Season of Hope

by Virginia Carmichael

  Evie broke down completely, laughing into the front of his coat, her shoulders shaking. He couldn’t help grinning. Little sisters. Always getting in the way.

  “Uncle Gavin, what does that mean? Why do you need a bucket of ice water? Are you thirsty?”

  Gavin felt his face go hot and nodded at Sean. “Sure am. Tell your mom we’re being good now.”

  Sean looked at them, little boy face screwed up in concentration. “He says he’s being good, but he’s still hugging her.” There was a short pause. “My mom says hands off.”

  He chuckled and released Evie, although he missed her soft figure immediately. Her expression told him she wished he’d held on a bit longer. “Tell her she wins. And we’ll be there in about half an hour.”

  Another messaged delivered and Evie got her phone back. “Let’s get going, Mr. Snowboard Champion of the Year.”

  “Can you call me that all the time?”

  “Hmm. Maybe just on Saturdays, okay?”

  “Okay.” His little face was bright with happiness, and Gavin knew exactly how he felt.

  He caught her watching his face as they pulled out of the parking lot. “Yes?”

  She blushed, her eyes darting away. “Just waiting for the scowl.”

  “No more scowling. I promise.” And he couldn’t imagine being unhappy when he thought of the days ahead, starting with tomorrow. All of his favorite people in one place, around some good food. It just didn’t get any better than that.

  * * *

  “If you’re trying to convince me to move, it’s not working.” Allison stood in the doorway to the kitchen and stared, wide-eyed. The enchiladas were just out of the oven, green sauce peeking through the bubbling pepper jack cheese. In a smaller dish, the more kid-friendly penne pasta over simple sauce sat cooling.

  Evie snorted, hands deep into the pie dough she was kneading. “If I wanted you to leave, I would put you to work in here.”

  If she popped it in the moment Gavin and Grandma Lili got here, it would be done and cooled right after brunch was over. It had been tricky, getting to church with her brother and preparing an entire brunch, but Evie was all about the planning. Put together last night, even though her muscles were complaining from the sledding exercise, it had been simple to pop them in this morning and let them cook while she was gone. Allison was still in hiding, so she kept an eye on the food, but Evie could tell the young mom was more than ready to be honest with the world about her past with Senator McHale.

  Evie’s stomach clenched. Not out of worry for Allison, but in the knowledge that as soon as she was no longer sheltering Gavin’s sister, Evie needed to be honest, too. And that step scared her to death.

  “But I like cooking, actually. One of the clubs where I used to sing had a nice grill. The owner was one of those guys who liked fusion food. Cuban American, Korean Cuban, Cuban Vegan... Well, anything Cuban.”

  Evie shrugged off the dark cloud of worry and attempted a bright smile. “Then come on in. Actually, we should get Sean in here to help with the pie. I have leftover dough and he can make shapes and toast them in the oven.”

  “I don’t know if you want my kid in this kitchen,” Allison said, gazing around at the bright white cabinets and gleaming floor.

  “It’s all washable. Bring him on in.” Evie hurried to prepare a place for Sean at the counter. Rolling out some foil and taping it on, she grabbed cookie cutters and a little cup of flour.

  “Really, Evie? Can I help?” Sean was speeding into the kitchen, not really waiting for an answer, eyes wide with excitement.

  “Sure, you’ll be over here.” She rummaged through a small cabinet and came up with a tiny oak rolling pin. She held it up toward Allison. “I knew this would come in handy. I saw it at a flea market and bought it. Jack thought I was nuts.”

  Allison grinned. “I see why. It’s a bit small.”

  “I told him it was for small pies.” Evie hurried into the living room for a chair and brought it back for Sean. She would miss having the little guy around, rebel yells and all. She hoped they would still come visit after they’d moved back to their own place. Even if she and Gavin weren’t together any longer, if he couldn’t forgive her for not telling him the truth sooner.

