Cut Me Free

by J. R. Johansson

  He leans back against the wall and his lips curve up into a sly grin. “I’m sorry.”

  I rest against his shoulder and gaze up at him. “For what?”

  “For not doing that sooner.” He winks at me before his eyes flutter closed and he goes still.

  Visions of burying Sam’s cold body swamp me, only now it is Cam that I see cold and pale in the shallow grave. Now it’s Cam’s body that I must cover with dirt even as I mourn him with every piece of me. Knowing I’ll never see his smile again, never hear his laugh or feel the warmth from his hand enfolding mine. I choke back a sob and battle the images away.

  “No, no. Cam?” I squeeze his hand, but he only moans in response. He’s going to leave me like everyone else. Like Nana and Sam. My eyes fill with tears again and I kiss his lips, but they’re so cold already they only fill me with fear. Suddenly, I can’t breathe. I don’t want him to go, not yet. We didn’t have enough time.

  Then don’t let him go.

  How? I don’t have an answer. There is no way out.

  Piper never gives up.

  As long as Cam’s still breathing, I have to keep trying. I will not stop. Ripping off another piece of his shirt, I tie a tourniquet around his upper arm. Losing a limb isn’t a concern anymore. If I don’t find a way out soon, he’ll lose much more than that. I drag myself to my feet and pace the room. There has to be something. With one shaking hand, I tug my phone out of my pocket. There is still no signal, but I keep pacing. Maybe there’s a spot I missed, maybe one minuscule spot where I can get a signal. If I don’t focus on trying to find it, I’ll start screaming. That won’t help Cam. How can I help him? Back and forth, diagonally across the room, and corner to corner—I pace in silence. With every breath, he sounds weaker and the overwhelming dread piles on, burying me, shovelful upon shovelful.

  Tossing the phone onto the floor, I drag down box after box from the racks. I dump them into a massive pile in the corner. Nothing seems useful. Most are empty or have cleaning supplies in them. I keep telling myself to keep searching. If I give up, I’ll just sit and watch Cam die.

  I cannot do that. I will not do that.

  There has to be something, anything, that can help him. When I bend to pick up another box, I see it. Tucked beneath the nearest rack is a large toolbox.

  Throwing myself to the floor, I pull it out, and my fingers fumble with the latch. The top shelf contains screws, nails, washers, and bolts. I lift the shelf, shoving aside screwdrivers and a hammer. In the darkness below, I see hope in my own reflection. The silvery distorted image of my own face on the head of a shining ax. Yanking it out of its hiding place, I run to the door, haul back and slam it into the wood with all my strength. At first nothing happens. I see Cam’s still form in the corner of my vision and keep swinging. I have to. Then the door splinters away, piece by piece, as I keep swinging. Minutes drag like hours, my arms go numb, but finally I’ve done it. I’ve cut a hole big enough to drag Cam through.

  He’s still leaning against the wall, still breathing, his eyes closed even with all the noise I’m making. Is it safe to move him? Maybe not yet. I run out into the hall and finally get a signal at the opposite end of the building. Thinking fast, I dial 911 and give her the nearest cross-street address before the girl even gets out her first word.

  I hear her fingers clicking on a keyboard. “And what is your emergency?”

  “There is a guy here. His arm is cut and he’s lost a lot of blood. Please, we need an ambulance.”

  “Is he alert and able to speak?”

  “No. Please hurry.”

  “I’m sending help now. Stay on the li—” I close the phone and check my watch. Sanda will be out of school in ten minutes. There is only one person I trust to get her. I don’t hesitate to dial the number and she answers on the first ring.

  “Hello?”

  “Janice, I need your help.”

  “Charlotte?” Her voice is a blend of concern and surprise, but I don’t have time for questions.

  “Can you please pick up Sanda when you get Rachel from school? I’ve had some trouble, and with only ten minutes until school gets out I can’t possibly get there in time.”

  “Of course. It’s no problem.” There is a slight pause on the line and then she asks, “Are you all right?”

  My throat tightens with emotion and tears roll down my cheeks. I really can’t answer that question, not right now. “Thank you, Janice.” I take a deep breath. “I’ll meet you at the apartment as soon as I can.”

