Avoiding Commitment

by craziebabe45

  Lexi's eyes moved to the other side of the room which opened up to a bathroom. But what caught her eyes wasn't the fact that he, in fact, had his own bathroom in his office. Rather was the picture frame that took up the majority of the opposite wall. Her heart clenched as she stared at the picture she had described to Jack less than a week earlier. A picture he had claimed to have gotten rid of because he couldn't look at it any longer. The frame was different than the original and as she approached wide-eyed she noticed that indeed there were a few minor tears in the print, but nothing that took away from the beauty of the shot. The black and white photograph highlighted the beauty of a small creek with an old wooden bridge across the natural barrier. Hundreds of pine trees as tall as the eye could see surrounded the scene just as the sun was rising across the horizon.

  Just as she remembered it. This was her favorite picture. Jack's favorite picture. He hadn't been able to get rid of it despite everything.

  "It's still here," she whispered glancing back at Jack. He was shuffling some papers around on his large mahogany desk, but glanced up at the sound of her voice.

  "I had it reframed and brought up here from Savannah earlier this week," he told her attempting to keep the emotion out of his voice.

  Lexi shook her head unable to process the many nuances of Jack Howard. Here she was in his office wanting to be so angry at him for everything he had ever put her through, and then he did this. One simple gesture that reminded her why she loved him so much.

  "Why?" she barely got out choking on her own words.

  "What do you mean why?"

  "Jack come on. You made it pretty clear last night."

  "Last night I said what we did didn't change things. And, well, it doesn't Lexi. Sex never changed things with us before."

  "Do you really believe that sex doesn't change things?" she asked taken aback by the concept. She wasn't a typical female who believed that sex necessarily meant an emotional commitment on either side. She had had her fair share of one night stands to prove that to herself, but Jack was not one of those men. And she knew that sex did mean something to him whether he was ready to admit it or not.

  "I just mean that it doesn't change what I have to do or the decision that I have to make. It doesn't make any of this easier."

  "A little birdie tells me it does," she said turning her back on his gesture of devotion.

  "Oh yeah who's that?"

  "Who is not the appropriate question," she told him looking into his beautiful blue eyes from across the space of his office.

  "Well you don't have to tell me who would tell you that things are changed between us, because I already know," Jack said triumphantly taking her off guard.

  "Well I suppose you could guess," she said hesitantly not liking the change of subject.

  "No guessing needed. I know what you've been trying to do," he told her staring her down.

  She gave him a completely flabbergasted look hoping maybe he could explain further what he was talking about. Wasn't she the one who was supposed to storm in here and demand answers? Then why was he the one completely confounding her over and over again? Her mouth opened and she tilted her head slightly trying to really assess the situation. The only thing she had been trying to do all week was figure out what the hell Jack was doing with his life. She wanted him…bad, but was only fueled onwards by his obvious desire for her. If he had been aloof and untoward, then she certainly would have done his bidding, hung out with her parents, and then hopped on the first plane out of here.

  But that hadn't happened. He had flat out told her that they were meant to be together. That after everything they had been through he knew what he wanted and all he had to do was tie up some loose ends. Now he was saying that sex didn't change anything along with other unthinkable things, and honestly, she was just lost.

  "What am I trying to do besides get answers from you?" she asked unable to keep the confusion out of her voice.

  "Oh don't play all innocent with me. We both know you're not that," Jack said standing and tossing some paperwork into a basket.

  "I never said I was innocent," she said a bit confused by the abrupt shift in the conversation.

  "Yeah, but you sure try to act like you are."

  "Jack you lost me," Lexi told him her brow scrunching together.

  "I know what you've been up to this week."

  "Um…what have I been up to this week? The only thing I've been doing is exactly what you asked me to do. I spoke to Bekah about our relationship. I played the perfect part in your stupid charade. I went to the Country Club, Ramsey's stupid party, your birthday…what more did you want from me? I gave you everything you could want from me. I tried to give you everything, and it seemed like it was going to work out, but now," she drifted off, "I guess it just doesn't seem like enough."

  He laughed. He actually laughed at the last statement. Lexi's mouth popped open in surprise unable to fathom why he was acting so impertinent. "You actually want me to believe that you gave me everything?"

  "Compared to you giving me nothing, yes, I'd say I gave you everything," she spat at him.

  "You're ridiculous Lexi," he said shaking his head. "You think I don't know what you've been up to?"

  "Well I don't know what I've been up to so why don't you tell me," she said completely baffled by this point. She had no idea what he was talking about. She had come here from New York at his request to convince his dumb girlfriend that he could commit. She didn't exactly believe it herself, but she had tried. As far as she could tell she had succeeded as well. Bekah seemed to believe that they were going to be together. And up until last night, when Jack had left her all alone feeling used and violated, she had been certain that Jack was actually going to leave Bekah for her.

  "Go ahead play coy with me. I know what you and Ramsey have been up to."

  That really threw her off guard. "What does Ramsey have to do with any of this?" she asked trying to follow his line of reasoning but coming up with a blank.

