Time Will Tell

by M. Ullrich

  Eva ate quickly and showered in even less time, but she took extra care making love that night, not caring if the sun was rising or how Casey’s legs were shaking uncontrollably. She knew how to say the unspoken through touch. Eva was sure and confident as she explored Casey’s body reverently. And as Casey filled her slowly while whispering filthy words of encouragement, Eva felt herself fall into oblivion.

  Chapter Seventeen

  In high school, Casey had been a very outgoing individual. She never hesitated to volunteer to head a big class project or be the first to speak to a new student. That outgoingness was what led to her friendship with Eva. But now Casey was more reserved. The Casey McClellan of yesteryear would’ve seen a fashion show as an opportunity to chat with and learn from gorgeous models, not an overwhelming and assaulting event. She looked around the space, noting the way the white curtains that lined the walls were backlit with soothing magentas and blues. Eva had reserved her a seat in the second row since the first wasn’t really comfortable for everyone. Casey was happy to disappear into the crowd.

  “Is anyone sitting here?” The woman was speaking to her.

  “I’m not sure, actually,” Casey said. “My seat was reserved. You may want to check with someone whether the whole row is reserved or not.”

  The woman sat anyway. “Reserved? Are ya some fashion bigwig or somethin’?” Casey smiled at the heavy New York accent. Accents always tickled her.

  “Not a bigwig,” Casey said. “My girlfriend is in the show. She’s a model.” More and more seats around them filled up.

  “You’ll have to point her out to me.”

  Casey figured the other woman was using her to look like she belonged in that seat. The idea wasn’t half bad actually. Casey decided to take the opportunity to be her old self again. She could make small talk with a stranger.

  “I’m Casey and my girlfriend’s name is Eva. This is my first time seeing her model, and I’m very excited.” Casey’s throat was tight, but it felt good to feel a little less out of place, and calling Eva her girlfriend was a definite pleasure. She saw a bit of ice around the woman melt.

  “I’m Teresa,” she said while looking around. She was probably trying to spot anyone that could pass as a celebrity. “I’ve neva been to a fashion show before, but a friend of a friend told me about this one. I wasn’t busy so whateva, ya know?”

  Casey grinned. “Absolutely.” She was torn between asking Teresa more about herself and requesting she recite Marissa Tomei’s “biological clock” monologue, but before she had the chance for either, the lights in the open room went down abruptly. Casey was surprised to see every chair in the room full and more people lining the walls. She couldn’t contain her awe. “Wow.”

  “Wow is right. They were suppostah start ten minutes ago.”

  A spotlight zeroed in on the curtain at the end of the runway and an MC welcomed them over the sound system. Casey only half listened because she was enthralled by the erotic image of Eva in lingerie, walking with an air of superiority. Casey started to fan herself with the small postcard they handed her upon arrival.

  The models started to make their entrances, one by one and perfectly timed. Each man and woman had their moment to shine as they reached the end of the catwalk, but no one’s sashay captured Casey’s attention like Eva’s. Eva was dressed in coral and black lace, and Casey knew exactly why the designer had requested her specifically. The colors complemented her naturally tanned skin beautifully. She glowed and shimmered under the spotlight, and Casey knew a special effect wasn’t responsible. Eva’s skin always looked like that, especially in the moonlight as she lay in bed. Casey bit her lower lip when Eva arrived at the end of the walkway and posed. Her long dark hair cascaded over her shoulders in controlled waves, her eye makeup was heavy and smoky, and Casey knew in that moment what erotic dreams truly were.

  Teresa leaned into her. “Is that her?” Casey only managed a nod in response because she didn’t dare look away when Eva turned to go back. The bottom piece of the lingerie was a thong. Casey whimpered and Teresa laughed loudly. “I knew it. You almost fell outta your chair the moment she came out. She’s stunning, but I’d ratha go home with him.”

  Casey heard Teresa talk, but she was unaware of any other model besides Eva, who disappeared behind the curtain at the end of the stage. The next time she came out, she was dressed in all black with a satin robe barely covering the corset top she was bound in. Casey’s mouth felt dry. Again, she disappeared and forced Casey to wait until her next reappearance.

