Murder & Mayhem in Goose Pimple Junction

by Amy Metz

  “Well, anyway,” Martha Maye continued, “they were ironin’ and jawin’ and all of a sudden Uncle Trevor appeared. Some people said he was insane. I don’t rightly know if he was or not. I guess a fella’d have to have a screw loose to shoot his sister-in-law and her mother. He was so ate up with love he couldn’t stand the thought of any man havin’ her.”

  “Ate up?”

  “Eaten up, consumed with love,” Jack explained.

  “Yeah,” Martha Maye said quietly. “Thank goodness Mama and my aunt and uncles didn’t see it. The boys were down at the crik playin’ around, Aunt Imy was down the street at a friend’s, and Mama was sound asleep upstairs takin’ a nap. She slept through it all, which was a blessin’. My great Aunt Denise and Uncle P.D. came over ‘n got Mama. P.D. was tore up about it, but he and Denise kept the kids while Grandma was in the hospital. It wadn’t but a few weeks later ‘n Trevor was tried and convicted, lickity-split.” Martha Maye looked up when Willa Jean arrived at the table with their food.

  Once the food had been served, Martha Maye’s face brightened. “Actually, I might could find some newspaper clippin’s if y’ont a see ‘em.”

  “Do you think we could?” Tess asked.

  “I don’t see why not. But we’d best not include Mama. Why don’t I try ta find ’em, and bring ‘em over to your house, Tess.” Martha Maye was suggesting, not asking.

  “That would be great. Thank you.” Tess hesitated before she said, “Martha Maye, if your mother found out about our little project . . . how do you think she would feel?”

  “I cain’t rightly say. I don’t ‘spect she’d mind us talkin’ ‘bout it, as long as she doesn’t have ta talk about it, ya know?”

  “I just don’t want to go behind her back. I’d hate to offend her.”

  “So . . . you really think that key you have might pertain to my grandfather’s murder?”

  “We’re not sure,” Jack said. “But we’d like to try to find out—if you don’t think it would hurt your mother.”

  They ate in silence for a few minutes. Tess finally said, “So, your grandfather’s brother killed Lou's grandmother, and was convicted.” Martha Maye nodded her head. “And that was after your grandfather was murdered, but his killer was never found. Is that right?”

  “Yep. That’s about the size of it.”

  “Did they have any suspects?” Jack took a huge forkful of omelet.

  “Well . . . there were those who thought that man—Brick Lynch, I b’lieve was his name—did it outta revenge, even though he was pardoned of the robbery conviction by the governor. He was indicted and tried for the murder, but he was acquitted.

  “And then ‘a course some people saw it as a suicide. They said my grandfather was into some shady dealin’s and was in over his head. And still others thought he knew somethin’ he shoulden-oughtta know, and he was killed to shut him up.”

  “What did your grandmother think?” Jack asked.

  Martha Maye cocked her head. “I just don’t know. Hmm . . . I’ll see if I can casually broach the subject with Mama. I’ll wait for an opportune time.”

  She chewed for a bit and then added, “I’ll keep our conversation under wraps fer now, how ‘bout that? I’ll kind a feel her out about it first. And you said she knows about the key you found?”

  “Yes, I told her about it right away, because I knew it was her old house. But she wasn’t interested in talking about it.”

  “Well, you let me do some pokin’ around. I’ll see what I can come up with.”

  Like The Underside Of A Turnip Green

  sweet tea: noun sweet tee southern wine, iced tea with a pound of sugar in it

  Would you like lemon in your sweet tea?

  [ July 2010 ]

  “You will not believe what that dog of yours did!” Tess said into the phone, feeling very stressed.

  “Ezzie? Um . . . what’id she do?”

  “While I was at the diner, she opened my cabinets and drug out my cupcake keepers that had lids on them, and she ate an entire container of cupcakes, including the wrappers, AND an entire container of brownies!”

  “Uh-oh.”

  “And . . . “ Tess glared at Esmerelda.

  “There’s an ‘and’?”

  “And, she opened every cabinet she could reach, and pulled everything out onto the floor!”

