Season of Hope

by Virginia Carmichael

  Backing slowly out of the parking space and turning into the street, Gavin could see tiny reflections in the rearview mirror. Sean was trotting toward the corner, waving Evie on. His sister followed with her shoulders hunched in her dark coat, hair flying free. Be with Allison, Lord. Help her know Your love. It was going to be a hard transition for them. The old worry over his little sister—the funny, talented one—resurfaced in his gut. She had an awesome talent and wouldn’t have trouble making a living singing in Denver’s live clubs, but life was more than surviving. It was about finding a place to call home.

  Following the club crowd in Aspen had led her down a dark road full of disappointment and heartache. He knew being this close to the area where it had all gone wrong would be tough for her. She’d decided all by herself to come back, be closer to Grandma Lili. He didn’t want to discourage her, but seeing McHale made him afraid for her all over again.

  But he needed to commit her to God and focus on his job. The memory of the tiny babies he’d seen sedated and struggling made dread course through him. They were getting closer to a breakthrough, he could feel it. But it may not come fast enough.

  He slowed at a yellow light and clenched his jaw in frustration. The base of his neck was starting to ache.

  Gavin stepped on the gas as soon as the light turned and sped through the intersection. He felt wound tight with anxiety. It wasn’t just the pertussis. He loved Allison, but she brought drama to his formerly boring life. He tried to be fair and treat her like an adult. Warning Allison not to share her past would be acting like the bossy big brother, although he was tempted. He had only told her that Evie worked at a paper and hoped that would be enough. His sister was so trusting, always believing the best about everyone. That had gotten her a broken heart and complications that no young mother should have to deal with, let alone carry around for the rest of her life. She wanted to make a fresh start, live her life in the open, but he didn’t know how that would happen. She had to think of Sean.

  Sure, he was young, not even in kindergarten yet, but some day he’d be in grade school. Kids were cruel. Just having separated parents could make you a target. It was more common to be the child of a single mother, but if it was a weak spot, a tender point, the kids would seek it out. Sean would be bullied for the fact he was conceived in scandal and born in secret. It was a few years ago, but nothing ever went away on the internet. A few keystrokes and those photos would come up for the world to see. His sister, dressed like the twenty-year-old club singer she was, stumbling out of the senator’s hotel room, laughing, holding her shoes. The senator behind her, wrapped in a hotel bathrobe, dark hair rumpled. That was the end of his presidential aspirations, even though he denied it all. And that was the end of Allison’s reckless years. Within a matter of months, she had moved to Florida and taken a job as a secretary for a large electronics factory, a baby on the way.

  Gavin sighed. He wanted to make everything better, but there wasn’t any way to fix the past. All they could do was work with what they had, and that was a beautiful little family. He wanted to protect them, cushion them from every sarcastic comment and every sneer.

  He rubbed the back of his neck. What is done in the dark will be brought to the light, as the verse says. Eventually Allison would have to deal with the fallout from her affair. But it wouldn’t be right now, if he could help it. At least he and McHale agreed on one thing.

  Chapter Eight

  “How did you two meet?” Allison took a sip of her latte and eyed Evie over the rim of her mug.

  Here she thought Gavin wanted her cousin to befriend his lonely sister. The girl across from her didn’t seem lonely at all. She looked like she was making sure her big brother wasn’t going to be eaten alive. Evie couldn’t help but admire that. It’s what family was for.

  “Well, we have friends in common. We’re both on the budget committee at the Downtown Denver Mission.”

  Allison glanced over at Sean, who had gulped down his hot chocolate and was busy stacking wooden blocks the coffee shop kept in a bin for kids. The rustic shop had a family-friendly atmosphere that wasn’t just for looks. She tucked her hair behind both ears, a gesture Evie was learning to recognize.

  There was something about Allison that tugged at her. She squinted, thinking. It couldn’t be her, could it? No. Maybe. Younger, thinner, blonder. She couldn’t help the tears that started in her eyes. It was a wound that had never healed. She had wondered, prayed, cried and grieved for that girl.