  The third and final time Eva walked the runway, she was accompanied by a dark-skinned man with a chiseled jawline, a muscular body, and a tiny pair of briefs that clued Casey in to how endowed the rest of him was. They were magnificent together, and when he kissed Eva at the end of the stage, Casey’s breath caught. The kiss was seductive and soft, and it lit a fireball of jealousy in the pit of Casey’s stomach.

  “Uh-oh,” Teresa said. Casey didn’t even acknowledge it.

  The show finished up almost immediately after that, and Casey rushed toward the door Eva instructed her to wait by after the show. Ten minutes turned to twenty, and then a half hour passed before the door cracked open. Casey nearly leapt on Eva the moment she saw her, and kissed her fiercely. Casey held her closely and tasted Eva’s lips and tongue until Eva had to pull back for a full breath.

  Eva looked dazed with a lazy smile and dopey eyes. “What was that for?”

  “I wasn’t expecting the kiss,” Casey said.

  “Me either.”

  “No, not our kiss. The kiss you had with…” Casey looked around Eva into the backstage area in search of the model she watched with fury earlier. She pointed at him. “That guy.”

  “Oh,” Eva said, blushing. “Yeah, that wasn’t planned until today. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry, it’s part of the job.” Eva pinched her eyebrows together. “I don’t want you kissing other people all the time, but if it’s for a show I can get over it.” Eva gripped Casey’s hips and pulled her close. Casey ran her fingers through Eva’s beautifully thick hair.

  “I was worried you’d be upset, but if I’ll get a kiss like that every time I kiss someone else onstage, I’ll make sure Max puts it in my contract.”

  Casey pinched Eva’s side.

  “Did someone say my name?” an attractive blond man said from the backstage doorway. He looked Russian if Casey had to guess, and he had the bluest eyes she had ever seen.

  “Max, come meet Casey.” Eva beckoned him over. As he advanced, Casey could feel his appraising gaze, and she shrank into herself.

  He smiled warmly and extended his hand. “It’s lovely to meet you, Casey. I haven’t heard much about you yet, but Eva’s smile tells me everything I need to know.”

  “Nice to meet you.” Casey kept her eyes on their joined hands and tried her best to control her blush.

  “She’s a shy girl—that’s a good balance for you, Eva.” Max laughed. “Listen, we’re all heading back to the studio for a little after-party. I’d like to see you both there.”

  “We’ll be there,” Eva said.

  Casey nodded slightly to show at least a hint of enthusiasm before Max retreated to the rest of the models.

  Eva eyed her curiously. “Since when is ‘Miss-life-of-the-party’ so shy?” Eva said. “Is it because you’ve seen us all in our underwear and you’re afraid it’ll be awkward?”

  Eva got Casey to smile that time.

  “It won’t be awkward, I promise. We’ll chat a little, I’ll introduce you around, and we’ll leave as soon as you want. Sound good?”

  Casey took a deep breath and tried to focus on anything but her rising panic. She focused on a rational fact: a party with a group full of strangers could potentially be a good time with Eva at her side. Casey kissed Eva softly and said, “Sounds good.”

  A very kind, eager young man drove them to the studio and chatted with Eva the entire way. Casey remained quietly focused on prepping
herself for the party. She could do this. She could handle being the nobody in a room full of people. All she had to do was stand beside Eva. She held Eva’s hand tightly as they walked into the bustling party.

  “I didn’t realize the after-party was bigger than the show itself,” Casey said, scanning the overly filled studio space.

  “That’s Max. He knows success in this business is fleeting, especially when his company doesn’t have a contract with big names like Tom Ford or Calvin Klein. He likes to celebrate every little moment.” Eva’s smile was vibrant with pride, and Casey tried to share in this moment with her. Eva grabbed a full champagne flute from a circling server’s tray and handed to Casey. “Drink up.”

  Casey eyed Eva’s own glass of amber-colored liquor. “No champagne for you?”

  “I never acquired a taste for it. I prefer whiskey.”

