Hard Hit: IceCats series

by Toni Aleo

  “There’s been more than me?” I tease, trying to lighten the mood, and she grins.

  “Not like this. I think that’s why I’m so scared.”

  “Don’t be. I want my happiness too, and you are a part of that.”

  She takes in a deep breath, her eyes never leaving mine. “You’re sure?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Her lips tremble a bit, and she closes her eyes. “You’re so certain.”

  “I am, and I think you are too, deep inside.” I run my finger down her throat to her chest before bumping her chin with my hand. She opens her eyes then, and a single tear slides down her cheek. I wipe it away quickly, cupping her jaw as I stroke her cheek with my thumb. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

  She lets out a harsh sigh before she blurts out, “I was raped.”

  Her hand slaps over her mouth, her eyes widen in shock, and it’s easy to tell she wasn’t expecting to admit that so boldly. I wish I could explain the pure, hot fury that explodes through my body. I want to rip off this man’s dick and stuff it down his throat. I have never felt so much rage in my life, but then, I’ve never been on the receiving end of those words from a woman I care about before. “When?”

  “When I was in college,” she says slowly and with so much fear in her eyes, I can almost feel her shaking. “The reason I don’t stay with men is because I used to stay over at my ex’s fraternity house a lot. There was a party, and I was tired, so I went upstairs to his room. Next thing I know, I’m being awoken by not only him but his fraternity brother.” She closes her eyes, and my stomach drops, knowing the rest.

  “You don’t have to tell me any more.”

  She drops her head to my lips, taking in a deep breath as the sob rips through her body. “He held me down as his friend raped me. The whole time, calling me a disabled hoe since I was missing my breasts at the time. He said, ‘This is how hoes get treated.’”

  “Give me his name,” I demand, stroking her head, but she doesn’t.

  “I blacked out from it all. And when I woke up, he turned it around, saying he found me fucking his friend and that I was nothing but a whore. He was very emotionally abusive, but it wasn’t until after I had fallen in love with him that he started abusing me. I had never been in love before, so I allowed him to behave that way until that moment. I kicked him straight in his dick and left. I transferred out of the dorms to live with my parents until I graduated.”

  I’m shaking with anger, but when she lifts her head, her eyes are flooded with tears. “I know it’s crazy, but that trauma pushed me to go to law school. I want to help people, women. I have been able to. What I went through sucks, and I know that, believe me. But it had to happen for me to be where I am.” She is so strong. So resilient.

  As I gaze at her, I feel like I’m falling over the edge. Fuck it, I don’t want to be caught or stopped.

  “I feel like a train wreck,” she admits, and I cup her jaw.

  I give her a small smile. “You’re not, sweetheart.”

  She examines me. “Are you disgusted by me?”

  “Not at all,” I say incredulously. “Why would I be?”

  “Because of what I just said.”

  “Jaylin, I’m in awe of you.”

  “You are?”

  “Completely. You overcame a trauma and made something even stronger of yourself. How can I be anything but proud of you?”

  “I’ve never told anyone. Not even my therapist when I was going to one.”

  My heart swells. “I’m thankful you trust me.”

  She presses her nose to mine. “I feel safe with you.”

  “That’s all I want,” I whisper against her lips as I squeeze her hand. “Trust me when I say we can go as slow as you want. As long as you continue being honest with me.”

  “That’s not a problem.”

  “And you know nothing like that will ever happen here. I will literally kill someone for you.”

  Her lips tip up at the side. “No one has ever said that to me.”

  “Because they aren’t me.”

  She perks her mouth, and I do the same, gently kissing her. When she smiles against my lips, I grin back at her. “You’re going to make me fall in love with you, aren’t you?”

  A shiver runs through my body at just the idea of that. “That’s the plan. I’ll pull out all the stops. I’ll even use my kid to make it happen. So, get ready, Counselor.”

  She giggles against my lips. “Oh, Kirby, I swear to you, I’m trying.”

  I kiss her once more. “That’s all I can ask for.”

  Because let’s be honest, once she allows herself to love me, I won’t need a Stanley Cup ring.