  Evie cleared her throat, forcing the thoughts away. Some days she thought she saw that unnamed girl everywhere. Evie had ruined her life, and there was no way to forget it.

  “Do you miss Florida?”

  “I miss the sunshine, the Cuban food, the way every street seemed to have music coming from a little shop. But it was time for us to be nearer our family. My grandma lives here, too. She’s an amazing woman, not to mention she makes the best blueberry scones ever. Have you met her?”

  Evie shook her head.

  “And of course, Sean is at that age where he needs a father figure.”

  Feeling awkward, Evie said nothing, but the question hovered in the air between them.

  “I’m assuming that Gavin told you the whole, ugly story.” Allison said the words matter-of-factly.

  “No, he told me you were moving here. That was all.”

  Allison watched Sean carefully set a small block on a tall tower. “He should have told you. If you’re going to be close to him, you’ll have to know everything. No surprises, no skeletons in the closet.”

  Evie felt her face heat with Allison’s words and she took a sip of her mocha, scalding her tongue. She had more than a few of her own skeletons rattling around, disturbing her peace of mind. Close to him. Was that what she was becoming? In a way, she hardly knew him. In another, it felt like they’d known each other for years.

  “You don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

  “But I do want to.” Allison leaned forward, eyes bright. “I’m really starting to understand that what I was afraid of doesn’t matter. I have Gavin and my grandma and Sean. Even though our parents are holed up in Arizona, pretending Sean doesn’t exist, I think they’ll come around. I’ve come back to my faith. I feel like my life is ready for a change.”

  She liked Allison before, but she empathized with her now. She knew the feeling of wanting to change and change big. Grace made it possible. “Your story is for you to tell. Probably why Gavin didn’t say anything.”

  Allison’s brown eyes turned sad. “He thinks I should keep hiding, and I understand his reasoning. But I want Sean to respect me, and I can’t live my life honestly when I’m lying all the time.”

  Evie dropped her gaze, watching the swirls on the surface of her drink. Did she lie about her past? She hoped not. She just didn’t ever mention it. It never came up. Usually.

  “I got into a wild crowd when I started working the clubs in Aspen, right out of high school. By the time I was twenty, I thought I knew everything. I had an affair with a married man. Sean is the product of that affair.” She spoke the words quietly but clearly.

  Her stomach dropped about six inches. She’d worked the Aspen crowds right out of college, hoping to catch somebody famous doing drugs or kissing the wrong girl. Those pictures sold for a lot, if the person in the picture was just starting their downward spiral. After a while, nobody cared. But a picture of the innocent ones, on the first step down, paid well.

  “Does his father ever try to make contact?”

  “He sent a few messages. Mostly to keep out of sight and keep my mouth shut.”

  Evie wanted to ask his name but couldn’t bring herself to do it. A sickening suspicion was settling over her. She struggled to speak. “I’ll pray he has a change of heart.”

  Enough money and some men thought they could rule the w
orld. Add in a reputation to protect and things got ugly. She glanced over at the little boy, wishing the world didn’t have fathers who denied their sons, wishing she hadn’t seen those dramas acted out over and over again. Sean let out a laugh as the blocks came tumbling down with a crash.

  “Sweetie, not so loud.” Allison laid a gentle hand on her son’s shoulder. She raised her eyes to Evie’s, her jaw set. “I want to do better for him. I made some poor choices and we have to live with the consequences. When I asked God for forgiveness, I knew it was going to be a really hard road. But Sean’s my joy.” She gazed back at him for a moment, her lips tugging up. “I don’t even think I knew what love was before I had him.”

  Eyes filling with tears, Evie swallowed hard. Allison had taken that second chance and run with it. How was it that people could wander aimlessly through life, making bad decisions and poor choices, and yet...in a tug, in a seemingly insignificant moment, it all changed? Love changed everything.