  Casey wondered if she drank the same brand as Luke, but she kept that question to herself. She raised her glass and smiled through her upset. “To you, my love, and your success.”

  “To us,” Eva said, growing somber. “To being in each other’s lives again.”

  Casey drank to the sentiment easily. After a customary sip, Casey abandoned her champagne. It left the same acrid taste on the back of her tongue as every other alcoholic beverage. Their moment was broken when someone started waving to Eva. Eva excused herself with a polite kiss, leaving Casey on her own in a sea of people.

  After much maneuvering, Casey perched in the corner of the room and studied the action taking place around her. Eva was friendly with many people, people who obviously cared for her deeply. Especially Max. He followed her from group to group, keeping his arm around her possessively. Casey felt her ire rising. She should be the one holding Eva so intimately, but she reminded herself sternly that Max was Eva’s boss, and the man who had cared for her during a time she was unable to. Casey boiled every inner thought down to one simple truth: Max did for Eva what Casey never could.

  “You seem a bit hidden back here,” a young woman said to Casey.

  “Just taking everything in.” Casey prepared herself for another round of awkwardness. She was beginning to realize basic conversation skills weren’t easy to pick back up once they fell away.

  “Who are you anyway?” Casey turned her head slowly to meet the other woman’s hard stare. She was a tall, gangly blonde with alarmingly large blue eyes. “You’re pretty enough to be a model, but too short. Do you know Max or something?”

  Casey took a deep breath to calm herself. She wasn’t looking for conversation, especially not one like this. “I’m with Eva,” she said, making sure to choose her words wisely. When the other woman glared, Casey doubted she made the right choice.

  “Eva who?”

  “Hey,” Eva said. She was out of breath after rushing through the throngs of people to join the conversation. “Sara, this is Casey. Casey, this is Sara.” Eva’s introduction was tense and awkward, and Casey grew more uncomfortable.

  “Lilly,” Sara said, stepping up to kiss Eva’s cheek. “Casey was just telling me she knows Eva. Do you know who she’s talking about?”

  “Eva’s my middle name.” Eva acted as if her answer would satisfy everyone, but Casey knew Eva didn’t have a middle name.

  Sara started talking about the show and complimenting Eva on every move she made and look she wore. Casey’s stomach twisted over and over, like a tight coil in her gut. Casey knew Eva wasn’t entirely comfortable with the entire exchange. She had tried to explain who Casey was multiple times but Sara would cut her off with another compliment. Now she was gulping down her fourth drink of the night.

  “I’m stepping out for some air,” Casey said. She didn’t look at Eva or Sara, not even when she knew Eva was calling her name. She just walked toward the door.

  Out in the chilly night, Casey took her first deep breath of fresh air and then gulped down another immediately after. Her rose-colored glasses were starting to slip away. She and Eva were completely different people—from one another and from who they were six years ago. Casey wasn’t sure if she could be a part of the circles Eva ran in now, but she couldn’t take Eva from them either. The wind whipped around Casey, sticking her hair to her lip gloss.

  “I didn’t want anyone to know my real name,” Eva said from behind Casey. “I was so afraid of him finding me, I only told Max my name for legal paperwork.”

  “You’re Lilly now?”

  “Only here, only with them.”

  Casey closed her eyes when Eva grabbed her elbow and encouraged her to turn around. When she looked at Eva, she didn’t see the Eva she mourned for six years. This face belonged to someone else entirely, to Lilly. “I’m ready to head home. If you’re not, I can catch the next train myself.”

  “We can go,” Eva said, but she made no move for the door. “Are you okay? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you—”

  “I’m fine,” Casey said, avoiding eye contact. “Go say your good-byes. I’ll wait here.” Eva hesitated but left Casey after a moment.

  They headed back home in silence, the train ride awkward and tense. Trees and buildings passed in a blur outside the window, and Casey wondered how life had gone so wrong. She used to believe in happily ever after. Even in her darkest moments she held out hope for happiness. Now she understood that even when life presents you with what you believe you want, there’s no guarantee it’s the best thing for you.

