Always a Kicker

by Jeff Zwagerman

  “They’ll do fine,” Zander said and he began zipping Roberta’s feet together.

  She sat up still trying to clear her throat. Zander tied her hands behind her tightly. He waited with the duct tape for last because he really wanted Roberta to say something else so he could cut her off in mid-sentence with the tape but she disappointed him. He reflected that it was usually true when dealing with a bully. Once you took away their power, they became nothing.

  So he taped her mouth and then after thinking about it, he wrapped the tape completely around her head twice. She could breathe just fine but the duct tape was going to hurt coming off. Maybe a little of that bleach blond hair would come with it. Zander smiled. He liked the thought of that, a lot.

  “What are we going to do with Glenda?” Jasper asked.

  “She’s going along. She will have to be a part of this change order,” he said and turned to Glenda, “We need you to help get your sister back. Can I count on you?”

  “I want my sister home. I’ll do anything you want,” she said and made sure she didn’t look at her mother.

  For a moment Zander thought he might want to take her up on that anything remark but this family had way too many dynamics going on to take it seriously. One look at Roberta would cure most any wondering eye.

  “Jasper, can you find me the next door neighbor on the same side of the street in that phone book?” Zander motioned to the big book on the desk.

  “I’ll find it or the operator will. Do you want the left or right apartment?” Jasper asked.

  “Both, if you can.”

  Jasper started looking and soon was talking to the operator. Zander looked over at Jim who seemed pretty miserable. He swallowed a remark he wanted to make about Jim being neutered by Roberta. He figured his life sucked the way it was and he didn’t need Zander adding to his misery. He would be happy to never see either one of them again.

  Jasper had the phone numbers. He was good. Not everyone could have wrangled the number from the operator. Zander called the first number. No answer. He tried the second and there was an answer. It was a little voice. After some interesting conversation only a four year old could give, the father took the phone. Zander explained that he was an Omaha pest control firm trying to expand to Council Bluffs and his apartment had been selected for a free exterior spraying. In exchange, they would let him display his sign for advertising purposed. If he were interested, he would also give a discounted price for pest control in the interior. Zander told him he would give him a free no obligation estimate when he came to do the exterior. The guy was interested and Zander pushed him to do it yet that afternoon. They agreed on the time between two and four. Zander hung up the phone and announced it was a go.

  Sandy had arrived while Zander was on the phone. She looked at Zander and put her hand on his cheek.

  “You look terrible. Are you eating right and getting enough sleep?”

  Zander was always amazed how older women wanted to mother him.

  “Sandy, I need you to do me a big favor.”

  “I’m here aren’t I?”

  “I want you to keep Jim in this office until we get back.”

  She looked puzzled.

  “I’ll explain everything when we get back,” Zander said, “We can tie him up if that makes you feel better.”

  Sandy walked over to Jim.

  “Do we need to do that Jim?” she asked.

  Jim shook his head no. He wasn’t going to be a problem.

  “What about her?” Sandy said as she pointed to the heap in the floor.

  “She’s coming with us,” Zander replied.

  “Thank God for small favors.”

  Apparently Sandy didn’t really care for Roberta either. Zander looked at his watch.

  “It’s almost 2:00. I want to be there with everything in motion by 3:00.”

  “We’d better move then. It’s going to take forty-five minutes to make it there,” Jasper said.

  “Okay then. Wheels up,” Zander said.

  He went over and threw Roberta over his shoulder like a bag of seed. Jasper and Glenda followed Zander out of the office and through the bar. The few remaining Sunday brunchers looked over and saw Zander carrying Roberta hog-tied out the door. They applauded as the four left the building. Apparently they didn’t like Roberta either.

  8

  Omaha, Nebraska—Sunday 2:00 p.m., August 25, 1985

  Zander walked out to his van with Roberta on his shoulder. He opened the door with his key and threw her in the back on the mattress. Jasper climbed into the drivers seat. Zander took a blanket from under the passengers seat and placed it on the motor cover and lifted Glenda into the van so she could sit between them. Zander threw Jasper the keys.

  Jasper started up and soon they were on I-80 and would hook up with I-29 in about thirty minutes. On the way, Zander explained Glenda’s role in the plan. She would be dropped off about a block away from the apartments. She would wait until Zander was engaged with the neighbor and then walk over from across the street and ring Amy’s doorbell. If the prick answered, she would ask to see her sister. Then she would try to get her into another room and explain what was happening. If things looked tense, she was not to mention anything to her sister. Then it would be just a social call as far as Amy or the prick would know.

  “What if they ask me how I got there?” she asked.

  “Tell them you took a cab. If they question why, just tell them you didn’t want anyone to know you were there. Your parents had forbidden you to come here anymore,” Zander explained.

  Glenda nodded and said she would do her best. Zander looked over at Jasper.

  “So where are we going when we take her?”

  “We go directly to the Horseshoe Casino. We meet this guy in the parking lot. He will take her to an undisclosed place and begin the de-programming process. When things look good and Amy has come back to her senses, he’ll drop her off at the Onion.” Jasper explained.

  “Sounds expensive,” Zander said.

