Season of Hope

by Virginia Carmichael

  A few long nights of tossing, turning and a lot of praying had led to this moment. Before she talked to Gavin, Evie needed to ask for forgiveness from the woman she’d hurt. She felt like a soldier headed to war, sick with fear.

  Allison didn’t seem to notice her nervousness. “Sean wants a little brother. But I told him we might get a dog instead.”

  Evie smiled, thinking of how most kids want a dog and get a baby sibling instead.

  “Gavin said you were a big help at the soccer practice.”

  “He did?” Evie couldn’t stop the tone of surprise. She hadn’t felt very useful. “I spent most of the time trying not to get hit in the head with a ball. Some of those kids can really kick.”

  Allison waved her toward a bench. “I know I’ll regret it, but I’d rather sit down. They should have auto-warming benches in Denver, don’t you think?”

  She snorted. “I can get up a petition in the paper. Enough people write in about it and the mayor just might pay for a few of them.”

  They watched the two little boys in silence for a moment as they chased each other around the edge of the play area. Sean’s tousled hair reminded her of how Gavin always rumpled it as he passed. Evie felt her chest constrict. She wished this was just a playdate. She wanted more than anything to be spending quality time with Gavin’s family, rather than getting up the courage to open old wounds.

  “Your brother called me about a job singing at a club downtown.” Allison’s eyes were bright with happiness, her face flushed.

  “I’m glad. He’s good at that sort of thing.” Jack knew everybody, it seemed.

  “What sort of thing?”

  “Bringing people together. Arranging groups. He knows who will fit best in what place. Too bad he spends all his time in meetings.”

  “He sounds like he’s ready to change careers.”

  Evie thought on that for a moment. “He is, but I’m not sure what the whole plan is right now. He’s always been so up-front, and now there’s a little mystery going on.”

  Allison shot her a glance, lips quirked up. “You sound irritated.”

  “Do I?” She chewed her lip. “Probably. I’m used to knowing everything about him. It’s weird to be shut out.”

  “Do you tell him everything?”

  “Mostly.” Evie locked eyes with Allison and they both burst out laughing. “Well, women are different. He can’t ever really know everything, right?”

  Allison shook her head, still smiling. “And probably wouldn’t want to. Gavin never asks me questions. He’s worried he’ll invade my privacy.” She paused. “As if that’s never happened before.”

  Now. Evie sucked in a breath and whispered a silent prayer. “You mean the pictures of you and the senator.”

  Allison didn’t look at her. For a moment Evie wondered if she’d even heard.

  “I shouldn’t be surprised. A little bit of digging was probably all it took to find out the details.”

  The playground was filling up with kids and adults, but the sounds seemed to fade away. Evie gripped the edge of the bench.

  “I took those pictures.” It came out in a rush, not even remotely like the way she’d practiced all morning. “I took them and sold them to the tabloids.”

  Allison turned slowly, her eyes wide, face slack with shock. She blinked and then pushed off from the bench. She got a few steps away and stopped. Evie could see her take a few deep breaths, arms wrapped around her chest, body tensed.

  The two little boys were pushing a snowball through the arch under the slide. Jaden’s face was red with cold, but he was laughing. Sean was serious, pointing out directions with his striped mittens.

  Allison walked slowly back to the bench and perched on the edge. “Wow.”

  Evie nodded, eyes filling with tears. “I’m so sorry.” She choked out the words. Night after night she had lain awake and prayed for the young woman. First had been stories of the girl in hiding, then being in rehab and finally, missing. Now Evie knew that Allison was alive. And a mother.

  She straightened her back. “Does Gavin know?”

  “No. Not yet.” It came out in a whisper. Facing the young woman she had betrayed should be harder, but Evie didn’t know how her heart was going to survive telling Gavin. She hated that her own emotions came before another’s, again.

  “When will you tell him?”

  “Soon.” She hoped Allison wasn’t going to offer to help explain. There were some things you didn’t want a witness to, like the breaking of your heart.