  She felt a smothering wave of fear and pushed it back once more. Focus on the moment. God would take care of the rest.

  There was a knock at the front door, and Evie looked up, confused. Gavin and his grandmother were more than half an hour early. She didn’t bother to wash her hands but trotted to the living room and peered through the peephole.

  Evie swung the door open, already talking. “I thought you guys were coming at two. Where’s Lili? I was just...” Gavin stepped inside and closed the door, but there was no welcoming hug.

  “I need to talk to you.” Just a few simple words, but the world seemed to tilt and shift under Evie’s feet. “Senator McHale just gave me a call. He said he was checking in on how our office was doing, but the truth is that internet article has got him scrambling to explain why he hasn’t supported his kid for five years. He had a lot to say, and it wasn’t all about Allison.” His voice was cold, cold, cold. “It seems the paper that published those pictures of him got a new editor. One that was more willing to tell him exactly who sold those pictures in the first place.”

  Oh, no. Not now. Not yet. She’d wanted to tell him her own way, quietly, humbly. But the moment had come in a flurry of accusations.

  “Will you listen if I try to explain?” She could barely see through a sudden sheen of tears, but she was desperate. To explain, to go back to the moment she should have told him everything.

  He shrugged, brown eyes narrowed, expression tight with anger.

  “When I graduated from journalism school, I moved to Aspen. I worked as a freelance photographer to pay the bills. Mostly I hid in the dark and tried to catch people doing things they shouldn’t.” She took a quavering breath. It was all coming too fast, like it was rehearsed. She hated herself for feeling fear. It wasn’t the guilt that hurt anymore; it was the fear of losing Gavin.

  Gavin raised a hand, as if to ward off her words. His face was tight and pale. But when he didn’t speak, she went on.

  “I’d like to say it wasn’t personal, but knowing the person I was then, I don’t think that really would have mattered. It was thrilling to be around famous people. I also hated them because they weren’t drowning under their college debt, like I was. When I heard Senator McHale was cheating on his wife, I decided to follow him until I got a picture I could sell. I knew there was a lot of money in it for me.” Her mouth felt sour, but she swallowed back her emotions. She needed to tell the truth, no matter what came next.

  “You did it for the money.” His voice had dropped an octave.

  Evie felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up. Some small part of her realized she’d never seen Gavin angry. Not really. Not like this.

  Evie stared up at him, emotions warring within her heart. No matter what good thing they might have had, it ended here. “I did sell those pictures of Allison. I didn’t know who she was, but I knew the senator was running for President.”

  She felt her eyes start to burn and angrily brushed them with the palms of her hands. She wasn’t crying because of what she’d lost. She was angry at the person she had been so long ago. She would never be able to really get away from her past. It would always be lurking there, somewhere in the dark. She would be punished for her actions over and over.

  “Once I realized how wrong it all was, I took the money and tried to do something better, something good for the world. It doesn’t excuse my behavior. And I understand how it must feel, as Allison’s brother—”

  “No, you can’t understand.” His head was bowed, as if he were carrying a terrible weight. “There is no way you could know what it’s like to watch a perso
n you love walk away from God, to live a lifestyle that only leads to disaster. I watched her throw everything away for a man who wasn’t worth a second glance. And then she was shamed publically and abandoned by our parents.”

  The pain in his face was like a physical blow. Evie felt her stomach roll. She didn’t know what that was like, but she did know what it was to carry the guilt of that on her shoulders.

  “I talked to Allison. We’ve made peace with it. And for what it’s worth, I didn’t know who she was before...” Her voice trailed off. Before I met you.

  “I’m glad she knows.”

  Evie knew what he meant. He’d been afraid that Allison would feel the betrayal all over again, being sheltered in the home of the person who had ruined her life the first time around.

  “But that makes me the last to know. You didn’t feel like you could be honest. Even after we talked about truth and not hiding from each other.”

