by Toni Aleo
Jesus. That sucks. “Didn’t you say your mom passed?”
She nods, and I regret asking, or better yet, remembering since she already told me all this. It’s obvious her mom’s passing is still a wound that is raw and open. “Yeah, almost ten years now.”
“Yeah, it’s been nine for me for my dad. But we didn’t have a relationship.”
“You said he wasn’t in your life?”
“Not at all,” I say with a shrug. “But I’m good with it. I’ve been through enough therapy, and it only fuels me to be the best dad for my CC.”
“You really are, though,” she agrees, cupping the back of CC’s head. “I’ve nannied for a lot of families, and I can honestly say I’ve never seen a dad like you.”
Pride fills me deep within. Bashfully, I joke, “I pay you to say those kinds of things.”
She snorts. “Not at all. I’m honest to a fault. I got fired from a job once because I told the parents exactly what their kids were doing and how awful they were to me. They said they didn’t need to know what they did or how they talked to me, that I was to do my job and leave them out of it. When I disagreed, they fired me. Elaine, my boss, canceled their contract.”
“Jackasses.”
“Exactly. So, believe me when I say you’re a great dad. I know you’re nervous about leaving, but I promise, she’s going to be great. Loads of FaceTiming is in our future. I may even become a hockey fan from all the games we’ll be watching.”
I grin at her. “I appreciate that. And in return, I’ll get you a matching jersey.”
“Score,” she says with a wink, and my grin gets bigger if that’s possible. I like this girl a lot. “Okay, so I’m gonna lay this little sugar bear down for a nap, and then I’ll head out.”
As she reaches for CC, picking her up out of her high chair, I stand up. “I can do that so you can head out early.”
She shakes her head. “Nope. She needs to get used to me doing it,” she says sternly. “I know you want to help, but why pay me if you won’t let me work, Mr. Litman?”
I scoff. “I told you about that Mr. Litman shit.”
She grins. “That’s what I’ll call you when you won’t let me do my job.”
I laugh. “Are you trying to say I’m annoying you?”
“Yup,” she says, holding out CC toward me. “Now, kiss your girl so I can put her to bed.”
“Okay, new trait. Passive-aggressive,” I accuse, and her laughter is sweet as I kiss my baby girl. CC squeals happily as she grabs my face, but on cue, she yawns widely. “She’s going to be easy to put to sleep.”
Jean agrees as the doorbell rings. I glance at the clock, and then the door opens as the three pains in my ass walk in. “You guys are early,” I call to them as they walk through the living room. I’m a big dude, but these three make me look short. Massive kids. Corn-fed, as Chandler calls them since the twins are from Nashville and Dart is from Wisconsin.
I invited D’Artagnan, Owen, and Evan over because I feel like the more they hang with me, the more likely they won’t get mixed up in something they shouldn’t be. As a rookie, it’s so easy to get caught up in drugs, women, and alcohol. I know firsthand, and I don’t want them ruining their lives. All three of them have bright futures.
And they’ll continue to be bright as long as they keep their mitts off Jean.
At the sight of her, Owen and Dart go slack-jawed as she beams over at the three of them. Evan, my good dude and my favorite of the three, doesn’t seem to be affected by her. As usual, he looks uncomfortable, and I hate that. He’s a really cool kid; he shouldn’t look like he hates life twenty-four seven. Maybe he doesn’t like me?
Okay, reel that in, Kirb.
I then remember that two out of the three are checking out my nanny, whom I have to protect so she doesn’t leave me. I clear my throat as a warning, and all three look right at me. Even CC and Jean look at me. I guess that was a bit aggressive. “Guys, this is CC’s nanny, Jean. Jean, these three are trying to play for the IceCats. This is Evan, Owen, and D’Artagnan, or Dart, which is what we call him ’cause his name is a mouthful.”
Dart beams in a suggestive way. “That’s not the only thing about me that’s a mouthful.”
“Jesus Christ,” I mutter, and Jean laughs.
“Wow, okay,” she says, nodding toward the guys. “Nice meeting you guys. Excuse me. I got a princess to put to sleep.”
