna if I didna want tae,” Quinn said frankly. “It feels right tae let it out now, tae tell someone,” Quinn whispered, clearing his throat.

  “Thank you for trusting me,” Anna whispered.

  “Ye have a way that puts me at ease,” Quinn confided before clearing his throat again and continuing. “I was out working in the field when the English arrived at our farm. Malcolm came running from the house, eyes wild with fear. He told me that they were holding Mairi in the house. I’ve never felt such fear or such blinding rage in all of my life,” his voice was thick, muscles stiff as he recounted his emotions. “There were just sae many of them. It was a whole company of English soldiers sent tae clear out the Highlands, trying tae rid the land of any further uprising against their King. We had done nothing wrong,” Quinn said angrily, controlled rage ringing heavy in his voice.

  Anna drew in a shaky breath. Her people had done this to Quinn. A flood of shame washed over her.

  “When I got tae the house, they grabbed me, it took at least three of them tae restrain me from getting tae her. Rowan was knocked out on the floor by the hearth. I wasna even sure if he was alive at that point. He had fought mightily tae protect her, but there were just tae damn many of them. They beat him within an inch of his life.”

  Anna swallowed hard. She was English.

  My people did this to you, Quinn.

  Anna thought of Rowan and the courage it must have taken to fight off the English soldiers, knowing that he was so vastly outnumbered. She could visualize Rowan, beaten and bloodied on the floor. How had his spirit remained unbroken after this?

  “He loved her almost as much as I did,” Quinn chuckled, remembering how Mairi and Rowan would go after one another. “They fought like brother and sister. Both of them were bloody stubborn, and they had a few rows fit tae bring down the roof. But there were other times when they were the best of friends. I think that their personalities were just tae similar for them tae get on well all the time. I do ken that he loved her, and he almost died tryin’ tae keep her safe.”

  Quinn glanced over his shoulder to check on his brothers, thoughts having come back to Rowan at present. Rowan was still walking next his horse, leading her by the reins, chatting amiably with Malcolm, who was kicking the larger rocks out of the roadway with his boots. Quinn could tell that Malcolm was frustrated about something, and it appeared that Rowan was counseling him about whatever plagued him.

  Quinn turned back around and readjusted himself in the saddle, collecting his thoughts. A few moments passed in silence before he began to speak again.

  “Malcolm was so brave. He wasna yet seventeen at the time. It couldna have been easy for him tae watch them beat Rowan. I’m still not sure how he managed tae get away and come find me in the field. Malcolm thought that they had killed Rowan. I just remember how wild his eyes were with fear.”

  Anna now realized the importance of Malcolm reiterating to her that he wasn’t a child and had been forced to grow up fast after the death of his parents. This sweet boy had seen far too much over the course of his short life. His brothers were now everything that he had left in the world.

  “I can still remember the way that she looked at me, the piercing look in her eyes when I walked intae the house. Her bottom lip was swollen and bloodied. She had the beginnings of a black eye and her hair was all amiss. I ken that she must have fought like the devil against them, she and Rowan made quite the pair when they were riled up, but there were just tae many of the soldiers for them tae fight off. Seein’ her like that made me want tae kill them, but there was nothing that I could do. There were just tae many…” Quinn said, swallowing hard as he relived the helplessness and regret that he felt about not being able to save Mairi.

  Anna gripped Quinn’s hand more firmly, trying to show him that she now understood his pain and offering her support as he continued to relive his horrible memories.

  “The leader of the soldiers threw her up on the kitchen table. She fought like hell, screaming and punching at him, but he was just sae much stronger than her… I tried tae get tae her, tae fight them off, but I couldna. He beat her badly tae get her tae stop fighting him, but she wouldna, stubborn as she was. He had tae get another man tae come and restrain her on the table.”

  Hot tears flowed down Anna’s cheeks as she listened to Quinn recount the painful memory. These soldiers were English. They were her people and she hated them for what they had done to the Murray brothers.

