Misguided Truths: Part One

by Sarah Elizabeth

  Yesterday, though, I made sure I got to see her. We talked, and as it turns out, she told me she was worried that I didn’t feel the same way about her. Yeah, I know. Crazy.

  So, I made sure she knew how I felt. I told her. I admitted that I’ve fallen in love with her. And, the best part? She said it back. So, it’s kinda official.

  We’re in love.

  When I left her place, I asked her to call me before she went to sleep, and when she did, we arranged to spend the day together today. Just the two of us. Lunch at my place, followed by a meal in the city, and then onto a movie at the theatre.

  “Hey,” I say when I open up the front door and see Holly standing on the porch. She smiles, and I take a step back while gesturing for her to come inside. She shrugs out of her jacket before hanging it up on one of the hooks to the right of the door. “Wow, you look … wow.”

  I swallow when I rake my eyes over her. Holly doesn’t normally wear dresses. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her wearing one in all the time I’ve known her. Usually she’s in a pair of jeans and a vest tee, occasionally a skirt, but … yeah. She really needs to wear dresses more often, “Brandon, you’re staring.”

  “Yeah … well, you would be, too, if you were standing in my place right now,” I smile widely and take a step forward. Leaning towards her, I go to kiss her on the lips, but she turns her head to the side. So, instead, I place a kiss on her right cheek before standing back. “Um … are you okay, Holl’s?”

  “Sure,” Is all she says, and I notice her eyes darting around the hallway. Huh.

  “Right … well, um … come on through,” I tell her, placing my hand on the small of her back while leading her through into the kitchen. “The food will be ready in around hour. Do you want a drink or something?” She shakes her head and gazes out the window.

  Well, this is a little uncomfortable, “Are you sure you’re alright?” I grab a soda from the refrigerator and head over to where she’s standing.

  “Uh-huh,” She keeps her gaze fixed out the window as she answers, and I see her beginning to fiddle with her wristwatch.

  “Okay, well, do you wanna maybe go and listen to some music in my room or something while we wait for the food to be done?” I ask, and when she turns to look at me, her eyes look sad.

  “Brandon?” I notice her swallow and hear her voice falter a little. Okay, now I’m worried. “Why did you stop yesterday?” Her voice is shaky and I can see the tears brimming in her eyes.

  Placing the bottle of soda down on the wooden table beside the window, I place my hand underneath her chin, and tilt her head back until I can see right into her eyes, ”Holly, you were crying.”

  “You already said that yesterday,” she nods. “But, you still didn’t answer my question … Why did you stop?”

  Is she not hearing me? “What do you mean? Holly, I stopped becau—” she interrupts me before I can finish what I was going to say.

  “Didn’t you want to?” her brow furrows and she breaks eye contact with me, now focusing her gaze downward.

  “What? No, no. Of course I—that’s not it—”

  “But you changed your mind when you started … Something made you change your mind. Why did you stop touching me, Brandon?” she raises her voice slightly when she asks.

  I place my hands on her shoulders, bend my knees a little, and lean my head until I can see right into her eyes again. She starting to look really distant, “Holly will you listen to me? You weren’t ready yet.” She takes a step away and turns to look out the window again.

  “No …” I barely hear her whispered words. “… No, I wasn’t.”

  “Brandon, dude! Open up!” Corey. Dammit. I reach over to touch Holly’s arm and she glances over her shoulder at me. “Come on, man! It’s really important!” I let out a sigh and she shrugs her shoulders in return.

  “I’ll be right back,” I promise her and she smiles a small smile at me before I make my way through to the hallway.

  Holly

  I almost told him. Almost.

  If Corey hadn’t have knocked on the door when he did, then Brandon would know. He’d know everything. I’m not overly sure whether I should be thankful for the interruption or not.

  By the time he came back through to the kitchen with Corey, I’d managed to compose myself and stop the tears from falling.