  He nodded his head a few times. "You don't have to try and play me like this Lex. I know you, and I know what's been going on."

  "Then please fill me in, because I have no idea what you're talking about," she said walking to the front of his desk and taking a seat in one of the client chairs. She crossed her arms and legs simultaneously and waited for another outrageous response from him.

  "You think I don't know that you guys met before this?"

  "Of course we met before this. I told you that as soon as I saw him at the Country Club that we met there when I came up here with Jennifer," she told him still confused as to where this was going.

  "Right that was a pretty good act. When did you become such a good liar Lexi?"

  "If you tell me what I'm lying about I might know, because as far as I could tell you are the only good liar in the room."

  "Come on Lexi," he cried. "Now I didn't think you would ever play me like this, but I can tell that you are now. How long have you guys been together? Has it been since New York?" he asked placing his hands on the desk and leaning forward towards her.

  "We're not together," she stuttered in disbelief.

  "Oh right you don't do the commitment thing. Have you just been fucking?"

  "Excuse me, I'm just going to pass right over the very ridiculous accusation that Ramsey and I have been fucking," Lexi said her face clouding over only slightly at the thought that she had almost done just that last night. But she couldn't feel too bad about it she had been in a terrible state of mind thanks to Jack, and she hadn't gone through with it anyway. "And step right up to the plate and take the hypocritical route, jackass."

  Jack stumbled a step as he walked around the corner of her desk. He glanced up at her cheeky comment in surprise. "Whatever Lexi. I know that you know Ramsey from New York. And whether you're fucking or not I know you guys have been together. I saw you kiss at this party. I saw it again last night. I'm not stupid alright. I can tell that there is something going on between you to
o."

  Lexi stared at him in awe. So that was why he had been so angry and rough with her the night before. He had somehow deluded himself into believing that she and Ramsey were together. It didn't make sense to her, but she figured if he looked at it from only one side it might look like that. However, that didn't explain why he thought she had met Ramsey in New York. "What do you mean I know him from New York?"

  "So you don't deny that you and Ramsey have something going on?" he asked ignoring her question.

  "We don't have anything going on, Jesus. We did kiss, but we're not together. I don't even understand how you could think that."

  "I don't think that. I know that something is going on between ya'll. You've just been fucking with my mind since you got here."

  "Excuse me? You're the one who is flip-flopping the whole goddamned time I've been here. You come home early to see me. Then you're an asshole to me at Ramsey's party. Then you want to be with me again and you're going to break things off with Bekah. After that we have sex and you're just another asshole all over again. What the fuck Jack?" she asked demanding his attention.

  "It's only because you've been playing me the whole time that I keep changing," he told her his blue eyes stormy.

  "I have not been playing you!" she yelled at him. "And I don't know Ramsey from anywhere."

  Jack laughed again. "You're good. You know that?" Lexi sighed exasperated. "You and Ramsey met in the club the night we got back together in New York."

  Lexi glanced at him in surprise. Her heart raced in her chest at the faint memory of a night long ago. She had met someone in that club. In fact, she had almost gone home with that guy. A series of flashbacks took over her mind.

  A man in an Armani suit buying her drinks and barely glancing at Chyna as he offered to take Lexi home. A faint memory of Ramsey saying they had met somewhere previously just before they kissed on his balcony. The way he programmed her number into his phone as if he already had it in there. Ramsey somehow knowing she didn't drink Jack Daniels or Sex on the Beach. How familiar his lack of personal space felt. The way he had touched her last night as if he had been waiting to do that for much longer than the week he had known her.

  Her stomach plummeted shock radiating out of every pore. Could Ramsey be the elusive Armani Guy? She had lost all the numbers programmed into her phone so when Ramsey had given her his number it wouldn't already be in there. He had known all along and he hadn't mentioned it to her.

  "See you can't even deny it," he said shaking his head as if he hadn't really believed it himself until she had just confirmed it.

  "How did you find out that I'd met him?" she asked.

  "I remember Chyna talking to you about some guy from Armani calling you when we were together. I knew you were at the club where Ramsey was that night, because I was the one he was supposed to interview." Lexi's heart jumped again. Jack had been there that night. In fact, when she had seen a guy that looked like him, that actually could have been him. She couldn't believe all of this. "I know you've been seeing each other since then. He told me this woman he met once in New York a couple weeks ago. He didn't even know he was talking about you, and, honestly, until I saw the two of you together last night I wasn't entirely sure myself."

  Lexi's hand rushed to her mouth unable to believe what he was telling her. "I knew Ramsey in New York," she murmured.

  "So you admit it?"

  "Yeah. I guess I do, but he never told me that he knew me," she said still in a state of shock. Why wouldn't he have told her? It wasn't like she had given him some reason to not to trust her. Sure she hadn't exactly been up front with him about her reasons for being in Atlanta, but she hadn't considered that something like this would happen.

  "Right," he said in disbelief resting back against the corner of the desk and turning to face her.

