Cut Me Free

by J. R. Johansson

  I slide down against the railing and sit on the step. For the first time since I met her, Lily makes sense. I remember Cam mentioning the girl who died. He’d lost more than Lily’s sister. Cam has more painful secrets than I realized.

  “I didn’t want to see him destroyed like that again, you know? He’s like my brother. Since my sister died, he’s all I have left.” Her big brown eyes fill with tears again. “And now—”

  “How did your sister die?” I interrupt.

  “Anna was hit last year by a drunk driver. It was the second time he killed someone while driving drunk.”

  A million conversations with Lily spin through my head and something finally clicks into place. The only response I can choke out is, “I’m sorry.”

  We have more in common than I knew. We share pain and loss.

  “We need to work together now. You’ve been helping him. Any idea how we can find Sanda?” I ask as I rub my face in my hands and try not to panic. “Think, Lily. Did Brothers say anything else?”

  “No.” She wipes her tears and watches me. “I’ve been over it a thousand times since I realized Cam hadn’t come home.”

  Then something in my head clicks into place. This is Brothers. I’ve spent most of my life in the shadow of the Father, and for once that might actually be useful to me. Brothers has the same twisted tastes as him. He won’t kill her—not yet. It wouldn’t be as fun for him without me there to watch.

  He wants me to find her.

  Scooting forward, I pick up the box and the decimated rose from the ground and find what I’d hoped would be there: his message, a clue. There is a strip of white paper twisted around the stem. Careful not to rip it, I gently tug the paper loose.

  Blood surges through my veins and I jump to my feet. I’m halfway down the street before Lily catches me.

  “Wait. What does it say? Where are you going?”

  “She will die where I was created.”

  Lily frowns but tugs her purse up on her shoulder and keeps walking with me. “Oh no, I told him about that. I’m coming with you.”

  I don’t even stop to argue. “No. You need to go to Cam.”

  “I can’t do anything there.” She pulls on my arm and I whirl to face her. Her voice is pleading, frantic. “I can’t do that again. I stood in the room for hours waiting for my sister to wake up and she never did. After everything I’ve screwed up, I have to help you now. Please let me help you.”

  I can tell from her expression that it’s useless to argue, but still I hesitate.

  Her eyes dart from side to side before she continues. “I might be of more help than you think.” She opens her bag and gestures for me to peek inside.

  There, among makeup, gum, and a wallet, I see the gleaming black metal of the gun from the safe at Angelo’s. I draw in a quick breath.

  “Why are you walking around with a gun in your purse?” I hiss.

  “After I read the message on the lid I was scared.” Lily snaps her bag closed and finishes: “Having it makes me less afraid.”

  Guns never make me feel safe, but being in a rush has gotten me into trouble with Brothers more than once. Maybe I need to come prepared this time.

  I force my voice to stay level as I respond. There is no room for doubting myself anymore, not when Sanda needs me. “Fine, but I get the gun. Don’t get in my way.”

  30

  The old barbershop is more ominous when I know what might be hiding inside. The chipped candy-cane-style pole is like a symbol of lost days and happier times. I shiver as the evening sun descends toward the horizon. The world knows this place should be hidden in darkness right now, not bathed in sunlight. The fact that there’s a heavy metal gun tucked in Lily’s bag reassures me. I hate that I need it, but at the same time feel better that it’s here. With Brothers’s fondness for knives, plus the gun he had with him at the warehouse, this might be my only chance to finally get on an even footing with him.

  I glance over at Lily. Her eyes are glued to the barbershop. In spite of everything, I’m glad she’s with me. I don’t want to go into this alone, but it hurts when I can’t help wishing Cam were here with me instead. He always knows the right thing to do, the right thing to say.

  “So, are you sure we shouldn’t call the police?” Her voice is fragile and thin.

  “Yes.” I know Brothers well enough to be certain he’ll make good on his threat. “The second he hears sirens getting close she’ll be dead … and he’ll be gone. You have to trust me on this one.”

  I hear her gasp and she gives a jerky nod. “Yeah, yeah, okay.”