  It’s silent for a moment. “Okay. Be safe.”

  I close the phone and run back down the hall to Cam. He lies so still, I’m almost afraid to move closer. A dozen images of Sam flood my senses, and I fight to keep myself upright. This isn’t him. He isn’t dead, not yet.

  I see Cam’s chest struggle to rise with another breath and I rush to his side. Easing him down onto his back, I grab the shoulders of his shirt and slide him as gently as possible toward the doorway. Kicking the last remaining pieces of wood out of the way, I drag him into the hall and toward the front doors. By the time we get there, I hear the ambulance coming.

  “What are you doing?” Cam’s voice is barely a whisper.

  I reach down and touch his hair. “It’s okay. I got us out and help is coming.”

  “You should go.” His eyes refuse to stay open.

  “No. I can’t leave you.”

  “Go get Sanda. Make sure she’s safe.” He presses his head against my hand. “Don’t let him get her again.”

  The ambulance stops in front of the building and I rush out onto the steps to flag them down. Two paramedics with the names MARK and ALVIN stitched on their uniforms hurry in with a stretcher.

  “What happened?” Mark waits for me to answer.

  Cam groans as they move him and I twist my fingers together trying to find the right response. “He cut himself. I t-tried to tie it off.”

  Alvin examines my makeshift bandage and nods. “If he survives it will be because of you.”

  All I can think is if he dies it will be because of me, too.

  “He cut himself? What’s his name?” Alvin turns to me with a hint of suspicion.

  Before I can answer, Cam speaks, and both paramedics immediately lean over him to listen. “I don’t know her. She found me. I’m Cam. Take me to Penn Hospital, please.”

  He gave me an out. I know what he’s thinking. He wants me to run.

  “Thank you for your help then, young lady. You did the right thing by calling.” Alvin’s suspicion is gone, but I can’t meet his eyes. A police car parks behind the ambulance. “The officer will be right over to get your statement.”

  The cop walks past the ambulance and asks the paramedics something as they wheel the stretcher along the sidewalk. My muscles twitch with the urge to run. Cam is right: the last thing I need right now is a nice long chat with the police.

  I whisper under my breath, “Please be okay.” Then I sprint to hide behind the corner of the building before the officer finishes talking to the paramedics. Crouching in the shadows between buildings, I rip the back off both phones, remove the sim cards, break them in half like Cam taught me, and throw everything over the fence.

  “Where did she go?” Alvin’s voice sounds more confused than anything else.

  “I don’t know, but he’s lost consciousness. We need to get him to the hospital right away if he’s going to have any chance,” Mark responds, before slamming the doors closed. With sirens blaring, they drive away.

  I wait until I hear the officer enter the building looking for me before I walk out from my hiding spot. Tugging off the remnants of my torn shirt, I’m left shivering in the sunlight in only the tank top I was wearing beneath. I throw the bloodstained tatters in a Dumpster a block away.

  As I hail a cab just past the first corner, I take one last glance at the front of the building where Brothers tried to make us kill each other. My hands are raw and splintered from swinging the ax. My soul is raw from pa
in. All I want is to hurt Brothers, make him stop the pain forever.

  And all I feel is alone.

  29

  Numb fear fills every shadow, every doorway, every street around me as my taxi drops me off a block from home. My mind is tied to Cam at the hospital. He has to be okay—he has to be okay. I’ll get Sanda and we’ll go to the hospital to see him. Then, I will find a place for Sanda to be safe and turn myself in to the police. I will give up the future I’d hoped for to make sure the people I care about don’t get hurt anymore. Sanda has to be better off with an unknown family than running from a psychopath, even if running meant she could stay at my side. I will tell the police about everything. About the Parents and Brothers. I am willing to be punished for what I’ve done, as long as Brothers gets locked away, too.

  It’s the only way and it is worth it.

  Unable to wait any longer, I stop at an ancient-looking pay phone to call the hospital. It takes me a minute to figure it out and I curse loudly when I realize the bill reader is broken and it only takes coins—coins that I don’t know how to count and refuse to carry. A guy plays his guitar on a nearby corner. I can see coins in his open case glinting in the sunlight. I hurry over.

