Misguided Truths: Part One

by Sarah Elizabeth

  The calls started at six thirty and ended at three thirty this morning. The messages, all fourteen of them, were sent over the course of the night.

  6:30: We have a break in rehearsals. Call me. X

  6:44: Alright, breaks over. I’ll call you on the next one. X

  8:00: Holly, are you getting these? We’re just going up. X

  9:30: We’re halfway through the set and have a ten minute break. Call me. Please? X

  9:32: Holl’s, I know you’re upset but can you at least answer your cell? X

  9:44: Time to play again. I’ll call you when we’re done. X

  11.01: We did it Holl’s! The wait is finally over. We got offered a regular weekend slot! X

  11:11 I just called Rye and he said you already left the movie theatre. Can you just pick up your phone? X

  11:19: I get it. You’re mad. Talk to be, baby. Please? X

  11.34: I’m getting Corey to drop me by your place on our way home. X

  11:37: Holly, this is ridiculous. Will you quit ignoring me?

  12:04: I’m in your room and Rachael’s going nuts. Where are you anyways?

  12:19: Holly I’m getting worried.

  01:37: WILL YOU ANSWER YOUR FUCKING CELL?

  But, Neil said that Brandon was going to a party right after the gig. And, how did he have the time to send me all of those messages during his breaks when he was outside with—?

  Oh God.

  He wasn’t. He didn’t.

  My cell phone sounds and I see Neil’s name displaying on the screen. My hands are beginning to shake when the realization finally starts to sink in.

  “You lied,” my voice is nothing but a whisper as I hold my cell up to my ear. “Brandon. Brandon didn’t—” I hear him chuckle deeply down the phone and close my eyes. “When Brandon finds out what you did, he’s going to—“

  “Holly, Holly, Holly …” his sickly sweet voice is making me want to hurl. “Take a moment to think about this, will you? When he finds out what you did, not me. You. You’re his girlfriend. You cheated on him. You really think that he’s gonna to be so forgiving and want to touch you after you seduced one of his best friends?”

  “B-B-But, you tricked me! Why? Why would you—?”

  “I want you, Holly,” his voice has turned more serious, but he really can’t be, can he? “Last night proved to me that you want me just as much as I want you.”

  “No! Last night should never have happened! You tricked me!” I scream down the phone and feel tears beginning to stream down my cheeks. “It was a mistake!”

  I hear him taking a deep breath before he speaks again, “You didn’t seem to think it was a mistake when you were laying under me. When I was buried deep inside you, Holly.”

  Nausea sweeps through my stomach, and I feel the bile rising in my throat when he says those words to me. I feel dirty. Cheap, “Please. Please don’t tell him. Please, Neil?” I plead with him through my sobs. “Please?”

  “I wasn’t planning on telling him,” his voice has softened and a huge wave of relief washes through me. “You are.” A silence takes over for a few brief moments before he speaks again. “Just end things with him and then we don’t have to hide our feelings for each other anymore.”

  “Feelings? The only thing I feel for you right now is hatred!” I spit in response. “He’ll never forgive you for this. Never!”

  Another harsh sound travels through the phone, “Bro’s before hoes, Holly. Bro’s before hoes.”

  I immediately snap my cell closed and throw it across my room before resting my head in my hands.

  Sitting down on my bed, my eyes land on the gift that Brandon bought for me for our two month anniversary. Removing the gift wrap and opening the red, velvet box, my eyes begin to glaze over when I see a silver, heart-shaped locket necklace inside, with the word ‘Love’ engraved on the back.

  Fallen

  Holly

  I hear my cell beeping on the pillow beside me and reluctantly open my eyes while letting out a sigh. I reach over and see another message flashing on the screen for my attention. I wish he would just leave me alone.

  Meet with me.

  The irony.

  I had my doubts on whether Brandon could ever be faithful, and all the while, I end up being the one to risk our relationship, to jeopardize everything we have for some … for some stupid, stupid mistake that got out of hand.