  “Ready?”

  She doesn’t respond, so I start walking. It only takes about five feet before she catches up with me.

  “How can anyone be ready for this?” she asks. Her hands tremble as she straightens her jacket.

  I shrug and open the door.

  Everything inside is dark. The door closes silently behind us, and the only thing I can hear is Lily’s rapid breathing. Gesturing for her to hold still, I reach in her bag and remove the gun, pointing it at the floor. I keep telling myself it’s simple, just point and pull the trigger. It doesn’t matter that I’ve never used a gun in my life. They aren’t designed to be difficult. It’s the easiest way in the world to kill someone—so distant, almost clinical. It’s nothing like the intimacy of a knife, where you have to be close enough to see the terror in their eyes.

  I suppress a shudder and walk silently, keeping my eyes on every shadow and dark corner. Lily grabs my left elbow with one hand and her skin is cold and clammy.

  But there is no one. The barbershop is empty. My shoulders slump forward in frustration. I’d been so sure this was the place the note described. Although, this is where Charlotte was created—not Piper. Could I have been wrong?

  Lily lifts one shaking hand and points toward a hall at the back of the room. That’s right. I’d almost forgotten there are more rooms here. Just as we move toward the hall, I hear him.

  “You brought a friend. That’s good. You seem to be losing too many today.” His laugh echoes down the hallway, low and amused.

  Lily whimpers beside me, and my heart aches at his implication, but I’m not afraid. The only emotion pumping through me right now is fury. He’s gone too far, done too much. I won’t let him hurt anyone else that I love. I can’t.

  Pointing the gun at the darkness down the hall with both hands, I take deep breaths and force my arms not to shake. Even in the barber’s area, the windows have long been boarded up with plywood and the lighting is dim. There aren’t any lights or even windows in the hallway. My finger feels dangerous on the trigger. Even though I know I brought it to protect me, it seems more like I’m carrying live explosives. The thing in my hand could as easily kill Sanda as Brothers in these dark rooms.

  We inch past Cam’s empty tech room to the only remaining doorway in the hall. The storage area in the back is bigger than I expect and the only light in the room is from slivers of fading sunlight streaming in around the tiny, dust-covered windows high up on the wall. I squint, trying to find him.

  “Hello, Piper.” Brothers’s voice comes from ten feet to my left. I spin to face him and he flips on a single bulb right in front of me. Blinking my eyes rapidly, I take two steps back. I center on the direction of his voice, trying to focus on the dark figure sitting in a chair. I almost squeeze the trigger before recognizing it’s Sanda. She’s taller because he’s strapped her to some kind of box. Her hands are bound in front of her. She’s blindfolded, with a thin rope keeping a piece of fabric in her mouth.

  My heart pounds loud in my ears as I realize what I could have done. Sanda’s head is tilted to one side and a thin trickle of blood runs down her cheek. I’m frozen as I watch her chest, waiting for the rise and fall of breathing. When her chest moves with a full deep breath, I release the one I’m holding.

  My eyes finally adjust, and I see a slight movement in the shadows behind her before Brothers limps forward and points a gun at the back of
Sanda’s head.

  “See? We’re more alike than you think.”

  I keep my gun trained on him and try to figure out my next move, and two after that.

  See? Guns are bad, like him. I hate guns, Sam whimpers in my head.

  “Shh,” I whisper as Lily steps forward and stands beside me. She’s shaking but trying to be brave anyway. My anger toward her begins to fade.

  “You don’t know how to use a gun, Piper. I can tell from the way you’re holding it.” Brothers speaks slowly and it only irritates me more, but seeing his gun pressing into Sanda’s hair is like having a bucket of ice water dumped over the flames of my anger. I’m left sputtering as I strive to draw out the fire again.

  Anger is a more useful emotion than fear.

  I squint one eye and stare down at him. “I know where the trigger is. That’s all that should matter to you.”

  “Very good.” His tone mocks me, but I need to keep him talking. Buy a few more minutes to figure out a plan. “One thing though: the trigger can just as easily hurt my little toy here as me. In fact, much more likely her, since if your shot doesn’t kill me immediately, she still dies.”

