Finding Libbie

by Deanna Lynn Sletten

  Later that night, as Emily and Libbie crawled into their beds, Emily asked Libbie what she thought of her going to school to become a social worker.

  “I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Libbie said. “You have such a kind heart. You’d be perfect for that kind of work.”

  Emily decided it was something she’d look into when she got home.

  They turned out the lights, but both women lay in their beds, wide-awake. Soon, Libbie spoke.

  “Thank you for coming along, Emily. This has been such a special day. I know I have no right to say this, but I like thinking of you as my own daughter. Ever since you’ve come into my life, it’s been so much fuller. You’ve made me very happy, dear. I hope you don’t mind my saying that.”

  Emily swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. “I don’t mind at all,” she said quietly. “I’d love to be thought of as your daughter.”

  “I’ve always wanted a daughter,” Libbie said wistfully. “But of course, it never happened. I was happy that Jack found Kate and was able to experience being a father. He’s such a kind soul, and he deserved a happy life. I knew he’d make an amazing father.”

  “He was,” Emily said, holding back tears. Poor Libbie, who’d wanted a child so badly and had never been able to have one. Emily’s heart broke for her. She was only too happy to be like a daughter to her.

  “You’ve never asked me what happened all those years ago,” Libbie said.

  “I didn’t think it was my business,” Emily replied.

  “Yet you took the time to find me. Why?”

  Emily thought about it a moment. She wasn’t really sure why she’d sought out Libbie. She’d just felt so badly for the beautiful young woman whose life hadn’t turned out as she’d hoped. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay, after everything.”

  “It took a long time,” Libbie said. “So many doctors and so many different diagnoses. Everyone thought I was an alcoholic and drug abuser, but those were just symptoms of the real problem. For years I was in and out of hospitals, recovery centers, and even mental institutions while doctors tried to figure out what was wrong with me. And every time, they failed, only giving me drugs that didn’t work, and I’d slip back into drinking and abusing pills to feel better. Back then, women were considered nervous and overly sensitive anyway, so doctors didn’t think twice about handing out drugs to calm me down.”

  “That’s terrible,” Emily said.

  “Yes, it was.” Libbie paused, then spoke softly. “I don’t remember anything about the night that Jack left. I just remember waking up early the next day with my father sitting beside my bed and my sister cleaning up the house. They told me that Jack and I had fought, and he’d left.”

  Emily stared at Libbie, stunned. “They didn’t tell you the truth?”

  Libbie shook her head. “I begged and begged my father and sister to let me see him, or at least talk to him one last time. But they told me that he never wanted to see me again. I was angry at first, but then, when I realized he was gone for good, I felt so useless and depressed. I’d lost Jack and my entire future, and I just didn’t care about anything anymore. No sooner would I dry out in one facility than I’d sink back into abusing drugs and alcohol and end up being sent to another one.”

  “They lied to you,” Emily said. “Dad tried to see you several times and even ended up in jail for storming the hospital. Your father and Gwen wouldn’t let him see you. He had no choice but to give up.”

  Libbie sighed. “I always wanted to believe that Jack didn’t leave me on his own. I know my behavior was intolerable, but he would have given me another chance. I’m very glad to hear you say that. I spent years believing that Jack had stopped loving me, and it made living almost unbearable.”

  “Oh, Libbie, that’s so sad.”

  “After a few years, I stopped obsessing about the past. I wanted to get better. I knew I’d just slip away, like my mother did, if I didn’t try harder to get well. Time and advances in medicine finally caught up to my condition, and they were able to diagnose me properly. They found that I’m bipolar, which caused my mood swings and deep depression. It took a while to get the medication right, but now I’m feeling so much better. I’m calmer, and more in control of my emotions. I haven’t abused alcohol or drugs in over eight years, and I feel good about myself again.”

  “I’m so glad they were finally able to help you,” Emily said, her heart aching for Libbie. “It’s terrible that it took them so long to figure out what was wrong, though.”

