Hard Hit: IceCats series

by Toni Aleo

  “Mr. Litman is a great dad, isn’t he?” she asks, and I can’t contain the grin that covers my lips.

  “He is. A very good man.”

  Silence fills my office, and I try so hard not to look at her, but I do, and I instantly regret it. Willa’s eyes are suspicious and intrusive as she says, “I saw you two kiss the other day.”

  I look away, feeling not the least bit guilty but caught red-handed. I forgot that she could have seen that. I was hoping she had been in court or something. I direct my gaze to hers. “Okay?”

  “Okay,” she repeats, her eyes hooded in a very judgmental way. “I have to say, I think that’s a very bad idea.”

  I raise a brow. “That can be your opinion, but honestly, it’s none of your business.”

  “You do realize he is in the middle of a custody battle and doesn’t need any distractions.”

  “I am well aware of his situation, and he is too. What we are doing is our business.”

  “I feel as though you are compromising my case.”

  What the hell is she talking about? I look at her in complete confusion.

  “And I take offense since you’re supposed to be not only my colleague, but my friend.”

  “That’s not the situation at all. What I do outside of this office is my business.”

  “True, when it’s not my client,” she insists. “He doesn’t need to be distracted. And then I’m worried he’s using you—”

  I scoff at her claim, which makes her glare. “He is not using me.”

  “He wants to keep his child, and it looks better if there is a female presence.”

  “He doesn’t need anyone or anything to prove he is a wonderful dad. He is dating me because he wants to be with me.”

  She shakes her head slowly. “So, you are dating?”

  “Again, I feel like a broken record here, but it’s none of your business.”

  “I feel like I need to go to Feliciana about this.”

  I scrunch up my face. “You’re going to our boss because I am dating your client?”

  “Yes. It’s against policy.”

  “No. It’s against policy to date a client you are representing. I don’t represent him—you do.”

  “But you counsel me, and I don’t need anything jeopardizing my case.”

  Now, I’m getting pissed. “I counsel you because you are my friend. And may I remind you, you wouldn’t have him as a client if it weren’t for me. I knew him before this case, but if you feel you need to take this to Feliciana, please, be my guest. I’m doing nothing wrong, and I refuse to be accused of doing so when I’m not.”

  “I shouldn’t be having this conversation with you at all. But it’s not only all the points I’ve already brought up. It also has to do with your race.”

  What the hell? I’m so taken aback, my voice is squeaky. “My race?”

  “Yes. Please hear me out,” she says, clasping her hands. “You are a black woman. He is a white man with a white child. What—”

  “Let me stop you right there,” I announce, holding up my palm. “You will not bring that racist bullshit into my office.”

  “I’m not being—”

  “Then why are you bringing my race and his into this? It doesn’t matter what color either of us is. We are all the same, and you making that kind of comment is one of the biggest issues in this world.”

  Her eyes are dark, anger swirling in them. “You won’t even let me finish my point.”

  “Because I don’t want to hear it. It’s bullshit.”

  “You are being very selfish, and if I lose this case, it’s going to be your fault.”

  When she stands, I do the same. “For one, Willa, you won’t lose this case because it’s a slam dunk. You’ve done the work and so has he, so just close it. But a word of advice—and this will be the last advice I give you. Ever,” I say, my voice dropping an octave. “I will not be threatened by you, nor will I stand for you attacking a relationship I’m in when you know nothing about us or our situation. You will never speak of my race again, and if I ever hear about it, I will turn you in to HR. I am appalled by this behavior, especially when I have been nothing but supportive of you. I want you to win, not only for Kirby and Celeste but for your career. Unlike you, I don’t look at skin color or anything like that. I look at the potential, and you have it—as long as you keep race out of it.”

  She is speechless and, I can tell, guilty. What did I expect? She’s young and Southern. It’s nothing new, and I’m sure she expected this to go a whole other direction, but I will not apologize for how I handled it. I have been disrespected worse than this in my life, but man, this is one slight I won’t forget. A good second passes with her not saying anything, so with a nod, I say, “Good talk. Now get out of my office.”