  “I need your help.”

  He barely looks up. “I—uh—try to stay out of other…”

  I tug a twenty out of my pocket. “I’ll give you this if you give me the right amount of change to make a call on that pay phone.”

  His gaze goes from the twenty to my face and back again before he reaches down and gathers a few coins from the case. I can hear him muttering under his breath, but I don’t even care enough to try to make out his words. I’m watching the coins. These coins that could help me find out if Cam is still breathing.

  I throw the twenty down as soon as he hands me the change, and I run back to the phone. I dial the number labeled “Information” on a tattered directory sticker and they connect me to the hospital. It only takes a moment to get directed to the emergency room.

  “ER nurse, how can I help you?” She sounds bored.

  “I’m trying to find out about a patient,” I tell her.

  “Are you a relative?”

  “No, he’s a friend, but—”

  She doesn’t let me finish. “Sorry, we don’t give out information unless you’re a family member. Please contact his family and they’ll be able to update you.”

  “Oh, okay,” I say, frustrated, but there is no point in arguing with her. I pull the phone away from my face, and my hand trembles as I place it back on the cradle. I can’t breathe right until I know if Cam is okay. I can feel the guy with the guitar watching me as I walk to the corner and hurry out of sight.

  I know something is wrong from the moment I turn onto our street. Janice is pacing in front of our building and Rachel sits on the stairs, staring across at the kids in the park. I can’t see Sanda anywhere.

  My dread is buried by blinding fear, as I realize that deep down I knew he might get to her first.

  When Janice sees me sprinting down the street toward her, she jogs out to meet me.

  “Where is she?” I ask.

  “She wasn’t there,” Janice says. Her hair is even fuzzier than normal, like she’s been tugging on it. Her hands are clamped together when I approach, like they’re frozen in prayer. “I tried to call you, but I kept getting your voice mail. I considered calling the police, but you said they’d take her away and … and I didn’t know what to do.”

  My phone. I hadn’t thought about Janice trying to call me when I’d ripped it apart. “It’s okay. Tell me what you know.”

  Rachel stares up at me, her eyes wide and full of tears. “We were waiting by the sidewalk for you and Grams and it was my turn for the game. I counted and my eyes were closed and then she was gone. She disappeared.”

  “It’s okay, Rachel. I’ll find her. I promise.” I pat Rachel on the shoulder as Janice hugs her. My mind is still in shock over Cam. It skips past fear and straight into solution mode. It flies through all the details, trying to figure out where Brothers would’ve taken her.

  I meet Janice’s worried eyes. “You and Rachel go inside. I’ll let you know if I need help.”

  “Be careful.” She chokes on emotion and nods before putting on a brave smile for her granddaughter and heading inside.

  Lily rounds the corner and I can see the dark lines of mascara-tinted tears on her cheeks from here. Her black jacket only hangs over one shoulder and the rest falls behind her like a dark tail. I’ve never seen her so disheveled. “I’ve been calling. You got rid of your phone?”

  “Yes. What’s wrong?”

  “Have you seen Cam? I can’t find him anywhere and…” Her eyes are wild with worry.

  My heart aches inside when I say the words. “He got hurt, Lily. He’s at Penn Hospital.”

  “No.” Her whisper is horrified. “It can’t be true.”

  “What can’t? What’s going on?”

  “I didn’t know. I believed it was you, I swear. I didn’t know.” Lily doubles over onto the apartment stairs, her body shaking with sobs. Grabbing her elbow tighter than necessary, I jerk it until she raises her face.

  “What are you talking about? You believed what was me?”

  “He has her, doesn’t he?”

  A chill runs down my spine, but I make myself ask the question to which I’m afraid I already know the answer. “Who?”

  “Steve.”

  I blink and whisper, “Steve who?”

  My whole body waits for her to answer. My heart is not beating, my lungs are not working, even my brain is caught in a thoughtless void while I wait for her to utter the name I’m dreading.

