Time Will Tell

by M. Ullrich

  “Thanks for your help with my paper,” Casey said. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Eva looked at the clock and was shocked to see it was past seven. Time so easily slipped away as you enjoyed a meal and idle conversation. The safest parts of Eva’s days were always the quickest to come to an end.

  “I should get home,” Eva said. All the motion in the kitchen came to a halt.

  “Are you sure?” Jim asked.

  “You have clothes here,” Casey said eagerly. “You should spend the night.”

  Eva knew she could spend the night. She knew the McClellans would have her spend every night with them if they could, because every time Eva spent the night in her own house, she’d show up the next day quieter than usual and reluctant to leave again. But she’ll never forget the way her uncle Luke reacted the last time she spent more than a few nights away from home.

  Eva stood and started to gather her things. “Thank you for dinner,” she said, ignoring Casey’s pleading eyes.

  Patricia plastered on a smile that barely hid her concern. “You know you’re always welcome here, dear.”

  “I’ll walk you home,” Casey said as she rushed around Eva toward the door.

  The May evening was as chilly as expected, but the breeze held the promise of a warm summer on its way. Eva shivered slightly as she skipped down the stairs of the front porch.

  “You really don’t have to go,” Casey said. Eva kept walking without saying a word. “My mom meant what she said, and if you think I don’t want you around, you’re wrong. I always want you around.” Eva walked a little faster so Casey fell behind a few steps. “Please stay.”

  Eva stopped walking. She was right outside the rusty gate that sectioned off her yard from the sidewalk. She took a deep breath. “I can’t,” she said, facing Casey. “Last time I was gone for more than a few days, Luke got really pissed.”

  “He’s gone for weeks at a time!” Casey shouted. Eva signaled for her to lower her voice. She continued in a whisper. “He leaves for days on end, never letting you know if he’s coming or going, and he expects you to spend more time at home? That’s bullshit, Eva, and you know it.”

  “It is,” Eva said. “But life’s easier if I just do what he wants.” She shrugged in defeat.

  A car drove down the street, the headlights illuminating Casey’s eyes for a fraction of a second, but it was long enough for Eva to see Casey was worried.

  “It’s okay.”

  “Will you tell me if it’s not?”

  No, Eva thought, because you already worry too much. “Of course I will.”

  Casey tugged on the hem of Eva’s long black T-shirt. “I sleep better when you’re with me.” She pushed her fingertips into Eva’s abdomen and smiled.

  Eva wanted to step forward and let Casey touch her again. These little moments between them were seconds Eva would file away into her memory forever. “I do, too,” she said.

  “But I’ll get you back tomorrow night, right? For girls’ night? I need girls’ night with my best friend.” Casey’s wide smile lit up in the moonlight.

  “You’ll have me tomorrow night.” Casey treasured girls’ night, and Eva treasured giving Casey everything she wanted.

  Girls’ Night was just another name for Fridays, but they were a big deal to Eva. Most nights of the week she’d sleep at Casey’s, but Casey always treated Fridays like the quintessential sleepover: movies, popcorn, and staying up late. Casey never invited one of her many other friends, and that blew Eva’s mind. The most popular girl in school chose to spend Friday nights with her.

  “Good night, Eva. See you in the morning.” Casey leaned forward and pulled Eva into a brief hug that lasted just long enough for Eva to take in her subtle perfume.

  “See you in the morning.” Eva watched Casey head back to her own home. Her heart beat a little faster, but she blamed that on the anxiety she felt over going home.

  Eva strode through the front door as quickly and quietly as possible. The musty air nearly choked her, but she swallowed back the urge. She heard her uncle before she saw him, his slurred ramblings echoing in the house.

  “Go back, come back, go back, come back. Time is an infinite loop. Infinite, never ending, and I need to be in it. I need to be infinite.” Eva heard Luke coming closer, and she held her breath. He closed and locked the basement door. “If I want to be infinite, I can’t stop. Deterioration wasn’t factored in, but I can fix it. I will not break down!” Eva jumped at the sound of a kitchen chair hitting the wall.

