I Just Wanna Be Yours

by Lucinda John

  At the age of five, we both met when she pushed me off the swing as I took my precious time swinging. Never the type to back down, we stood in the middle of the playground knuckled up as if we were both two grown women in one of those hood fights. When the teacher separated us, she sent us both to the classroom where we both had to write ‘I will keep my hands to myself’ for the remainder of the school day. Her pencil ended up breaking, so I allowed her to use one of my pencils, and the rest was history. Since that day, we’d been thick as thieves. I’ve been with her through all the ups and downs, and now I was at a point where I wanted to see happier days for her. Jerecho wasn’t the one for her, and I just prayed that she figured it out before he had the ability to damage her more than he already has over the years.

  Chapter 4

  Tyreema

  “Tyreema, can you enter these employee files into the computer before going home?” my boss asked handing me a thick folder.

  “Yes.” I replied, instead of snapping on her ass.

  I went almost the whole entire day without having shit to do, but she wanted to wait one hour until my shift was over with to finally hand me some work. When she walked out of my mini-office, I rolled my eyes, opened the folder, and got to work. Bringing up the employee spreadsheet, I went down the list and started inputting their information.

  My position as a data entry clerk was pretty cool. I got paid seventeen dollars an hour just to sit at my desk and update files. Although it was small, I had my own office that I was able to decorate the way I wanted, and unless my boss came in with extra work she wanted me to do, it was rare that folks bothered me. I’d just come to work every morning, shut my door, open up my email, and get to work.

  Since I was really good at graphic designing, my boss would pay me extra to design the company logos, build websites, and make banners. In the future, I wanted to be self-employed, running my own graphic designing business where I would offer my services to different clients, but Jerecho wasn’t too supportive of that. He felt like my job already was taking too much time away from me being home so he would never go for me going to school and picking up a few classes to further educate myself.

  If it was up to him, I would be home all day with our son cooking and cleaning. In the beginning, it was nice being home with Tyreek all day, but then Chelly talked to me about the importance of him going to preschool so that he could learn how to engage with other children his age. Once Tyreek was in school, Naria expressed how I shouldn’t stay home waiting on Jerecho to hand me my every dollar. She was able to help me get this good job where I was making good money and had great benefits.

  When I was finally done inputting all of the information into the employee database, I pulled out my phone to call Jerecho. On days he wasn’t too busy, he would always bring Tyreek to school, drop me off at work, and then pick us up in the afternoon. When he forwarded my call, frustration started to set in as I continued to call him.

  Grabbing my purse and laptop bag, I decided to head to the break room and grab a soda. With my eyes glued to the phone texting Jerecho, I paid no attention as I got off the elevator and walked towards the vending machines. I had just finished texting him and was getting ready to call him again when I felt someone bump me.

  “You’re excused.” I said, focusing my attention back to the vending machine.

  “Nah, bitch, you’re excused.” the female said, causing me to chuckle. I knew better than to carry on with this rat, so I made my selections and grabbed my items without uttering a word. “Scary ass hoe!” She spat.

  I looked over at the bitch that had so much to say and couldn’t do shit but laugh. Not that she was ugly or anything, because she was very much pretty with a nice body, but she was one of the loud, obnoxious ghetto girls, who probably lied on the application to get this job. Call centers were filled with these types; that’s why I was fortunate enough to work in an office and not on the phones.

  As I walked out of the breakroom and towards the front door, I could hear the birds and her friends running their mouth.

  “Yeah, that’s Jerecho’s baby mama. She just don’t know that her nigga is for everybody.” She snickered.

  Paying them no mind, I pulled out my phone to call Jerecho; this time, he answered.

  “Jerecho, hurry up and come get me before I have to lay hands on your hoes!” I snapped, before hanging up the phone.

  “Who the fuck she calling a hoe?” The bird asked her friend.

  Still, I kept my cool and waited for him. As bad as I wanted to lash out and beat both of their asses, I needed my job. It was my home away from home… somewhere I could go and chill when I needed to get away from Jerecho’s controlling ass. I had my 401k stacking, and my savings account looking right, and I was not about to let these rat ass hoes take me off my square.