  “Tess, I’m not trying to make light of this, but are you sure it was Ezzie who did this?”

  Tess froze. “You think someone came in my house again?” she asked in a voice barely loud enough for him to hear.

  “Well, Ezzie’s never done anything like that here, and with all the trouble you’ve been havin’ . . . “

  “Jack, do you keep baked goods in your cabinets?”

  “Well, no . . . “

  “I rest my case.” Tess was sure this was havoc wreaked by a canine, and not a human. Especially when she looked at Ezzie with a guilty expression and her ears back. As she talked, she picked up the mess that was all over her kitchen floor. “Don’t you feed this dog?” she practically shrieked.

  “I’m so sorry, Tess. She’s never done that before. Listen, let me make it up to you. Let me do somethin’ special for you tonight.”

  “Like what?” Tess’s voice softened.

  “Wear somethin’ casual, and I’ll pick you up around seven o’clock, all right?”

  “Where are we going? Casual has a wide meaning.”

  “It’s a surprise, Mary T. Go with it.” She could hear his smile over the phone, and she could picture the dimple that came with his smile. She smiled, too, and hung up the phone.

  * * *

  That evening Jack was right on time, but Tess wasn’t ready. Since she didn’t know where they were going, she didn’t know how to dress. She stood at her bedroom window and watched him get out of his car.

  “Red polo and khaki shorts,” she said to Ezzie, who promptly let out a whine.

  The doorbell rang, and Ezzie went racing to see who was there. Tess called down the stairs, “Come on in! I’ll be right down.”

  She quickly put on hot pink shorts and a white sleeveless linen blouse. Pushing her feet into white sandals, she fluffed her hair and took a deep breath. Suddenly Lou’s voice popped in her head, “You know what you’re doin’, right?” The times she’d been out with Jack hadn’t really seemed like dates. Tonight felt like a date.

  No, she looked at her reflection in the mirror, I don’t know what I’m doing.

  Jack was lavishing attention on Ezzie when Tess walked into the den. He stood up and greeted her with a huge smile. “You look beautiful.”

  “Thank you, Jack. How’s your head?” She moved to his side, turned his head with her hand, and pushed his hair away in the area of his injury, to see for herself.

  “Well, Nosmo King said I’d feel like the underside of a turnip green for a while, which I did, but I’m doin’ better now, thank you. How ‘bout your knees and hands?”

  “Not too bad,” she said, extending her leg and holding her hands palms up to show the healing cuts and scrapes. “I’m ready to go, if you are. Just let me grab my purse.”

  Throwing her purse over her shoulder, she came back into the room saying, “So, Mr. Mystery Man, where are you taking me?”

  “Mystery Man? Who? Me? Excuse me, ma’am, but I’m not the mysterious one—you are!” He put a hand at the small of her back as they started for the door. Ezzie had also followed, and Jack stooped down nose-to-nose to have a word with her. “I wish I could take you, old girl, but I’m afraid you’d eat all the food. You behave now, Esmerelda. Stay out of trouble.” He bopped his finger playfully on her nose.

  Jack followed Tess out, and she locked the deadbolt. “Well . . . you write mystery novels, and you’re being mysterious about where we’re going tonight . . . hence the name, Mr. Mystery Man.”

  “Well then,” he opened the car door for her, “that would make me Mr. Mystery Writer Man. Outside of my novels, I’m an open book.”

&nb
sp; Once he’d slipped into the driver’s seat she said, “So that’s the way you want to play it?” She looked sideways at him and he flashed a cheesy grin. “Okay, Mr. Mystery Writer Man, where are you taking me?”

  He started the car and backed out of the driveway. “That, pretty lady, is for me to know and you to find out.”

  She couldn’t believe he wasn’t going to say where they were going. “You’re really not going to tell me? What happened to the open book?”

  “Okay, okay! I’m takin’ you on a pic-a-nic, Boo Boo,” he said, using his best imitation of Yogi Bear, which was actually pretty good.

  “It’s a perfect night for a pic-a-nic, Yogi.”

  “I want to show you a spot that I came across recently. It’s beautiful, and I think you’ll like it.”