  She blinked a few times, trying to find her voice. “I thank God every day for my own second chances.” She wasn’t like Allison, she knew that now. She couldn’t tell her the whole story. But she could let her know she understood. “I think you’re doing a great job, and I know Gavin’s glad you’re here.”

  The words seemed to boost Allison’s spirit. She straightened her shoulders. “I was wrong to keep anything from him. I should have trusted him more. But when he advised me to give up my baby, I didn’t have the strength to argue. I was so weary and discouraged, disappointed in myself. I shut him out instead.”

  Advised her to give up the baby? She couldn’t help the surprise that must have shown on her face.

  “He wanted the best for us. But I wanted to keep Sean, and instead of telling Gavin, I just dropped off the radar.” Allison’s eyes were dark and sad. “He didn’t know what had happened to us. Our parents had cut me off, so I convinced myself that he didn’t care, either. But he did, and he spent every spare moment trying to track me down. He thought I was dead.”

  Evie was silent, working phrases in her head. We all have regrets. Sometimes we make terrible choices. They sounded weak and inadequate.

  “Of all the things I wish I could take back, that’s one of them. He missed out on his nephew’s first year because I was afraid to be honest. I knew with God’s help I could raise my baby, no matter how hard it was going to be. But I was so scared to tell my family. It was just easier to go it alone.” Allison circled her mug with both hands, her face tight.

  “I understand.” It wasn’t much. She really did get how hard it was to show your true self when you’ve spun a web of lies so thick, so strong, that it seems nothing can cut through.

  Allison looked up, almost laughing. “Do you? Really?”

  Evie swallowed, her throat feeling dry. Was she playing truth or dare? They’d known each other only a few minutes.

  She forced a smile. “Maybe not.”

  “I hope not. For your sake.” Allison shot her a glance, turning her attention to Sean, who was placing the very last block on a teetering tower. “Sweetie, let’s keep it under control, okay? That’s a little too tall.”

  Evie took a hasty sip of her mocha and pretended to admire Sean’s engineering skills. “It’s been nice to chat with you, but I told my brother I’d meet him in a few minutes. We should do this again. Or maybe a movie. It could be girls’ night out.”

  “Sure.” She smiled warmly as Evie gathered up her coat and mittens.

  “I usually never get out unless Jack forces me.” Evie slipped on her coat. “In fact, you should meet him. You’re a singer, right? He’s got a friend who’s looking for some new talent for weekend gigs in their club.”

  “Now that’s an offer I can’t refuse. I know Gavin wishes I’d find a real job. Maybe he’s worried I’ll fall into a bad crowd again, but I’m a different person than I was then. And singing makes me happy.”

  Evie paused, processing the words. “Actually, that was one of the first things he said about you, that you were a singer.”

  Her brows rose and she seemed pleasantly surprised.

  “Bye, Evie!” Sean ran up and threw his arms around her waist. “And thanks for the snow!”

  This surprised a laugh out of her. “What can I say? It was just for you.” Apparently, she was now in charge of the weather. She hoped he liked snow. A lot.

  The handle of the door was chilly to the touch. Evie knew it was going to be a deadly cold night. The snow swirled around her as she stepped onto the sidewalk. It felt like ice was melting in the pit of her stomach as she wondered how many new babies would show up at the hospitals and walk-in clinics tonight.

  The street was pleasantly deserted, just a few people walking quickly, heads down through the falling snow. She wished that this was all there was to her city. Coffee shops and parks and mayors holding sledding parties for the kids. But it wasn’t. There were so many people in need, and some of them were too scared to ask for help.

  As she drove back to her apartment, Evie went over and over Allison’s words.

  Her throat tightened and she fought to focus on the slick road filled with downtown traffic. Allison said that she was tired of hiding, and Evie knew just what she meant. There just weren’t enough ways to make up for what she’d done. But that was where the similarity ended. If Gavin’s sister was the girl she’d photographed with Senator McHale, then Evie had come out miles ahead. She sold those pictures for enough money to buy a whole paper. And what did Allison get? Disowned by her family, shunned publically.