  She wants to say something, I know she does, but she makes the right choice and leaves my office.

  I take a deep breath in, letting it out in a rush before I sit back in my chair. I swallow, looking out into the reception area, willing myself not to cry. I won’t give her the satisfaction, and I will not think I am in the wrong. I’m not. I am trying to find happiness with a damn good man.

  In no way, shape, or form do I believe he is using me as just a female presence in Celeste’s life. That is downright ridiculous. Kirby isn’t the kind of man to use anyone. He’s been hurt; he wouldn’t do that. I know that. No matter how much my past relationship wants to rear its ugly head and twist me into believing it to be true, I won’t allow it.

  When my phone sounds with a text, I am thankful for the interruption to my wild thoughts. I pull it out of my back pocket to find it’s a photo from Kirby. With the ocean behind her, Celeste is sitting in the sand wearing a sweet little purple bathing suit and laughing happily. I can’t help but grin, and my heart fills with such joy at the sight of hers. When I read the caption, though, my heart stops dead in my chest.

  Can’t wait to see you. We miss you.

  We. I don’t know why that simple word makes my stomach churn with anxiety. He loves his child so much, but what if being with me makes him lose the case? What if I am a distraction and he drops the ball? Neglects his fatherly duties, or his ex uses our relationship against him? What if me adding to that we messes everything up? I am a black woman, he is a white man, and there are more people out there like Willa who will see an issue with our relationship. Never in my life have I cared about that. I believe that all people bleed the same red blood, but I don’t want to screw this up for him. I refuse to be ashamed of my race or his. I am proud, but I don’t want Lilly to win somehow when Kirby is such a great dad to Celeste.

  My mind is going a mile a minute, and I can’t shake this feeling that I am making a mistake getting involved with him. Given the warnings from Aviva and Nico, and now Willa, maybe I should listen. Maybe I should walk away.

  I can’t be the reason this man doesn’t get to keep that bundle of perfection in his life.

  But as I stare at the picture, his words, I don’t think that’s fair.

  Fuck.

  I lay my head on my desk, feeling dizzy from the whiplash of my feelings. One minute, I’m confident in us, knowing damn well I’m ready to open up. And the next, I’m wondering if I should text him and tell him maybe we shouldn’t do this.

  Why is this so hard? Why aren’t I allowed to be happy? Why can’t Kirby? We deserve it. We’re good people, and damn it, we both love that baby.

  Problem is, I care so much about Kirby and Celeste, I don’t know if I can risk ruining what they have. But can I live with the consequences of that? I lived more than a year without them, hating myself for not meeting him before his ex got pregnant. For not locking him in when I had the chance.

  It just isn’t fair.

  But maybe I’m not meant to be in love.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Kirby

  * * *

  I keep checking my phone for a text back from Jaylin. Celeste sits in my lap as the ocean water runs up on my feet.
She’s swinging a shovel, throwing sand around in an excited little way. She’s so much fun. I laugh along with her as we dig in the sand and enjoy the beautiful day on the beach. I was hoping Jaylin would be here by now, but she said she needed to go by the office and her condo. I suggested grabbing a bag to stay, but she completely ignored that request and went on about how she had some work to finish. At my place. Which was hopeful.

  Ever since she told me about that past relationship she doesn’t like to speak of, my mind has been reeling. I want to know it all. I want to know what happened, why it ended, and why she feels that’s the reason she doesn’t stay at any man’s house. Of course, I came up with every single worst-case scenario, but I’ve done a good job keeping those to myself. I haven’t pushed, nor have I asked again. Instead, all our texts have been playful and fun, my favorite thing about us. But now, she isn’t answering my text. I wouldn’t be alarmed since she did have things to do, but it was a picture of Celeste. Surely, she’d stop everything to text me back about this cutie.