  Evie put a hand to her chest, as if to keep her heart in its place, as if she could protect herself from his words. The resignation in his face was like the final nail in the coffin. It was over. “I wanted to explain at the right time, in the right way.”

  “Any time would have been a good time.” His face was heavy with misery. “I never liked journalists.”

  Evie was silent for a beat. “I’m sorry for who I was, but not for who I am.”

  Gavin shook his head. As if there wasn’t any difference between the two. And since her past was always with her, maybe there wasn’t.

  She forced herself to look him in the eye, to stand firm when all she wanted to do was walk into his arms and ask him to forget everything she’d said, to kiss her like he had before he’d known all her secrets. She had never felt so safe in her whole life, and she ached to be there again. But right now, it seemed like they were separated by an entire ocean, all because of the person she used to be.

  Allison came into the living room, speaking into the tense atmosphere. “Sean’s got flour on every inch of your kitchen.” She looked from Evie to Gavin. “What’s up with you guys? Should I go back in the kitchen?”

  “No, I have no secrets from you. Unlike you two.” He watched Allison stop, consider his words, her gaze flashing to Evie and back to him.

  Allison paused, choosing her words carefully. “I thought she told you.”

  “No.” That one word held barely concealed hurt. If Evie hadn’t known him, she would have thought he was shrugging it off. But the line of his mouth and the tightness around his eyes told her he was taking the news personally. “Maybe you shouldn’t have assumed she was being honest, either.”

  His gaze raked over Evie and she wanted to weep, wanted to beg him to understand. But if there was something she had learned recently, it was that mistakes can’t be unmade.

  “I’m going back in the kitchen. You two need to talk this out.” Allison turned on her heel and left them in the stinging silence.

  Evie wanted it to be over, for the conversation to end so she could find somewhere quiet to let out her grief. But he was still there, standing stiff with anger.

  “There was another article today on the gossip website.”

  His words were so casual it took Evie a few seconds to process them. Her head came up with a snap, eyes widening.

  “It was from our trip to the mountain. Isn’t it strange how they got pictures of Sean snowboarding without his mask? Right when I was lured inside with you?”

  “Lured inside?” Anger finally surpassed her shock. She planted her hands on her hips, spitting the words now, so angry she could hardly talk.

  “I think these articles aren’t ending up at The Daily because it’s The Chronicle’s rival and that would have hurt your sales. Why on the internet? Because they paid the most, and we all know your paper is in trouble. You and Amy found a way to make some easy money.”

  “First of all, our internet site has been up since this Wednesday and has already tripled our subscribers. I even have a little celebrity section that will be clean and upbeat.” She spoke clearly but her voice wavered, and she forced her trembling hands into fists.

  She hauled in a breath and went on. “I don’t care who told you I was involved. I wouldn’t be surprised if Amy was part of it, but I didn’t sell this. And I can’t believe you thought, for even one moment, that I did.” Tears of anger sprang to her eyes and she blinked them away. She would not cry. Not here.

  “Something Lili said last week stuck with me. She told me I had a God-given purpose. She said ‘I believe in you.’” Hearing those words felt like air when she’d been drowning. They traveled deep inside and filled up the empty spaces where fear and doubt lived.

  She was more than the sum of her mistakes.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner about the past. I wasn’t sure how you would react, and I didn’t want it to be awkward with Allison staying here. I was afraid to lose you.” Her face went hot, but she could be honest now. It didn’t matter what she said.

  His eyes were shadowed with pain, and she felt sick, knowing she was the one who had caused it. “From the moment we met, I knew that I would have to tell you what I had done. I imagined a thousand times the expression you would have, the disappointment I’d see in your eyes. It should have happened long before now. But I was weak. It was harder and harder to tell you the truth, the deeper I fell—” In love with you.

  She couldn’t finish. She walked back to the kitchen, choking back tears.

  Allison looked up, face taut with worry. She squeezed Evie on the shoulder and left for the living room.

  “Do you have any sprinkles?” Sean was busy pressing odd shapes onto the cookie sheet, his hands covered in flour.