  The old VW heater finally kicked to life and Evie tugged off her scarf. She felt as if her limbs had been filled with lead. Fear had sucked the energy from her, localizing it near her frantically beating heart. Lord, I will do what You want me to do. Even if it meant ruining her good-girl reputation, even if it meant destroying this new thing that was growing between her and Gavin Sawyer.

  Chapter Nine

  “You look tired. You’re not sleeping.”

  These weren’t questions, and Gavin knew better than to argue with his grandma. She handed him a plate piled high with spaghetti covered in homemade sauce and juicy, fragrant meatballs. Allison had wanted to put Sean to bed early and was already gone to the little apartment they had found on the other side of town. She’d taken with her a container filled with enough spaghetti to feed them for a week. The dining room, cozy and calming, had always been the perfect antidote to whatever was giving him stress. But not tonight. He was a bundle of nerves and couldn’t seem to concentrate.

  “The kids are going to make me run laps if you don’t stop feeding me like this.” So it wasn’t very funny, but he didn’t want to get into the exact reason he tossed and turned all night.

  Fixing her brown eyes on him, she cocked her head like a bright little bird. He tried to ignore her, focusing with grim determination on his spaghetti. Finally, he sighed and put down his fork.

  “I already know what you’re going to say.”

  She smiled brightly, her lined face creasing into tens more wrinkles. Some women paid top dollar for face cream, but Grandma Lili said she was proud of every one of her laugh lines and every one of her wiry gray hairs. Fifty-five years of marriage to a cigar-smoking cab driver who worked around the clock could have given her reason to complain. But she wasn’t that sort.

  “Then I’ll just keep my mouth shut when you’re all done telling me about those dark circles. Women don’t find that look very attractive on such a young man, let me remind you.”

  Evie’s face popped into his mind, but he brushed it away. It didn’t matter what women liked right now. It mattered that the city was under a pertussis epidemic, his prodigal sister had returned and the woman he found incredibly alluring was his best friend’s sister. That was enough to give anybody sleep deprivation.

  “You know the whooping cough has hit t
he city hard this year.”

  “Of course. I’ve never been prouder of you.” She reached over the table and patted his hand.

  For some reason those few words made his shoulders sag. He took a deep breath, but she spoke first.

  “You can’t be held responsible for a whole city, dear.”

  “But I can. It’s my job to make sure people are aware of the booster shots, that pregnant women are aware of the need to get vaccinated again and that we keep on top of any cases. Something went wrong. And now there are very sick babies suffering.” He lifted his face to hers, mouth tight. “It is my job, and I failed.” It was an old feeling, from all the way back when Patrick died.

  Grandma Lili let out a laugh that was part chuckle and part snort. “Sweetie, I think you’re part superhero, don’t get me wrong. To come out the way you did, so serious and calm, when all the rest of the family is a group of hot heads... Well, it’s impressive. But you can’t run the world.”

  Gavin stared in disbelief. “I’m not trying to run the world.”

  “Then you’re trying to take responsibility for it. Do the best you can. Commit the rest to God.”

  Gavin pushed a meatball around his plate. “It’s more than the epidemic.”

  Grandma Lili said nothing. She waited, bright eyes fixed on Gavin’s face.

  “I’m glad Allison is finally here, with Sean. But she’s changed. Just in the last few weeks she seems intent on being as transparent as possible.”

  She leaned back in her chair, tapping the long slim fingers of one hand against the tablecloth. Gavin wasn’t sure if this was the moment she’d promised not to say anything, or if she was just thinking.

  “She says she won’t cover up her past, or the identity of Sean’s father. I don’t think it’s a good time to start being brutally honest.”

  “It’s her choice.”

  “You don’t think it will hurt Sean?”

  She sighed and put her hand on his. “Gavin, Sean is a bright little boy. Let her judge how to approach this topic.”