  She moved quickly toward the stairs, not wanting to bring attention to her presence, but she heard Luke’s heavy footsteps behind her.

  “I guess you learned your lesson last time,” Luke said from somewhere in the dark living room. Eva tried for the stairs, but he grabbed her wrist. His calloused fingers scraped her skin like fire spreading. “Don’t just walk away from me.”

  Eva felt the sway in his step. “I’m tired.” She pulled her wrist back and winced.

  “You should really try to spend more time with your uncle.”

  “I’m tired,” Eva said again as she turned once more toward the stairs. She’d lived with Luke for five years, no reason to start quality time now. He shoved her, and she fell onto the carpeted stairs.

  “You’re ungrateful, that’s what you are.” Luke shuffled away toward the kitchen.

  Eva ran up the stairs the moment she knew Luke’s full attention was on his drink. Life was unfair: Luke could drink to forget the ways he mistreated his niece, while Eva’s memory was permanently scarred.

  Chapter Two

  Eva was late to school the next morning. She missed her usual ride with Casey, so she had to make the mile-long trek under the bright morning sun. She focused on the way the light clung to her dark clothing and warmed her from head to toe. Eva knew the walk would be a good time for her to work through the latest incidents without Casey watching her every move. Yes, this walk would do her good. She could relive each minute of her morning and make sure to bury it away before she saw Casey for lunch, before Casey would ask her why she was late. What would she say? She got up at the same time, her alarm clock chirped her into consciousness, but what held her back was the unexpected presence of her uncle Luke at the foot of her bed.

  Eva shifted back in alarm, pulling the loose sheets along with her. She looked around the room frantically, looking for a clue as to why Luke was in her room, sitting sullenly on the corner of her bed. Eva vividly remembered locking the door. He must have a key.

  “Sweetheart, I’m sorry about last night.” Eva brought her knees up to her chest and tucked herself into the nook where her mattress met the corner of her room. She didn’t look at him. “You know I don’t mean to, honey.”

  Honey. Sweetheart. His favorite words the morning after.

  Mean to what? she thought, but she knew better than to ask aloud. Her head remained down, but she peered up at Luke through her long lashes. He was dressed in the same clothes as the previous night, a stained thermal shirt and tattered jeans. His hair was greasy and his beard unkempt. She wondered when the last time he showered was.

  Luke shifted on the mattress to face Eva fully. “I just need you to understand, it’s been hard for me lately, seeing you grow up. You were a child when you came to me.”

  “I was twelve,” Eva said, speaking for the first time that morning. Her voice was rough, dry, and shaky.

  “And I raised you to be who you are today.” Luke paused. Eva’s jaw tensed. She hated when Luke took credit for her parents’ hard work, and for the compassion and care she had received from the McClellans over the years. Luke was never one of the positive influences in her life. She heard his rough swallow and could feel the way he evaluated her folded form. “You’ve become such a beautiful young woman.” His voice was low and breathy.

  Eva’s skin began to crawl. “I have to get ready for school.” She jumped off the bed and rushed to the door, praying she’d get there before he did. Luke beat her to the doorw
ay.

  “Forgive me?” Luke’s hollow eyes bore into her.

  As much as she wanted to tell him no, to scream and yell, Eva was too weak. She managed a small nod and a barely perceptible hum.

  “That’s my girl. Now come here,” he said, pulling her against his body.

  Eva stood motionless, her arms hanging against her sides, counting the seconds until the embrace was done. She had made it to six-Mississippi when she felt the scrape of his facial hair against her neck and the crackle of parting lips rang in her ear. Luke’s breath ghosted across the sensitive skin below her earlobe. She pushed away.

  “I have to go,” Eva said. She picked up her clothes from the day before and ran to the safety of the bathroom. She heaved into the sink over and over until the burning in her esophagus subsided. When Eva looked at herself in the mirror, she analyzed the red-rimmed eyes staring back. One day she feared she wouldn’t recognize herself. She closed her eyes and swallowed back tears. How had her life become this?