  “Alright, we’re all set,” I turn towards Brandon and see him climbing into the driver’s seat. He throws me a smile, and fastens his seat belt before putting on his shades and switching on the ignition. “Do you want me to put some music on?”

  “Yeah, sure.” I smile and nod once, before fixing my gaze out of the passenger side window.

  The reason why Corey dropped by Brandon’s place was because a friend of his, Jay, needed a replacement singer for tonight. They have a gig lined up in one of the bars over in Seattle, but their lead vocalist came down with a virus. Without a singer, they wouldn’t get to play. Corey pleaded with Brandon for well over a half hour and until he was blue in the face, trying to convince him to change his mind.

  When Corey mentioned how much money Brandon would make for just a couple of hours singing, he looked disappointed. I could see that he wanted to do it, but then he went ahead and told him no anyway. I could see in his eyes right then that he still blamed himself for what’s been happening between us over the past week.

  And, that’s when our plans for the evening changed.

  I know how much Brandon needs the cash, especially now that he’s started studying at college. His tuition fees are pretty expensive, and without any financial help or support from his mom and dad, he needs all the money he can get a hold of. I guess that’s why I was surprised when I saw the locket he gave me for our anniversary. It must have cost him a small fortune.

  So, I told him that he should do it. He immediately shook his head and refused to cancel our plans again, but when I told him that I’d like to go along with him and watch, one of his most breathtaking smiles appeared wide over his face.

  Staring out of the window, I’m deep in thought, and when he reaches over and places his hand lightly on my thigh, my whole body tenses up. “Holl’s, are you alright?” His eyes dart between me and the road as he continues to drive towards the bright lights of Seattle.

  It takes us just over an hour to reach the city, and around ten minutes to find a parking space within walking distant from the bar, “Are you nervous?”

  “Nervous?” he asks and looks down to his hand while tapping a few keys into his cell. “Nope. Not nervous. I’d say that I’m more excited.” He leans over and kisses me on the lips, before sliding his shades up into his hair and jumping out of the car.

  “Excited is good,” I climb out the other side and walk around to meet him at the front of the car.

  He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me tight up against him, “Yes. Yes it is. And you wanna know why I’m so excited?” I place my hands flat on his chest and nod a yes. “Because, for one, I get to sing in front of my beautiful girlfriend for the first time. And, not only that. Each and every word that I sing tonight will only be for her.” He smiles and places a feather light kiss on the end of my nose.

  His cell phone rings out, and while keeping one hand firmly wrapped around me, he grabs his phone out from his pants pocket with the other, “Hey, Neil. What’s up, bro?”

  Neil. Every time I hear his name it makes my skin crawl and I instantly feel like I want to hurl.

  I swallow hard and instantly move out from Brandon’s hold. His eyebrows furrow and he shoots me a questioning look, but I move away and walk back over to the front of the car to grab my purse from off the seat inside.

  After a few minutes, Brandon ends the call and heads straight over to me, “You ready to go in?”

  I nod and smile as he wraps his right arm around my waist, before he ushers me inside.

  ***

  He sounds amazing. Really amazing. I knew that he would, though. It really goes without
saying.

  “Alright, this next one’s a cover, and I wanna dedicate to it my beautiful girlfriend who’s just sitting right over there,” Brandon’s voice sounds so much deeper when he speaks through the mic, and I feel my cheeks beginning to heat when he points over at me, especially when half of the crowd look right at me. “This is ‘All of Me,’ by Johnny Legend.”

  His voice is low and husky when he begins to sing, and I see that his eyes are focused solely on me. I only break my eyes away from his when I feel my cell phone vibrating in my pocket, and when I check the screen, my stomach churns and my hands begin to shake.

  You look really sexy in that dress, Holly.

  I stare at the screen for a couple of moments before looking around the bar for him, just as my cell phone begins to ring again. I glance over at the stage and see that Brandon’s no longer looking over in my direction. Pressing the green key, I take a deep breath and hold it up to my ear.