The boys all nod as she passes by, but Dart adds, “Good night, princess. Remember, Uncle Dart is your favorite.” He then checks Jean out, top to bottom, licking his lips, much to Owen’s amusement. Evan is already heading toward me as I set Dart with a look.
He shrugs innocently, when there is nothing innocent about that dude. “I am. CC doesn’t like these two,” he says, cocking his thumb at the twins.
Owen takes offense. “Whatever. CC loves me.” Evan pulls out a chair and sits down as Dart hops up on the island and Owen seats himself on CC’s rideable fluffy unicorn he got her. He made sure it held his weight before he bought it because he wanted to ride it too. The kid isn’t right, but I do have to admit, the three of them adore CC and are good entertainment. Just young and horny. I can’t hate on them, though. I was the same, and lord knows I’m still horny when it comes to Jaylin. Dart pulls out his phone, taking a picture of Owen, and they laugh at the image, while Evan just looks bored.
“You all right, bro?”
He swallows hard, and I feel bad for the kid. “Yeah, I hate flying.”
Oh, that’s right. “What time are you guys heading out?”
“Our plane should be here around three.”
“Your plane?”
Owen grins confidently. “Oh yeah. Our family is loaded. I mean, my mom owns the damn Nashville Assassins, and my dad is a legend. We’re rolling in the dough.”
Evan gives him a long-suffering look. “We aren’t. They are. For us to be rich, they’d have to die before we get anything.”
Owen mulls that over. “I don’t like that narrative. In mine, we’re rich.”
“Jesus,” Evan mutters, and I chuckle at his dismay. “But yeah, our plane. The wedding is this weekend.”
“It’s your oldest sister who’s marrying that jackass Brooks?”
Bastard juked the shit out of me in game four, which led to the game-winner, so I dislike him. Also, Nico has some beef with him, so I hate him on principle.
Evan nods with a grin as Owen just laughs. “It’s funny how everyone hates him here, but he’s family to us. He’s a good guy, and our sister loves him.”
“I don’t doubt it, but you can’t like him here.”
They all laugh at my irrational request as I lean back in the chair. “The pizza will be here soon.”
I catch Dart glancing back at CC’s room, and I kick his shin. “No way, man. She’s off-limits.”
He gives me a dark look. “What the hell? First, Jaylin is off-limits, and now her? Who can I have?”
“Anyone not connected to me.”
He is put off by that, but I don’t care. “Speaking of Jaylin, how is that gorgeous dark-skinned goddess?”
I shake my head at him. “She’s good. She’s actually in Nashville to take her friend’s sister to college.”
Owen nods. “With Nico, right?”
“Yeah,” I say as Dart kicks his feet like a two-year-old.
“Cool, so is it official yet?”
“Official?”
“Yeah, you two a thing?”
Shit. Are we? I shrug. “I mean, I think we are.”
“Does she?” Owen asks, giving me a look. “’Cause, in my opinion, she doesn’t need any man. She could be using you for the D.”
“The D?”
“Dick,” Evan supplies, and I snort.
“Highly doubt it. She likes me,” I say, though not confidently. I find it hard to believe she’d want me. Someone that strong, powerful, and self-sufficient wanting me…yeah, it’s hard to believe. But then, I can still taste her on my lips. God
, I miss her. I have to remind myself she told her mom about us. That she’s serious about us. That has to mean something.
“Cool. So, answer me this. You’ve hit it, right?”
I glare at Dart since I’m not the least bit surprised by his question. “That’s none of your business.”
He gives me a dull look as Owen says, “We’re homies. We can share.”
“We won’t, though,” I correct them, and Dart isn’t convinced.
“Come on. Just tell me, does she taste expensive?” Surely, he didn’t just ask me that. “Hear me out. I look at her, and all I see is money and all this, like, sexy naughtiness. So just confirm that she tastes expensive.”
She does. “No way,” I say as my phone dings with a notification. I’m excited that it could be Jaylin, but then I see it’s the pizza app, telling me the pizzas are ready. Shit, I picked carryout instead of delivery. I glance over to Dart and Owen. Evan is playing on his phone. “Who drove?”