  Just as Jerecho’s car pulled up, I was making my way towards him until I felt my hair being yanked from the back. Dropping my things, I swung wildly in an attempt to defend myself. When I was able to get a clear view of the bitch that was attacking me, I started going in. I was never the type to pick a fight, but if you asked for it, I could stand in the paint with the best of them.

  I punched the bitch hard with my fist, causing her to stumble backwards. Pouncing on her ass, I cornered her against the door and started fucking her ass up. All my frustrations were being taken out on this hoe. For every bitch’s ass I had to beat behind Jerecho’s ass, I delivered a hard blow to this rat. I was determined to knock her fucking head off her shoulders until I felt myself being yanked from the side.

  “Let me the fuck go.” I yelled, swinging and hitting the person that tried to restrain me.

  “Hit me, again, and I’mma lay ya ass out. Calm down.” Jerecho whispered in my ears.

  “Boy, move! I ain’t fucking with you no more; it’s always the same shit, different hoe, and I’m over this shit!” I yelled trying to push him off me.

  Grabbing me by the waist, Jerecho lifted me off my feet and carried me to his car.

  “Get the fuck out the car hoe!” The bird screamed, as she walked towards Jerecho’s vehicle.

  “Back the fuck up away from my car before I run your ass over!” I heard him yell.

  “Fuck you, Jerecho. Don’t be acting brand new like you just wasn’t fucking me last night. That bitch was blowing you up and you kept forwarding her ass while I properly rode your dick!” The girl spat, causing my heart to crumble.

  The devil in me woke up, and I was ready to do some damage. I kept kicking at the door to get out, but Jerecho was too strong to push past. The more the bitch kept carrying on about how she was fucking my so-called man, the more tears ran down my face, causing my body to swell with anger.

  “Stay your ass put, before I fuck you up, man!” he yelled, before turning his attention back to his little bird.

  “Man, get the fuck from round’ here with that shit before I run your dumb ass over!” Jerecho spat to his bird.

  “Iight, Jerecho. I gotchu, but make sure when you scrolling through your long list of hoes when ya bitch ain’t fucking you right to bypass my number!” She yelled back at him.

  “I don’t even know who the fuck you are. Your pussy must not be hitting on nothing if I can’t remember ya ass. Fuck outta here silly thot!” He smirked before getting in the car and slamming the door.

  “Just drop me off at Naria’s house.” I said with my eyes trained out the window.

  “I’m not taking you anywhere but to the house.” He yelled, placing my bags in the back seat.

  The whole drive to the house was a silence one. I loved Jerecho with all my heart, but he had me running in circles behind his ass. We would be good, then he would fuck it up with his hoeish ways. The more I had to go through this with him, the more disconnected I started to feel towards our relationship. My heart was telling me to leave, but my feet wouldn’t move.

  When we got home, I reached into the back to grab my bags as I slowly thought
of my escape plan. The moment Jerecho diverted his attention, I was going to get in my car and head over to Naria’s house. I needed space to wrap my head around everything, and I wouldn’t be able to do that with him in my face.

  Just as I was reaching in the back seat to pick up my laptop bag, my eyes landed on a used condom filled with nut. Anger filled my whole body, as I grabbed a piece of paper from my bag and used it to pick up the condom. Tears filled my eyes to the brim causing some to spill over and wet my face as I marched to the opened front door holding the soiled condom in my hand.

  “What the fuck is this?” I asked, throwing the condom at Jerecho.

  “What man….” He stopped mid-sentence once he realized I had just thrown his dirty secret at him.

  “Baby, that’s not mine.” He tried to lie further infuriating me.

  WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!

  I threw punching at him trying my best to fuck his ass up. I knew at any given moment he wouldn’t hesitate to hit my ass back, but that still didn’t stop my fists from going to work.

  “I fucking hate your ass!!” I yelled as I continued to throw my blows. “I don’t understand why my dumb ass can’t leave you!!” My rant continued as my fist burn with how hard I was forcing them to connect.