  Eva walked into school intending to avoid Casey and anyone else who’d try to engage her throughout the school day. She put one foot in front of the other and went through the motions as expected. Even Mrs. Henderson showed little interest in talking again, much to Eva’s relief. She wasn’t quite as discomforted or disgusted by the time the final bell rang. The weather was indecisive that Friday, somewhere between dreary and clear, matching her mood. She stepped from the front doors of the school and heard Casey call out to her right away.

  “Hey there tall, dark, and beautiful!” Casey’s voice carried through the dense crowd of teenagers. Eva looked around to see who else heard Casey use the nickname she refused to drop. Eva had experienced her final growth spurt that past summer, putting her at just over five foot nine, three inches taller than Casey. Eva raised her finger to her lips, shushing her best friend from a distance. Casey rushed up to her. “Where were you this morning? I hung around as long as I could,” Casey said, oblivious to the way Eva tensed up. “I should’ve waited for you anyway. All we did was watch a movie first period.” Casey looked at her.

  Eva tried to clear her face of any telltale tension. Students rushed around them. “I slept through my alarm clock,” she said with a fake smile. Casey smiled with such amusement, Eva could’ve sworn the sun had come out. Her delight turned to panic when Casey reached out and gripped her bare elbow. She flinched.

  Casey narrowed her eyes and pushed Eva to the side of the sidewalk. She pulled Eva’s arm up for inspection. “What happened?”

  “I fell,” Eva said, leaving the two words to fade between them. She closed her eyes as Casey ran her fingertips along the raised skin. The tender touch contrasted with the rough patch of rug burn. Eva was thankful the bruise was well hidden. She could only feel the pain.

  “Eva…” Casey licked her lips. Her mossy green eyes were intense. She reached up to remove a strand of errant hair from Eva’s eye. “You can tell me the truth—”

  “Watch out, Case!” a deep voice bellowed from the thinning crowd around them. “If you get any closer, she’ll turn you into a dyke, too.”

  “Shut the fuck up, Kyle,” Casey said in a near growl. “And while you’re at it, grow up too.” Kyle recoiled. He looked wounded for only a second before he plastered on a cocky smirk and walked away, laughing it off.

  “You don’t have to do that,” Eva whispered.

  “What?”

  “Stick up for me the way you do.” Eva shrugged and started to walk to Casey’s car. She needed distance from Casey’s all-too-caring touch. “They’re your friends too, I don’t want to cause problems.”

  Casey waited until they were both in the quiet safety of her car before responding. “If they were real friends, they wouldn’t be such assholes to you, and no one should be treated like that,” she said, reaching across the car to grab Eva’s hand. “Especially not you.”

  “Come on.” Eva shook off Casey’s hand and the pleasant discomfort of the moment. “We’re going to be late for girls’ night.”

  Casey turned the key in the ignition. Before putting the aged car in drive, she turned to Eva and said, “They don’t know you like I do, Eva, and that’s their loss.”

  Eva looked out the window and watched as the school grew smaller in the distance. She ruminated on the truth of Casey’s words and relaxed into the safety she felt at her best friend’s side. No one else bothered to get to know her like Casey had, and that was fine by Eva. She didn’t need anyone besides Casey—her other half, the light to her darkness. Casey brought the only perfection to her deranged life, and Eva tried her best not to worry about what would become of her when Casey was no longer there to save and protect her.

  * * *

  “Romantic comedies are the absolute worst.” Eva gagged dramatically.

  “Oh please,” Casey said as she settled onto her bed beside Eva. “You know you love them just as much as I do.” She peeled open a bag of freshly popped popcorn.

  Eva waited until Casey’s mouth was full. “I’ll never admit to such a thing and you can’t make me.” She laughed at Casey’s glare and bulging cheeks.

  Eva gave up trying to pay attention about thirty minutes into a movie about some guys not being interested in some girls. She watched a group of women chat on the screen, confiding in one another and supporting one another with advice just like she did with Casey.

  “I wish I could go to college with you,” Eva said without thinking. She’d wanted to say that ever since Casey had started her senior year of high school.

