Season of Hope

by Virginia Carmichael

  His eyes were filled with questions. Evie wished desperately that she could reach out and brush back the bit of curl that escaped from his hat. What she wouldn’t give to touch his cheek, kiss him one last time. She took a deep breath, wishing someone would swoop in and fix the mess she’d made. But it was only her and Gavin, standing on a snowy downtown street corner in the freezing cold.

  “What is it?” His voice was low, wary.

  She met his gaze and knew she couldn’t, not now. Maybe not ever. She’d rather walk away from him than tell him the whole truth. She couldn’t bear seeing what was growing between them turn to hate, to witness the disappointment in his eyes.

  She looked up to see a familiar pair walking—no, running—down the sidewalk toward the Mission. Grant turned, searching for what had caught her attention.

  “Allison!” She thought the young woman wasn’t going to stop. Her face was pale and her hand was gripping Sean’s as if her life depended on it.

  “I’m so glad you’re here. Something horrible happened.” Her words dissolved into a hoarse sob.

  Evie moved toward her, but Gavin was there first, shielding her, eyes sweeping the street for what was threatening his sister and her little boy.

  Evie’s breath caught in her throat. This man would do anything to protect his family, and it showed in his every action. She could never tell him the truth unless she was ready to face the consequences. This strong, faithful man would see her not as a friend, but as the enemy. And Evie knew she would never be strong enough to bear it.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Evie slipped an arm around Allison’s shoulders, her heart pounding. “What happened?”

  The young woman’s face was tight with fear. “I was reading the news on my laptop, just scrolling through and saw this.” She held up her phone to show them an internet site filled with photos. A little boy playing in the snow, laughing. Close-ups of his face. One of Allison, looking college age, happier. Evie’s mind stuttered to a stop.

  “Oh, Allison. I’m so sorry.” Her voice came out soft, breathless.

  “Are you?” Allison’s gaze was locked on her face, searching for the truth.

  “What does that mean? Of course she is.” Gavin stared down at the lurid headline on the screen, anger written in every line of his face. “Left to wander the country without support? An unemployed single mother dependent on her relatives for help? They make it sound like she’s a bad mother.”

  “You can’t think I had anything to do with this.” Evie should have been angry, furious. But she could hardly speak past the enormous lump of fear in her throat.

  “I don’t know what to think.” Allison clutched Sean closer to her side, never letting her gaze slip from Evie’s face.

  Gavin looked up at her, a question growing in his eyes. She had meant to tell him, was planning to tell him.

  “Oh, Allison, I would never...” Her voice trailed off. She didn’t do this terrible thing. But she had, once before. How did one admit guilt and innocence at the same time? Evie swallowed, wishing there was something she could say but everything that occurred to her seemed trite.

  Gavin finally spoke, shock dawning in his tone. “Did you write this?”

  “No!” Seeing the betrayal in his eyes was the catalyst she needed. “I didn’t take those pictures, or write that story, or know who did. I would never do that to you.” She looked from the sad young mom to her son, still standing with his face buried in her sleeve. Her gaze traveled to Gavin, this man she’d come to care so deeply for, without even realizing it was happening. “Any of you,” she whispered.

  As if taking the words deep inside, Allison inhaled, shutting her eyes. “Okay. I’m sorry I accused you.” She wiped her eyes. “I don’t know what to do now. We can’t go back to my place. I rented my apartment in my own name. It must be how they tracked us down.” Her face crumpled as she looked behind her at the bleak cement building. “Maybe this is the safest place for us, a homeless mission.”

  “Stay with me. I’ve got plenty of room. We can plan what to do next.” Gavin put a hand on Allison’s shoulder, his deep voice thick with emotion.

  Evie knew he would give anything to keep Allison safe. But what she really needed was a little time to disappear. “Maybe it’s better if you stayed with me. Just for a while, until the trail goes cold.” She grimaced at her own words. She sounded like a bad spy novel. “I mean, until you decide how to address this. No one knows we’re friends. I’ve got more than enough room, and I’m gone during the day.”