  “Steve Brothers.”

  Everything feels like it’s in slow motion. He’s always ahead of me, five steps—ten even. Cam is the only one who has been able to surprise him. Brothers knows what I’ll do and acts first. He knew where to get Sanda and he’d been there waiting. He’s taking away everything I’m willing to fight for, trying to bend me, break me. Now Cam is in the hospital fighting for his life and Brothers has Sanda.

  “How do you know he has her?”

  Lily curls into a ball of misery, and I almost pity her until she answers me. “Because I’ve been helping him.”

  “You what?” My head fills with images of Cam’s paling skin, of Sanda tied up in Brothers’s closet … of everyone left in the world that I care about. They’re both at risk because Lily has been helping a lunatic.

  I leap for her, white-hot fury driving me forward. One hand is in her hair, pulling, the other at her throat, and it takes every ounce of self-control I possess to stop myself from squeezing. From stealing her last remaining breaths the way Brothers has stolen everyone I love.

  Lily whimpers but doesn’t fight back. She doesn’t even push me away. Her warm tears drip from her cheeks onto my forearm, and I slowly relax my grip on her windpipe.

  “You helped him?” My voice is weak and pained. Drawing in a deep breath, I release her. “Tell me what you know.”

  Her wide eyes blink a few times before she starts talking so fast I can barely keep up. “He told me Sanda was his niece and you took her from her home. You kidnap kids, make them think you’re going to take care of them so they don’t give you any trouble, and then sell them off to slave markets in other countries. He told me that’s how you got your money. He even told me about the accident where she got the scar on her left hand.”

  “Because he gave her that scar and it was no accident.” I sit on the step next to her and rub my palm over my pocket, where I wish so badly I had my bolt right now. “You’re an idiot.”

  Her cheeks flush like she might argue, but then her eyes turn to the sidewalk before us. Everything about her deflates and she shrinks visibly before me. “It was all a lie?”

  “Yes. He held Sanda captive and tortured her. I took her to save her life.”

  Her shoulders slump and she takes a weak shaky breath. “And Cam?”

  “It’s a
long story, but Brothers had us trapped. Cam was cut and lost a lot of blood.” I close my eyes tight and make myself say the words that I hope to God aren’t true. “I’m not sure if the ambulance came in time.”

  Lily’s wide brown eyes are red from crying. She digs into her bag with shaking hands and produces another black box—Brothers’s calling card.

  “He left this at the restaurant. The card said your name, but I didn’t know why Steve would leave you a gift after everything he said you did. When I asked, he said, ‘People get hurt when you call the police. Don’t make that mistake.’ Which didn’t make any sense until I took off the lid and then Cam didn’t come back and…” At the end she’s just mumbling. My hand aches to smack her. Instead, I pull off the lid.

  Inside I see the words that turn my blood to ice.

  I press my fingers against my eyelids, trying to make sure my hammering heartbeat doesn’t make my eyeballs burst from my head. “How exactly have you been helping him?”

  “I told him everything I knew about you. Your old name, where you live.” She touches my shoulder and I flinch away. “I’m so sorry, Charlotte. I didn’t know—I was only trying to protect Cam.”

  Fiery anger boils in my stomach, and I pick up the black box and throw it at the ground. The red rose inside explodes against the cement. It feels destructive, a fitting release. The streets of this city should run red with blood after today. “Great job protecting him, Lily! Now he’s in the hospital and Sanda has been taken by a lunatic who likes to play with knives.”

  Lily glares at me, but she appears more sad and humiliated than angry. “Do you know where he might have her?”

  “I don’t even know where to start.” I stand, fold my arms across my chest, and kick the naked rose across the ground toward her. “Why did you do this? Can’t you mind your own business? Why are you so possessive of Cam?”

  “I thought you were like her.”

  I turn back to face her and wait. I’m tired of asking her for explanations.

  “The first girl Cam helped two years ago—like he helped you. He’s always been a sucker for the hopeless cases,” Lily says, and rests her head on her knees. “He fell hard and she screwed him over. Stole his money, half his equipment, and then she ended up floating in the bay a month later anyway.”