  “Probably but Jim and Roberta are going to be paying. I think maybe I forgot to let Jim know about that detail,” Jasper said and looked over smiling.

  “That’s all I need to know,” Zander replied.

  “Good, because that’s about all I’m allowed to say. I don’t even know where he’s taking her. It’s for everyone’s protection, I guess.”

  “She’ll probably be screwed up for a while. She’ll need some place to decompress,” Zander said.

  Everyone seemed to be in agreement except Roberta. No one really knew how she felt all tied up and laying in the back and it appeared no one really cared.

  It was pretty quiet the rest of the drive. Zander thought it would either be a rousing success or a miserable failure. He didn’t like changing plans mid-stream but Roberta’s nagging involvement made it mandatory.

  Fifteen more minutes went by and Jasper announced that they were about a mile away. He stopped the van about a block from the apartments and they let Glenda out at the curb. They made a pass right by the apartments to check things out. Everything looked quiet. Jasper turned around at the intersection and drove just past Amy’s apartment. He made sure the van was far enough past the complex so the residents couldn’t see into the driver seat because Jasper was staying in the van.

  Zander jumped out and immediately walked to the next-door apartment. He looked the part in his white coveralls and clipboard.

  It didn’t take long and Zander was talking to the guy from the earlier phone call. He talked for a while until he saw Glenda walk over to Amy’s apartment and ring the bell.

  Zander told the guy he would measure the outside and check out the back and then do the spraying. If he was still interested, he could give him an estimate for the inside as well. The guy said he wasn’t, so Zander thanked him and said he was going to speak to some of the other neighbors before he got started. The guy stepped back and closed the door.

  During the exchange, Zander kept an eye on Glend
a and saw that the prick answered the door. He wasn’t at work. Things could never be easy. The prick stepped just outside the door and looked around. He didn’t seem concerned about the van or the guy in the white coveralls. That seemed like a good sign. Maybe it would go smoothly after all.

  Zander pretended to step off the front of the apartment and write something on his clipboard all while keeping his eye on the front door until he saw Glenda move inside.

  He walked around to the back of the complex giving Glenda more time before he went to the front door. Zander thought it might be a great time to pull out a cigarette and have a smoke but he didn’t have any. He didn’t smoke.

  After some time passed, he made his way around to the front and walked directly to the front door. He rang the bell and waited. After a series of three rings he heard someone shout from inside.

  “What the hell is this? I’m trying to watch the damn Huskers,” the prick yelled. Zander figured it must be some pre-season bullshit on the TV.

  “I’ll get it,” Zander heard a female voice say.

  “You keep your ass in the kitchen with your sister so I can keep an eye on you.”

  That told Zander that Glenda wasn’t able to confide with Amy about the plan or she wouldn’t have offered to answer the door.

  The prick was suspicious but he hadn’t been tipped off. Zander waited and put on his warmest smile. Finally the door opened.

  “What in the hell do you want?”

  Zander sized him up in an instant. He wasn’t a big guy. Maybe a few years younger than Zander with long hair and a beard. Zander thought he might be a junky. The whites of his eyes were yellow and he was a smoker. The apartment reeked of smoke when he opened the door and his breath smelled like a pool hall. Not a very pleasant prick but he didn’t look that tough. He was probably out of shape and had the start of a good beer belly.

  “Good day sir. I would like….” was all Zander could say before the door slammed in his face.

  A change of plans again, so Zander reached into his right boot and pulled out his stun gun. He rang the bell again. The door opened abruptly and out stepped the prick. This time he had a baseball bat resting on his shoulder. He looked at Zander and sneered. Zander couldn’t believe the prick actually sneered at him.

  “You assholes are all alike. You only learn the hard way.”

  That was about the only thing he got out before Zander interrupted the conversation. He pushed the stun gun into his neck and pushed the button and held it there for at least five seconds for good measure. As the prick stumbled backward, Zander pushed him into the apartment through the open door and kicked it shut. He didn’t want some neighbor or passerby sticking a nose in this business.

  The prick was tougher than he looked. Five seconds should have put down a bigger guy than him but he was still on his knees and trying to get the bat off his shoulder. Zander noticed it had a Louisville Slugger trademark. More importantly, he saw it was stamped with Mickey Mantle’s signature on the barrel. He always liked Mickey Mantle.

  Zander moved the stun gun from his neck to the center of his chest and pushed the button again while jerking the bat from his hands. Two three-second bursts put him down right on his back.

  Zander reached into his pocket and pulled out two large zip ties. He put one around his feet and the other around his hands. He didn’t pull the one on his hands completely tight so he could eventually work his hands out. It would buy them some time when he started to come around.

  As he was finishing, Amy came into the room and started shrieking. Glenda was trying to calm her down without much luck. Zander stood up walked over to Amy and raised his stun gun. He zapped her right between her ample breasts. She dropped immediately. He threw her over his shoulder and moved to the front door with Glenda right behind him. He looked out to see if all the noise had drawn attention from the neighbors. Apparently they were used to noise because no one was around.

  Zander decided to put Amy down for a moment. Then he walked over to the prick. He was conscious but not focusing. Zander lifted him up by the collar and took out his switchblade. He made a point to open it in front of his eyes and then move it down between the pricks legs.