  CC looks up at me, grinning, and I kiss her sweet little nose. I can’t imagine not having moments like this with her. It bothers me that Lilly isn’t showing up, not just because it’s prolonging everything, but because it bothers me that she doesn’t want Celeste. I mean, is it in my blood to be abandoned? It troubles me and scares me that this is something that will affect Celeste when she is older. No matter how much I love her and make her life the greatest I can, she will experience pain when she realizes her mother gave her up. Or maybe she won’t.

  Maybe things will become exactly what I want them to be with Jaylin, and Celeste will be so overly loved by both of us that she won’t yearn for her biological mom. As much as I want to believe it into existence, there is the issue of locking Jaylin down, along with Lilly not fucking everything up.

  There are a lot of moving pieces, and with my mind going to every single worst-case, it’s going to be a battle. But this is a battle I need to win. I want the best for Celeste and me. And for me, Jaylin is the missing piece I need.

  When my phone signals a text, I reach for it in the bag of stuff for Celeste I brought down with me. When I see it’s not from Jaylin, I’m disappointed, but then I see what Evan wrote.

  Evan: I emailed for an appointment. My sister and mom got on to me too. Apparently you aren’t the only one noticing something is up. I thought I was hiding it better, but I guess not. Anyway, thank you for looking out for me.

  Awesome. I write him back quickly and wish him a happy weekend since he’s in Nashville for his sister to get married. Sometimes it’s good having anxiety, so you can spot it in others and help them. I know he’s going to be just fine; he needs to work out some kinks, and then he’ll be unstoppable. He has so much support. There is no reason for him not to be successful.

  I almost toss my phone back into the bag, but then I feel the need to call Jaylin. I hit her number and bring the phone to my ear just as Celeste lets out a happy shriek. I laugh and wait for Jaylin to answer. When I’m about to hang up, she finally does.

  “Hey.”

  I can tell something is wrong with that one word. “That didn’t sound very welcoming. You okay?”

  She doesn’t answer right away. I can hear her breathing, and the alarm in it has my heart kicking up in speed. “No.”

  “Okay. What can I do? Want me to come to you?”

  “I’m actually in my car in front of your house. I just can’t get out, but I also couldn’t stay home because I miss you.”

  Okay, talk about being confused. I get up swiftly, sand all over Celeste and me, not that I care. Or even that Celeste is still swinging her shovel, sending even more sand everywhere. With the phone to my ear and Celeste on my hip, I head for the gate leading to my front yard. “All right, can you elaborate?”

  I open the gate, hoping I can keep her from driving off before I get there. She doesn’t sound confident, and that makes me nervous. She clears her throat, and I can hear the emotion is thick. “I want to see you, but I don’t know if we should do this.”

  I see her sitting in her car as I come alongside my house. “I think we should.”

  “I know you do,” she says, and I love that I can see a grin spread across her face. “I’m worried there are too many variables stacked against us.”

  I walk up by the car, moving the phone from my ear as she looks up at me, surprised. Her eyes are glossy, dark, and she looks beyond torn. I reach for the door, opening it, and then take her hand in mine. When I pull her into my side, she comes willingly as I wrap my arm around her neck, my hand coming up to grab her by the jaw. I direct her face up so she’s in the perfect position for me to kiss her, and then I do just that. She melts into me as I ignore Celeste beating me with her shovel. As I sweep my tongue over Jaylin’s, my heart is skipping in my chest. I can say the words over and over again, but until she listens and believes me, it won’t matter.

  So, maybe kissing her will do the trick.

  When I pull back, gazing down into her gorgeous face, she lets out a satisfied sigh. She reaches up, cupping my jaw, her thumb running along my lips. “I needed that.”

  “I thought so.”

  Her lips start to turn up, but then Celeste hits her with the shovel and she bursts out laughing. I smile widely as she takes Celeste from me, kissing her all over her face. “Hey there, sugar. Where did you get a shovel? You playing with Daddy?”