  “Now, unless you want me to go up on that stage and interrupt the little serenade he’s got going on over there, I suggest you come and meet me outside. You have one minute, Holly. One minute, or I’ll head up on that stage and I’ll tell him everything myself.”

  The line goes dead.

  He’s here.

  Shivers run through me and my eyes begin to glaze when I look back to Brandon, and listen to the words he’s singing. The words he’s singing … for me.

  I notice the worried expression crossing over his face. His eyebrows are furrowing and a frown is forming over his lips. I manage to smile, and notice his face soften as he mouths ‘I love you,’ during the instrumental part of the song.

  When he turns back away, I step back from the stage. My legs are feeling weak and my heart rate is increasing with every second that passes by. My head is spinning and a low buzzing sound has started to ring in my ears, drowning out the band’s music.

  When I reach the door, I turn around one final time and watch him for a couple of seconds, feeling my chest tightening when I see how happy and carefree he looks up there. He really has no idea.

  I love you, too, Brandon. More than you’ll ever know.

  When I step onto the sidewalk, I feel someone grabbing me from behind. I try to scream, but a hand instantly covers my mouth, “Ssshhhh … We don’t want to draw any attention to ourselves now, do we?” he whispers into my ear. His breaths breeze over my neck and all I can smell is stale whiskey. Dragging me into a side alleyway, he turns me around and pushes me up against the wall. “Did you?”

  His face is only inches away from mine and there’s anger written all over it. Resting his forearm against my chest and pinning me to the wall, he removes his hand from my mouth and I gasp for breaths as he places his index finger over his lips.

  I struggle against his hold, but I can’t move, “Answer me!” My legs begin to shake and my eyes are starting to sting. “Did you?” I turn my head away when I feel his hands running down my neck and over my breasts.

  “D-D-Did I w-w-what?”

  “Did you sleep with him?” His jaw is clenched when he asks, and then he spits to the ground with a look of disgust crossing over his face. “What you did last night was unforgivable, Holly. Leading him on. Leading me on.”

  He thinks I lead him on? I hear voices to the right and take the opportunity to try and gain someone’s attention. Anyone’s attention, “He-!”

  “I said QUIET!” He hisses through his teeth, and I feel a burning sensation crossing over the right side of my face when his hand connects with my cheek. Grabbing my arm, he pulls me further down the dark alleyway before pinning me against the wall with his body. “Don’t make me do that again, Holly.”

  “Please? P-please?” I choke out and close my eyes. “You’re hurting me.”

  “Ha! Well, if that wasn’t a feeling of Deja Vu right there, then I don’t know what is!” he smirks and presses himself even harder against me.

  I clench my eyes shut as more tears escape from them, “Why? Why are you doing this?”

  “Me? No. No, no, no. Don’t turn this around on me, Holly. You did this,” he whispers only an inch from my mouth, while stroking his finger across my lips. “This. Is. All. On. You.”

  “You … you …” My shoulders slouch low and I feel all of my energy beginning to dwindle away. “… you r-r-aped m-m-me …” He covers my mouth with his hand again and his eyes narrow, anger filling them.

  “I’d be very careful throwing accusations like that around if I were you … Your time is up, Holly. I gave you more than enough time to tell him,” his hand loosens, allowing me to open my mouth, and I bite him. I bite him as hard as I can manage to. “You wanna play dirty?” He raises his brow and a look of amusement seeps into his eyes. Shaking my head, I try and take deep breaths and think of Brandon.

  “I want to go back inside.” I whisper when I hear Brandon singing the song that he dedicated to me travelling through the wall from next door. “I just want to go back inside.”

  “You don’t want me?” his whole face becomes unreadable and his voice is quiet. “You’re choosing him?” He takes a step away and his eyes widened. He looks … lost.

  Nodding my head, I take another deep breath, and feel relief washing through me as soon as I feel him taking his hands off me, “It’s always been him, Neil … It’ always been him.”