  “If you try to find Amy or contact her family, I will personally come back and cut your balls off with this very knife,” Zander sneered. He liked to return a sneer whenever possible.

  Then he pushed the point of the knife through the prick’s pants and caught a bit of his scrotum. The prick got the message.

  Glenda had the front door open and Zander picked up Amy and the bat and they were down the sidewalk to the van. Jasper had already hit the door button and had opened the side doors before they reached the curb.

  Zander put Amy in the back and told Glenda to ride back there with her. Before he closed the door Glenda handed him something. He didn’t have time to look and jumped in the front.

  “Drive,” was all he said.

  Jasper did an excellent job of driving the speed limit and not drawing attention to the van.

  Zander finally looked at what Glenda had given to him. It was a set of car keys.

  “What’s this?” Zander asked her through the screen.

  “Those are his car keys.”

  Zander smiled for the first time. Glenda was a good one.

  “Hey if you ever need a job, I might have work for someone as smart as you,” he joked.

  Everybody smiled except Roberta and Amy. Roberta probably wouldn’t be smiling for quite a while and Amy just couldn’t even if she had wanted to.

  The ride to the casino took fifteen minutes. The guy Jasper had mentioned was waiting in a Chevy pickup. Zander had never mastered the knack of identifying the year of pickups like he did cars. That was partly because they were all so nondescript but mostly because he just didn’t care. So this was some gray older pickup with a Chevrolet emblem on the front.

  This was Jasper’s deal so when he got out of the van to talk, Zander got out and pulled off all four magnetic signs and put them back under the passenger seat. No need to help identify the van if at all possible. Then he took the set of keys Glenda had given him and threw them into a drainage ditch next to the parking lot.

  Jasper motioned to Zander to push the button for the doors. The guy had a strait jacket and carefully put Amy’s arms in and buckled the back. She was still incoherent but able to walk with a little help. Her legs were wobbling as they helped her into the pickup. Jasper laid her down on the seat and closed the door. They shook hands and the pickup sped off down the road.

  Jasper got back behind the wheel and started the van.

  “Well that went better then I thought it would.”

  “Why Jasper, don’t you have faith in a good plan?” Zander laughed.

  “I have seen good plans. That wasn’t one of them.”

  Zander smiled again. Jasper was getting back to being his old obnoxious self. He liked that.

  “Zander, could we take these zip ties off mom? I think they are hurting her,” Glenda said with just a note of concern in her voice.

  Zander hit the button again and pulled out the switchblade out of his boot. He went to the back and cut the tie from her feet and then her hands. Roberta moaned through the duct tape.

  “What about the tape?” Glenda asked.

  “That’s up to you. If it were me I’d leave it on, but you decide.”

  It took both of them the rest of the ride back to the Onion to get it off and out of her hair. Zander thought she would be beyond pissed but she kept her mouth shut. He found out later that Jasper had been giving her a play by play of what was going on and made a special point of highlighting the stun gun. Maybe Roberta decided she didn’t want or need any more of Zander’s tactics. Whatever it was, Zander welcomed the silence.

  They pulled into the Glass Onion parking lot and everyone got out and went to the front door. Since it was late Sunday afternoon and the brunch was over, the place was closed. Jasper found his keys and opened the door. They headed righ
t for the office.

  Jim and Sandy were waiting.

  “I was so worried,” Sandy said.

  “Everything is fine, it went just as planned,” Jasper said and winked at Zander.

  Roberta spoke for the first time since leaving the office.

  “Jim, let’s go home.”

  Jim stood up and followed Roberta and Glenda out of the office.

  The door had barely closed when it opened right back up and in walked Roberta.

  Oh great, thought Zander.

  She looked at Zander for a moment and then simply said, “Thanks.”

  Then she turned around and left.

  The remaining three were stunned and just stared at each other. Then they all started to laugh. The unexpected can have comic results. When all the pent-up emotions finally gave way to the much-needed relief, Sandy walked over to Zander and grabbed his shoulders.

  “You’d better not even think of leaving today because I’m cooking dinner and you are spending the night!”

  Jasper looked at Zander, shrugged and smiled.

  Zander didn’t bother to argue with Sandy. He knew he didn’t have a chance. He was exhausted and could use some home cooking.

  9

  Omaha, Nebraska—Sunday Evening, August 25, 1985

  After dinner, Zander and Jasper retired to the deck for brandy and cigars. Jasper owned a small lake west of the Glass Onion and he had built Sandy a beautiful retreat. You couldn’t tell that Omaha was just a few miles east. There were a few other homes on the little lake front property but they were friends of Jaspers’. He had his own private community and no one could live there without his permission. There was a huge deck overhanging the lake. It had the feel of being in a boat when you sat next to the railing. Zander wondered whether he might have something like it someday. He highly doubted it.

  Zander didn’t like to smoke cigars, but he liked the brandy so he could put up with a few puffs. Jasper always had the best brandy and it went down especially smooth when sitting at the lake. Tonight the selection was Remy Martin V.S.O.P. Zander didn’t know much about brandy but he knew what he liked and he liked this stuff a lot.