Season of Hope

by Virginia Carmichael

  His gaze slid to the framed black-and-white photos on the wall. His grandpa in a cabby station surrounded by men in suspenders and hats, Grandpa shaking hands with the mayor, Grandpa accepting an award of service, his grandparents in their wedding outfits and smiling into the sun.

  “I wish he was here to tell us what to do.” He wanted to be strong, competent. But he missed the man who had held their family together. His parents were distant at the best of times. Now that they lived a few states away, enjoying retirement, he hardly ever heard from them.

  Grandma Lili regarded him, her hand under her chin. “Gavin, he never told anybody what to do. He would say his piece then you had to make your own decisions. You’ve always been so driven, ready to take on the world. I love that. But sometimes I wish you would remember that other people want to take care of you, too. Allison didn’t move here just because she needed us. She knows we need to be near her and Sean, too.”

  He wondered what Evie would think of Allison’s “history.” A typical journalist would jump at the chance of revealing such a big secret. Juicy gossip like that would sure sell a lot of papers. But she wasn’t that type. He had the feeling she wouldn’t be publishing that kind of story in The Chronicle. It might be the golden cow for a gossip rag, but she’d made it clear that those kinds of stories were repugnant to her.

  “But it’s more than that, isn’t it?” Grandma Lili’s voice was soft, but her hand was softer as she laid it on her grandson’s arm.

  He met her eyes and sighed. “There’s this girl. I mean, woman.” Heat flooded his face. “It’s nothing important, I just—”

  The rest of his sentence was lost as she started to laugh, one hand over her mouth, eyes crinkled in mirth. “No, go on. Sorry.”

  But he could tell she wasn’t sorry, in fact was enjoying every moment of his embarrassment. “I thought you promised to listen.”

  “No, that was when you were talking work trouble. But woman trouble, all bets are off. Sweetie, if I’ve seen that look once, I’ve seen it a hundred times.”

  Gavin frowned. He didn’t want to know what look she meant. He sucked in a breath. “When I’m with her, everything seems possible. I feel like we can tackle all the problems of the world and win. My mouth starts running without my brain being engaged. Suddenly, I’m inviting her to a ski date when I should be holed up on the fifth floor with the lab guys.”

  He studied his plate. “When she’s not around, I wonder what she’s up to. I worry about her advertisers, her workload. My phone rings and I hope she’s calling me, even though there’s no reason for her to call me. It snows and I hope she’s driving safely.” He rubbed his forehead. “I hate her car. It’s completely unsafe. It doesn’t even have airbags.”

  Grandma Lili was silent, listening.

  “I can’t help thinking that if the epidemic gets worse, and my office is blamed, she won’t want to be anywhere near the fallout.”

  “She wouldn’t be the girl for you if she walked away because of that.”

  “And then there’s Allison.”

  His grandmother’s gaze was steel, her lips a thin line. “Gavin, her past is her own. She’s made peace with God. So it’s not anybody else’s business. If this girl is scared away by someone else’s mistakes, then she’s all wrong for you.”

  Grandma Lili didn’t understand, but he couldn’t figure out how to explain. He was worried about what Evie might think, rather than about people who were desperately ill, and it made him crazy.

  “It’s not a big deal. We’ve never even been on a date.” He smiled ruefully.

  “Can you invite her to church tomorrow? I want to see this girl who makes my big, strong grandson lose sleep.”

  “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

  “She doesn’t go to church?” Her expression took on a hint of caution.

  “No, no, she does. I think she even goes to St. James, at a later service. But you and all your friends might be a bit much.”

  “You’re not painting a very attractive picture. She can’t handle trouble with your job. She can’t handle Allison or any family problems and can’t go to church with a group of harmless old ladies?” She ticked them off one by one, daring him to disagree.

  “I know what you’re doing.”

  Her eyes opened wide, innocence written large over her face. “If she’s really worth your time, it won’t be a problem. Call her. It’s not so late.”