  “Yes, I know, but I’m happy that I feel better now. It didn’t help that my father and sister didn’t want to face reality and get me the proper treatment. They thought I was overly sensitive, like my mother. Of course, I figured out that my mother had mental health issues, too, but no one would admit it. I know my dad meant well—he didn’t want the stigma of a mental disorder to be attached to me or my mother. In those days, you hid people with mental health issues away. I guess my family thought it was better for me to be considered an alcoholic rather than mentally impaired. Strange, isn’t it? The way people used to think.”

  “It’s a terrible shame. If you could have gotten help sooner, maybe you and my dad could have had your happily ever after,” Emily said. Libbie couldn’t help her behavior all those years ago, and there had been no way for her father to know that.

  Libbie sighed. “I try not to think of that. Poor Jack. He tried so hard. He had no way of knowing why I acted the way I did. It was better that he started his life over. A life with me would have been too painful for him. He deserved happiness.”

  Tears filled Emily’s eyes. “You deserved happiness, too.”

  “Oh, sweetie. I’m happy now, and that’s what counts. You’re here. I’m grateful for that.”

  Long after Libbie had fallen asleep, Emily thought about all that she’d learned. It was sad that Libbie and her father had been torn apart by something neither one could control. It made her feel even happier that she’d found Libbie. At least now Libbie had people in her life again who loved her and cared about her. If only Jack could see Libbie now. She wondered what he’d think.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  Two weeks later, Jordan was gone. He finally left after holding out as long as he could for Emily to change her mind and go with him. After she’d registered for fall semester at Jamison State College, he realized at last that she was serious about staying.

  He packed up his things and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “I wish you were coming along,” he told her. “But I guess you have your mind set on staying.”

  “I want to build a life, Jordan. We’ve just been playing house, but now I want more. I hope you understand.”

  “No, I don’t. But I wish you all the best anyway,” he said. Then he gave her one of his cute grins and left.

  For a brief moment, Emily felt like she’d made a huge mistake. But then she remembered her dad, and her grandmother, and Libbie, and she knew her place was here.

  Since the night Libbie had confided in her about her medical condition, she talked more openly about her and Jack’s life together and how much she’d loved him. Emily began to wonder if her father and Libbie should meet. If nothing else came of it, they could at least be friends. Her father was so lonely now without her mother, and Emily thought it would be nice if he had someone to spend time with. Libbie had told Emily that she didn’t have to live in the assisted living facility; she chose to stay there because she didn’t want to live alone. Maybe, if her father finally understood what had happened to Libbie all those years ago, just maybe they could come together again. Emily knew it was a stretch of the imagination to believe they could have their happily ever after all these years later, but it wasn’t completely out of the question.

  Was it?

  So Emily gathered up all her courage, put the hatbox of photos in her car, and headed out to her dad’s house.

  She parked in front of her childhood home. The lake was smooth as glass on the warm A
ugust day, and the old oak and birch trees shaded the yard to a nice temperature. Emily gazed around the yard, trying to picture where Jack and Libbie’s cottage had once stood. It amazed her that her father had bought the land where he’d once loved Libbie and had been able to live there with the memories surrounding him all these years.

  Maybe her idea wasn’t so ridiculous after all.

  Emily found her father in his large garage, under the hood of a car.

  “Hey, stranger,” Jack said, smiling widely as he wiped his hands on a rag. “What a great surprise.”

  Emily set the hatbox on his workbench and walked over to give him a kiss on the cheek. His hair was longer than usual and mussed, and his coveralls needed washing, but the grin on his face was all that mattered to Emily.

  “I see you’re hard at work again,” she said. “I thought you were going to start taking it easy.”

  Jack shrugged. “It fills the day,” he said. “Hey, your grandmother told me about you and Jordan. I’m sorry to hear that it ended. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. Jordan’s life plan didn’t fit with mine anymore. I’m going back to school and moving on with my life. And I’m excited about it.”

