Avoiding Commitment

by craziebabe45

  Never a night where I can sleep myself 'til day.

  We must try to figure it out, figure it out.

  It won't be that easy.

  We lost it somehow.

  You come over unannounced.

  Silence broken by your voice in the dark.

  I need you here tonight,

  Just like the ocean needs the waves.

  - Mae "The Ocean"

  * * *

  Chapter 19: Present

  Lexi bounded into Jack's room and quickly stripped off the band t-shirt he had loaned her. She looked longingly at the cracked bathroom door where steam was currently streaming from. She took one step forward her heart racing with desire with the knowledge that Jack was just on the other side. She sighed heavily as she cautiously approached the bathroom and peered into the room. Lexi could just make out Jack's figure through the glass despite the room looking like a sauna.

  She had been so determined to barge in there even though she had just kept them from making the same mistake. She leaned her head against the doorframe and shut her eyes attempting to reason with herself.

  Yes, Jack was naked in the next room.

  Yes, he probably looked freaking amazing as the water ran down his body.

  Yes, she wanted him.

  All of these things were obvious to her, but she needed to keep a lid on her emotions. Just because she wanted Jack didn't mean that she should have him. He was taken. Though she had never respected that in the past, she liked to think that she was a different person now.

  Just as she was about to walk away, she heard soft humming over the drum of the water hitting the glass. The humming turned into a melody and eventually, Lexi could put the pieces together and make out the lyrics to Mae's song "The Ocean." She left her eyes shut tight allowing the lyrics to flow over her. She could have stood there indefinitely just listening to him sing so clearly over the water. His voice was mesmerizingly smooth and took her back to times when things had been easier. Or at least, she had thought they had been easier. In fact, they had just been the calm before the storm.

  She knew that if she rushed into that bathroom right now it would be exactly the same. Jack would have all the control. She would be unable to control herself. It was hard enough turning him down twice in a twelve hour period. She wasn't sure she was capable of doing it a third time.

  The final note of the song sounded in her ears and the shower cut off. Lexi jumped from where she was standing not expecting them to be timed together. She grabbed her clothes from his dresser and rushed into the guest bedroom. Quickly scrambling into last night's clothes, Lexi dashed for the exit. She didn't want to be here when he got out. She didn't trust herself enough not to succumb to his wiles.

  Lexi hailed the first cab that she saw and had them whisk her to the airport. The plane ride from JFK to Hartfield-Jackson was only two hours, and since Chyna was flying private jet it might even be less time. Lexi didn't care how long she would have to wait. She just couldn't be around Jack right now. She needed her best friend. She needed her to tell her that she was doing the right thing, because Lexi had never been good at doing the right thing. And all she wanted to do was turn around and be back in Jack's arms.

  "You not from around here?" the cab driver asked attempting to make conversation.

  "Uh," Lexi mumbled. "Yeah I am."

  "Oh, where you plane go?" he asked in broken English.

  "Excuse me?" she asked dumbfounded.

  "You go to airport. Where you plane go?" he repeated himself.

  "Oh where am I going? No, um…nowhere. My friend is visiting," she told him hating to have to make small talk with cabbies.

  "Oh. Where friend from?" he asked giving her a crooked-tooth smile.

  Lexi flashed a half-hearted smile at the man. Her thoughts were elsewhere, and this really wasn't the best time. "New York City," she mumbled regardless.

  "Oh! New York City. Big Apple. Statue of Liberty. Broadway," he exclaimed his eyes seeming to light up.

  "Yeah," she responded not enthused.

  "You go visit her next time," he told her. "New York very fun.'

  "Right," Lexi said wondering why she was getting travel advice from someone that wasn't even from this country. She didn't even want to delve into the subject that she actually lived in New York. That would probably elicit another string of questions she didn't feel like answering.

  "Is friend North or South?" he asked referring to the Atlanta airport terminal system.

  Lexi bit her lip unsure of where private jets flew into the airport and she reluctantly told him as much.