  “They took great joy in beating me, laughing and taunting me as I continued tae try tae get to Mairi. There was nothing more that I could do…she was beaten sae badly, she finally gave up and lay still against the table. When I saw the fight go out of her, I stopped resisting them sae that I could lock eyes with her. I wanted tae be there for her in the only way that I could,” he said, voice trembling, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. “Her eyes said everything tae me. They pierced my soul with the depth of her love, and I knew that she was saying goodbye. I mouthed the words telling her that I loved her in Gaelic, and she smiled ever so slightly. She held my gaze as he raped her, and there was nothing that I could do tae stop it.”

  Anna squeezed Quinn’s hand sympathetically and wiped the tears from her eyes with her other hand. She could not find words to express her sorrow for Quinn. She now fully understood why he was “broken.”

  “They pulled Malcolm and me outside sae that he could finish alone with her,” Quinn said quietly, wiping away his tears with his shirt sleeve. “Pulled Rowan out as well, he was still breathing, but just barely clinging tae life. They tossed him on the ground next tae us and tied us all together with a length of rope.”

  Quinn was silent for a moment, collecting his thoughts before continuing. “I’d hoped that he would finish raping her and leave her be, at least give her a chance tae make it,” he said, his voice wavering. “But it ‘twas not tae be. They drug us over towards a wagon. Malcolm and I had tae pull Rowan between us because he was still unconscious. I saw Mairi through the open door of our house, lying up on the table. She was completely still. Her eyes were blank, lifeless. Right then, I felt my heart die.”

  “Oh my God, Quinn,” Anna whispered, bringing her hand up to her mouth to muffle the sound of her crying. Tears streamed down her face and she wiped at them with the sleeve of her gown, trying desperately to hold herself together, to be strong for Quinn.

  “Raping her wasna enough. He had tae kill her too,” Quinn said angrily, voice ringing with rage. “I dropped Rowan and lashed out at the soldier nearest tae me, screaming for him tae kill me too. That’s the last thing that I remember before he punched me square in the jaw and knocked me out.” Quinn reflexively reached up and rubbed his right jaw as if still feeling the pain of the blow. “I woke up in the back of the wagon later that day and I remember looking up at Malcolm. He had Rowan laid out on one side of him and me on the other. He was just sitting there with this look of shock, of utter disbelief on his face.”

  “Poor Malcolm,” Anna said, the soft spot in her heart for the boy growing. She thought of how Malcolm had professed his love for her in the chapel and her heart wrenched. He was right; he was definitely not a child anymore.

  “I wondered why they hadna just killed us with Mairi. Malcolm told me that the Colonel had decided to spare our lives because we reminded him of his own three sons who were similar to our a
ges. Being ever sae merciful and not wanting tae see further bloodshed,” Quinn seethed, remembering the words of the English Colonel who had raped Mairi, “he chose tae have us transported tae the New World instead of killing us. I’ve wished a thousand times over that I could have died right there with her,” Quinn said, his voice tortured, “because all I do now is wish that I was dead sae that I could see her again.”

  “Is that what she would have wanted for you?” Anna whispered cautiously, afraid to anger Quinn by speaking of Mairi’s memory. “I think that she would have wanted you to keep living, to live for both of you.”

  Quinn roughly pulled the horse to a stop. “Malcolm!” he shouted over his shoulder, to which the boy immediately responded by jogging up next to the large black horse. “Help Anna down, we’re takin’ a break.”

  Malcolm reached up and lifted Anna down carefully from the horse. She looked up at Quinn, sorry that her words had hurt him. He was looking into the forest blankly, lost in his memories and regret.

  ..ooOoo..

  “Ride with me,” Rowan said, grabbing Anna’s hand as she prepared to climb back onto Quinn’s horse.

  Anna regarded Rowan quizzically and jerked her hand away.

  “You’re riding with me now,” Rowan said more firmly, glancing up at Quinn with eyes that challenged him not to interfere.