  Allison blew out a breath. “Well, all we need to decide now, is whether this is for me or for you.”

  “Excuse me?”

  She turned, brown eyes showing the smallest bit of a smile. “Did God arrange this meeting so you could apologize? Or is it my chance to say thank you?”

  Evie frowned. How could Allison be grateful for being mocked, hounded and forced into hiding?

  “Because—” Allison laid her hand on Evie’s “—I’m so very thankful.” Her eyes glinted with tears. “I thought I was untouchable. I didn’t care he was married. He had money and nice cars and could get into any restaurant. People fell all over him. I didn’t feel an ounce of shame.”

  “Until everyone knew.”

  “A lot of my friends knew. And I didn’t care what my parents thought. They hated my singing career anyway. It was when Gavin found out.” She closed her eyes for a moment, face stiff with pain. “He was so disappointed.”

  Evie squeezed Allison’s hand. She wished she could go back in time, to the years when she didn’t care what anybody thought, and take a different path. How much time had she wasted chasing the big bucks a scandalous picture would bring? And then she’d thought she’d finally got it, the really big one. The one that would pay off her journalism school bills. Maybe even buy her a cheap paper of her own.

  She was right; Allison’s pictures fetched a huge price. And cost Evie more than she could have ever imagined.

  * * *

  Gavin ran a hand over his face and wished he’d had the extra five minutes to change into fresh clothes. He’d spent most of the day stripping quarantine scrubs off and on, comforting parents, juggling messages between the labs and the office. His eyes felt gritty, he needed to shave and there was a jelly doughnut stain on his tie. All in all, not a pretty picture.

  But he had assured Grant that the Mission would run smoothly. The poor man was out of his mind with worry over Gabriel. Calista needed him there with her. The whole city was being hit hard, but to see it brought home in the brand-new family was almost more than he could take.

  The sidewalk had been freshly shoveled, and Gavin trudged toward the Mission, eyes on his boots. Groups of young men loitered around the entrance, hassling each other in loud voices. The sky seemed to hang low and heavy.

  He looked up to see Evie, paused at the Mission door, one hand outstretched to the handle. She flashed him a smile and he felt his lips lift completely independently of his own doing. She’d left a message for him that morning, but he hadn’t been able to catch her. Her dark hair was loose around her shoulders, bulky red ski jacket not able to completely erase her curves. She was a very welcome sight on a very bad day.

  “Hey.” He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. He wanted to move the kiss over about two inches to the right and linger there awhile but resisted.

  “Hey, yourself.” Her voice seemed tense, subdued.

  “You’re early.”

  “No, just on time for once. I heard about Gabriel.” Her gaze raked his face, as if seeking answers there.

  Gavin opened the door and motioned her inside. The lobby was bustling with people. The closer it came to Christmas, the more people showed up for dinner. It was the long winter months, the last of the seasonal jobs closing and soaring costs of utiliti
es. In warmer climates you could just put on a jacket if your apartment was cold. In Denver, you’d have to scrape the ice off the inside of your kitchen window if you didn’t turn on the heat.

  “They’ve started antibiotics. The lab test takes about twenty-four hours. He’s running a temperature and is fussy, but no coughing, which means it could be just a cold but more likely early stages of pertussis. Calista’s going to be in isolation with him, but Grant will come and go, as long as he suits up every time he visits.”

  Evie stood there, her arms wrapped around her middle. Her lips were pressed tightly together and she was blinking back tears.

  Gavin pulled her to him without thinking, not caring there were people milling around the lobby. He pressed a kiss to the top of her hair. “He’ll be okay. Everyone is praying. Calista brought him in right away.”

  “I thought the articles would help stop the epidemic.” Her voice was muffled against his chest. “Nobody reads the paper anymore.”

  He leaned back a bit. “But Grant did. He told Calista to come in right away, in the middle of the night. Your paper probably saved this baby’s life.”