  His eyes widened as he took a few extra glances back in her direction as if he was wondering what kind of person she would be visiting that flew in on a private jet. "Your friend celebrity?" he asked.

  "Do you know which terminal?" she asked ignoring his last question.

  He nodded, but didn't seem able to take the hint. "Your friend celebrity?"

  Lexi huffed and leaned backwards against the disgusting, beige interior. She really did not want to have this conversation. No, Chyna wasn't a celebrity and it would be just as easy to tell the man that she wasn't. She just wasn't in the mood to get into it with anyone right now. Her silence did seem to tip him off this time and he remained silent sending her suspicious glances every few minutes.

  He stopped in front of the airport terminal. She threw some cash over the front of the seat and quickly exited the vehicle. The cabbie rolled the window down and called out to her. "Change?" She turned around and shook her head at him. "Want to wait?" he asked anxiously apparently hoping to get a glimpse of her celebrity friend.

  "No thanks," she said wiggling her fingers at him as she turned and walked into the cool airport lobby.

  The wait was shorter than she had expected. She had passed the time sitting with her feet propped up across three chairs, listening to whatever was blaring through her earbuds, and people watching. New York was bad enough. She couldn't believe what she had seen coming to and from an international airport. She shook her head at the remembered images and deposited the iPod back into her purse. Chyna had employed some poor sap to wheel her luggage through the airport for her. Lexi shouldn't have imagined anything less from her gorgeous friend. When Chyna caught sight of Lexi, her feet moved double time as she nearly ran in her rather impractical four inch heels to great her best friend.

  "Alexa, I'm so glad I'm here," she squealed wrapping her arms around her neck.

  "I'm glad you're here too Chyna," Lexi told her.

  "Let's hope my town car is waiting," Chyna stated grabbing Lexi's hand and whisking her out of the airport followed closely by the baggage handler.

  A black town car was indeed waiting for Chyna's arrival outside of the airport. After the baggage was secured in the trunk and the girls were in the backseat, the car whisked them away to the hotel in which Chyna already had a penthouse reserved in her name. Once the two were safely in the hotel accommodations, Chyna immediately went on a rampage. Lexi was only half listening to what she was saying as she stared in awe at the hotel room. She had seen impressive residencies. Chyna obviously had a remarkable suite, but Lexi had been there so often she had become desensitized to its beauty. This place was completely different. Everything about the room was classy and elegant drawn out in soft golden hues. An exquisite den area was set in dark oak and brown and cream suede. Through colossal double doors revealed a four-poster bed draped with an intricately detailed quilt comforter and at least a dozen throw pillows of varying shape and size. The sheer gold trimmed curtains opened to a sprawling balcony overlooking the city. From several dozen stories up Lexi could really see the splendor of the place she had grown up.

  Chyna cleared her throat. "Are you listening to me?" she asked grabbing Lexi's wrist.

  "Huh?" she asked turning away from the decorations to look at her friend.

  "I was talking about what's been going on with you," Chyna told her unceremoniously.

  "Yeah," Lexi mumble
d falling backwards in a large chair that she sank into on impact. "Things aren't exactly going as planned."

  "You think?" Chyna asked sarcastically. "You were just supposed to tell the girlfriend what happened between you two, and let that be the end of it. What about that was complicated?"

  Lexi buried her face in her hands. "Everything," she grumbled.

  "No it's not. That's what I was saying earlier. You get way too attached. Clean break is what you need. Just forget about him. Forget about whatever happened between you two. That's what you were supposed to be doing here Alexa. Tell me what happened to change that. I just cannot fathom why you'd want to have anything to do with this scumbag again after what he did to you. I kind of want to go find him myself and cut off his you-know-what," she exclaimed angrily. "He doesn't actually deserve to have them after everything that went down. I can't believe I actually convinced you to come see him. I should have seen this. What was I thinking? He's obviously the same pig-headed asshole he always was. He just thinks he can waltz right in, take over your life, and leave you in pieces all over again. Well I'm not having it alright? Do you hear me?"