  I’ll have Celeste and her.

  Nothing could ever compare to them.

  Chapter Twenty

  Kirby

  * * *

  It’s really frustrating to sit during a hockey game.

  Even though I know it’s only preseason, it doesn’t matter. I hate it. I am aware it’s for the young kids to shine and figure out what it’s like to play in an NHL game, but I’m still beyond frustrated. This is the second game I’ve sat at, and all I can think is I could be home with Celeste. I could be holding her, putting her to bed, feeding her, and playing in the sand, but all that is now happening on the phone. Jean…God, she is an angel, is making sure I have my time with my girl. She’ll set the iPad up on the floor, and I’m able to play with my daughter. At night, she’s okay with doing the same so I can watch Celeste sleep.

  I didn’t realize how hard this was going to be.

  When we were in the Cup final, Celeste was like a potato. She didn’t move much at the time, and I trusted Lilly to make sure she was taken care of. But now, Celeste is not only moving and doing things, but I have this ungodly fear that Lilly could come snatch my kid. Not because she wants Celeste, but because she wants to hurt me. It has been over a week since our court date and still no contact. I can’t go an hour without some kind of update from Jean, but Lilly has gone almost a month. It’s beyond me, it’s unfathomable, and I hate her for it. I hate that I have hate in my heart for this woman, but I do. How can she do this to our baby girl? It’s Lilly’s blood, her flesh, and…nothing. The situation makes me irate, but then I think of Jaylin, and soon it all floats away.

  Unlike Lilly, the mother, by the second day of my being on the road, Jaylin asked if it was okay if she went over to hang with Celeste. I couldn’t say yes quick enough. It has been such a help because when she comes by, Jean is able to run errands more easily or do anything else she needs to do. Though, from what I’m being told by both of them, they’ve become buddies, Jaylin and Jean. They had a girls’ night and play-painted Celeste’s nails while they did theirs. I’ve noticed Jaylin spends more time at my place than her own. Though she hasn’t slept over. I don’t want to let it bother me, and of course, my mind goes to every reason I could be doing something wrong, but then I remind myself of the real reason. She may trust me and she may feel safe, but she still isn’t ready mentally, and that is totally fine. I understand, and I will be supportive. No matter how much I want to wrap my body around hers and never let her leave. I’ve never been with a woman who doesn’t want me to do everything. Or has to depend on me. While it’s something I am trying to navigate, I will do whatever I need to so that Jaylin is comfortable.

  For anyone to go through that is straight-up bullshit, but to know someone who came back and succeeded after such horror is awe-inspiring. I battle my own demons, and I hate it. I hate the pain, the anxiety it has given me, and I hate that Jaylin has to deal with demons of her own. I’d take them all just to make her smile. Just to guarantee she’d never cry another tear over that jackass.

  I begged for a name, but she wouldn’t give it to me. She probably knows I’d find him and kill him with my bare hands. She tells me she already defeated him by fulfilling all her dreams. I hadn’t even realized that I had defeated my past by doing the same. I’m not my father. I will never be my mot
her who abandoned me, and I am a beast on the ice. I did this. I’ve won, and I wouldn’t have realized that if it weren’t for Jaylin.

  She’s incredible.

  I lean on the little balcony of our box, running my fingers over the condensation of my glass of water. We’re in Las Vegas, playing the Knights, and we’re up by one. Moon and I played the last game, so tonight, we sit as we watch our team play. Nico is in goal by choice; it wasn’t his night to play, but he wasn’t happy with his performance the other night. In his defense, we had a bunch of kids defending him, and they dropped the ball.

  One being Evan Adler.

  I don’t get it. God help the kid. He had his first therapy session our first day on the road, but I don’t think he opened up the way he should. He told me he was ready. But every night, it’s like he is on the ice—his body is moving, but he isn’t there. He’s completely removed himself from the situation, and it isn’t good. Like now, he has the puck, skating up, but nothing is leaving his lips. He is mute. He doesn’t talk; he doesn’t call plays or even communicate with his teammates. He’s a body on the ice.