  He won’t stop. I’ve told him that what happened between us on Saturday will not be repeated, but he won’t accept it. He won’t listen. He tricked me. Every time my cell rings and his name appears on the screen, my whole body fills with anxiety. The only good thing is that I’ll only have to put up with it for a few more days. He and Ryan are flying to Europe first thing on Monday morning, and then things can get back to how they were before. At least, I hope they can.

  Knock. Knock.

  “Who is it?” I ask, keeping my eyes fixated on the ceiling above my bed.

  “Brandon’s here,” Rachael speaks quietly as she peeks her head around my bedroom door. “Again.”

  I close my eyes and feel like pretending I didn’t hear her. He’s been calling several times a day and showing up at the house ever since Sunday, “Can you tell him that I’m busy with school work or something?” I can’t face him, not after betraying him the way I did.

  She walks in and closes the door before coming to sit down on the edge of my bed, “But you’re not and he knows that you haven’t been in school all week. Holly, you haven’t even been out of the house since, when? Sunday? Look. Is this about what happened on Saturday?”

  “What?” My eyes widen and I swallow hard when I sit up abruptly and look at her.

  “I’d be upset, too, Holly. But, don’t you think you should maybe put the poor guy out of his misery already?”

  Does she know? I haven’t told a soul about what happened on Saturday night, not even Naomi. Unless … Neil. No. No, he wouldn’t have. Feelings of both anger and guilt begin to flare up from deep within me, and it takes all of my strength not to break down in front of her and admit to what I did.

  “If you’re done with him then you need to at least tell him. It’s not fair—”

  “Are you?” My eyes land over on the now open doorway and a dull ache crosses into my chest when I see him. “Are you done?” His shoulders are slumped low, and his eyes are dull. I’ve never seen him look so pale, so dejected before.

  I glance slowly between him and Rachael as she places her hand gently on my arm, “Holly?”

  I nod at her, and she gives me a small smile before she stands up and heads over to the door. She quietly whispers something to Brandon, and I see him give her a tight smile, as though in understanding, before she closes the door behind her.

  “Um …” I sit straighter and wait for him to come and sit with me, but he doesn’t. He stays standing on the other side of the room, with his gaze firmly fixed on the floor. “I …”

  I have absolutely no idea what I should even say to him. Telling him about what happened between me and Neil will mean that I’ll lose him. I don’t want to lose him. But, I can’t pretend it didn’t happen, either. If I could, then I would, but the guilt is eating away inside.

  “Just hear me out, okay? I swear, Holl's, if I’d have known how upset you’d be then I would’ve—“

  “You’d have cancelled the gig and come with me instead?” He closes his eyes and leans his head against the back wall.

  “I don’t think I’m gonna like the answer to this,” he exhales a deep breath, and rakes both of his hands through his hair while taking a seat beside me, resting his head in his hands. “But, I need to know.”

  When he lifts his head, I see they’re glazed over and an almost grey color. Purples rings are underneath his eyes, “W-w-what?”

  He knows.

  “I fucked up. I know I did. But, Holl's? Please don’t …” Brandon’s eyebrows furrow and a deeper frown etches over his mouth. I follow his gaze and see that he’s now stari
ng at the gift he gave to me on Friday night, still in its box and sitting on my nightstand. “Are you breaking up with me?” His voice cracks as he asks. Though his hands are gripped tightly together in front of his mouth, they’re shaking. He doesn’t look at me; he just keeps his eyes focused directly ahead.

  He thinks that this is all of his fault, and this alone makes it’s impossible for me to hold them in any longer. Tears begin to treacle down my cheeks and a knot twists in my stomach. “Brandon?” I whisper and watch him lift his head up before turning to face me. “I’m—“

  He stands back up and begins pacing the length of my room, stopping when he reaches the window. He rests his hands against the windowsill and gazes outside. A few moments pass by before he drops his head in defeat, “Rach was right, wasn’t she? You’re … you’re done.” His voice is a whisper and laced with sorrow.