  "Chy chill out. That's not how it's going to be."

  "You're damn right that's not how it's going to be. Wanna know why? Because I'm not letting you near him again. I don't care what you say Alexa Mae."

  "You've got it all wrong," Lexi said through her teeth.

  "And you're brainwashed by him," she cried.

  "I'm not brainwashed alright," Lexi yelled back. She forcefully stood up from the chair and stared evenly at her friend. "I know what happened with Jack and I swore I would never let that happen to me again. I know what he is capable of, but it's not going to happen this time."

  "I hope it's not going to happen, because you're not involved with him," Chyna retorted staring back at her friend.

  "I could have slept with him. I could have given myself up to him all over again. I could have torn down all the walls that I had placed around myself against him, but I didn't. Do you know how hard it is to say no to him? No! How could you?" she cried anger that she had bottled up threatening to overflow. She was even beginning to make wild accusations against her best friend…the one person in New York she told everything. Well…almost everything.

  "Watch it," Chyna warned.

  "You are just given everything you want. You just take everything that you want. You have no concept of what it means to say no to someone that you truly love, because you don't love anyone," Lexi uttered viciously.

  Chyna's mouth dropped open in shock. "Excuse me?" she asked weakly. It was an emotion she hardly used. She wasn't used to feeling weak.

  "You heard me," Lexi growled. "You have a silver spoon shoved up your pretty little ass, and the world jumps at your beck and call. You've never loved anyone because you've never put yourself out there to be loved. You just sleep with guy after guy after guy."

  Chyna jaw set at the accusation. "And you're much better?" she asked shaking her head. "You do the same thing, but at least I know where I stand with them. You…you're just using them, because you can't have the one thing that you want. The one person that you want doesn't want you, and you're right I don't know what that's like. Everyone wants me."

  "Yeah they want to fuck you and be gone by the morning," Lexi said maliciously.

  "That's better than wasting a life on someone who will always choose the other girl over you. I'd rather be in control, using them rather than have them use me, because that's all he's doing. He's using you, and when he's done, he'll throw you out with the trash like he always has," Chyna snarled letting her words cut straight through to Lexi's core.

  Lexi couldn't believe what she had just said. Was this what Chyna had been holding back all those years? Was this what it was like to get the full blow of Chyna's anger? Suddenly, Lexi felt like all the air had been sucked out of her body. Her chest was seizing up with the lack of oxygen and her head was spinning in the oxygen deprived environment. She could feel her face lose its color as the blood flow weakened. She gasped out hoping to breathe in some precious oxygen, but nothing happened. Then she was in darkness.

  When Lexi finally began to stir, the first thing she noticed was that she was no longer in the same place she had last been. Her fingers spread apart as she felt the silky material caress her hand. Her eyes fluttered open as the reality that she was lying in the hotel bed came to her. She turned her head to look around and found that there was a crowd of people whispering just inside the double doors. A searing pain shot through her head at the movement. She reached her hand up to her aching head. Her hand pushed into her tangled hair and found a large knot on the backside of her scalp. She groaned at the slight feel of her fingers brushing the spot.

  The noise must have alerted the room as Chyna immediately scrambled to her side. Her face was tear-stained and the most imperfect Lexi had ever seen her. It was a relief to see her this way. And though she knew this had something to do with her, she couldn't remember what had happened.

  "Oh my God, you're okay," Chyna gushed, a fresh wave of tears threatened to break loose. "I was so worried. Oh my God. Oh my God." She was fanning herself with her hand as she perched on the side of the bed. Her face was stricken with worry.

  "Chy what happened?" Lexi asked weakly attempting to sit up in bed.

  "Whoa there," a man said rushing forward and pressing her shoulder gently back into the bedding. "You'll want to stay lying down for a little while longer. Looks like you had quite a spill."

  The wave of nausea that hit her when she tried to get up was the only reason she hadn't fought this man. "Yeah I guess so," she said turning her face to look at Chyna again. She wanted answers.