  Surprisingly, Jerecho didn’t hit me back. He just stood against the wall with his hands blocking his face. I guess he knew he was wrong and was allowing me to take out my frustrations on him.

  “I can find another nigga to replace your ass if I want to! You ain’t shit.” I spat, causing Jerecho to yoke me up.

  “You got another nigga stashed somewhere, huh?” He asked, getting in my face.

  “Oh, you big mad, huh? You wasn’t worried about me when you had me at work fighting one of your hoes while you was busy fucking the other!” I yelled in his face, delivering a swift slap to his face.

  “Dawg, I ain’t gon’ sit up here and listen to you talk about you fucking with another nigga!”

  “Fuck you! Maybe that’s what I need to do.”

  WHAM!

  Jerecho smacked me hard in the face causing me to hold the side of my face. “I don’t give a fuck what I do, you can get mad, ignore me, bash me with your girls if you want to, but you got another thing coming if you think I’m about to sit on my hands while I let you be with another nigga! I made you, and don’t you ever forget that shit.”

  “You made me?” I asked, looking at the devil Jerecho transformed into.

  “Yes, I fucking made you! Before I started fucking with you, you wasn’t shit but a pretty face. I dicked your ass down and gave you them wide hips and that fat ass. I’m the one feeding you good, lacing you properly, and got them niggas gassing you up. You ain’t going nowhere unless it’s about to be six feet under.” He seethed.

  “This ain’t going to be my life forever. One day, I’mma leave your ass.” I challenged.

  “When that day comes, I’mma fuck yo ass up!” He grabbed me by the neck. “Don’t think just because I let your ass unleash your anger on me that I done got soft and you can talk to me all greasy. Nah, Ma. Don’t get it twisted; I’m still that nigga that’ll fuck you up.” He pushed me to the ground.

  “So fuck me and how I feel, huh?” I cried. “You’re free to fuck all these bitches behind my back, and I’m supposed to be an obedient bitch and take that shit.”

  By this time, I was crying my eyes out, snot dripping down my face and all. I was hurting in the worse way and pissed that Jerecho’s selfish ass couldn’t see the pain he was causing me. The aching feeling I was feeling in my chest was too much to bare, so I clutched my heart hoping that somehow my hands over it was enough to heal the wound Jerecho had placed there.

  “Just let me go! If you’re not going to love me the way you’re supposed to let me go! I’m a good girl; I don’t deserve this. How could you just constantly hurt me and feel no remorse for the shit you put me through?” I said, as I looked at Jerecho through my swollen eyes.

  The shameful look he wore showed some compassion for the pain I was enduring, but was it enough to stop him from treating me so bad? I hated how weak I felt loving his ass, but in all actuality, I was hoping he would get his act right so we could be together in the long run. I wanted a life with Jerecho, where we’d get married, live in a big house, and eventually have more kids, but he was still stuck in his thottish ways to even notice the future I was trying to build with him.

  “Baby, listen to me. I stay fucking up; I don’t know why, but I do. On everything I love, them bitches don’t mean shit to me. You and Tyreek are all I need, on some real shit. I’mma get my shit together, I swear baby. Just be patient with me.” His sorry ass had the nerve to say.

  “So I’m supposed to sit back and allow you to cheat on me until you grow out of it?” I asked in disbelief.

  “Nah, man. That’s not what I’m saying. Just be patient with me. On the real, I’mma make this shit up.”

  “Whatever, when will Tyreek be home?”

  “He good, Ma. Just relax, baby.” He whispered reaching down to pick me up.

  Walking me to the bedroom, he laid me on the bed and began removing my clothes. I laid there stiff as a board as he rubbed body oil in his palm and began rubbing my body down. The massage he was giving me felt good, but I decided to lay there on mute so I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he was pleasing me in some way.

  * * *

  “If I put this ass on you, you wouldn’t know what to do with it.”

  I heard someone say. I slowly stirred in the bed praying Jerecho didn’t have a hoe in my ass. When I sat up in the bed, I saw Naria’s ass laying on the bench that was at the foot of my bed engaged in a conversation that had her ass cheesing hard.