“Me,” Dart says, still looking very much butthurt.
“Can you run and get the pizzas? I picked carryout.”
“Sure,” he says with a shrug. “Wanna ride, Owen?”
“Yeah. Regular place, Kirb?” he asks as he gets up and they start for the door.
“Yup,” I say, and I don’t miss Dart looking into CC’s room. He’s relentless.
When they’re out the door, I glance over at Evan, and he looks more annoyed than he did before. “Feeling left out?”
He shrugs his shoulders and I can tell he’s about to lie to me, but then he admits, “Yeah. They’ve become buddies, and I get it. Dart is more like Owen than I am. Just thought sharing a womb with Owen would give me the edge.”
I snort. “One would think, but Owen is a very free spirit.”
I actually get a grin out of him at that. “My mom says the same thing.” Pure homesickness creeps across his face. I looked just like he does now when I was living with my coach after my mom left me for her new family. I missed her, wanted her in my life, and the sheer rejection of her not wanting me was brutal. It’s way different for Evan; he is loved, hard. I know. I see the care packages his mom sends, and he calls her in the locker room. He’s a mama’s boy to the extreme.
I eye him. “You doing okay, man?”
He sighs heavily, putting his phone down. “Between you and me?”
“Absolutely. Everyone needs that teammate they can talk to about anything. I may be older, but I got you, bro.”
Evan nods, but he still looks unsure.
“I can help,” I say in a low voice, ready to tell him how I was homesick and how I got through it. “Believe me. I’ve been through it all.”
He meets my gaze once more. “I don’t know. I feel a little lost.”
Oh. Okay. Switching gears. I’ve felt that more times than I’d like to admit, but I don’t want to make this about me. “Okay. Why?”
He searches for the words he wants, but he comes up empty, meeting my gaze. His struggle is visible on his face. After a few moments, he looks down and says, “I can’t explain it and I don’t want to sound like a baby, but I miss my family. I feel like we’re a burden at my cousin’s house with the babies and all, and I don’t know… I just don’t feel secure. I don’t feel like everything is running smoothly.”
There it is. “I hear you,” I say softly. “Totally rational feelings.”
He swallows hard. “I don’t know if you know, but I suffer from pretty intense anxiety.”
“I could tell because I do too,” I admit, and he whips his gaze to mine. “Really?”
“Really,” I say. “Took lots of therapy and a stint with medication to help me.”
He looks away once more, nodding. “My mom wants me to go to therapy since I refuse to go on medication.”
“I mean, therapy is awesome, but medication can be helpful.”
“I don’t want people to think I’m crazy.”
I scoff. “Ev, we’re all crazy,” I joke, and his lips pull up at the side. “It’s okay. And also, who needs to know?”
“Owen,” he admits, and then he sighs. “Or my dad. I don’t want to let him down.”
“Medication and therapy don’t mean you’re letting anyone down,” I reinforce. “And if I know anything about Shea Adler, his kids could be slugs, and he’d love them.”
He grins. “I know, but everyone in my family is successful and driven. Shelli was on Broadway at sixteen, Posey is the first female coach in the NHL, Owen is going to be just like my dad, and my little brother, Quinn, is going to cure cancer. And then there is me. I just feel like I can’t live up to the hype.”
Jesus, talk about some pressure. “But you already are. You are your dad made over—”
“I’m not. My dad is a legend.”
“And you will be too. We just need to work on your confidence.”
He frowns. “I lack that. Pretty sure Owen took it all in the womb.”
We share a laugh. “Yeah, he’s one cocky-ass dude.”
“He is,” he agrees. “I’m terrified of failing,” he says after he looks down at the floor for a moment. “I don’t want to let anyone down, but the thought of getting on that ice and playing in front of people and failing freaks me the fuck out. I dealt with this a bit when I was in high school, but it wasn’t of this magnitude. This is the NHL. I gotta be on it, and I feel like I’m missing the mark.”
“You’re not,” I reassure him. “All this is okay to feel. You have to understand that.”