  Gavin sucked in a slow breath, nodded. He saw she was right.

  Allison looked between them, a watery smile covering her pale face. “Nice, now I have two superheroes for the price of one.”

  Lips tugging up, Gavin turned and shot Evie a smile that took her breath away. Like they were on the same team, partners, protectors. She desperately wished it could be true.

  “Are you sure? I mean, Sean is a good kid, but he’s still a kid.” Allison wavered, dark brown eyes rimmed red from crying.

  “I know what kids are like. And I’m no clean freak, so I won’t be bothered if he makes a mess or is loud.”

  “Sounds like it’s settled. We’ll head right over. We need to get Sean out of the cold anyway.” Gavin moved toward the car.

  Evie held up her hand. “But first we should probably figure out how we’re getting Allison’s stuff over to my place.”

  “Her stuff?” Gavin blinked.

  “I’m sure she’d be a lot more comfortable with her own clothes, toothbrush, that sort of thing.” Evie struggled to keep from smiling. Just like a man. He could probably hang out on someone’s couch for a week without a problem, and Sean would love to have a sleepover, but women liked their creature comforts.

  “I’ll go, I’ve got a key.” Gavin was already heading for his car.

  “Here, you better write a list. If you’re anything like Jack, you’ll bring some ski boots and a parka and call it good.” Allison let out wavering laugh as Evie scrambled in her purse for a pen and some paper.

  After a few seconds of hasty scribbling, Allison handed it over. “Be careful,” she called after him, and Gavin paused, turning back to give her a tight hug,

  “You, too.” He included Evie, touching her lightly on the shoulder as he left.

  “Let’s get you two someplace warm. Hey, Sean, ready to visit my place?” Evie hoped her voice was cheery and not betraying the desperate anxiety she felt.

  He nodded, his little face pale and pinched.

  “You follow me. We’ll go home and make some hot chocolate, okay?” A brief smile lit his face. Allison flashed her a look of gratitude as they turned back to their car.

  As Evie slipped into her little VW, she felt her heart dropping into her shoes. Maybe there had been no chance for real love; maybe she and Gavin were doomed from the start. But something deep in her heart fought against the verdict, especially when she let her mind wander back to that kiss. She’d meant to tell him, and now it was too late. It would look as if she’d been forced to expose her past rather than freely offering it up.

  Evie cranked up the heater, rubbing her mittens together. The whole situation was such a mess. She waited for headlights in her rearview mirror and tried to calm her breathing.

  If only she’d had the nerve to look him in the eye and speak the words she’d been dreading. Her stomach roiled, imagining the anger, disappointment and pain in his eyes. She hadn’t been just a gossip hound, like the journalists he hated. She’d been the person who had exposed his sister to the whole world in the first place. Now that boat had sailed, and the time for confessional talks was gone. There were bigger problems at hand, and one of those was protecting the girl she’d hurt so badly all those years ago.

  * * *

  Evie wandered aimlessly from the cozy littl
e kitchen to the wide-open living room and back. She was glad she’d decorated a bit, twinkle lights at the windows of her little home, a wreath with ribbons. Allison was trying to read Sean to sleep, but from the sound of it, he wasn’t buying the idea of “camping out” in Evie’s apartment.

  First he said he needed a tent, which they rigged up with chairs and extra blankets. Then he decided he needed a lamp, and Evie’s book light was attached to the top inside. Now he seemed to be insisting on a husky to keep him warm in the “snow.” It didn’t seem to matter that it was a reasonable seventy degrees in the apartment. She wondered how Allison was going to manage a husky out of the meager offerings in the room. But as far as she’d seen, the young mom was about the most patient and creative person she’d met. If only she wasn’t fighting a losing battle with the press. The truth would come out, and it didn’t look like it was exactly going to set them free.