  A Chris Isaak CD played low on the car stereo, and she looked out the window as they drove down the street, heading out to the country.

  “I have some friends who own some property not far from here, and they said we were welcome to use it,” he explained. “I thought it would be the perfect place for a picnic. They haven’t built on it yet, and the land is totally untouched, except for the little bit of mowing I did this afternoon.”

  It wasn’t long before they arrived at their isolated destination, and Jack was leading her up a trail in the woods to a spot near the top of a hill. The view was breathtaking. Wildflowers and ferns were to the left and right of them. Just as Jack said, he’d cleared a spot from the trail to the edge of the hill.

  Tess stood looking in awe at the field of flowers. Jack ran to a tree, reached behind it, and then came back with a vase overflowing with wildflowers. “Don’t worry, not one flower was harmed in the making of this clearing!”

  Tess clapped her hands together with excitement. “You didn’t mow any down?” She took the vase from him.

  “Not a one. I’m not a murderer, Mary T.” There was that smile again. It made her stomach do the happy dance.

  He put his hand out for hers. “There’s more. Come here, I wanna show you somethin’.”

  They walked up a steady incline, between trees, fields of tall grass, and flowers, to level ground at the top of the hill. Tess gasped when she looked down at the hill they were on. It was a rocky incline, with a pronounced drop, dotted with scraggly trees and huge boulders, and ending with a beautiful lake at the base.

  They stood side-by-side for a few minutes, just taking in the glory of the day. Big, billowy clouds bumped each other in the sky, and the sun was starting to make its descent. The caw of a bird brought Tess’s mind from wonder at the beauty of her surroundings to wonder of how she could have allowed herself to be brought to the middle of nowhere, with a man she really didn’t know all that well, to the top of a hill with a very steep drop, where one push would send her crashing into the jagged rocks, careening to her death . . .

  Jack squeezed her arm. “I’ll be right back.” His touch made her jump. He headed back to the car and returned with a huge blanket under one arm and a picnic basket in his other hand. He spread the blanket out and disappeared once more. “Can I help?” Tess called after him. Her moment of doubt was over and she felt guilty. What was I thinking? Just a moment later, he was back with a cooler.

  “Jack, I can’t believe you’ve gone to so much trouble!” Tess tried to open the basket, but he swatted her hand away. “Ah, ah, ah! No peeking! And it was no trouble. I did some shopping this afternoon, a little mowing, and here we are.”

  Jack opened the picnic basket and pulled out two huge roast beef sandwiches on homemade buns, a container of potato salad, pretty plates, napkins, and forks. She watched, wide-eyed, as he brought out a container with big, deep red strawberries, chunks of fresh pineapple, and bite-sized banana slices, followed by a bowl of melted milk chocolate. “For the fruit,” he explained. Two bottles of sweet tea were pulled from the cooler, and he poured it into two plastic wine glasses, handing one to her. Her stomach did a little flip and she pulled her eyes from his, taking a sip to mask her nervousness.

  “I remember you saying you weren’t all that fond of wine, right?” He waited for approval.

  “Sweet tea will do just fine, Jack.”

  Soon they were talking, laughing, and eating, and Tess’s nervousness dissipated. Having been so engrossed in conversation, they hadn’t noticed the sky getting darker, not from the setting sun, but due to the increasing clouds. The low rumble of thunder off in the distance made them look up.

  “Uh-oh,” Jack said, looking at the darkening skies, “I didn’t think to look at the weather report, it’s been so nice all day.”

  “Oh Jack, I saw there was a chance of rain, but I didn’t think it would come on this quickly. We’d better start packing up.”

  Tess felt a few raindrops, and looked up at the trees as a gust of wind pushed through them, sending the branches swaying wildly and the leaves singing. More drops fell as they threw things in the basket and cooler. Tess felt and heard the wind as it surged through the trees. All of a sudden, the skies opened up, unleashing sheets of rain. They scurried to finish packing up, but decided to run for the shelter of a huge maple tree instead of getting totally drenched by going to the car. Even so, by the time they were safely under the tree, they were both soaking wet.