  My hands are shaking uncontrollably, and I wrap my arms around myself as I turn away and walk back towards the sidewalk. When I near the exit, he grabs me from behind again, this time with one arm wrapped firmly around my neck, the other around my waist. “If I can’t have you, Holly …”

  “Neil?” he turns me around and places his hand around my neck, pushing my backwards and deeper into the darkness. “Neil, what are you doing? He’s only inside. He’ll notice I’m gone any … any minute …” A sharp pain shoots up through my arm, but when I try to look down, he stops me. Grasping my face with his hand, he looks directly into my eyes.

  “By then … it’ll be too late.”

  He pushes me and I stumble backwards, feeling the hard wall against my back. What’s happening to me? Why does everything feel so strange?

  My pulse rate is increasing and I’m finding it really hard to breathe. It’s too hard to focus on anything. My legs give way and I feel myself sliding down the wall. I can faintly hear the sound of Brandon’s voice, saying goodnight to the crowd on the other side of the wall.

  The gigs over.

  He’ll be here soon. He’ll be here …

  Saying Goodbye

  It’s been twelve days. Almost two hundred and eighty eight hours since I held her in my arms, for what I know now was for the very final time.

  For the past twelve nights, I haven’t been able to close my eyes once without seeing the images of her limp and pale body lying in my arms. She looked so scared, so afraid. And, then she was gone … forever.

  I’ve been trying to convince myself that I’m trapped in some kinda nightmare, and at any given moment, I’ll wake up and be able to see her beautiful, smiling face within my reach again. That I’ll be able to hold her in my arms, hear her sweet laugh, and kiss her soft lips.

  My world is no longer a bright and happy place. It’s dark, cold, and hollow.

  The loneliness I’ve been feeling ever since that night, almost outweighs the emptiness that has taken over me from the inside out. No matter what happens in my life from here on out, whether I experience good times or bad, I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to accept that she’s not gonna be here to share them with me. All of my dreams, hopes, and plans for the future disappeared at the very same moment when they told me she wasn’t ever coming back.

  If I hadn’t let her talk me into playing the gig that night, then none of this would’ve happened. She’d still be here, not laying in some wooden box.

  It all happened so fast.

  She was standing right in front of me. Right by the stage when we were playing our set. I remember the way she smiled when I mouthed ‘I love you’
over to her during the bands last song. I turned away for only a few seconds, and then, I didn’t see her after that. I didn’t see her again until … until I got outside.

  When the song ended, the rest of the guys headed over to grab a few sodas while I waited by the stage for her to come back. I thought that she’d maybe gone to use the bathroom, but when she didn’t show, I went looking for her.

  The place was packed solid and I had to push my way through the crowd of people on my way out towards the back. I asked a group of girls who were standing outside the bathroom to check inside for her, and when they told me that there was no one else in there, I headed outside to call her.

  Nothing could’ve prepared me for what happened next.

  When I dialed her number, I heard her cell sounding out to my left. When I looked around, I realized it was coming from inside an alleyway, right beside the bar. It was dark, but the further I walked inside, the louder it got. And … and then I found her,

  Right after the paramedics lifted her away from my unwilling arms, the cops arrived at the scene. I spent most of the night at the station while they took down a witness statement. The cops kept asking the same questions, over and over again.

  “How long had the deceased been injecting heroin?”

  “Why did she go outside?”

  “Do you take drugs, Mr. Taylor?”

  They’ve been treating her death like some kinda accidental overdose. Holly wasn’t a user. She wasn’t. I would’ve known if she was. She never, ever touched that shit. Ever.

  Facing Holly’s mom and dad the following day was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through in my entire fucking life. I thought they’d blame me for what happened. She was with me after all and I was supposed to be taking good care of her. But, they didn’t. They pulled me into their arms like I was their own son. They comforted me.

  The only thing that’s been keeping me going is the hope of being with her again someday.