  From where I am, I can hear Owen yell his name. That wakes him up. With such skill and proficiency, Evan assesses the situation, lifts the puck in a pass to his brother that is over the stick of one of the Knights’ forwards. Totally incredible. But when his brother scores with ease, my eyes return to Evan, and he doesn’t even cheer. He just heads back toward the bench, tapping gloves. Only going through the motions. It kills me. I’ve tried to talk to the kid during games, but I can see the fear in his eyes. It’s numbing him.

  He has what it takes to be his dad, a shutout kind of defensemen with a killer shot, but if he doesn’t get over this fear or figure out how to control it, he won’t make it. I lean back in my chair, frustrated since I take responsibility for the kid. I took him under my wing and have said over and over that it will be him and his brother taking the two spots. If he doesn’t start playing the way he knows how and how I know he can, Dart will get it.

  “Man, Dart is on fire,” Chandler says from beside me, and my gaze falls on the little showboater. I love the kid; I do. But damn, if he doesn’t have too many bells and whistles to his skating. He skates like an Olympic skater. Arms moving while holding the fucking stick so far out, I don’t know how he controls it. He does, though, and he moves around the defense with ease. He drops the puck back to Owen, who passes it cleanly to Amoore, a forward who was traded in from Chicago, and he shoots, but it’s an easy block. It rebounds off the goalie’s blocker right to Evan’s stick. He’s all by himself, totally alone, and I watch him. His heart is beating so hard, his shoulders are shaking. He pulls back the stick, and I hold my breath as I watch. He’s got this. It’s going to be a killer shot, too. I know it. But he doesn’t move. He stays in the position with his stick pulled back like in a photograph rather than a real game. The puck is stolen by the defense, passed up, which leaves our guys to jump back on the defense. They don’t make it in time, and the Knights score.

  “Fuck,” I mutter, and I’m so thankful this game is not televised. Evan would beat himself up at the thought of his dad seeing that. Hell, it gives me anxiety, knowing what the poor kid must be feeling. Owen is agitated, though; I can see him saying something very animated and maybe not so kind to his brother. Evan takes it, his head hanging low as he skates back to the bench.

  “Damn it, that sucks.”

  Chandler exhales loudly. “Yeah, I’m worried for him.”

  I nod. “Me too.”

  “So is his mom. From what Amelia said, her mom was saying that his mom is pushing for him to be sent back home.”

  I cringe. “Not good when the owner of another team is trying that.”

  “Nope. Apparently, his dad is pissed at her and says to give him a chance to figure it out, but it’s not looking good. He isn’t handling everything well, and I’m sure it doesn’t help when his twin brother is tearing the ice up like it’s nothing.”

  “Exactly,” I agree, shaking my head. “I like him a lot.”

  “Oh, Evan? Shit, forget about it. That kid is the most amazing dude ever. Super kind but also super soft-spoken. In his defense, though, the whole family is loud as fuck.”

  I grin. “I heard.”

  “You should have seen the wedding. His sister, Shelli, basically put on a concert for her husband. It was so over the top, but that’s the Adlers. Over the top. Minus Evan. He’s not like them. He’s quiet.”

  Which is part of the problem. He wants to be like his family. “I hope he makes it.”

  “Me too. I like him way more than Owen.”

  I snort. “Owen is cool.”

  “He’s a show-off.”

  “True, but still a good kid.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with them as much anymore. They still come over and steal food, but at least I can walk around my house naked again.”

  I chuckle as I keep my eyes on the ice. Chandler bought out the lease of the tenants at Amelia’s old place near where they live and put the boys there. They’re currently building on to their house since Amelia is pregnant with their third kid. I suggested they get a new home, but Chandler wants to stay in the place where he fell in love with Amelia. It’s cute but completely irrational. Three kids in a beach house? I wouldn’t do it. Shit, I have issues and fear with only Celeste in my house. I worry she’ll fall off the porch or drown in the ocean. The fear is great with just one kid. Three? No way. I would be a basket case.

  “How is everything going at your place? Heard you got a new girlfriend.”