  My cell vibrate again, and when I check the screen, it’s another message.

  What’s Brandon doing in your room?

  What in the hell?

  I shove the phone into the top drawer of my nightstand and slam it closed. Brandon looks over with a questioning look in his eyes before returning his focus back out of the window. My hands are shaking as I stand and walk over to him.

  He turns his back to the window, and is facing me now, with a look of desperation crossing into his eyes, “I’m in love with you, Holly.” He lowers his gaze to the floor and shakes his head. “I fell in love with you.” His voice is a hoarse whisper and my breath catches when he says the words. He’s never told me he loves me before. The guilt I’d been feeling was nothing compared to how bad I feel right now.

  Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I pull him into me and close my eyes, inhaling his scent. God, I’ve missed this. He places his hands lightly on either side of my waist and rests his chin on my right shoulder. His breaths are uneven, and I know that I need to say those three words back to him.

  “Please give me another chance, Holl’s,” he whispers while wrapping his arms around my waist tightly. “Please?”

  I pull away slightly and open my eyes so he can see me when I tell him that I fell in love with him, too, but my stomach churns and my blood runs cold when I see Neil stepping out from behind a tree on the other side of the street.

  He’s staring directly up through the window at us, and I know that I need to put an end to this once and for all. I can’t tell Brandon about what happened. He’s just declared his love for me, and I don’t want that to change. It’s hard enough to see him this upset, with him just thinking that I’m breaking up with him. But, to tell him that I slept with Neil, one of his best friends? Well, that would break him, and I know there would be no way we’d be able to come back from that.

  No. Once Neil sees me with Brandon then he’ll understand, and he’ll finally listen. I just need to show him that it’s Brandon I want, and not him.

  There’s only one thing I can think to do.

  I grasp at Brandon’s hair and pull him forward until his mouth is on mine, kissing him hard. I feel his shoulders instantly relax as he places his hands back on my waist. The kiss is unhurried, though filled with pure need. His fingers brush through my hair and then he begins to place softer kisses by my ear, before trailing them along my jaw and pulling away to look at me again.

  I step out from his embrace and take a deep breath.

  “Holl’s?” I tear my gaze away from his and walk towards the door. Turning the key in the lock, I briefly close my eyes and inhale another breath, with the hope it’ll help to steady my nerves. “Holl’s?” I see that his eyebrows have furrowed, and a deep frown has formed over his lips when I reopen them. “What are you doing?”

  Now’s not the time to be feeling nervous.

  Breaking our eye contact, I walk slowly towards him and begin to unfasten the buttons on my shirt. I don’t say anything when I stand directly in front of him, but risk a glance out of the window and see that Neil’s still standing outside and looking in.

  “Holly?”

  I turn and stare deeply into Brandon’s eyes and shrug out of my shirt, allowing for it fall to the floor before reaching over to remove his. His eyes widen, and I notice him swallow nervously as his eyes roam over me, “I love you, too.” I whisper, and thankfully the anxiety I’m feeling doesn’t creep into my voice.

  Once his shirt is fully open, I brush my fingers lazily over his chest and abs, bringing them slowly upwards until I reach his jaw, “I’m ready.” My voice is shaky as my eyes meet with his again.

  “You’re ready for what?” his voice is soft as he asks, and he searches my eyes, studying me. I lower my hands and reach for the waistband of his pants, and it’s now when it finally seems to dawn on him. “Oh.”

  I need him to know that it’s only him that I want, and Neil needs to see this so he’ll get the message. My first time should always have been with Brandon. If we do this now, then Neil will no longer be the one who took this away from me. He’ll no longer be the one who took this away from us, “Are you sure about this?”

  Nodding only slightly, I reach over to the curtains and see Neil shaking his head. Good. He’s seeing this. I pull them closed and then turn back to Brandon, grabbing his hands in mine before walking slowly backwards until we reach my bed.