  Lexi quickly stood brushing the cobwebs out of her mind. She took a turn around the room trying to process what this new information meant besides the fact that it seemed everyone was lying to her in some way. What more could she find out to make matters worse? She finally settled her mind, walked back to Jack, and stood before him. "I don't know how we got onto this subject, but Ramsey is not the reason I barged into your office to speak with you."

  Jack waited. "So what's the reason then?"

  Lexi took a deep breath before starting. "I'm leaving tonight for New York and I need to know what's going on…with us," she said the last part unsure if she really wanted the answer. At the same time, she knew that she would never be able to leave Atlanta happy without answers.

  Jack sighed heavily and buried his head in his hands. "Always back to this conversation."

  "It's the only one that seems to matter," she said standing her ground in front of him.

  "Lexi I have a whole life here. I have more than a few loose ends to tie up."

  "What about everything you said?" Lexi asked her voice quavering.

  "What do you want me to say Lex?"

  "What about the goddamn truth?" she cried throwing her hands in the air. "Do you want to be with me? You said that you did. Was that all a lie too?"

  "It wasn't a lie. I just…I want to be with you when I'm with you, but when you're gone I doubt everything. We have too much history, Lex. You know that. I don't know what's been going on with us lately, and," he took a deep breath, "I don't know if I can just leave my life behind."

  "So this is it then?" she asked, their history the only thing keeping her from collapsing.

  "I don't know…"

  "No, don't fucking do that. Just make up your mind already," she cried rushing forward and pressing herself against his chest.

  He instinctively wrapped his arms around her body and held her against him. She breathed into him pushing her hands up his chest and around his neck. "We just have to figure this stuff out."

  Jack pulled back from her holding her face softly between his strong hands and staring into her confused brown eyes. "I know we do."

  "I can't do this anymore," she told him closing her eyes as his thumb trailed down her cheek.

  "Can't do what anymore?" a voice asked walking into the room behind them.

  Lexi jumped back at the sound of the voice. Jack immediately released Lexi's face dropping his hands to his sides. She tried to hide the expression on her face, but there was no point. Bekah had to know something was up by now.

  "Hey babe. When did you get here?" Jack asked hesitantly.

  "Just a little while ago. Hey Lexi," Bekah said cheerfully.

  "Bekah," Lexi said nodding her head in greeting.

  "Are you here about the news?" Bekah asked smiling as politely as ever as she strolled into the room. Her naturally blonde hair had recently been highlighted and fell down to her chest as pin straight as ever. She wore a crisp white pencil skirt with a baby pink silk blouse that tied up around her neck and made a bow at the side of her neck. A white suit jacket was folded in half over her left arm. She looked like a vision of perfection and it made Lexi sick.

  "Uh…news?" Lexi asked glancing between Jack and Bekah.

  "Didn't Jack tell you?"

  "Apparently not," she uttered anxiously.

  Bekah held up left hand and squealed with joy. "We're getting married."

  Lexi gasped as she looked at the cut of the ring in front of her. It seemed so familiar, but...it couldn't be. He wouldn't.

  * * *

  Awesome reviewers: Cupid's Psyche (thanks for the lyrics suggestion! You're amazing!), cat10985, Munchlax (glad you read everything in one sitting and loved it :)), total romance., Jeivy, and cosmopolitan.

  K.A. Linde

  Closure

  Every time you look you find a way

  But I know every time you change your mind

  Excuses fly by every which way

  But lies grow 'til you can't find the truth behind

  You say you love me, but you've got no clue

  What it is or what the hell you're gonna do

  -The Orkids "I Told You S
o"

  * * *

  Chapter 25: Present

  She was seeing spots.

  Anger so fierce came over Lexi she couldn't even see properly. Every negative emotion that she had ever conjured up combined seemed insignificant compared to this feeling. She could remember a time when she thought things could be right with her and Jack. Now it seemed like that was such a very long time ago. How could she have ever told herself things were going to be alright? She now knew with every ounce of her being that there was absolutely nothing left of the man she had once loved.

  Where had the fun, easy going guy that worked in the coffee shop and brought her muffins after class gone? Where was the guy who had taken her to the carnival and paid the guy to stop them on the top? Where was the guy who got her on the gymnastics team, who marveled in her every achievement, who followed her to New York, who would have followed her to the world's end? Had that man left a long time ago and she had just missed it?

  A part of her, and she wasn't sure how large that part was, realized that this was her fault. Her continual desire for him had only pushed him to compensate for her affections. They had been playing this game for six years now and it had changed him. He couldn't hold back any longer. He lacked self-control and his selfish and self-righteous behavior only intensified his demeanor. Somewhere in their past, they had mutually agreed that cheating was somehow alright. She didn't know where that began, if it was the first time he had asked her out, the first time she had gone to see him knowing she wasn't available, or that moment on the pier which changed everything, but it had begun.

  And that's how she knew this moment in time was partly her fault. The sex just before the proposal was just like old times all over again. She had attempted to fight him, but she couldn't fight Jack. When he was persistent, and damn was he persistent, he got what he wanted when he wanted it. That is how it had always been. That is how she had let it become. Cheating was as much a part of them as breathing, no matter how much Lexi tried to fight it.