  Casey waited until they arrived home, after Eva washed her face and changed into more comfortable clothing, to speak to Eva again. Eva poured herself a drink, and Casey took it as a sign that her decision was for the best. “Eva, we need to talk.”

  Eva paused with her tumbler of whiskey close to her lips. She eyed Casey and drank the liquor in one swallow. “That doesn’t sound good.” Eva sat on the sofa, but Casey remained standing. “Was it the name thing or was it Sara? Because we had only slept together and she thought things were more serious between us, but I told her I was with you.”

  Casey softened but knew so many more hurdles lay between them. More than one jealous woman. “It’s everything.” She swallowed thickly in preparation for the next words. “I’m starting to realize that maybe we should step back, take a breath, and approach things again in a different way.”

  “What things are you talking about exactly?”

  “You and me.”

  Casey flinched as Eva slapped her hands on her knees and stood up. She walked into the kitchen and returned with the bottle of whiskey. Eva filled her glass halfway, drank it, and then filled it again.

  “We’re not the same people anymore,” Casey said, “and tonight I realized that. Your world is very different from mine.”

  “This is because you didn’t have fun at a party?” Eva said in a near slur.

  Casey started to have flashbacks to her prom night. “I’m not comfortable in situations like that—with all those people and not knowing anybody.”

  “Yeah, right.” Eva scoffed and pointed at Casey. “You’re Casey McClellan, Miss Popular, the fucking belle of the ball. People love you and fall all over you everywhere you go.”

  Casey crossed her arms and shook her head. “I’m not like that anymore.”

  “You’re shy now?”

  “No, I’m scared.” Casey’s confession echoed in the still room. “I’m scared of people, of places, and most of all I’m scared of myself. After you disappeared, I lost it. Now I can’t handle large crowds because they overwhelm me and suffocate me. But you? You’re thriving center stage.” Casey gave Eva a sad smile. “We’ve both changed so much.”

  “And you don’t think we can work.” Eva didn’t ask, she stated with finality.

  “I think in order to figure that out, we need to get to know one another again.”

  “You should go. Take your deep breath and get back to me when you think you can handle being with me.”

  “Eva, I’m not saying we should end things completely.”

  “This is all your fault. You should’ve ju
st let me come and go. But you just had to come see me.”

  Pointing blame not only lit Casey’s fuse, it detonated her anger. “If I knew you were turning into him, I wouldn’t have.” She didn’t have to use his name. The liquor bottle beside Eva’s foot and the drink in her hand were enough of a name tag.

  “Get out,” Eva said in a growl.

  “We’ll talk about this another—”

  “I said get out!”

  Casey ran for the door and slammed it behind her.

  Eva was furious. She paced back and forth, contemplating running after Casey with either an apology or an insult. How dare Casey dangle her love in front of Eva and then snatch it away in an instant. Casey had barely tried to make their relationship work and somehow Eva was at fault because she grew out of her wallflower phase. Fuck her, Eva thought. She tried to rein in her anger and despair with steady deep breaths, but her fury snapped and she threw her glass at the nearby wall. She collapsed on the sofa and sobbed uncontrollably. Cry after cry escaped her until she had no energy left. Eva fell asleep with Casey’s name on her salty lips that night.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Eva woke up with a pounding headache and a dry mouth. She peeled herself from the couch and went to the bathroom to wash up. She couldn’t recall the last time she had drunk so much, but after parties were usually far from a dry affair. Eva stared into her red-rimmed eyes and noted the swelling around them. She squinted at her reflection and slowly recalled the events of the previous night. She remembered the show and talking to Max. She remembered the way he poked fun at her for hiding such a beautiful woman back in New Jersey. Casey. Sara had cornered Casey, Eva had told Casey about using a different name—and then the train ride.

  Broken fragments of memories entered Eva’s throbbing head. She grabbed the edge of the sink tighter. The echo of Casey’s strained voice filled her ears. If I knew you were turning into him, I wouldn’t have. Eva heaved into the sink. She had very little to expel, but her body kept trying. She was covered in a thin layer of sweat and tears streamed down her pale face by the time she collapsed onto the bathroom floor.