  Her phone rang and she answered it instinctively. Jack’s voice was rough, static-y.

  “Are you okay? I just got your message.”

  For some reason, Evie felt suddenly exhausted. “Did you see the link I sent you?”

  “How is she?” He didn’t bother to acknowledge the ugly article, just the little family it targeted.

  “Pretty shaken. I’ll fill you in tomorrow. Allison and Sean are staying here for a while.”

  “Do you need anything?” His voice was wavering in and out of clarity, but the tone was all Jack.

  “You have a husky I can borrow?”

  “Fresh out.” He waited to see if she was going to add more, but she was too tired to talk. “I want to know what I can do. You call me when you’re ready. I’ll be a good little boy and go to the office bright and early. I’ll shuffle some papers and wait for your phone call.”

  Evie snorted. Honest to a fault.

  She hung up just as a knock at the door nearly startled her out of her wits. Evie put a hand to her chest, feeling her heart pounding through her shirt. She stepped softly toward the door and looked through the peephole. The face that appeared didn’t help to calm the thudding pulse in her ears.

  Evie swung open the door and motioned Gavin inside. He set down two duffle bags, seeming taller than she remembered. His dark gaze swept the small living room and then returned to her face, expression unreadable. His jaw was shadowed with stubble and his tie hung loosely. The smell of fresh soap was so familiar it made her throat ache.

  “Sorry I took so long. Grant left a message. The lab has more cases.” He stopped and ran a hand through his blond hair, a gesture she hadn’t ever seen from him before. He looked overwhelmed, undone. “I’m sorry, that didn’t make much sense.”

  Somehow his anxiety helped the lump in her throat reduce to a manageable size. It didn’t disappear altogether. “How is baby Gabriel?” Her face felt tight with fear. Lord, please heal him!

  “Better.” His lips moved up, though his eyes were still shadowed. “But Lana is sick now. They think she must have caught it from one of the kids and passed it to the Gabriel on one of the days Calista brought him in to visit.”

  Evie put a hand to her mouth and felt her eyes go wide. Lana would be heartbroken to have caused baby Gabriel’s infection. “Poor Lana.”

  His gaze locked on her face and he seemed to be choosing his words. “I know just how she feels.” An old pain flashed in his eyes. “It makes me so angry that I couldn’t protect him.”

  “But...” Evie frowned, lost for words. “You can’t protect the entire population, Gavin.”

  He didn’t seem to hear her. “The articles helped. But Lana didn’t think those symptoms applied to her.” Gavin closed his eyes, his voice dropped low. “To be honest, she told me she was feeling off. She said she couldn’t get warm. I heard her cough.”

  Evie reached out, her heart aching for the pain she saw on his face. “But you couldn’t have known.”

  His gaze bored into hers. “No, Evie, I should have known. I should have guessed. I should have warned them.” His voice broke on the last word.

  Phrases swirled in her head. Everything is clearer in hindsight. You’re not perfect. It was God’s will. But the words seemed inadequate.

  He dragged in a breath. “Anyway, thanks for letting them stay.” He paused. “I was worried what you would think about Allison, about how I wasn’t there to help support her when she needed it.”

  “Oh, Gavin.” She shook her head, the irony of it all twisting her heart. She couldn’t speak. What could she say? He was the most honorable man she had ever met, and he had worried what she would think of him. She felt sick.

  “When we left the Mission tonight, you were trying to tell me something.”

  For a moment, Evie couldn’t seem to draw in air. “Not a big deal. It’s not the right time.”

  “Is it related to whatever you wanted to say on the trail?” His voice was pitched low, words measured.

  Now? She felt herself standing on a precipice, wavering, heart in her throat. No, it couldn’t be now. “Yes, but I want to get Allison and Sean settled.” She smiled a little, hoping he would move on, let it go.

  He took a step toward her, and she craned her neck up to see his face. Brown eyes burning with intensity, his hands felt hot where he cupped her face. “I want us to be honest with each other. Don’t be afraid to talk to me, Evie. Not ever.”