  I lean up and kiss him again, taking my hands from out of his and wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him down until he’s lying on top of me.

  He breaks our kiss and searches my face, “So, we’re not breaking up?”

  “We’re definitely not breaking up,” I tell him, while shaking my head and gripping onto his shoulders.

  “But, then why?” his brow furrows, and he looks confused. “Why’ve you been avoiding me?”

  A dull ache crosses over my chest again, “Because … because I wasn’t sure if you felt the same.”

  “Never doubt my feelings for you, Holly,” he whispers and then gently presses his lips against mine briefly. “Ever.”

  His hands begin to roam over my breasts, before he strokes his fingers lightly across my naval. I hear the sound of my zipper and then feel his warm hand sliding in-between my jeans and panties.

  I rest my head back against the pillow as he places soft, lingering kisses over my neck, and his breaths by my ear send warm tingles throughout my entire body.

  This tenderness was how it was supposed to be. How it was supposed to feel when I had sex for the first time.

  When his fingers touch my bare flesh, I inhale a sharp breath as he lets out a soft groan, and I feel my muscles beginning to tense.

  “Just relax,” he whispers.

  One more drink…

  You feel so good …

  You like that, huh?

  Just relax …

  I clench my eyes closed when images from Saturday filter into my mind, and I can feel my whole body beginning to shake.

  It’s Brandon. It’s Brandon. It’s …

  I open my eyes when I can no longer feel his hands on me, and see that he’s gazing down at me, with a guarded look in his eyes, “Why did you stop?” I ask him, and watch as he takes a breath. He runs his finger gently across my cheek, with a look of sorrow filtering into his eyes. “Brandon?”

  “Because you’re crying,” he moves away and sits over on the edge of the bed. I wipe my face and look down at my hand. Oh. “I’m sorry, Holl's. When you said you were ready, I should have …”

  “I am. I’m ready,” I try to reassure him. I need him to do this so I won’t think of Neil every time he touches me. “Please?”

  He stands and grabs his shirt from off the floor by the window, “Holly, you looked scared. If you were ready then you wouldn’t have reacted in that way when I touched you.” He pulls on his shirt and begins to fasten it up, before raking his hands through his hair. “Listen, um …”

  I jump off the bed and walk over to where he’s standing, “Are you leaving?” His eyes are darting around the room, on anything and everything but me.

  “Yeah
, I think I should,” he answers while shrugging his shoulders in defeat.

  “Are you angry with me?” My voice cracks when I see how dull his eyes have become. Why can’t I block everything out of my mind? Why do I have to keep seeing Neil’s face?

  He steps forward and cups my chin in his hand, “Angry with you? No. No, Holl's. I’m not angry with you …” he presses a feather light kiss on my forehead and strokes his fingers through my hair. “I’m angry with myself.” He whispers and walks over to open my bedroom door. When he reaches for the handle, he turns around and smiles a sad smile. “Call me before you go to sleep.”

  When he closes the door behind him, I grab my cell from the drawer that I threw it in earlier, and walk over to the window. Peeking through the small gap, I watch Brandon walk down the street and then look over to where Neil had been previously standing. Thankfully, it doesn’t look as though he decided to stick around.

  I glance to my cell and see three new messages. Sighing deeply, I climb under the blankets on my bed before opening them up.

  Not cool, Holly. Not cool.

  You think he won’t be able to tell that someone’s been there first?

  You wanna play games, huh? You got it.

  I throw my cell down, and sob uncontrollably until I finally manage to fall asleep.

  Dinner & A Movie

  Brandon

  The knocking sound on the front door tells me that she’s here already.

  Last night was the first time that I’ve actually managed to see Holly since we had our first row on Saturday, just before the band’s first gig. I hadn’t realized at the time just how upset she’d be about me having to cancel our plans. She ignored my calls, messages, and wouldn’t answer the door to me all week.