  “You’ve not spoken to me all day and now you expect me to obey your orders?” Anna’s temper flared as she squared her shoulders and crossed her arms defiantly.

  “Ye have been quite rude tae her today,” Quinn chimed in, smirking at his brother.

  “Bugger off,” Rowan said dismissively at Quinn. He shifted his gaze to Anna and exhaled slowly, collecting himself. She could be so stubborn, so frustrating at times, but damn she was beautiful. Especially when she was mad.

  “Alright, I have been rude today,” Rowan admitted reluctantly. “Will ye please ride with me, Anna?”

  Anna’s defenses softened and she let out her breath slowly. “Alright,” she said, conceding as butterflies of uncertainty went wild in her stomach. What would she say to Rowan after what had transpired between them last night?

  Rowan did not speak as Anna followed him to where the mare was tethered. He helped Anna up onto the horse and then swung himself into the saddle behind her.

  “I’m still cross with you. I was not planning to concede. I wanted to speak to you about what happened last night, but you were too occupied with ignoring me,” Anna said coolly as she tucked her wayward blonde hair behind her ear. “I simply did not want to cause a scene in front of your brothers, and it is very difficult to say no to you when you look at me like that, Rowan.”

  “Look at ye like what?” Rowan asked innocently, kicking the mare into motion and trotting up the road ahead of Quinn and Malcolm.

  “Like that! You get this lopsided smile and when you look at me like and it makes me feel…I cannot explain it…” Anna trailed off shyly, unable to find the right words to describe how Rowan could affect her rational thoughts just by looking at her in a certain way.

  Rowan smiled mischievously into her hair and didn’t respond. He was angry at Anna’s refusal of his attentions last night, but his heart could not reconcile staying angry when he held Anna in his arms.

  “Why did you leave me last night in the hallway?” Anna asked suddenly, her emotions still stinging from Rowan’s rebuff last night. “You left without allowing me to explain…”

  “Anna. I didna leave ye. Well, I suppose that I did, but I didna ken what else tae do! One moment ye were kissing me and then next ye were telling me that we canna have a future together.” Rowan reached up and raked his hand through his unruly chestnut hair.

  “I was so confused, Rowan. I’ve never kissed someone before…and I had all of these feelings, and you made me feel…” she broke off, exasperated and hurt by his actions.

  “I didna ask for this, Anna! I didna ask for whatever it is between us. Hell, ye act like this is my fault.”

  “It is completely your fault!” Anna snapped, exasperated. Never in her life had a man caused her to lose all rational thought. Here she was, betrothed to marry another man and with one kiss, Rowan Murray had caused her to lose her convictions.

  Rowan shook his head from side-to-side, clenching his teeth together. He was thankful that Anna was seated in front of him and that he would not have to look into her lovely hazel eyes as he spoke the truth that resided in his heart.

  “Anna,” he started, gripping the reins a bit too firmly in his left hand. “I need tae ken the truth. I need tae ken why ye willna have me. I can see it in your eyes that ye feel the same way that I do. And Christ! When ye kissed me I ken that ye felt it. Why are ye turning away from me, Anna?”

  Anna bit her bottom lip and stared straight ahead. Tears stung at her eyes but she refused to let them fall.

  “I ken that I have nothing tae offer ye,” Rowan continued, this time more controlled. “But I would make ye happy,” he whispered. “I may be but a simple farmer’s son, but if there is one thing that I do know, it is how tae love. I would love ye, Anna.”

  “I know that you would,” Anna whispered, her heart breaking. She took in a fragile breath and closed her eyes. “All of the things that you said are true, Rowan. I feel whatever it is between us, deeper and truer than I’ve ever felt anything in my life. And when you kissed me, I’ve never…I’ve never felt anything like that,” she whispered, her mouth turning up into the faintest hint of a smile. And I know that you would make me happy, probably unbearably so,” Anna said softly. “But Rowan,” she whispered, her voice wavering. “I am betrothed to marry another man.”