  Celeste giggles happily, and I cuddle both of them into my side. I kiss Jaylin’s temple and ask, “Wanna head to the beach?”

  Gone is the sadness and even the uncertainty, replaced by genuine bliss.

  With just a nod from her, we head to the beach, where we have an incredible afternoon.

  Something I decide I want more of.

  After putting Celeste down, I find Jaylin in my kitchen, barefoot after a shower. She pours two large glasses of wine, handing me one when I reach her. I wrap my arm around her waist before pulling her into me, and she tips her head up for me to kiss her. She doesn’t even need to ask. I kiss her wildly, full of need, as she molds her body to mine. When I part from her delectable lips, I kiss her nose. “Did you have fun today?”

  Her lips come up at one side, and she nods. “I did.”

  “Good. Aren’t you glad you came over?”

  “I am,” she says as I thread our fingers together.

  With our glasses in our hands, I guide her toward the couch and then pull her down in my lap. She giggles on the way down, her ass so perfect against my cock as I kiss her jaw. She taps her glass to mine, and then we both take healthy sips of the delicious wine. She looks down at her glass, running her fingers along the rim of it as I balance my glass on her knee. I watch her, waiting for her to say what she needs to say. There were so many times this afternoon when I thought she was going to explain why she was struggling earlier, or even about the past relationship, but she never said anything. She played, she laughed, and honestly, I’m okay with it.

  I run my other hand up her back, massaging her neck as I gaze at the side of her face. She closes her eyes, leaning into my fingers as I rub out a knot or two. When I kiss her cheek, she turns to capture my lips with hers. It isn’t just one kiss. It turns to two and then three before we put our glasses on the table so we can use our hands on each other. I roll her so she is underneath me, angling my hips between her legs to feel her hot center through her lounge pants. I cradle her jaw with my hand, kissing her with such need as her hands come up to cup my hands. We kiss, long and with tenderness. My blood is sizzling with want, and my heart hasn’t slowed down even a bit.

  When she pulls back, I open my eyes to meet her gaze. Gone is the passion, and back is the uncertainty from before. I look at her as she stares into my eyes. I wait, and she doesn’t say anything, so I wait some more. Finally, unable to handle the silence and the not kissing, I say, “While I want to know everything, Jay, I want it to be on your terms.”

  She swallows hard, her eyes a bit glossy but not enough to fo
rm tears. She licks her lips as she gazes into my eyes. “I don’t have an issue with interracial couples. I obviously like both black and white men, but there are people—”

  “Fuck ’em,” I say simply, not even hearing this noise. “I don’t give a shit about them. I only care about you.”

  “Aren’t you worried about what people will—”

  “No. Not even a little bit.” The rage that is boiling inside me is scary. “I will physically fight anyone who has anything to say. I am a hockey player. I’ll take a ten-minute major for you any time, any day.”

  Her lips curve, and I can feel her heart pounding so unbelievably hard. “I don’t know what that means. But what if it negatively affects your custody battle?”

  I note her lack of hockey knowledge. I really need to educate her. “It won’t,” I announce. “I won’t let it.”

  “Lilly could.”

  “Jaylin, Lilly has nothing to say. She abandoned her child. Nothing. She doesn’t get to say anything. I won’t let her.”

  “I don’t want to mess this up for you—”

  “Jaylin,” I insist, and her eyes widen. “The custody battle is what it is. I’m going to win because I’m a good dad. It doesn’t matter who I am dating, what color she is, or anything else. I am a good dad, and I will protect my daughter. You said it yourself.”

  She nods slowly. “I agree.”

  “Then let it go and don’t speak about it again,” I stress, and she nods once more. “I hope you weren’t trying to use that as an excuse to blow me off.”

  She scoffs, her fingers dancing along my chin. “I don’t want to blow you off. That’s why I was sitting in my car. I wanted to spend time with Celeste and you, and find myself under you like this, but I’m petrified. But I’m also tired of not chasing my happiness when it comes to a man I want.”