  Gavin paused, wondering. They had just seen each other that morning. Would it be too much? He reached for his phone, heart speeding up against his will. “If this goes badly, I’m blaming you.”

  “I’m okay with that.” Grandma Lili winked and then took the bowl of salad to the kitchen so he could dial in peace.

  * * *

  Evie was parked in front of her apartment building, watching the snow drift down through the orange glow of the street lights. The glass-fronted condos were brightly lit, figures moving behind thin curtains. She didn’t know if she quite considered this her home, but no place else had felt right, either. Maybe she was doomed to exist in a sort of limbo, happy at work and filled with emptiness at home. Jack said she was overcompensating by working all the time but whenever she stopped to enjoy herself, the memories came flooding back. Evie laid her head on the steering wheel, closing her eyes. Allison might have been the girl she’d photographed; it was hard to say. She could go search Google for some images and try to tell for sure.

  Or she could ask her. The thought made her heart sink in her chest.

  Her cell phone trilled and she jumped. Gavin. Evie stared at the display, fingers trembling, struggling to get it open. “Hello?” Her voice cracked on the last syllable.

  There was a pause, and a terribly familiar voice sounded in her ear. “Are you all right?”

  Was she? There wasn’t any good answer to that.

  “Evie? It’s Gavin. You sound upset.”

  She cleared her throat. “No, sorry. I’m just surprised.” She tried to force her face into a smile, knowing it could be heard in her voice.

  There was another pause. “This is probably a bad time. But I was at my grandmother’s and she was wondering if you’d like to come with us to the early service tomorrow.”

  Evie shook her head to clear it. She’d been wrapped up in memories of hiding in bushes and bribing lowlifes for information. She struggled back to the world where kind, handsome disease specialists called about church with their grandmothers. “I’d love that. There’s no way to pry Jack out of bed at that hour, but I’ll be there.”

  “Would you like me to pick you up?”

  For just a moment, Evie clutched the phone tighter. She wanted him to come here, right now, and tell her everything was going to be okay. She wanted to explain how she used to be someone very different but had grabbed on to the promise of grace. She wanted him to say that everyone made mistakes and she was only human.

  “Evie?” She loved the way his voice sounded in her ear, so close.

  “I’ll meet you there. And Gavin?”

  “Yes?”

  She didn’t know how to say any of what was rocketing around inside her head. “Thanks for inviting me.”

  “Better wait until after you get grilled by the Granny Group.” But she could hear the smile in his voice before he disconnected.

  Evie was still clutching the phone when it rang against her ear. She fumbled to answer it, wondering what Gavin had forgotten to say. Maybe he’d already changed his mind.

  “Did you get home okay?” Jack’s tone was a bit accusatory. She always gave him a quick text when she hit the door.

  “Sorry.” She gave the shorthand version of Gavin’s invitation.

  “Church date? I didn’t think that was legal. Nobody pays attention to the sermon.”

  “His grandmother
suggested it.”

  “And so it begins.”

  Her stomach dropped. “Disaster?”

  “Nope. I was thinking that he must be serious if he’s talking about you to his grandmother.”

  “Maybe they were just talking about—”

  “Pertussis articles? The Mission budget? And then she said he should ask you to church because that’s the logical next step.”

  “Well, when you say it like that, it sounds weird.” So, that made two family members who knew about her. A warmth spread in her chest. She wanted to be someone important in his life, not just as an editor. “It’s just church. It’s not like they’re going to march us to the altar.”

  “Your choice. But like I said, so it begins. Sleep well. Call me tomorrow after your church date.”

  “Stop calling it that.”

  She snapped the phone closed on his laughter and Evie rested her forehead on her palms and prayed, long and hard. Please help me know Your will for us. Because nothing else should really matter, especially not the feelings that had taken root in her heart and were threatening to push out any other concerns.