  Anna’s words hung between them, sickening in their implication.

  Rowan felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him. His breath hitched in his throat and for a moment he felt as though he might be sick.

  “Yer promised to another?” Rowan asked numbly. “Ye are betrothed tae be marrit?” he whispered as the sickening truth sunk in.

  “Yes,” Anna whispered hollowly. She stared straight ahead and made an extra effort to straighten her spine so that she was not leaning back against Rowan.

  “Saints, Anna,” Rowan said. “Why did ye no tell me?”

  Chapter Nine

  Close to nightfall, they made camp at the edge of a small stream, having found a grove of trees nearby to tether the horses. Rowan built a crackling fire and Malcolm passed out the remainder of the bread that he had purchased from the inn. Quinn had stalked off into the forest, giving the excuse that he was going to try his luck at fishing the stream. Anna knew that he wanted to be alone with his memories, now understanding why Quinn often chose to be by himself, retreating from the group.

  Anna finished her supper and warmed her hands by the fire, thankful for its protection against the chill in the night air. Rowan had not spoken to her since they had made camp, but she could feel his eyes burn across her skin from time to time as he looked up from his bread, studying her when he thought that she wasn’t watching.

  Anna knew that Rowan was working hard to deny the attraction that he felt towards her in the same way that she was fighting the response that he evoked every time he looked at her.

  Rowan knew the truth now.

  And it hung between them, heavy and real.

  A log cracked in the fire, popping loudly as it sent a cascade of sparks heavenward. Anna glanced over at Rowan. He sat wrestling with his thoughts, twisting a piece of rye grass between his fingers. Anna’s pulse quickened as she thought of how Rowan had openly admitted his feelings to her this afternoon.

  I would make you happy. I would love you, Anna.

  The knot in Anna’s stomach clenched tightly. She tore her eyes away from Rowan.

  She was betrothed to another.

  Anna looked over at Malcolm to see that he had curled himself into a fetal ball. He was fast asleep with his back resting against a fallen log. Anna stood, and took the blanket that was covering her lap over to Malco
lm. Kneeling down, she spread the blanket carefully over him and tucked it in around his sleeping form. She bent her head to his and placed a soft kiss on Malcolm’s forehead before standing up and quietly backing away.

  Rowan realized that the corners of his mouth had involuntarily turned up into a slight smile as he watched Anna care for his little brother. He quickly wiped the expression from his face so that Anna wouldn’t see it. Anna sat down a few feet away from him, resuming the act of warming her hands over the fire.

  “Here,” Rowan said, startling Anna as he tossed her his blanket. “Ye’ll get cold.”

  “Thank you,” she said, still looking into the fire. “Should we look for Quinn? It’s so dark. He might be lost.”

  “No, he’ll be fine.” Rowan said sternly, urging Anna not to worry for his brother. He reclined onto his back next to the fire, eyes still open, looking up at the stars through the boughs of the trees.

  With a look of determination on her face, Anna silently stood up and took the blanket over to Rowan. She lay down next to him and spread the blanket over them both as she curled up next to him, resting her hand on his chest and her head on his arm. Anna didn’t care if Rowan was speaking to her or not, and in that moment, she didn’t care that she was betrothed to Jonathan Arbor. All that she needed right now was to touch Rowan, to feel the comfort that being close to his body provided, damn the consequences.

  The bleakness of her impending marriage was setting in. What if she was not attracted to Jonathan in the way that she was to Rowan? What if she never again was to feel as the lightning that coursed through her veins with just a touch of Rowan’s fingers to her skin? Knowing that she must carry through with her marriage to Jonathon, Anna wanted to feel the responses that Rowan evoked so easily just one more time.

  She was playing with fire, and she knew it.

  Rowan exhaled slowly, fighting for his composure as Anna settled down next to him. He stared up at the night sky, refusing to look at her. “Anna, ye must stop this. I’m not as strong as ye think that I am. Please doona do this tae me,” he gritted through clenched teeth.