“I doubt my dad ever felt it, or even Owen.”
I take a deep breath. “I did,” I admit. “I still feel like I’m going to puke before I get on the ice, and it’s okay to feel like that.”
He exhales, and I can tell he needs more. When he meets my gaze once more, I cup his shoulder. “I hope you listen to me when I say you are a great dude and a super-talented hockey player. You’re going to do great things. We just got to get you over this hump. The team has great resources. Want me to get you the info?”
He hesitates. “Will it fuck with my position on the team?”
“No. The great thing about the resources is they are confidential.”
He thinks that over, and when my phone sounds, we both glance down at it. Evan smirks at me.
Jaylin: Thinking of you.
Hot damn, talk about an instant erection. Even when I’m having a heart-to-heart with a kid who is struggling, this girl gets my motor running. A big grin comes over my face as I pick up my phone to write her back.
Me: I can’t stop thinking of you. Can I call you in a bit? I’m having a talk with one of the boys.
Jaylin: Of course. Call me when you can.
Me: Will do.
I set my phone down, looking over at Evan, and he gives me a half grin. “You look like my dad when my mom cooks her famous fried chicken.”
I laugh. “Yeah, I’m super feeling her.”
“She’s really cool.”
“That she is,” I agree as I twirl my phone with my finger on the table. “So, back to what we were discussing. Want me to reach out to my contacts?”
He sucks in a breath and then lets it out loudly. “Yeah, but don’t tell Owen, please.”
“Never.”
“Thanks.”
We share a look, and I know in my soul, this kid is going to be okay.
I’ll make sure of it.
Chapter Seventeen
Kirby
* * *
“Aw, I hate that he feels like that. He’s such a sweet kid.”
I nod, though she can’t see me. I didn’t get to talk to her much last night. When I called after the boys left, she was at Callie’s gymnastics thing. She called when she left, but I was wicked tired and so was she. I’ve been busy with team shit all day and she has been shopping, so this is the first time we can really sit down and talk. We’ve texted, but nothing is as good as hearing her voice and her laugh. Celeste squirms in my arms, and I hold her close, kissing the top of her head. She is very cl
ingy tonight, not wanting to be put down, and I’m unsure why. I know in one of those baby books I read that a child can sense how their parent feels, but I think I’ve done well hiding my anger and anxiety with the whole Lilly bullshit. I still haven’t heard from her, nor has Willa. I’m over it. I feel like she’s going to keep this up, and it makes me so fucking mad.
But I don’t want Celeste to feel any of that. I hold her close to my chest as PAW Patrol plays on the TV. I’m not sure how I feel about these super dogs, but CC loves them. I guess it’s a cute show since, even when she’s in bed, I leave it on the TV. It’s embarrassing how many times I’ve gotten caught up in the story lines.
“Agreed,” I say as I rub CC’s sweet little head. “It’s always hard when you come to a new team. Even with family, I guess. I thought they’d be good, having each other, but Owen and Dart are two peas in a pod.”
“Yeah, I can tell that Evan is very much chill, while they’re balls to the wall.”
“Exactly. I hate that they all won’t make the team.” All of a sudden, I get a sickening feeling in my gut. “Don’t say anything, okay? I probably shouldn’t have told you,” I say, feeling instantly guilty. It wasn’t my place to tell her Evan’s business, but when she asked me how my day went, I word-vomited my conversation with Evan. It’s still so fresh in my mind, especially after sending him an email with all the contact information for the help he needs.
“Never. Totally confidential.”
I feel a little better. “Thank you, Counselor.”
She snickers as CC moves her fingers along my jaw, sucking on her other hand. I think she’s tired. “I adore those triplets.” I roll my eyes, and she laughs at the annoyed sigh that leaves my lips. “Oh, hush. I’m on the phone with you, aren’t I? Also, I don’t do jealousy. If I’m talking to you and I’m with you, you’re the only one I want.”
“I am well aware of that. I let out my annoyed huff because Dart made a comment that I wouldn’t let him hit on you or my nanny,” I lie, and she scoffs.
“Liar. You want me all to yourself.”