  Jack scrounged in the picnic basket for some paper napkins, handing them to Tess so she could dry some of the rain from her arms and legs. He leaned back against the tree trunk and watched as she moved the napkins over her glistening skin. She heard his breath catch and looked up to find him staring at her. She looked down. The rain had completely soaked the white linen of her blouse and

  lacy bra, making it practically see-through. She saw that not only had the

  rain made the cloth transparent, but the blouse now clung to her breasts,

  forming their perfect outline.

  He brought his gaze up to hers, and she could see the heat in his eyes and the look of pure desire on his face. They looked at each other for what seemed like thirty minutes, but was actually only a few seconds. The rain plopped loudly on the leaves above them and poured down around them, but the tree’s dense foliage kept them from getting wetter. The pounding of the rain mingled with the pounding of Tess’s heart as she returned Jack’s gaze, aching for him to touch her.

  “Damn, Tess. I’m not going to be able to hold back for much longer. If this is too much too soon, we’d better make a run for the car. Because with you standing there looking like that, in about five seconds I’m not going to be able to keep from touching you.”

  Eyes locked on Jack, Tess took a small step toward him, and he reached for her, pulling her into his arms. As he kissed her, he turned her around, gently pinning her against the tree. He parted her lips and explored her mouth, running his tongue along her lower lip, and then back into her mouth. She kissed him back, arms wrapped around his broad shoulders, and widening the stance of her legs so he could fit in between them, drawing him closer to her. The kiss was electric and hot and intimate, urged on by the sound of the rain. Jack brought the kiss to a gradual halt so they could both catch their breath. She leaned back, resting her head on the tree trunk behind her. He braced his hands on either side of her head and pushed back from her a bit, looking into her eyes.

  “Wow,” she laughed softly, “when you plan a picnic, you really plan a picnic.”

  He leaned in again for another kiss. The sound of the rain, the cocooning effect of the sprawling tree, and the darkness falling around them made the moment feel very intimate. He groaned and pulled back slightly, studying her face.

  “I wasn’t ready for it to end.” He outlined her bottom lip with his finger. “Although I have to admit I liked the special effects.” He indicated her wet blouse.

  “Jack, why don’t we go to my house, and get out of these wet clothes . . . “

  He leaned in to her and nuzzled below her ear. She said, “I mean, we can change clothes—I have a few of my son’s things I think you can wear while I put your clothes
in the dryer. And we can continue our picnic.”

  “That sounds perfect.” Jack kissed her again. “Well not perfect, because perfect would have been finishing our picnic back there on that hill as the sun set, but I like your solution.” The rain was letting up and had slowed to a steady stream. They picked everything up and ran to the car. She managed to slip only once on the dash back down the trail.

  Jack opened Tess’s door and stowed everything in the back once she was inside. He got in behind the wheel and slumped back into the seat, laying his head against the headrest, catching his breath. He sat up, put the key in the ignition, and then turned to look at Tess. He leaned over to give her another long, mind-blowing kiss. His hands began to unbutton her blouse.

  “Jack . . . “

  He sat back, reaching for the back of his polo shirt. He pulled it off over his head, leaving on the t-shirt underneath, and handed it to Tess. “Here. You’d better put this on if you want us to safely get to your house.”

  Take A Long Walk Off A Short Pier

  allgitout: adjective awl-git-out all get out

  I’m attracted to you as allgitout.

  [ July 2010 ]

  Jack and Tess walked into her kitchen to find the freezer door wide open and an empty gallon carton of chocolate ice cream on the floor. Ezzie had somehow managed to open the freezer side of Tess’s side-by-side refrigerator and helped herself to some ice cream. She’d licked the container so clean it looked as if she’d washed it. She looked up at them from under the kitchen table with guilty eyes and ears droopier than usual.

  “Really, Ezzie? Again?” Tess said in exasperation.

  “Oh, for cryin’ out loud, Esmerelda! What did you do?” Jack bellowed. Ezzie shrunk back further under the table. “You come out here right now!” She looked at him pitifully, her tail hanging down in guilt.

  “Ezzie . . . “ Jack warned. She slowly made her way to him.