  “Your grandmother told me that. I think it’s wonderful that you’re going back to school. You know that if you need extra money you can count on me to help, right?”

  Emily smiled. “Thanks, Dad. I’m sure I’ll take you up on that.”

  “This weekend is the big move. Your grandmother is getting excited about moving into the town house and not having to take care of that big place anymore,” Jack said.

  Emily nodded. “Yeah. It’ll be good for her. It will be a fresh start.”

  Jack glanced over her shoulder. “So, what’s in the box?”

  Emily walked over to the bench where the hatbox sat and looked up at her dad. “It’s old photos Grandma and I found when we were packing up the house.”

  “Really? Why’d you bring them here?”

  Emily took a deep breath and then looked up into her father’s eyes. “They’re photos of you, Dad. When you were young. Of you and Libbie.”

  Jack stood silent a moment, his expression unreadable. “So, your grandmother told you about Libbie, huh? Well, I guess it’s no secret.” He gazed at the box. “I’m surprised she kept those after all these years.”

  “They’re amazing, Dad. You and Libbie were so adorable together. Do you want to look at them?” Emily stared at him, hopeful.

  Jack slowly shook his head. “No, sweetheart. The past is best left in the past.” He turned and walked back toward the car.

  Emily’s excitement faded. She followed her father across the garage. “Dad. Haven’t you ever wondered what happened to Libbie? Where she is? How her life turned out?”

  Jack turned, a crease forming between his eyes. He didn’t look angry. He looked pained.

  “I loved your mother, dear. We had a good life together and had you and your brother to fill our lives with happiness. I left the past behind me and built a new life.”

  “Yet you chose to build that life on the same property where you and Libbie were once so happy,” Emily said gently.

  “Leave it be, okay, honey?” Jack bent over the open engine.

  “She’s alive, Dad,” Emily blurted out. “Libbie is still alive and doing well. She’s the prettiest, sweetest woman you could ever meet. She’s had a hard time through the years, but now she’s better. She’s . . . content.”

  Jack’s head rose up sharply as he stared at Emily. “How do you know this?”

  Emily took a step closer, feeling braver now. “Because I found her and I’ve been visiting her for the past few weeks. She’s amazing, Dad. She lives in an assisted living facility about forty miles north of here. Everyone there just loves her. I’ve grown to care about her, too.”

  “Why would you do that? What on earth made you want to find her, to talk to her?”

  “After Grandma told me your story, I had to find her. I needed to know if she was okay. You had your happily ever after with Mom. I needed to know if Libbie got hers.”

  Silence swelled between them. For a moment, Emily thought her father wasn’t going to say another word. But then he turned to her.

  “Did she?” Jack asked softly, his face suddenly looking tired and worn.

  Emily slowly shook her head. “Libbie never had the chance to love again or have a family of her own. But she isn’t sad or bitter about it. She says she feels lucky to finally feel well and to have so many good people around her. And she’s happy that I found her. For the first time in years, she has visitors, like Carol, and your old neighbor, June, and even Grandma.”

  “You’ve all been visiting her? Even your grandmother?”

  Emily nodded. “Yes. And it would be wonderful if you’d go see her, too, Dad.”

  Jack raised his hand as if to ward off the idea. “No. I can’t do that. I’m happy that Libbie is fine and her friends have found her again. But I can’t go. Libbie can’t possibly want to see me.”

  “But she does want to see you, Dad. She’s talked often about your years together and how much she loved you.”

  Jack shook his head. “No. I can’t see her. You don’t understand everything that happened.”

  Emily crossed her arms. “Then tell me. Tell me why you can’t go see the woman you once loved?”

  Jack’s shoulders sagged. He looked over at Emily and spoke quietly. “I failed her, Ems. That’s what happened. I promised to love and take care of her until the day I died, and I didn’t keep my promise. Believe me, Libbie doesn’t want to see me again.”