  Casey paused the movie. “We still have a few months before I go anywhere. Then you just have one school year without me, and you know I’ll be home every chance I get.” Casey set the empty popcorn bag on her nightstand and faced Eva. “After graduation, you’ll be able to get out of here and away from him.” They rarely said Luke’s name when they spoke of him.

  Eva laughed bitterly. “I’m afraid I’ll be stuck here forever. With him and with them.” Eva sat cross-legged against Casey’s headboard and stared at her folded hands. “I hate them all.”

  “I know.”

  “I don’t know if I’ll make it through a year without you,” Eva said. She looked at Casey, her face illuminated by the television. Eva knew every detail of Casey’s face, even without enough light to see them clearly. “How am I supposed to be strong enough to defend myself in the hallways or stop another rumor from spreading? You protect me better than I can protect myself.” Eva’s throat grew tight, and she stopped talking. Being without Casey was hard enough to imagine, never mind talk about.

  “Like the rumor that went around last year? Where you were a witch that cast a spell so Bryan Lewis failed his chemistry midterm?”

  “I’m a little flattered to be the center of such creative thinking.”

  “You’re a true inspiration to many.”

  “Remember the one about my plan to seduce Queen Becca, the captain of the cheerleading squad?” Eva said. “Like I’d ever stoop that low!” She fell into an unrelenting fit of giggles.

  “The latest is my personal favorite,” Casey said with a mischievous glint in her eye. One Eva could see clearly, even in the darkness. “That I’m your latest target.” The laughter died in Eva’s throat, but Casey continued undeterred. “That you’ve always wanted me and since school is ending soon, you’ll be going in for the kill.”

  Eva sat straight up, distancing herself from Casey. “You know that’s not true, Casey!” Eva said in a near panic. “They’re a bunch of assholes who’ll do anything to break us up.” Eva’s eyes widened. “Break up our—our friendship, I mean. Casey, you can’t believe them. Please.”

  Casey sat up and shifted closer to Eva. Eva felt comforted by her returning warmth, but Casey startled her by pressing her fingers against Eva’s lips.

  “Shut up and breathe.” Eva crossed her eyes looking down at Casey’s touch. “You know I’d never believe anything anyone says about you,” Casey said. She dropped her hand. “Especially not them
.” Eva started to relax when Casey added, “Besides, I’d be flattered to have a hottie like you interested in me.” Casey wiggled her eyebrows before flopping against her pillows.

  She’s my best friend, Eva reasoned, she has to say things like that. “You don’t have to try to make me feel better.” She laid down beside Casey.

  “I’m not,” Casey replied quickly. “You know I’d never pity you like that.” Casey turned on her side, her right hand under her cheek and a small smile pulling at her full mouth. “I think you’re gorgeous. It’s just a matter of seeing past this tarnish and getting to the gold beneath.” Casey made a show of licking her thumb and moving to swipe it across Eva’s cheek.

  Eva grabbed Casey’s wrist and warned, “Don’t you dare.”

  “I’m serious, Eva. You’re an amazing person and beautiful, and it won’t matter to me whether you seduce the cheerleaders or football team. I’ll love you no matter what.”

  Eva struggled with what she was hearing. She kept her eyes on Casey’s. She understood what Casey was saying, her message was loud and clear, but why say it then? All of those thoughts and feelings were scary enough on their own, but now Casey was putting them in the spotlight. She looked at Casey’s glistening lips and then back to sleepy eyes.

  Eva reached for the remote and started the movie again. “I want to see how it ends. I hope the cheating husband gets kicked to the curb.”

  “Me too.” Casey sighed, and Eva was almost gullible enough to believe she was disappointed.

  Eva waited for Casey to join her. She stared at the flashing screen but couldn’t pay attention to the movie. She was divided between scattered, fearful thoughts and the feeling of Casey’s body next to hers. Every night they shared a bed, they’d lie so close Eva could feel Casey’s presence in her bones. What Eva loved most about girls’ night was Casey’s hand resting on her stomach and her head on her shoulder, breathing softly against her neck. Eva soaked up the moment. Girls’ night would always be her favorite night.