  "Oh, this is all my fault," Chyna muttered covering her face with her hands. Lexi glanced back to where the crowd had been, and saw that everyone else was beginning to exit the room. She figured it must be hotel staff of some sort.

  "Ma'am I'm sure this was not your fault," the man said putting his hand reassuringly on her shoulder. "People faint for all sorts of reasons," he stated calmly. His hand rubbed down her arm gently in an effort to halt any further bouts of despair.

  "I fainted?" Lexi asked trying to put the pieces together.

  The man reluctantly stepped away from Chyna. He was a bit older with graying across his temples, but with the look that showed he must have been very attractive in his younger years. Lexi didn't miss the glance he sent Chyna's way just before focusing his attention back on Lexi. "Yes as far as I can tell you just fainted. I'm Dr. Mike Cutler. You can call me Mike if you like," he said flashing Chyna another brief smile.

  "Will I be alright, Mike?" Lexi asked using his name to snap his attention back to the person who was bed ridden.

  "You took a pretty nasty fall and managed to smack your head into the side of the coffee table. There is a large knot on the back of your head, but that should be gone in a matter of hours. You'll have some tenderness over the next couple days, but nothing to trouble yourself over. No concussion or any serious damage. You'll just need to take some ibuprofen for the pain. Seems to have frightened your friend here quite a lot though," he said readjusting his focus again. Lexi rolled her eyes. "If either of you need anything further, just give me a call," he told Chyna handing her a business card.

  Lexi was almost certain that his cell number would be scrawled on the back side. Even in her darkest of hours, Chyna continued to get hit on.

  "Thanks Mike," Chyna muttered not paying him much attention.

  He gracefully exited the room leaving the two girls alone once again.

  "So did you get his number?" Lexi asked pointing at the business card.

  "What?" Chyna asked oblivious. Then she glanced down at the tiny piece of white paper. She flipped it around experimentally in her hands a few times before noticing that, indeed, there was a number scratched onto the backside. "Yeah I guess I did."

  Lexi couldn't hold in her giggles. Chyna looked aghast at her sudden onset of laughter, but qui
ckly joined in. Soon they were both laughing uncontrollably. Lexi put her hand on her head and groaned as the pressure of her laughter cut across her injury.

  "Oh Alexa I really am so sorry. I didn't mean to be so…so mean. I had no idea you would faint," she muttered vehemently her emerald eyes wide.

  Lexi chuckled. "Me either. I've never done that before." She gingerly scooted up to rest against the headboard wincing as her head protested the movement. She could hardly believe that this had happened to her. When Dr. Cutler had told her that she had fainted, the memories had flooded back to her. She remembered the argument with Chyna; the sting of Chyna's words still rang in her ears. She knew she had overreacted, but just thinking about what Chyna had said made it difficult to breathe.

  "Does he mean all that to you?" Chyna whispered wringing her hands.

  Lexi sighed and turned her head to look at her friend. She pushed her hair behind her ears several times before answering. "He's always meant everything to me."

  "But he's with someone else now," Chyna stated hesitantly. She was afraid to set her off again and have a repeat of what had just happened. She had never been so afraid for anyone in her life.

  "I know. I know. He said he wants to make things right with me. I told him we could only be right if neither of us were attached. I just need to give him the time to become unattached."

  "And how do you know he'll do that?" Chyna asked. "I mean didn't he call you down here, because he was ready to commit in the first place."

  Lexi bit her lip. "Not exactly. It was more for her benefit. It just seemed to backfire on her. He realized that he knew what he really wanted when I was around. That he wants me. You should have seen his jealous face when he found out that I went on a date with Ramsey," she said smiling fondly at the memory.

  "And what about him? Just one date? You told me that you kind of liked him," Chyna mentioned hoping that something…anything would snap her friend out of this.

  "Ramsey's…ya know. Whatever. I had a good time, but he's so…all in your face. His personality is all encompassing. I can't breathe around him," Lexi told her surprised by the reality of her words.