  He took a breath, wondering how much to say. “There are a lot of reasons for it, but I’ve never been fond of journalists.” Her eyes went wide. He hurried on. “When Patrick died, his mother mentioned to a reporter that she’d brought him to my house to catch the chicken pox. The guy showed up at my door. He tried to get a quote from a nine-year-old on how it felt to have killed his best friend.”

  Her hand was at her mouth, horror etched on her features. “That’s awful.”

  He let out a laugh that sounded bitter, even to his own ears. “I agree. So, the fact that you’re using the space in your paper to try to save lives, rather than ruin them, means a lot to me.”

  She dropped her gaze and he heard her drag in a shaky breath.

  He rubbed her shoulders, hoping to bring a little cheer back to her face. “But today you don’t seem like the fearless editor I know. More advertising trouble?”

  She sighed, bright blue eyes troubled. “Another big client bailed in search of a paper that actually gets read, even if it’s only for the celebrity gossip.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Evie’s lips tugged up. “You’re supposed to tell me to man up, to carry on, to keep working to the end.”

  “Okay, that, too.” He couldn’t help grinning. She felt so good in his arms; he never wanted to let her move another inch away. But the lobby was like the downtown Denver transit station, and Lana was giving them a sly grin from over by the desk.

  “We should get to the meeting.” She moved away, leaving one hand tucked into his elbow. “I ordered a pizza to be delivered to the meeting, by the way. I figured you hadn’t had dinner yet.”

  He ginned at her. “You’re a genius. Grant’s worried the Mission will fall apart without him. I let him know that as long as Marisol is here, we’ll all be okay.”

  “I just saw her in the kitchen. She was in a state but told me God would never ignore a mother’s tears.”

  “He better not ignore Marisol, that’s for sure.”

  She laughed, a sweet sound that warmed him. “I wish I had someone on my side like her. She’s a big, bad spiritual bodyguard in the form of a little Mexican woman.”

  “Grandma Lili is mine. I’ve never tried to wander off the path because I know she’d just pray me back on. It would be a waste of time.” Of course, Allison tried. Grandma Lili had never given up on bringing her granddaughter back into the fold.

  They wound their way past the groups gathered near the lobby couches. Gavin knew he had sounded confident, reassuring, but that was his job. He was supposed to help people feel safe. Even when things were going from bad to worse, when he was trying his best to protect the city from a killer disease and failing. The pit of his stomach felt like lead, but he kept the smile fixed to his face. Fake it until you make it was never his motto, but giving in to panic wouldn’t help anyone. The world seemed to be falling to pieces around them, but as long as Evie didn’t give up, then he felt he could keep going, too.

  * * *

  “So, if the pertussis cases continue to rise, we’ll cancel the Christmas dinner and worship services? What about the caroling?” Evie couldn’t imagine what it was like to be a kid, homeless, and have Christmas canceled.

  “Discouraging large gatherings helps contain the spread.” Gavin’s face was tight but his voice was level.

  “That’s rough.” Jack shook his head, voicing everyone’s sentiments. He picked up the last piece of pizza but didn’t take a bite. The idea of skipping Christmas was unthinkable.

  “Let’s end the meeting with another prayer.” Nancy folded her hands and spoke softly into the conference room. The finance board had managed to get through several large projects that needed approval by Christmas, but baby Gabriel was in everyone’s thoughts.

  When the prayer had finished, Evie looked up in time to see Gavin’s expression turn from contemplative to downright steely. She knew what he was thinking but had no idea how he coped with the feelings.

  Evie had been attracted to his quiet wit, his careful speech, that gorgeous smile, but now she knew the man who would lay down his life for his family, who stayed awake worrying about there being enough vaccines for all the babies, who felt a responsibility to an entire city. She’d never considered a biochemist a particularly manly profession, but this science geek was warrior material.

  Her heart thudded in her chest as their gazes locked. She wanted to go back in time and change everything. It was too much to ask to erase her own past, but why couldn’t she have known about Allison first? Why did she have to get to know Gavin, care for him, and then break her own heart?