  Brothers steps into a sliver of dust-packed fading sunlight, and I notice a new limp when he puts his weight on his other leg. I wonder what caused it until he steps again and the movement is extremely familiar. It has to be from Sanda. One of the moves Cam worked with her on the most involved stomping on an opponent’s foot and then going for the kneecaps. One lesson, she hit Cam harder than either of them expected and he walked like that for the rest of the day. I see a long scratch down his cheek that is seeping blood, but it’s too big to have been made by Sanda’s tiny nails. My bolt. She’d attacked him with the only thing she had. She’d definitely used it for something better than I had. It fills me with a strange pride to know she fought him like I’d hoped.

  “Oh no,” Lily gasps from a few feet to my right. Her voice is miserable and I slide over to see what upset her. From this angle I can see Sanda’s back is bare and fresh blood seeps from two new slices on her skin. Rage flares and I want to shoot him so badly that I actually lift my finger off the trigger for an instant to make sure I don’t.

  “You bastard.” The only words I can find.

  He snickers, deep and soft. “Yes, I got bored waiting for you so we had some fun.”

  “What do you want?” I spit out each word, now beyond the point of reason.

  “You stole something that belonged to me. I took it back.”

  “Not something,” I reply. Taking a breath, I struggle to control the storm inside me. “Someone.”

  “It’s my favorite toy.” He grins, truly enjoying himself.

  “She is not a toy.”

  “I have it back now, and our new friend, Lily,” Brothers says. His eyes twinkle as he leans forward and thrusts his gun hard against Sanda’s head. She doesn’t move, but I hear a small moan escape past the gag. “This time you should listen when I give instructions, Piper. Or even more people will die.”

  The fury inside me rages and I want to let it out. To squeeze the trigger a million times until he’s covered in his own blood. I want to kill him, to destroy him. The only thing that brings me any sense is Nana. Somewhere in a corner of my mind, a memory of her comes rushing back. She’d told me that I was stronger than the Parents because I could control the anger inside me.

  “Better to be the calm than the storm, Piper. The calm knows where it begins and ends, and controls what happens in between.”

  The calm. I will be the calm.

  Brothers has the power here. I have to figure out how to take it away. He wants to feel strong, smart, and in control. He’s so like the Father, but I’d seen in the storage room the ways he isn’t like him. Brothers needs something from me in a way that the Father never did. He’s lonely. He misses Sanda because she’s vulnerable and he needs someone he can control. I squeeze my eyes shut for an instant and know what I have to do. Brothers has a weakness.

  And I will use it against him.

  Drawing another breath, I trust my instincts and lower my gun. “We both know this isn’t what you want.”

  For the first time, Brothers seems surprised. “What do you mean?”

  “You don’t like guns. People die too quick.” I try to keep my face neutral, but I’m afraid it comes out more like a grimace.

  Brothers nods but doesn’t lower his weapon.

  “I’m sure you brought something you’ll find more interesting.” I raise my eyebrows and ignore Lily’s confused expression as I wait for him to respond.

  He relaxes his grip and I know I’ve won this round. He doesn’t want to use it. “You put yours down first.”

  I lower mine to the ground, release it, and stand back up. It only gave me an advantage if he didn’t have one anyway. The moment it is out of my hand, Brothers tucks his into the back of his pants. He looks happier with his hands free.

  I inch a few steps closer, wanting to force him to take the lead in the conversation. “I got your last box. You wanted me here. I’m here. Now what?”

  He retreats to a table a few feet back that I now see is covered with knives, spikes, and rope. Anticipation oozes from his voice as he brushes his fingers across them. “Depends which game you want to play.”

  The moment his focus shifts, I sprint as silent and quick as I can toward him. Another weapon in his hands will seriously cramp my plan. I’m almost there when he hears me, grabs the nearest thing—a hammer—and spins to face me.

  “No sneaking up on me this time, Piper.”