  Her eyes prickled and she sucked in a wavering breath. To the rest of the world she was a fighter, a woman who made her own way. But deep inside fear swirled and twisted. She could never be completely free of her past, and it was too much to hope Gavin could accept her as she was then.

  He stood only inches away from her, a buffer of heat between them. She desperately wanted to move forward, to kiss him until they both forgot about the present and the past, what they’d done and failed to do.

  Sweeping a thumb over her mouth, he locked his gaze on her lips. Evie knew she should break his gentle hold, back away, but her body wouldn’t obey her mind. She was lost, and she hated her own weakness. Every touch, every kiss, would seem a betrayal when he knew the truth. And she still could not do the right thing.

  Sean’s high voice carried into the living room. The little boy was overtired and obviously near tears. It was enough to break into the moment. Evie blinked and gently lowered Gavin’s hands, squeezing them before letting them drop.

  Allison’s footsteps sounded down the hallway.

  “I think he’s finally ready to lie down quietly. Sleep may be too much to ask for, but I’ll settle for quiet.” She walked in, already talking, both hands tucking her hair behind her ears. “Gavin!” She launched herself into his arms and he hugged her tightly.

  This is what family was for, to be the rock in a storm.

  “I guess moving here wasn’t such a great plan after all,” Allison said. She tried to make it sound as if she thought the whole thing funny, but the quiver in her voice was telltale.

  “I’m glad you’re here. You and Sean.” Gavin’s face was almost fierce. “Don’t think I regret you coming to Denver.”

  She nodded, looking small and forlorn, and shrugged one shoulder. “Well, I’m glad that I didn’t enroll Sean in kindergarten this year. It won’t be so hard for him this way.”

  “What way?”

  “Moving again.”

  “Allison, you know you can’t let this go on forever. You’ve got to face it. Head-on.”

  For a moment, Evie thought the young woman was going to shout at him, but then she took a deep breath. “You’re the one who’s been telling me to keep quiet.”

  “I was wrong.” His words were simple, but they socked Evie in the heart. It took a big man to admit he was wrong without batting an eye.

  “Well, I can’t think about it right now. My son is sleeping in a strange room, pretending he’s on a camping trip, because we were outed
by an internet gossip site.”

  She turned to Evie. “I’m so grateful to you. Don’t think I’m not grateful.”

  “I understand. Really.” Evie glanced around at her tiny living room. She wished it were more comfortable, more like a real home. She wished there weren’t boxes stacked to the ceiling in one corner of the guest room.

  “Since you probably shouldn’t drive your car in case you’re followed, let me take you. Or I can call someone else. But I don’t want you and Sean riding around with Evie.” Gavin’s face was somber.

  “And why would that be?” Allison turned, hands on hips, eyes narrowed.

  “No airbags.” Gavin looked from one to the other. “What? It’s not safe. I bet there aren’t even any shoulder belts in the backseat.”

  Evie caught Allison’s eye and started to giggle. The poor woman was being exposed to the nation for the second time in her life, and Gavin was worried about her VW bug.

  “You are such a bossy brother, but I love you anyway.” Allison rolled her eyes.

  “Will you guys sit down while I make some tea? Or hot chocolate?”

  “No, thank you,” Allison said, reaching for the bags. “You should get to bed. I’ve kept you up too late already.”

  “I should go check in at work.” Gavin headed for the door, giving Evie one more glance.

  “But it’s almost ten!” Evie froze, shocked.

  “Just for a few minutes.” And he was gone.

  “He thinks he has to save the world.” Allison rummaged in a duffel bag. “But he can’t.”

  Opening her mouth to argue, to point out how capable and smart and hardworking Gavin was, Evie paused. Gavin may be a superhero type, but it took an entire fleet of scientists and hospital workers to contain the spread of the disease. He was acting like he was shouldering the responsibility alone.