  And she was going to break it the moment she told him the truth, maybe even minutes away.

  “Evie?”

  She sat up straight, startled.

  Jack was leaning forward. “No meeting next week. It’s the Thursday before Christmas.”

  “Got it.” Her face felt hot, and she focused on shuffling papers into her folder. The world was bigger than Evie and much bigger than whatever love-life issues she had. She’d love to hang around and mope, but there was work to be done. And a major conversation to be had with the handsome man across from her. She just hoped that her heart didn’t get in the way of her mouth when the time came to be honest about her past.

  The finance team filed out of the conference room, uncharacteristically quiet.

  Nancy waved and was gone, along with a few others. But Jack paused by Lana’s desk, a hopeful expression on his face.

  “I thought it was against Mission rules to have meetings without cookies.”

  “Oh!” Lana shook her head, tired eyes going wide. She lifted a plate to the top ledge of the desk. “Have at it.”

  “Now this is what I’m talking about!” Jack peeled back the cellophane and inhaled deeply. Evie could see small spritzer cookies with red hots, gingerbread men, brightly colored stars and brownies with fudge topping.

  “When I get stressed, I start baking.” Lana didn’t smile. “Gavin, I don’t want to pry, but is there anything you can tell me about Gabriel?”

  Gavin nodded, one hand resting lightly on Evie’s back. She felt her mind go blank as feelings surged through her. She struggled not to turn around and lean into him, tried not to think of how everything would change. For this moment, she would be grateful for small blessings. A touch, a whisper.

  “Grant said he would be in tomorrow morning and that I should let you all know that Gabriel is holding his own.” Gavin repeated the medical update, his low voice subdued.

  “Let them know we’re all praying.” Lana’s eyes were filled with tears.

  “All of us,” Jack said, nodding. “Poor little guy. But Gavin’s on the scene, and if I had to choose a
nybody to be there when my kid got sick, it would be him.”

  Gavin smiled but looked pale and sad. Evie wondered how he could work around sick kids and not be overwhelmed with memories.

  “Now, I’ve got to run.” Jack selected a gingerbread man for the road and gave Evie a playful nudge. “I’ve got a first date and I can’t be late. Bad manners. Right, little sister?”

  Evie rolled her eyes. “Another? First dates are awful. And I was born first.”

  “First dates with me are the bomb. And you’re older but littler.” He called the last part from the middle of the lobby and was out the door seconds later.

  “I’d better get back to the office. We’re running twenty-four hours.” Gavin rubbed his hand over his face. Evie could hear the stubble on his chin rasping. She wondered when he ate, when he slept. She shot Lana a glance and knew she was thinking the same thing.

  “Take care of yourself, Gavin. We don’t want to be visiting you in the hospital, either.”

  He nodded. “I will. Evie, are you leaving? I can walk you out.”

  “Sure.” Now was the moment to tell him. It was terrible timing, the very worst. He was exhausted and overwhelmed. But if she didn’t do it now, she never would. She could hardly swallow, fear suddenly gripping her by the throat. They walked through the lobby, footsteps echoing on the polished floor. Everything seemed sharp and vivid, her senses heightened with crushing anxiety. The Christmas tree sparkled in the corner, ornaments dangling crazily from where small hands had hung them. She felt as if someone was standing on her chest, and she fought to stay calm. It was just her heart, not life and death. But somehow it felt like she was walking straight toward the end of the world.

  He took her hand on the way to the parking lot and she gripped it tightly. Like a prisoner on the way to the gallows, guilty as charged. He was quiet, shooting her a glance. She kept her eyes on the sidewalk, ignoring the bright windows twinkling with Christmas decorations. Not more than a foot away, but she felt the distance yawn between them, impossible to breach. As soon as they’d arrived at the edge of the lot, she turned to face him, letting go of his hand. It felt like she’d lost her only lifeline.