  “I didn’t sneak up on you in your apartment. You knew I was there. You saw me.” I keep the focus of our chat on his power over me. Moving out of reach, I wait, watching for overconfidence, for an opening. I remember all the things Cam taught me—eyes, nose, ears, neck, groin, knees, and legs. If you’re going to hurt him, make it count. It’s easiest to distract and then destroy. “Speaking of which, I never found out how you managed to survive the fire.”

  “You were hesitant.” He smirks and holds the hammer with both hands. “Didn’t hit me hard enough. Rookie mistake. I wasn’t out for long and woke up in time to crawl out of the house with a few burns.”

  I slump my shoulders a bit, watching every breath he takes, every shift of weight—searching for his weakness. “You’re right. I am a rookie.”

  He nods, looking very pleased that I’m showing him more respect. My stomach churns in distaste.

  “How did you get in my apartment after we installed the new locks?” I take a few hesitant steps around him, slowly and patiently.

  “It pays to know a locksmith.” He grins.

  I falter a step as his meaning hits me. “Your friend from the bar—Brady.”

  “He thinks you look like your puppet, too,” Brothers says.

  I take a deep breath. They both broke into my apartment. I wonder for an instant what other interests they might share, and the thought makes me sick. “You’re very smart,” I say.

  “Your classes might have helped you here if I wasn’t so prepared.” Brothers reaches behind him and grabs the butt of a long knife with his free hand. “Too bad your teacher won’t be around to teach any more lessons.”

  My hands tighten into fists and I almost lose control when he mentions Cam. I notice a movement to the side and realize Lily is untying the ropes binding Sanda to her chair. I can’t let Brothers see them.

  “Cam is going to be fine.” I don’t have to force the tremble in my voice, and my face tightens with the hope that my words are true.

  “Stupid girl.” Brothers shakes his head and pivots to face me as I step to one side, angling to keep him turned away from Sanda and Lily. “You didn’t follow the rules. You ruined the game.”

  “It’s hard to follow the rules when you don’t tell me all of them.” My voice comes out small behind my gritted teeth.

  “You’re not the best listener.” Brothers’s jaw tightens and he grimaces. “Besides, the boy was a distr
action. Now that he’s gone, I have plans to keep you busy.”

  I need to buy them a few more minutes. As much as I hate everything I know about Brothers and the Parents, I have to tap into that even more—push this even further—if I’m going to get us out of here. Swallowing a fresh wave of disgust, I lower my arms to my sides. I try to appear nervous and small, like I am no threat to him.

  “I’m starting to feel like I might be outmatched here. Please don’t hurt me.”

  Brothers freezes, his eyes squinting, trying to read my plan.

  “Wh-what do you want from me?” I stutter, and let my voice quaver. The corner of his mouth turns up, but he doesn’t speak.

  “I’ve already seen what you can do,” I continue. I thrust aside all the fear, revulsion, loathing, and try to think like him, to understand him, and then feed into his hunger—make him let his guard down. The lies come easily and the fear in my voice makes them sound true even to me. “Sanda’s scars are w-worse than mine. You’re stronger than the one who gave me mine.”

  A glint of pleasure that is almost nostalgic comes over his face and he lowers his hammer. “You’re asking me not to hurt you?”

  I cower and take a half step back. When I glance up at him, he’s practically drooling.

  “Please?” I ask, watching him from behind lowered eyelids, flinching when he shifts his weight, knowing he needs the fear, to feel the sick power.

  He relaxes his stance, but he keeps himself between me and the weapons on the table. I have to let him think he’s still pulling the strings until I can get in the right position to wrap my hands around his throat.

  The blades glint before me. I see fresh blood on one and know he used it to cut Sanda. My hands clench into fists so tight my nails slice into my palms, so I stuff them in my pockets and take another shuffling step backward. I’m strong enough to do this, I have to be. If I keep repeating that then maybe I won’t fall apart. Maybe my disgust and horror won’t shatter me to pieces. Brothers is much bigger than I am. Hand to hand, he’ll win, but I’m quick. If he loosens his grip on the blade, he’s dead.