  Tears welled in Emily’s eyes at her father’s sad words. She pictured him as a young man, heartbroken, being thrown out of his own home by Libbie’s father and sister. He hadn’t failed Libbie, her family had. “You were so young then, Dad. You can’t blame yourself for everything that happened. You didn’t know how sick Libbie was. No one knew. But that’s changed. She’s better now. Please, come with me on Sunday to see her.”

  Jack shook his head. “No. I’m sorry, dear, but no.” He turned and walked a few steps away.

  The tears Emily had tried so hard to hold back trailed down her cheeks. “Dad. Listen to me.”

  Jack stopped but didn’t turn around.

  “For five years, Libbie dressed up every Sunday on family visiting day and waited for someone to come visit her. And for five long years, no one did. Yet every Sunday, she waited. She waited for someone, anyone, to remember her. Now she has me, and her other friends, but still, I see it in her eyes. She’s still waiting. She’s waiting for you, Dad. I know she is. Only you can give her the peace she’s been waiting for. Please, Dad. Please come to see Libbie.”

  Through her tears, she saw her father standing there looking defeated with his head bowed.

  “I can’t,” Jack said hoarsely. Then he walked out of the garage.

  That Saturday, Jack, Edward, and Emily moved Bev into her new home. As the men lifted the heavy furniture into the trailer attached to Jack’s truck, Emily and Bev carried the smaller boxes, stacking them into the trailer and Emily’s car. Emily and Edward had both chosen a few pieces of furniture they wanted, and the rest was being stored at Jack’s place. It was a bittersweet day, emptying the farmhouse they’d all known as a home in one way or another, knowing that by this time next year it would be torn down and new houses would be sprouting up on the property. Yet Bev was excited to begin a new phase in her life of less work and more fun.

  All day as they worked, Jack didn’t say much to Emily. She’d hoped that he would have had time to think about visiting Libbie and change his mind, but it was obvious he hadn’t. It made Emily sad to think that her father blamed himself for Libbie’s unhappiness all those years ago. She wished he’d visit, if not for Libbie, then to heal his own past demons.

  On Sunday, she visited Libbie, and they walked along the winding path near the river. They talked about the Prentice farm and how sad it was to see it disappear. L
ibbie told her stories of a white horse named Sprite that she and Jack had ridden several times and of the small lake that sat on the back forty. Emily shared stories from her childhood about visiting the farm and all the fun she and Edward had there.

  “Everything changes eventually,” Libbie said. “But this sounds like a good change for Bev. She can enjoy her life with friends and family close by.”

  Emily nodded. Life was changing for her, too. She was living alone for the first time in ten years, and she was starting college classes next week. After Jordan left, she’d found that she didn’t miss him, which was sad, yet also a relief. She realized that they had both been living their own separate lives, just sharing the same space. That wasn’t what she wanted in a relationship. She wanted one like her father and mother had, where they lived, loved, and worked as a unit, always considering the other’s needs, too. She wouldn’t have had that with Jordan. Emily hoped that someday she’d find the right person to share her life with, but for now, she was fine living alone.

  The weeks sped by once classes began for Emily. She’d chosen to take two night classes and one morning class so she could still work full-time at the store. Eventually, she’d have to take a heavier class load to finish her degree, and then she’d need to ask her father for help. But for now, she could do this on her own.

  Emily found that she enjoyed the challenge of school. She didn’t even mind her retail job anymore. She had a new future to look forward to, and that made her feel more energetic and excited about life.

  Emily continued to visit with Libbie on Sundays. She enjoyed spending time with her, and they had forged a strong relationship. She also saw her grandmother more, having dinner or lunch with her a couple of times a week since they lived so close to each other. She enjoyed her grandmother’s company, and they always had a good time. And, to her surprise, her grandmother did go on weekly senior bus trips to the various casinos in the area, and she was also planning an Alaskan cruise for next year with two of her friends. Bev was “living it up,” just like Emily’s grandfather had wanted her to, and Emily was very happy for her.