  I grin at the mention of Jaylin. I don’t know if we’re officially official, but I fucking want to be. I just can’t get enough of her. I enjoy her immensely, and I love watching her with Celeste. She’s just, she’s… Shit, she rocks me like I’ve been hit by the biggest defensemen on the ice. An endless hard hit. Over and over again, and I take it. I crave it. Fuck, I’m falling hard.

  “Things are great, Celeste is getting bigger, and Jean is fantastic.”

  “Is she? Good. Dart says she’s hot.”

  “Dart better keep his dick in his pants.”

  Chandler laughs. “That seems to be hard for that kid.”

  “Get him a chastity belt, then.”

  More laughter. “He isn’t my problem. I think he might be yours. Didn’t you take responsibility for all three?”

  “Shit, I think I did,” I say grudgingly, and I’m met with more laughter. “I’ll order him one off Amazon.”

  “Good plan.”

  “I thought so,” I say with a grin, but I don’t miss the knowing look in his eyes.

  “And what about this gorgeous lady I’ve heard about a few times? Isn’t she Nico’s girl’s best friend?”

  I shrug. “Maybe.”

  “Name? Or are we completely ignoring this conversation?”

  “Jaylin.”

  “Jaylin? Pretty. Is she good with Celeste?”

  My shoulders drop as my heart explodes. “She’s incredible.”

  “She good to you?”

  I beam. “Real good.”

  “Good,” he says, smacking me and then cupping my shoulder. “Then she’s a keeper.”

  We share a long look. I’ve always respected Chandler. He doesn’t say much, but what he does say comes from his heart. He’s a good man, and knowing he only cares for Celeste’s and my happiness makes him an even greater man. He’s pussy-whipped by that wife of his, but I can’t hate on him for it. I want more than anything to be pussy-whipped, in a good way, by Jaylin.

  Hell, I’ll get her the whip off Amazon too. I’ll have that shit in two days with Prime.

  I grin at the thought as I look around to see if anyone is watching. We aren’t supposed to be on our phones up here. We are supposed to watch the game so we can be included in the locker room discussion, but I have to text Jaylin.

  Me: Hey, I’m ordering Dart a chastity belt. Want me to grab you a whip?

  Jaylin: �
�I have so many questions.

  Me: Like?

  Jaylin: 1. Aren’t you supposed to be watching the game and not placing Amazon orders? You get enough. I had to help Jean bring in some boxes today.

  I grin.

  Me: My addiction to Amazon is my addiction. Overlook it, just as I overlook your need for shoes.

  Jaylin: Rude.

  Me: I told you I can hang, Counselor.

  Jaylin: Sorry, I read that as you’re hung.

  Me: I’m that, too.

  Jaylin: Yes, yes, you are. But on to my next question. Why does my sweet D’Artagnan need a chastity belt?

  I look around once more, and still, no one is watching.

  Me: He wants to get it on with Jean.

  Jaylin: Oh yeah, no. She’s off-limits. Too much going on.

  Me: That, and I don’t want her to quit because of him.

  Jaylin: Oh, very true. Yes, buy that. But a whip? Why do I need a whip?

  I’m grinning from ear to ear as I type back.

  Me: So I’d be pussy-whipped by you.

  Jaylin: Oh, my sweet Kirby, you’re already whipped, and I didn’t even need an actual whip.

  Yup, I might as well fall right off the balcony because that’s how I feel right now.

  I’m falling hard and fast for this gorgeous woman.

  And I don’t need anything to brace my fall.

  I want to fall.

  Jaylin: I’m kidding!

  Me: No, you’re not because you know it’s true.

  Jaylin: LOLOLOL. No, really, I was kidding.

  Me: You know damn well you’re not, and it’s okay. I want to be.

  Jaylin: You do?

  Me: Yeah, cause then that means you’ve accepted that I’m yours.

  When she sends me the blushy emoji, my heart soars.

  Me: Why don’t you admit you’re mine?

  Jaylin: Because I refuse to do something like that over text.

  Me: I can respect that.

  Jaylin: Good. I guess we’ve got some things to talk about when you get home.

  Me: I guess so.

  Jaylin: Okay, get back to your game.