  Evie took a deep, calming breath. She had plans, projects and a mission of her own. She didn’t want to lose sight of it. But when she was around Gavin her world seemed to shrink until it just included the two of them. How could she be sure that she wasn’t falling into that old trap, of thinking she knew best, no matter what God was telling her?

  * * *

  Adjusting his tie reflexively, Gavin hovered near the large double doors. Why did he ever think this was a good idea? Oh, right. It was Grandma Lili who thought it would be nice to sit through a service with Evie. Knowing how he could hardly get through a conversation with all his brain intact, he just couldn’t see how he was going to focus on what Rev. Bright had to say today, especially if she sat beside him. Memories of the budget meeting flooded back. Every brush of her elbow made him lose his train of thought. Maybe he could get her to sit on Grandma’s other side.

  No, then she’d be grilled mercilessly. Better he should sit between them. He yanked at his tie again, feeling less like going to church than he had in his life.

  “Am I late?” Somehow she’d snuck up on him, and her cheery voice made him whirl around.

  “Not at all. Just getting some air.” He glanced down at her, trying not to stare. A long, black skirt, dressy leather boots, gray wool coat, familiar blue mittens, dark hair sleek and shiny. She was so beautiful. No, that wasn’t it. She was vibrant. Her eyes were clear and bright, cheeks flushed. She looked so alive.

  Evie checked her watch. “We should go in before there’s no place to sit.” Then she grinned. “Never mind. We’re at the early bird service. No fighting for pew space. That will be perk number one.”

  His heart lifted. Perk number one, as if there were more. This wouldn’t be hard at all. Just two people going to church, not a big deal. “Let’s head on in before my grandmother sends out a search party.” He opened the door and followed her in, breathing in the familiar smell of the sanctuary space. It was a peaceful place, filled with good memories, and the gleaming pews beckoned to him. There wasn’t room for confusion and anxiety here, and suddenly, being with Evie seemed to fit right in.

  He touched her elbow and whispered, “She’s up in the front, wearing light blue. Says she has trouble hearing. I think she just likes to sit behind that big family with all the little kids. Usually gets passed a baby by the middle of the service.”

  Evie nodded and headed up the aisle.

  He guessed he shouldn’t have worried about the seating because Evie had no problem entering the pew, introducing herself to his grandmother in a soft voice and reaching for a hymnal. A strange feeling of contentment spread through him as soon as the bells stopped ringing and the choir started the first hymn. He peeked over at Grandma Lili, who was singing gustily.

  Not hard, nothing to it. He shouldn’t have worried. Grandma caught him looking and gave an enormous wink.

  Of course, he should probably reserve judgment until after the service. That’s when the real test of Grandma’s restraint would be. Would she ask Evie a million questions or would she give the poor girl a break? And although Evie seemed shy at first, he suspected she was just observing before speaking, taking the temperature of the room before diving into the conversation.

  He peeked at the two of them sharing a hymnal. Grandma Lili’s gray head was bent near to Evie’s dark one, their voices blending sweetly. Looks could be deceiving, especially with his grandmother. Would they get along, or would he be calling in the National Guard?

  He couldn’t even guess; it was a toss-up.

  * * *

  “Have another doughnut, dear.” Grandma Lili pushed a maple frosting coated twist toward Evie and smiled, brown eyes crinkling. The church hall was echoing with chatter and sounds of coffee mugs being filled.

  “I can’t. One doughnut a day, that’s my rule.” Evie said it with a straight face and was rewarded with a chuckle. The little old lady was a lot more relaxed than she’d been expecting. But then again, the real conversation had just started.

  Gavin looked from one to the other, a bemused expression on his face. He hadn’t said much, but she had loved having him beside her during the service. Jack always tended to fidget about halfway through and Evie struggled to ignore his tapping foot or murmured comments. Gavin’s presence was strong and steady, as comfortable as if he lived there. There was a peace about him that was contagious.