  “Sure, sweetie.” She grabbed the red and green sugar sprinkles by feel from the cabinet. “Remember this is pie dough. It won’t be as sweet as a cookie.” Her voice was rough, but he didn’t seem to notice.

  “This is fun! Isn’t this fun? You should finish your pie.”

  “Yes, I should.” Evie went back to the pie dough, her eyes blurred with tears. Who knew if anyone was staying for brunch. She wasn’t sure she could sit across the table from Gavin as her heart broke into a thousand small pieces. But she would make this pie.

  A few moments later, Allison came in. She stood in the doorway. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what? I’m sorry your life is splattered all over an internet gossip site.” She waved a floury hand. “Don’t worry about me.”

  Allison was quiet a moment, watching Evie lace the lattice crust over the blackberries. “But I am worried. I think what just happened...was wrong. He was wrong to accuse you.”

  Evie nodded, swallowing the lump that threatened to choke her.

  The young mom smiled, but it was a strained and tight smile. “Well, I can’t keep putting the statement off. It will have to happen now, no matter if—” she glanced at Sean, sprinkling what looked like a pound of sugar on his dough “—anyone else objects.”

  “I sure wish this had never happened. I know Jack will be so upset. He wanted everything to go well that day.”

  “It did!” Allison reached forward and hugged Evie. “It was a wonderful day. Sean had so much fun. Don’t regret it now.”

  But the day would always be touched with bitterness for Evie. The kisses she and Gavin had shared, standing in the snow. Based in nothing but simple attraction. There was no faith, no trust.

  She felt as if her heart was being caught in a clamp with teeth. “Do you think your grandma is still coming?”

  “Let me call her and see.” Allison left the room and went down the hallway. Evie tried to finish her lattice work, but she kept pulling too hard, the pie crust tearing into small strips.

  “You need me to help you.” Sean got down and scooted his chair over to Evie’s work space.

  “I sure do.
” She had to smile at his confidence. This was not a child who’d been emotionally stunted. He knew love, knew he had worth and value.

  “I’ll hold this one and you put that one there.” He picked up a strip and pointed with his other hand. Evie followed his instructions, even though the crust was crooked. They worked together for a few minutes, creating a lattice that was more tangled than crosshatch. He beamed at the finished product. “There, see? That’s how you do it.”

  “Thanks, buddy,” she said, glad to be reminded of innocence in a world that was full to the brim of betrayal and suspicion.

  Allison popped back into the kitchen. “Wow, nice pie.” She grinned at Evie, but her eyes were sad. “Grandma’s headed over in a little bit. She’s getting the salad ready. Come on, Sean, let’s go play with the trampoline.”

  She didn’t say anything about Gavin, and Evie didn’t ask. They would just concentrate on the brunch. And each other. Not the missing person who should be with them today.

  Evie slid the pie into the oven and set the timer. She could do this. Her shoulders straightened. He was just a man she’d thought she’d known. A few kisses, some confidences. It wasn’t anything to call a relationship. He’d gotten the city through the pertussis epidemic. That’s what she would focus on, the noble part of him she always admired. It didn’t matter that he had completely misjudged her, accused her of betraying his family.

  Evie wiped down the counters and put away the sprinkles. God had told her in very clear terms what she was supposed to do. And she did it. That was all. Nothing else was promised. But as much as she told herself these things, as hard as she tried to believe them, Evie’s heart still ached with every new resolution to be grateful. She had glimpsed something wonderful with Gavin. It was only a glimpse, but she would never be the same woman she had been before.

  Pausing at the sink, her hands in the running water and eyes squeezed shut, Evie let the tears flow down her cheeks. One minute to grieve for what might have been, and then she would go on. Allison needed support, and Sean needed them all to put aside the drama so he could be a little boy. She wiped her cheeks and straightened up. God was faithful, ever merciful. That she would rely on, no matter what else was crashing down around them.