  “Let me call you back.” She said into the phone once she realized I was looking at her.

  “You ain’t have to end your conversation because of me.” I smirked.

  “Girl, you was over there looking crazy. Shit, I’ll talk to him later.”

  “When did you get here?” I asked.

  “Jerecho’s ass called me to come sit with you. I know he did some fucked up shit, because that nigga hate to call my ass.” She rolled her eyes.

  “You ain’t heard what happened at my job?”

  “I heard; I’m just waiting on your ass to tell me.” She popped her gum.

  Naria’s facial expression changed three times as I ran down the entire story to her. I could see the anger displayed on her face, as she furiously chewed on the piece of gum that was in her mouth. When I finished telling her everything, there was a pregnant pause, as we both sat there looking at each other.

  “Girl, you know where I stand when it comes to Jerecho’s ass. As far as that bitch, what you wanna do, because I ain’t drag me a hoe in a minute.”

  “It’s cool; I tagged her tied ass enough.” I replied.

  “Tyreema, Jerecho is….”

  “Naria, please. I don’t want to get lectured by you today. I just need a friend.” I sighed.

  “Listen, Ty. Regardless of if you stay with Jerecho or not, I’m still rocking with you. I tell you these things because I love you and want better for you; however, I truly don’t know how you feel about Jerecho because I’m not standing in your shoes.” Naria said.

  “Thank you, boo. Now, come give me hug.”

  “I still don’t like his ass though, and hell fuck no. You smell like sweat and ass. Where my god baby at?” She asked.

  “He with his granny them girl.”

  “Oh, well then, go shower so we can get the fuck up out this house. A bitch real hungry, and if I gotta run into Jerecho one more time, I might lose all my religion and fuck his ass up.” She huffed.

  “Girl, I’m coming.” I replied, getting up and heading towards the shower.

  It was ten at night when we finally decided to end our girl’s night. I was surprised that Jerecho didn’t call or text me on some bullshit asking my whereabouts. Hell, knowin
g him, he probably wasn’t even home yet. The two good things that came out of this crazy ass day was spending time with Naria and the phone call that I received from HR saying that my job wasn’t on the line since the dirty rat was the aggressor.

  Just as I expected, when I got home, Jerecho’s car wasn’t parked out front. Still feeling good from the few drinks and blunt I had, I made my way inside and decided to unwind. Connecting my phone to the iHome system, I kicked off my shoes, stripped down to my bra and panties, then plopped down on the bed.

  Strumming my pain with his fingers…..

  The Fugees, “Killing Me Softly” was the first thing that played from my playlist. Although I couldn’t carry a tune, I sang my heart out with tears falling down my face.

  Singing my life with his words, killing me softly with his song…..

  I continued to sing as I sat up and reached for Jerecho’s weed box in desperate need for something to calm the emotions this song was starting to stir up. Using the razor, I split the Dutch in half and emptied the contents that were inside. I took the weed that I had broken, poured it in the cigar, then sealed it shut. Grabbing Jerecho’s Bob Marley lighter, I lit the tip of the blunt and inhaled the purple haze.

  This is so annoying, I’d say grow up, but I know that you won’t…

  Monica’s voice crooned through the speakers causing me to take a long toke of the blunt. My playlist was hitting every emotion I was feeling tonight so the weed was very much needed. I couldn’t understand where things were going wrong between Jerecho and I, and at this point, I was done trying to figure it out.

  So let me know, what ya gonna do, stay or go cuz I’m not waiting….

  I sang the words of the lyrics while holding the smoke hostage. When I finally exhaled, I was starting to feel the effects of the drug. Smoking the whole blunt, I relaxed my body against the pillow and allowed Ne-Yo’s sweet voice to soothe my pain.

  I heard the front door open and close, but I kept my eyes closed as I listened to my music enjoying my high. Jerecho’s footsteps got closer, but I stayed in my zone. I could feel his presence in the doorway, but I still kept my eyes closed riding the waves of my high.