  “Just like Allison, always on a diet. You’re not plump. Just have a half.”

  Evie shook her head. “That’s a slippery slope. A few months from now the fire crew would be cutting me out of my house. My twin brother, Jack, he can eat anything, but that’s probably the male gene acting up. The universe is grossly unfair.”

  “In my day, men liked a little meat on their women. But nowadays, all I see are collarbones and knobby knees. I just can’t see the attraction. What is there to hold on to?”

  Gavin coughed, startled. “Grandma, please. We just got out of church.”

  “And your point is? You think church people don’t fall in love? Who made all these fine folks here? Men and women just like you two.” She waved a hand in Gavin’s direction. His face was turning pink around the cheekbones and Evie was struggling not to laugh.

  “There’s no reason to skirt around the issue. It’s as old as time itself. Now, your grandfather always told me he wished we’d met a few years earlier. By the time we got married, he was already working fourteen-hour days and—”

  “Grandma, please.” Gavin had one hand to his forehead, as if to shield his eyes from the light. Evie could see his face turning pinker by the moment.

  “I see your point, Mrs. Sawyer.” She hurried to join the conversation, wondering if Gavin was going to give his grandmother an earful later. Or maybe she talked like this all the time. Evie’s parents hardly seemed to exist on the same planet as their own children, let alone hand out tips on marital happiness.

  “Do you? Gavin tells me you run your own paper. Aren’t you a little young for that?”

  “I bought it from the bank when it was bankrupt.”

  Grandma Lili tilted her head. “I love a good sale. Smart girl. But why don’t you just hire someone else to be the editor? Hal Golden owns The Daily and he hardly steps foot in the place, from what I hear. He just collects the profits and lets someone else do the dirty work.”

  Evie glanced down at her plate, dabs of maple frosting the only remnants of her breakfast. The dirty work, that’s exactly what went on over at The Daily. She hadn’t been any better, but she was different now. “I prefer to be in charge of the content, too. If I didn’t own the paper, I might have to print a story I didn’t think was good for the community. If I hired someone else to be the editor, we’d have to have a rock-solid frien
dship and a lot of trust. I haven’t found that yet.” She paused. “And I enjoy what I do.”

  “That must take an awful lot of time.” Grandma Lili narrowed her eyes, hands still wrapped around her mug, blue veins visible through her fragile skin.

  Evie nodded. “My office gets busy, but I have a great crew. Most of them came with the paper.” She paused, glancing at Gavin, who looked like he was in pain. “I’ve seen what happens when work is everything and the family comes last. It’s not the way I want to live.”

  “So, you’re not one of those women who think they can have it all? That you can run a big business and raise kids and have a happy marriage and a perfect house without dropping a single ball?”

  Evie blinked, surprised. Of all the conversations she thought they’d have, this wasn’t one of them. It ranked right below “How to make your husband happy.”

  “Nobody can have it all. Everyone has to make priorities. But I also think that with all the technology, the old roles of work and home are more fluid. I have two employees who work flexible hours from home.”

  His grandma nodded, approving. “Nice of you to let the moms stay with their kids more.”

  “Actually, one is a man who runs a pottery business and needs the daytime hours for teaching classes, but it works for moms, too. I just believe that you can’t have two separate items in the number one spot. I’d prefer my employees to feel fulfilled, happy. Which means family usually gets the top spot, work comes next.” Evie wasn’t trying to be difficult, but a serious question got complicated answers

  “Anything else, Grandma?” He dropped his head toward hers and pretended to whisper. “She promised she wouldn’t interrogate you.”

  She patted her gray hair with one hand and lifted her chin. “I’m not interrogating, as you call it. I’ve got to find some good spouses for you and Allison. But you wouldn’t believe the things I’ve heard from my friends. Angela DiLindo, down there on the end, with the blue scarf? Her daughter got divorced for the third time. Want to know why?”